What Would Your Husband Have Done? (Long, Sorry)

My husband would have gives DS a bath because I would have walked over to my husband and said "please give DS his bath so I can finish cleaning. I dont want to be bathing him at 9:00."
I would not have sent a 2 year old with a message. Too vague for the average man (sorry, dads, most need clear & direct!).
Yes. He needs to help out more.
Make him a list!

My husband would have given him the bath without question. Where parenting is concerned we both handle everything. Whoever is around handles whatever is needed.

My husband would've given the bath, after he was done watching his tv show that he didn't want to be pulled away from.

Well, my husband, when my kids were young, WANTED to give his kids a bath and help with their bedtime. So this isn't the way my husband is.

That said, I wouldn't put up with this with you both working fulltime jobs. I'd tell him that your "job" is quickly going to change if he doesn't start helping out in the house. The truth is, he just wants to come home and watch TV and this is the BEGINNING of him manipulating you into doing all of the work.

I really mean it, S.. Either he helps as you ask, or he gets to wash his own clothes and eat sandwiches for dinner. You can also hire a housekeeper to clean once a week. That's to help YOU.

Don't let him do this to you, S.. Life will get hard if you put up with this and it WILL hurt your marriage.

Dawn

no my husband isn't like this.

However, I wouldn't put a 2 year old in the middle. It was not appropriate for you to send your son to his dad to ask for a bath.... especially if you knew there was a good chance he wouldn't do it.

If I were you..... I would start a good old fashioned "chore chart" to split up tasks. That way you won't feel like he isn't doing his fair share.

For what it's worth..... I wouldn't have been cleaning my son's room WITHOUT my son. Teach him from the very beginning that his room is HIS responsibility. If you "take on" these things then it's easy for everyone to think it's your job. And yes, I realize it's tough to clean with a 2 year old. But the long term is the goal.

My husband is a dad and I am not a maid.

We split up the house in 8 sections and once each week, my husband and I spend 15 minutes on each section, so the house is clean in 1 hour....together.

1. Whoever took out the blocks is big enough to put them back. Our kids by 10 months old put their toys away. "If you are big enough to make a mess, you are big enough to clean it up."

2. My husband makes breakfast and does 99% of ALL of the dishes and 99% of the diapers. He vacuums every 1-2 days. I usually do the bathing, but if I ask him to, he will.

3. Our 4 and 6 year old empty the house trash into the outside trash bins and the 10 year old takes them out to the street on trash days.

4. My 4 and 6 year olds clean the bathrooms - sinks AND toilets.

5. My 10 year old does laundry - not rocket science. Soap, dump the clothes, hit start. Really????

6. Once the laundry is dry, I dump the basket on the couch and yell, "laundry" - all of the kids come running and fold their own laundry and put it away. Even my 21 month old puts his own laundry away. I will fold it or the kids will help with his laundry.

7. In a family, we help pitch in. We aren't 3 years old. We are adults who want to keep our marriage happy and teach children NOT to be selfish. A marriage is a gentle dance where 100% needs to be done, so each person needs to meet the other to fill in the gaps - happily. There are days that I see the vacuuming needs to be done, so I do it. I don't point it out. THAT would be childish and lame.

8. My kids will come up to me periodically and ask me, "Mom, do you need any help?" THAT is the kind of child I want to raise. Not one that yells, "It's not my job!" Your husband is being a child....and a selfish one at that.

9. I wash our 90 pound Rottie, but he's there to help lift her in and out of the bath. He stays with me the entire time, in the event I need help.

10. We also got rid of cable, it was destroying our family/marriage. My husband was addicted and upset at first, but now 18 months later, is thrilled. It has changed everything for us. We do have a 42" TV in the kid's playroom and the kids are allowed to play some video games on the weekends. Sometimes my husband and I will watch a movie, but it doesn't take up the focus of our family room. Family does.

I'd pull a Mindy McCready "Guys Do It All The Time" on him and see how he likes it. http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/mindy-mcCready-lyrics/guys-...

He would have given him a bath, no hesitation. My husband does whatever needs to be done. There is no "asking" here. We both just do what presents itself, at the time. No dividing lines.

I couldn't imagine having to ask or beg my husband to contribute to our household, and raise our child. I don't know how you women do it.He just does his job as a parent. It was his choice to marry and have a child, no one forced him. I'm sure as heck not going to force him to act like a spouse and a father. I must just be incredibly lucky.

