What Should I Expect from Husband Who Is SAHD?

In my opinion, the stay at home parent's job is to keep the house up. Especially if the child is not at home part of the time. If he can't do that and keep his homework up to date, he's not scheduling his day well.

My husband and I both work, so we share in the chores, but the times I was home, my 3 month maternity leave, the few months I was laid off, I did all of it, except for the dishes after dinner and vacuuming, which have both always been his jobs.

Sometimes they do not "get it"..

Create a chore list of things that need to be done daily and weekely. This way he can visibly see what needs to be done. That way everyone is on the same page.

Good Luck

I am a SAHM, and I do everything around the house but pay the bills. When my babies were little, I stopped doing the bills - I did them before I was the Stay at Home Parent... but sleep deprivation was causing me to miss things, so he started taking that over, and has continued to do so out of habit mostly.

I do everything else. I cook, clean, shovel the driveway, mow the yard, clean the gutters, take kids to doctors appointments, make doctors appointments, do the laundry, etc.

My husband leaves in the morning by 7:30 - so I get the kids to school etc. He comes home around 5:45 or 6:15 (depending on the day). He travels regularly (like 35% of the time) so there are many weeks when he is gone M-W or T-TH. Some weeks he's gone M-F.

I expect my husband to help when he can and is able. He helps with laundry if I need it, or if I am out for a day and he's home. He helps with meals as needed, but cooking is not really his "thing". He helps with bath time and bedtime ALWAYS if he is home. I expect him to snowblow :) I expect him to help me get lightbulbs changed that need changing (he's tall - I'm short). I expect him to play with the kids so I can get some me time or other chores done.

I expect him to help me with big jobs. Like we are getting a new stove and this coming weekend we'll need to do some serious cleaning in the basement to make space for the guy to come and install the gasline. He will be in "charge" of this job. We'll do it together, but he'll take the lead. Big stuff we do together... but he often is the instigator or leader in these type of projects.

Hope that helps.

This is a question the two of you should have discussed... oh about 5 yrs ago. it doesn't sound like the title SAHD totally applies.
School full-time, a job on-line, a job out of the house on Sundays... Sounds like the two of you have full plates. You interpret him being physically in the home as him being a SAHD. He is your partner who is fortunate to 'work' from home while going to school and he is also able to be home with your daughter and care for her.
Y'all just need to sit down and lay it all out.

Role reverse. If you were the one at home, what would your hubby expect for you to get done?

Have you considered having him create a schedule?
8a - breakfast
830 - morning treatment
9a - 10a clean living room
10a - noon - work on homework ...

I would expect the SAHD to perform the same duties as the SAHM does. I would still split out the chores - no one wants to do EVERYTHING - but the majority of household duties would fall to the person with the most flexible schedule and availability. Its difficult if you try to manage his time however. I wouldn't like someone telling me when I have to do things. I would try to sit down and collectively make a list of what needs done in the house and decide who should do it. Sounds like he's a bit unfocused, but you cannot make him more productive. Try to phrase your concerns with 'I feel' instead of 'you don't'.

I remembered seeing that 'paycheck' a SAHM/D would receive if their responsibilities were paid out monetarily speaking and it sounds like your DH would be broke if that was the case!!!. Does he consider himself a SAHD or is that what YOU consider him to be? If I could take the roll of SAHM, I know the responsibilities include caring for children and keeping house. that is the job! He doesn't have to work as you stated so he clearly doesn't. You do all the chores so why should he? He is set up with a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. Doesn't have to work, wife does chores, no kids in my hair for a majority of the week......My husband works in a school system that affords him 6 weeks off in the summer and various weeks off throughout the school year. There is an expectation that I will have little if any chores to do during those times when I get home and he holds true to that. WE made that agreement. Maybe it is time to talk this over with him and gently remind him that you need to feel supported and helped and coming home to a second full time job of chores, bills, meds, etc. is tough and you could use the help.Afterall, you have supported this lifestyle he has, he could return the favor at the very least! Best of luck!

Like anything, you need to sit down together and discuss your joint expectations. For example, my SAHD friend is expected to take care of house maintenance, the child, and have at least a load of dishes and load of laundry done. The house may not be 100% tidy but it shouldn't be insane, either.

I WAH, so I work, take care of DD, take care of all appointments regarding her and the pets or anybody that needs to come repair something in the house. I try to get a load of dishes and a load of laundry done. DH is our cook, so I clean up after dinner but don't usually make dinner unless it's just me and DD or DH is running late. I take DD to and from school and get her ready for school (including lunches, hair, dressing, breakfast, anything she needs for snack, show and tell or any other activity). When SD was home, I'd run her around as well.