**I stay at home, so I do most of the housework by default. I'm here, so there is no reason not for me to do it. However, he doesn't expect me to do it.

Like a majority of the responders, we share responsibilities. My husband cooks dinner because he gets home earlier than I do (Both FT workers), so I do the dishes, although he does offer to do them so I can spend time with DD as he already had Daddy and DD time for an hour plus before I even get home. I drop DD off at daycare in the a.m. he picks her up in the p.m. We share pretty much everything/chore. We are a team and when one of us is down for one reason or another, we feel it. I am with the others, if your little one can make the mess, he can clean it up. We also use the tactic where if out DD doesn't help clean up, I will.....and then she loses those toy privileges. We also put them in a place where she cannot reach them but can see them so she understands she cannot continue on this path.
My question is why isn't he engaging with the kids before they turn in for the night? When is he spending quality time with them and same for you if you are doing chores aftera full days work?

My other concern, for lack of a better word, is that your husband is showing your kids how to treat family members be it a spouse or children. Additionally, you are modeling how to respond to this lack of support/help. Probably not the best methods for raising upstanding, motivated and respectful children.

There may be his and hers chores but there has to be compromise. I am just as tired as my DH at the end of the day but we are a family and we want to show love and responsibility to our child(ren) so we spend time quality time with them and do the chores together to also model helping each other.

If you think he is going to turn this back on you, maybe you need someone to moderate, like a therapist, to show how both sides have valid frustrations but there is still an ultimate goal to be achieved and without support from one another, there is no progress. Best of luck and sorry to be so lengthy!

We don't make a list in our house of who does more than the other. And you're setting yourself up for failure if you do, and then keep score.

Could he put the child in the tub? Of course he could. Is he capable of washing dishes, cleaning a toilet, mom a floor? OF COURSE HE IS.

I think raising kids and making a home is a joint venture done together completely. And yeah, one of you is always going to do more than the other but its give and take.

I guess what I'm trying to say is should he have given the child a bath? Yep. But he didn't. Could he help? Yep. But he doesn't. So it's up to you to renegotiate the current arrangement.

I been there. Sending good thoughts your way.

If your husband is so into traditional roles maybe you could ask him to make more money so he can be the sole breadwinner:)

To answer your question, my husband is not like that.

What would he have done it that situation? He would have given our son a bath. No question.

In our household, we have things that are "my job" or "his job". I do all of the cooking and laundry. He does all of the yard work and garbage-related stuff. I do all of the "planning" and he does all of the "doing". For example, birthday? I do all of the planning/organizing/inviting but he does all of the set-up, clean-up and most of the errand-running. He grocery shops.

We both worked full time (until very recently when we moved out-of-state for my job so DH is currently looking for another job), so dividing the work was not optional.

I don't have to ask him to do things around the house. After dinner, he ALWAYS asks (I mean every night) "What needs to get done tonight?" We go over what needs to get done and divide it up right there and then.

Is he perfect? Nope, but neither am I. He absolutely pulls his fair share (plus some) around the house. No question about it.

sorry your husband thinks that way :-( I am very blessed that my husband is VERY helpful with out kids. He has done anything and everything involved in taking care of the kids since our first was born 14 years ago and never with a "put out" attitude. Not really sure how you are going to change this, a helpful attitude is not really something you can teach someone, they either have it or don't.

My husband did bathtime even when I was a SAHM. I think your man should do more if you both work full time.

No my hubby is not this way. Even though I stay at home and do the majority of the child care this would not fly in my house. If I asked hubby to do something he would do it. No questions asked and no giving me a hard time about it. The kids are his too and he has just much of a responsiblity of taking care of them as I do. Sorry your hubby isn't helping out. Sounds like you guys really need to sit down and tell each other your expectations.

My husband would have just put the child in the bath. He actually does bath time on a regular basis. There isn't anything my husband won't do if asked or on his own. We naturally have divided things up over the years. I do the laundry and mow (I love to mow!). I clean the guinea pig cages. He bathes the children and pets. He does the car stuff. We both cook and clean (though I do it more often). We don't really have a my list and a his list. We just have stuff that needs to get done by someone.

"He is so concerned with what is fair or making sure that he isn't do(ing) more than me (which I assure you is not possible)"

That says it all. Family and parenting are times when we all have to roll our sleeves up and pitch in. Even Kiddo has more jobs to do than your husband, and he's 5. My husband would NEVER do what your husband did. In fact, he works his butt off around the house doing the above-and-beyond stuff that he knows I can't get to because I am keeping the basics of the house running smoothly. He does so many things without my even asking-- he just sees where there's work to be done and does it.

AND he works about 50 hours a week. But I don't hear him griping or making excuses. We only have one kid, and lately have had work done on the house, so we both just keep going. 8 pm. is our mandatory "you must stop working" time. This way, Kiddo gets parented, the meals get on the table, the laundry keeps moving along, all of our needs are taken care of.

Hurts my back to bend over the tub, too, but seriously, that's what I take Advil for. He needs to suck it up and get off his butt.
Sorry, but your husband needs a hard kick in his behind.

my husband rarely sits on the couch. And he keeps busy doing things not bothering whose "job" it should be. And we both work lots. I'd have to say to you to do what you can, and let him do his own laundry. Maybe then that bright light above his head will turn on.

That sounds frustrating!

Mine PROBABLY would stop what he was doing and do the bath, but in a really slow, annoying, just-a-minute type of way. He works from home, which he's good at in a way (I would perpetually be distracted by things that needed cleaning or food in the fridge that needed eating), but he's constantly on the clock, through and beyond dinnertime, and he always has this one email that just has to be answered, which always takes 45 minutes.

In my household, sheesh. I work 40 hours and I'm in school 20 hours. I'm the primary parent unless I have an evening or weekend class. I also do ALL of the housework and yardwork. DH is pretty good about getting our son to do homework, but he won't go near instrument practice. DH does handle all our finances, b/c I have this weird, embarrassing fear of money. In his defense, he works really long hours and has some real and significant health issues, but there are still plenty of things he could do that he doesn't do.

So, that's my rant. Sorry to hijack yours!

I just got married in September and we were required to do marriage counseling before the minister would marry us. One thing we learned was that sometimes marriage isn't 50/50, speaking about your husband only wanting to do his "fair share". Sometimes it is 60/40 sometimes it is 100/0 but that what it takes to be married. I feel like this is coming out wrong. I'm taking your side on this issue. Where it starts to unbalance is when your spouse needs your help that is when the other spouse should pick up the slack and do 60% of whats needed because that is what is needed. Maybe you could talk to him about that, because keeping tabs on who does what wastes more energy than it would if each spouse just put in the effort to do what needed to be done. Now, I clean the bathroom because I don't mind cleaning the bathroom but I know he hates to do that and he takes the trash out because he knows I can't stand doing that. It isnt as if those are our set jobs though, I've taken out the trash and he has cleaned the bathroom because hey they needed to be done! I hope this helps, I'm not feeling very articulate today :-/ .

As someone else posted -- you BOTH work full time so you both have responsibilities at home.

When our daughter was little, we tag-teamed bedtime routines. After our daughter was about two, my husband, who's pretty sensitive about privacy since he has a girl, was not comfortable with doing baths, so I did those, but he and I took turns on the bedtime book, song, staying if needed, etc.

It had nothing to do with what chores either of us was "supposed to do." He did it because it brought him closer to his daughter.

Your husband is thinking of bathing his child and putting his child to bed as another chore. Why? This is an opportunity, not a chore. It is his opportunity to show his child he is part of his day to day life. Does your husband say yes when the "chore" is taking your son somewhere fun? Does he gladly play with him? So dad gets to be Fun Dad but is absent when it's time to be Everyday Dad. Your husband is missing out on the things that really build a child's trust and confidence in a parent -- the mundane, boring, necessary things that just must be done. But here's the secret he doesn't see: Those necessary things provide time to talk to your child; touch your child; play in the bath water with your child, read stories that you will remember years later with your child.

He's missing out on that larger picture because all he sees is a chore.

What a pity.

Watch out. When your son's older, will you be the one whose job it is to chauffeur your child everywhere -- except to the occasional event or sport that dad happens to like, so dad condescends to drive that day? Will you be the one to work with all the teachers at school, volunteer at school or Scouts etc., while dad doesn't turn up for a single school function and his interaction with teachers is limited to one parent-teacher conference a year, if that? Will you be in charge of your son's busy schedule of school and after-school activities, while dad picks and chooses what he wants to do with your son?