So what you might do is look at all the things that need to be done at home, regardless of who does them. Then talk to him about who will do what and by when. And then let him do them his way. For me, DH and I used to argue about dinner dishes but we compromised. If I will hand wash the coffee pot and set it up, he will not complain if the dishes are still running when we go to bed. The issue for him was actually having coffee in the AM, not that I didn't do the dishes immediately after dinner. Lighbulb! So figure out what matters most and why and work through those things first.

There was a time that I wrote down everything - every potty break, every cat hair ball, every time the phone rang (and how many times it was DH himself), all appointments, how long I worked, what dishes I did, etc. because DH accused me of doing nothing. He needed to see what it was I was doing. Yeah, I'm on Mamapedia. It's my adult interaction and my reward for answering x number of customers. DH gets to work out at the office gym. I get to post on Mamapedia.

ETA: I also think you should both consider the "outside" work load. My sister takes online classes and says sometimes she wishes they were in a classroom classes so she wasn't distracted or had the teacher right there (teacher isn't always actively teaching) to ask questions. So even though he's not in a class room, it's not necessarily any easier. You work and so does he. So you need to share the house load.

Just my opinion....

I wouldn't consider this a SAHD. He goes to school full time - not sure what his program is.... but you can consider that equal to a full time job, unless he's in a SUPER easy program. But for most classes in a bachelor's degree, even online classes they give a guideline of 15 hours of outside classwork per week for each class.

So - in ADDITION to 40 hours per week, he has another 10 hours of "work".

Regardless of whether or not he NEEDS to do any of this.... you all have agreed that he can/should and therefore it needs to "count".

That being said...... you need to "SPLIT" the chores. Write down everything and then decide who will do what.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, maybe it's time to "hire" some additional help. Get a housecleaner. In some cities you can hire a meal planner and "pick up" healthy ready-to-eat meals.

I also think you guys need to SCHEDULE out your week - that way you know there are designated times when he is not available and you can plan what to do during these hours if you need additional help.

I think for you to quibble that he's posting on facebook is petty and shows that even though you "say" you're supportive... you actually aren't. You're trying to dictate what he does with his time. Really..... you don't EVER get online or make a personal phone call "at work"? Does your boss dock you time when you do that? There ARE jobs where that is the case..... but even then people will have a 10 minute break and get on their personal phone for online time.

I also think that guys (NOT man-bashing) don't view home-making as their "job". So, he's worked (gone to school / helped with daughter etc) and then he's done. You need to lay out for him everything that is still left to do after he considers himself "done" and then ask who is going to do it.

Also I was a SAHM for about 1.5 years. That was considered my "job" by me. so when hubs got home from his "job" we were on equal footing and anything left needed to be "split" by us. But it was important that we each got our own time as well - guys nite or read a book time or whatever.

But at night - one of you has to hang with daughter while the other one cooks. One of you does bath while the other does dishes. One does laundry while the other vacuums. That's how we did it, and it's what I recommend.

It sounds like you two need to sit down and talk about EXPECTATIONS. Expectations are a set up for failure and if you don’t sit down and communicate this with your partner those expectations will breed resentment.
Remember woman are from mars, men are from Venus and if we don’t get on the same page with our significant others then we will not be speaking the same language.
I tend to “tackle” everything in my household, leaving my husband “care free” but left out. I have to verbally ask him to do almost anything and praise him when he does things without asking. I personally cannot fathom how it is that men are not self-motivators most of the time but stereotypes aside, this is what I have learned works. Your husband has already expressed to you the need for you to write down your daily expectations, grow with it, make a “chore chart” that can be hung up as a reminder or create one in outlook so when he is working on the computer they will automatically pop up as takers. I have a windows phone so this tool works awesome for me.
Good Luck

Ditto Funmomof3. I really like the suggestion of pop-up reminders.

So, once you sit down and communicate your expectations to your hubby, these are some of the things I believe he should be responsible for (when your daughter is at school);

1. Picking up the entire house
2. Vacuuming
3. Wipe down the bathroom (at the very LEAST - sink, toilet, mirror, empty trash)
4. Grocery Shopping (the stores are so much easier to maneuver during the week!)
5. Fill and run dishwasher; empty when done
6. Fold and put away laundry.

He could literally run through this list in a very short amount of time (depending on the size of your home). There is no reason why he can't do these things AND his homework on the days your daughter is not home.