If your husband is a strict your job/my job person now... wait until your son has tons going on. If you don't make your husband see now that involvement begins with bath and bedtime, and leads to involvement in many other ways -- you'll be one lonely chauffeur and your son will only see dad at home and whenever dad's interested in being there-- not whenever son (or son's teacher, or son's school or troop or team) needs him.

My hubby is in charge of baths. We do bedtime together, but he usually gives them a bath while i vacuum. Frequently he will play an instrument or do email while doing these things, but the hour after dinner is his time with the kids. Giving baths isn't a chore, it's quality time with your kid!

Since I stay home, Ido everything around the house, including the lawn. If I was you, I'd tell hubby that if he isn't going to help with "traditional women's work" then you will just have to quit your job and do "women's work."

We don't have "his jobs" and "my jobs", except for cleaning the litter box when I'm pregnant or nursing. We just have chores that need to be done, but we do tend to fall into patterns of doing particular jobs. I usually put the kids clothes away, because I prefer to do it with my own organizational touch. He usually cleans up after dinner, does dishes and picks up toys while I take the kids upstairs for baths. That's usually though, there is no always or never with work around OUR house or involving OUR children.
That said, if I was busy and needed my husband to do something that I usually did, I would have just asked him directly and not done it passively by sending one of my kids to ask him. That wasn't really fair to your child to put him in the middle like that, even if you think your husband heard you ask your son to go ask dad. I would have just said "Hey babe, I'm in the middle of cleaning still and DS needs a bath. Would you please do it?". Then, if he says no, address it immediately.
You've already set a pattern by allowing him to pick and choose chores to accept or refuse, so you have extra work ahead of you, but sit him down and talk to him about how work involving the family home or children you both are raising is everyone's job and he needs to be more willing to help in all jobs. (He might not do them "perfectly" but take baby steps and don't be overly critical at first.). If he's worried about fairly balancing the workload, make a list of everything you do around the house and with the kids each day for an entire week. Ask him to make his own list as well. Then compare them. Ask him to pick some things off your list for him to take over to help make things more even and hold him to it.
Good luck!

No, I don't think all husbands are like yours, but I do know a few. I am a sahm and my hubby works from home and we both enjoy taking care of our children. Usually my husband does baths while I clean up the kitchen and my husband usually puts the kids to bed because I'm exhausted and he is not. He's a night owl. My husband told me several years ago that he couldn't understand why some dads didn't want to take care of their own children because that's what being a parent is all about. Some may say, "You're lucky," but I think that's just how it should be.

My husband would send the kids back to me, to which I would come out and let him know that I need his help right now, please give the bath.
And he would.
I don't expect my husband to read my mind so I ask him when I need help. I try not to put my kids in the middle. that said we don't really have the "his and mine" jobs. He tried to pull that once or twice and I reminded him we both work out of the home, we both are tired when we come home, we both wanted these beautiful kiddos and we both love them and sometimes it means doing stuff that isn't super fun (which bath is fun - we were talking about cooking dinner).
BTW - I mow and take care of our yard. I like it:)
So, while he is the same way in the respect he isn't going to jump up and do it just because it needs to be done. If I ask for help, he will give it.

Well I am home full time so I do more around the house and with the kids, bc I am here! But if my husband was home and I asked him to bathe the kids, he would. When his workload was lighter, he was totally in charge of bath time. I didn't even ask. Now he works a ton, so I have to do it sometimes, but if he is here, he does it. I get being tired, but I think he should have bathed his son, it doesn't take that long. Maybe next time though, you should ask, better than the little man getting in the mix, plus he would have to actively say no to your face, which he probably wouldn't do!

If you are both working he needs to do more.
Even as a SAHM my husband cooks once a week, does all the handy/home maintenance work, washes the dog and has always, always been good about giving me a break from the kids when I needed it (of course I insisted, it's not like he ever thought of it on his own!)
I think you need to be specific. Make a list of all the chores you do and all the chores he does. Kindly point out how lopsided the list is and ask him which chores he would like to start doing. Does he like to cook? Maybe he could start being in charge of dinner.
In the mean time, just do what you can and don't worry about the rest. Let him do his own laundry and make his own lunch. If you continue to do it all then nothing will change, and you will just grow more and more resentful.
And when your son asks for something while you are busy tell him he needs to wait, bath time should be determined by you, not him. You don't want to fall into a pattern of dropping whatever you're doing because he wants something right now, even if it's something good, like a bath.

We kind of do have our own chores. He does the bathrooms, I do the kitchen. I make dinner, he does the dishes. He generally does baths (although sometimes I take showers with dd to save time, maybe that's something your husband could have done?) and he has always done bedtime. If one of us is busy, the other will help out. Today I'll do more than I usually do because he's got to shovel the driveway. He does all the vacuuming, I think I can count on one hand the times I've used his vacuum, but since he's shoveling today I'll vacuum. It's give and take, and I guess we try to make it even, but we don't keep track.

"ASK" your husband to bathe your son? In our house, I would have "told" my husband my husband to bathe our kid. Not in a mean way or anything and not angrily demanding, but certainly in a way that wouldn't let him say no. "Honey, kid needs a bath. Please give him one - his towel is in the linen closet on the bottom shelf. Thanks, honey." Asking him implies that he has a choice whether or not to be a parent, as if HIS giving the bath is doing YOU a favor, when in fact it's a simple part of parenting that EITHER parent should be able and willing to do.

So yeah, to answer your question, my husband would have given the kid a bath. In fact, my husband gave the kids *most* of their baths. It certainly wasn't "mom's job" only.

Yikes! I missed the part about you both working full-time. If you both have full-time jobs, there shouldn't be any such thing as him "helping" you around the house. You should be sharing all the chores equally. Sounds like he's not quite putting forth the effort you are. Time to re-evaluate chore assignments.

Nope. We do not have jobs, we both pitch in to get things done. The only thing my husband won't do is help my 9 year old with shower/bath. She is too old for daddy's help, but she does need help sometimes just because she has a lot of hair and it is hard for her to do a good job.

We both work full time and we both do everything around the house, we just take turns doing them. We talk and ask each other for help when needed and we both get it done.

Oh sure, my husband used to do almost nothing. He'd go to work, return, and be done for the day. Drove me NUTTY and I threw a 6 month long fit which ended with me going to work while he stayed at home with our (then) baby. It took him a few months, but he sure did learn a lesson!

Now, we do have "his and her chores". For example, I (almost) always do the laundry. He always does the maintenance for our cars. He does more cooking (although that's been switching because I have been enjoying cooking) and dishes, I do more bathroom cleaning and floor cleaning. I don't mind this. There are some things he is better at and there are some things I am better at. We each have chores we hate and ask the other person to do.

I don't care what the work is...as long as it's even. He shouldn't get an 8 hr day while mine is 15 hrs long.

If he'd heard me tell DS to ask him, he would have done it himself.
If he didn't know, he'd probably try to deflect it back to me. At which point I'd just ask him directly to do it himself.

The my job/your job thing exists in our house, but when the other asks for help, we both do it.
And when we need to revisit responsibilities, we also do it.
Time to talk to DH. Swap him for one of "his jobs" if he's concerened about balance.

We've never assumed responsibility over certain things but my husband has used the "I cut the grass" card in the past, until one day (and many more to follow) I got the lawnmower out of the garage and cut the grass myself. He was shocked when he got home. I used to cut the grass for my parents all the time, my parents taught all of us to do things for ourselves.

He still will say he cuts it more and so on...and I hate to admit it if I'm in the mood I start naming all the stuff I do. (Its not often we get in those debates, but he does need to realize its not a tit for tat, its about helping out period)

So to answer your question if I were in your shoes, yes, my husband would have given the bath. I think you need to start changing the whole atmosphere of the house that certain genders play certain roles. That is if you're tired of it.

This is an issue we constantly struggle with at my house. My husband 'says' he is happy to help with things like bedtime and bathtime, but when it comes down to actually 'doing' it... a fight ensues each time. Typically b/c my son wants me to do it, or tells his father he is doing something wrong b/c thats 'not how mommy does it'. This invariably leads to my husband getting upset. In this situation I would usually ask my husband to play with our son in the bath while I finished up the necessary cleaning. That way Daddy has done his bit--father and son have had bonding time--and I can get a few minutes of quiet to finish something I need to do. Also, anytime I try to 'discuss' household and parental chores my husband just assumes I am saying he doesn't do anything. He doesn't understand the nuance between 'I need MORE help from you' and 'you don't do anything'. Im sure this has something to do with the way we communicate with each other. With regards to certain things being my responsibility as the 'woman'--even if he thought such a thing, he wouldn't dare to say it! Good luck!