He needs a clear list. All men do. I'm a full time SAHM mom-single now actually, and yes, I can do absolutely all housework, kids stuff, bills, etc EVERYTHING AND figure out what all of it is....but most men can't manage themselves like that. When the kids' dad is here, he's clueless and does nothing unless I tell him to. And no, I don't make him do much since he's the bread-winner. He WILL do the stuff once I tell him what it is and make him, and he will follow a list, but he never gets into the routine and initiates getting stuff done. He could never do it on an all day everyday basis. I can't even count all the things I do that just wouldn't happen left up to him. I don't complain since his salary supports us, but believe me, if I was the bread winner, he still wouldn't do anything at home unless I laid it all out very clearly and made him. So that's what you have to do.

Figure out what you feel you should have to do after/during your long work week. For most working men, it would be the weekend yard work..some repairs and errands...some help with dishes and kid stuff and bedtime after dinner. Playing with kids. Bills. Figure out what those few things would be for you during your time off. Then take everything else and make it into a clear daily schedule for him around his routine. If he cries, "but I have too much homework" then assess if he's being realistic and get him to agree to a fair system. But left up to his own devices, yes, he'll be on the computer all day, and not organizing himself. This is a seriously hard challenge. Many men are much better at just going to work where they HAVE to follow a set program all day than at staying home and figuring out what to do.

Good luck!

My hubby is a stay at home dad Mon-Thur and works full time Fri-Sun. While at home with our 3.5 year old, he vacuums daily, cleans up the kitchen and does the dishes and usually works on a few loads of laundry (wash/dry/put in basket for me to put away). He is great about spot cleaning the sinks, making sure the stove and microwave is spotless, etc. But he does not do the bathrooms which is okay with me. For the most part, I come home to a clean house!! On the weekends I will focus on what else needs to be done (clothes, washing the bedding, bathrooms, etc).

He, too, decompresses on the computer. Usually from the time I get home until dinner time. Then he cleans up dinner (I usually cook but he will if I ask him to) while I help our daughter with homework. I do bath and bedtimes - mostly because I started doing it alone when he worked nights and I enjoy doing it. He'll often have his computer time while I do this as well.

I think you need to sit down with your hubby and ask him what he thinks he should be getting done while you are at work. Maybe he just expects it to all get done when you get home because that has been the status quo. Maybe he thinks you guys will get it done on the weekends.

As the SAH adult, I am the household manager. This means I run our mini economy, take inventory of needs and wants, strategize to meet long and short term goals, etc. I am the cook, the cleaner, the financial planner, the stock girl. Hubby does the lawn trim and fixes things that break. I do everything else. He does cook on weekends. He also plays th the kids while I run errands and clean.

How about creating a master list of household management items, a fly lady type thing, and getting hubby on board for completing things off the list every day. Household management is a hard PM position that many people need to be taught.

This is the deal in a marriage of equal partners: during the day, you are both "at work," and should be working. He should have a schedule for the days he is free for getting all the laundry done, going grocery shopping, cleaning up, etc. Then when you get home from work, you are BOTH responsible for what needs to happen at home. You cook, he plays with kids. He washes dishes, you do bathtime.

He is getting away with a lot, and it is not fair. It's really disrespectful to you, and I'm sure you feel a ton of resentment. Sit him down to have a big talk about this.

I am a full time student and when I'm doing homework I take (short) breaks and will peruse facebook or whatever. With or without my breaks, I easily have 40 hrs of "work" per week between classes and school work. My husband works 30-50 hrs a week. We have the kids in school/daycare most days.

I do all the scheduling for and management of the home, but my husband chips in when asked (ex: can you call the doctors and get an appointment for Opal). We split the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He is responsible for the vehicles and for outdoor/heavy lifting jobs. During the weeks I have midterms or am exhausted (I'm pregnant), my husband does more. When he's exhausted, I do more.

The girls (4 and 5) clean their room with my help, and help to set the dinner table/clear up. They have a few other chores they are responsible for. Recently I began a trade with my neighbor/friend, and I give her daughter violin lessons in exchange for housecleaning. This helps a lot.

Doing homework takes me a lot of time even though I have childcare most days. Also, it doesn't sound like the distribution of work in your home is even or fair.