In our household, we don't have "his" and "hers" jobs, but we definitely have things that one of us usually does. Aftrer dinner, my wife usually gives our son a bath, while I usually wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen. Occasionally she asks if I would give our son a bath, and I do it. Then later I come back and do the dishes and clean up the kitchen because she is usually then taking "Mommy" time for a hot relaxing bath. Sorry your man doesn't have a broader perspective.

No my hubby is not the same way. That being said, I do baths and bedtime. If I am not home or ask hubby to do baths, he will. Bedtime (if I am home) is something I do because the kids want me to do it and I want to do it. They have a hard time falling asleep if dad puts them to bed while I am home (I lay with them and sing where as hubby just puts them to bed).

That being said - he should have helped you out knwoing you were busy. Sounds like you need to have a talk with him about your versus his duties. In reality, they are ALL parenting/spouse duties...all of them! So he should not think he does not have to do them. But I am betting he's gotten away with not doing them for so long he doesn't seem them as 'his' job any longer!

Good luck mama!

My husband would have given our son a bath...that's part of being a dad. He could DVR the show if it's something he wants to watch later. We go through some of the same challenges with cleaning but some of it is my fault because I have ways I like things done. But he would never say it is "my job" or "his job." And when it comes to the kids, we completely share responsibility no matter what it is. I don't know what to tell you but I think you need to have a heart to heart with your hubby. You both work full time and it's ridiculous that he can sit while you have to do the rest of the work, especially if he can't even watch your kids! I would have snapped on him...

Oh yes, I can see my husband having done a similar thing. He never has used "your job" but it's like pulling teeth to get him off the couch sometimes, especially when the kids were little. I also work FT and actually outearn him by a lot so I have played that card. It's not good for our relationship but he forces me to sometimes. So since you're working FT too, I'd tell your husband he really doesn't have a leg to stand on. The "women's work" vs "men's work" went out the window a long time ago and specific for you guys, it is irrelevant every single day when you get up and go to work just like only men used to. How can he argue with that? My husband couldn't. Didn't mean he doesn't still revert to his lazy ways at times but it's gotten much better. So keep at him. Do you work bc you want to or you need to? Tell him you'll stop working and be a traditional wife if he'd like. He's being illogical so don't get mad, just keep spelling out logic. If you're working bc you want to and you don't really need the money, start hiring a lot more help.

Well, my DH was a single dad of two small kids for 5 years so he's in the trenches. His back sometimes hurts when giving DD a bath, but he sits on the closed toilet and interacts with her and DD is old enough to wash some of herself or stand or take direction to help him out. We both do dishes, laundry, bath time, kid care, trash/recycling (though he does that more), groceries....

It sounds like he's got the household compartmentalized and the bigger issue is that you need help. So what needs to be done and who gets to do it? If he's not mowing he lawn in the winter, what winter chores need to be done? Does he shovel? Does he clean gutters? Does he do any kind of prep work to help you with your day (lunches, getting DS dressed, etc.)? I might have a gentle talk with DH about how it's not "man work" and "woman's work" but "household work" and how better to distribute the load.

Alternatively, if you need more time and he won't pitch in, then would he pony up the money for a housekeeper a couple of times a month, so you don't have to clean his bathroom?

I also agree that it's not a chore to interact with your child and it might be helpful to present it as such. If he wants to talk "jobs" it is his "job" to be a dad, and sometimes that means giving a bath, reading a book, pretending to be a dinosaur....

There's a blog about Daddies Doin' Work. If your DH would be open minded enough to read it, he might take to heart another father's POV on the importance of dads in their kids' lives.

DH is good about helping when I ask for it. Hell, he helps DD get ready just as much as I do.

One of the only things my husband wouldn't ever do is style the girls' hair. Until it reached a certain length, he would dry it after bath time but after that it's, "I don't have much of my own hair and I'm not a girl... I don't do hair!"

But he does everything in regard to parenting.

Wait, not quite true. He's very uncomfortable about having The Sex Talks. But anything else is fair game. He's a really great father. He grew up with three sisters, so he'd better be a great father to girls. :-)

He's also really good about helping with housework. I have a chronic pain disorder, so there are times where it's literally impossible for me to handle certain chores or chores at all on certain days. His mother thinks that makes me a terrible, terrible housewife but oh well. It makes him an amazing husband.

My husband doesn't "babysit", he doesn't "help me" with "my" job, and he NEVER sends the kids back to me to tell me he said "no" to giving them a bath. Although I am the last word on how to raise them and organizing their lives in general, my husband would look down on the way your husband deals with raising his children.

What really bothers me about this post is this statement: "He is so concerned with what is fair or making sure that he isn't do more than me..." On the flip side, my husband's main concern is that I don't get overwhelmed with my "job" and that he is doing ENOUGH, not too much. Your husband needs to grow up. It's not a contest.

Not all husbands are like yours. There are very few things around our house that my husband wont do, especally when I ask him to. Sounds like you may need to talk to a perofessional if you want it to change. This is not the stone age where there are men's jobs and women's jobs around the house. Women used to not work out of the home so yes it was usually their job to keep the house, cook and take care of the kids. Well this is 2013 and women work full time jobs and can not alway be expected to go home and cook and clean and do all the "house work" including the kids baths. I really hope you can get through to him! That can be very over whelming!!!

Good luck

There are certain things that hubby expects me to do, BUT that doesn't mean he won't help out when I need it.

Here is what he expects me to do since he works full time and I work part time (Even with two part time jobs he still works way more than me):
Dishes every other day
A complete thorough cleaning of the apartment once a week maybe twice if we are having company over
Make sure that kiddo survives the day with a full tummy, a clean diaper, and minimal bumps and bruises

As soon as he gets home from work parenting responsibilities become 50/50. He changes a diaper, then I change a diaper, then he des it, then I do it, etc. We take turns doing every other bath because we both hate that job for some reason. We even take turns cooking (Mostly because he is an excellent cook and I either burn it or forget an ingredient (Like forgetting to put tuna in tuna alfredo...)).

If we have company coming over and I'm struggling to get everything picked up in time, he will help. If I'm sick, he will help. If its just been one of those days where kiddo (2) turns into a tornado and destroys the place and I'm about to pull my hair out from stress, he will help.

So to answer your question, even if it was my turn for the bath, he would have either given the bath or took over the cleaning.

T.V would not suddenly work if my husband did that. Your both working full time,,,,50/50 on chores. I am sure your list is way longer than what you have posted. Sorry but he would now be doing his OWN laundry, you do yours and the kids....
This is not the 50s anymore where the little women stayed home and did all the child rearing and chores. You work outside your home and take care of all the household also. NO it's 50/50 buddy!!!

My husband was always in charge of baths and bedtime. He still sings to our 2 youngest although they read by themselves now. The only time he doesn't is when Monday night football is on.

As for other household duties, getting him to load dishwasher is like pulling teeth. He never vacuums, dusts, change sheets, or helps pick up. But then again, I refuse to put gas in the cars or go grocery shopping so he has to do that, and he does his own laundry while I do the rest of the family's

There are a few things that are strictly "mine" and "his". I cook and fix his plate; he takes out the trash, gasses the cars, cleans the toilets and floors. We discussed and settled on this before we married. Once we had a baby and I was always on baby duty, I taught him how to prepare a couple of things, the main and best one being rice. My point is that we talked about it and got an understanding of expectations, and when our circumstances changed and we needed to adjust, we talked again. Did you guys have that conversation before now?

While I wonder what your communication was and is, your situation seems to have some other elements that go beyond just communication. In his mind, what makes your jobs yours and his jobs his? Does he believe that a woman has a "place"? Does he feel inadequate to do what you do? Is he feeling devalued on his job? I know that it's not always as simple as asking "Why do you feel/believe this way?" but I think that the answer to that question is where you start with settling this thing between you...understanding his thought processes so you know how to talk about it.

For now, do whatever you have to do to get it done. Prioritize the things that YOU do; leave undone whatever isn't done by the time your'e ready to call it quits. It's not perfect, but it's reality, and it might even be reasonable. Maybe he'll get tired of certain things not being done and do them himself; maybe he won't. You can't run yourself down trying to figure it out. Do what you can, and leave the rest. And figure out a way to TALK and gain some understanding of what's up with your husband.

Yes, my husband would have given him the bath, but I honestly do not believe that this is about what's typical among husbands. I think that it's more about what's reasonable to expect from YOUR husband. Base your expectations on YOUR personalities and dynamic. This is one of those individual depends-on-the-marriage, depends-on-the-guy situations.