As a SAHM I pretty much do everything when it comes to the kids/home. I also went to school when my kids were infant/preschool age, completed my BA degree, worked out, had hobbies and volunteered at school. The only daycare my kids ever had before they started school was 9 to 12 hours of preschool a week. They weren't disabled but there were three of them! The only thing I expected of my husband after work was to give me a break from the kids for an hour or so, so I could go grocery shopping alone, go to an evening class or take a bath or something.
I'm not sure what your husband is doing all day but it sounds like he's not cut out for being at home. How much longer before he finishes his degree? I hope it's worth it, a lot of those online programs are often a big waste of time and money.

its not easy to keep up with everything. I remember when my child was a baby and my husband would come home and ask what have you been doing all day. he had no idea. idk if i was just an uptight momma but watching shows like teen mom and tlc a baby story...it seems right up there with overwhelming work amount. while i take care of the house hold chores (trying to keep up with toy pickup) I actually mop clean the house once a week. You can talk to him about the amount of things he needs to be doing and understand it might take him a few years to finally get it under controll. As my kids are older its easier to take care of things. I am not changing a diaper, hand feeding, wiping hineys. I have more time to actualy get things done. Its alot of work. Have you ever taken a day off and had your husband gone while you try to get it all done? Can you actually get it all done? My husband did not understand my day until I went to the grocery store (two different ones) and was gone for a three hour stretch. He was calling me on the cell phone asking when I would be back home. ITs a lot of work. I would rather escape to a job then have to deal with being a mom//dad 24/7 cut him some slack and figure out exactly what his day is like. If indeed he is being a bum tell him to buck up. If your wrong about he amount he is dealing with your daughter then give him a special treat.

I would expect him to do the bulk of cooking and cleaning/laundry. I'm a SAHM and yes, sometimes I get behind or sometimes I don't do things even when I might have the time, but yeah, mostly I cook every night (sometimes I pick up food, but not even once a week) and my laundry is in order and not piling up.

I think I would start by choosing the one thing that bugs you most (for me I think it would be the cooking, I can't imagine coming home and then having to cook when he's been at home) and asking him to pay more attention to that.

I would expect him to be an equal partner. Just as a sahm should not have to shoulder all the work a sahd should not either.

It's time to pull out a chore jar.

Sit down and use a few sheets of paper. Make lists of each time frame job. The ones that have to be done multiple times per day like cooking a meal..breakfast, lunch, and dinner...then the ones that have to be done daily like dishes, twice per week like taking out the trash or laundry or sweeping and mopping the floors, then the weekly things like sweeping the porch and cleaning the yard areas, mowing the lawn, there can also be twice per month lists and monthly ones too. I also have a twice yearly for things like take down the curtains and clean them, I change the direction of the ceiling fan for the seasons so that's a good time for me to wash the blades of the ceiling fan. Then there are the yearly chores like cleaning the gutters, stripping floors and waxing, anything that is one of those things that you don't do hardly at all.

You guys need to sit down at the table, both of you need to have a notebook so you can write down the chores you draw from the jar.

If you get a job that you physically cannot do or that you absolutely hate then you might want to have a plan beforehand so you don't get in an argument.

You take a turn out of each jar, he takes a turn out of each jar. Then I think the person who stays at home takes one extra. They are committed to being at home and part of that is supporting the family with their actions. He just has to suck it up or use part of his income to pay someone to come help him out.

You each draw and draw and draw until all the jobs are assigned. Then you pull out a calendar and decide what days of the week you'll be doing your chores. Such as laundry on Monday and Thursday, then sweeping and mopping on Sunday and Wednesday. Then you can split up the evening meals if you'd like. You can cook a big dinner on Saturday and have planned overs on Sunday for lunch or dinner.

Like making a huge pot of spaghetti sauce or making a large pan of lasagna. There are many dishes that you can do planned overs with. I make pork pot roast and then use any leftover meat for pulled pork sandwiches the next day for lunch. I use Head Country Smoke flavored BBQ sauce. It's so stinkin' yummy!
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Putting as many jobs individually in the jars does several things. It shows hubby how many jobs he's not helping with. He will see the overwhelming lists and might start to understand what he's not doing.

Hopefully you can come to a compromise that suits both of you. He will start participating and help more and you'll be able to come home from work and have some relaxation time.

When I worked as a nanny the dad got home about 3:30. I was paid extra to cook dinner so by the time he got home all the school kids were home and sitting down for snacks. The older kids were very able to watch the younger kids so I wasn't really needed.

He would get the kids cleaning their rooms, doing their assigned chores, and check on laundry, I was paid extra for keeping the laundry too, he would start matching socks and folding clothes all the while keeping all the kids on track.

I would focus totally on cooking dinner. By the time mom got home at 5:30 dinner was ready to go on the table, all the chores were done, the house was clean, and the laundry was washing and drying. She didn't have to do much of anything. Dad didn't either. The kids ranged in age from 18 months old up to 14 years old when I started so they were well taught in how to do their chores. The mom had a very good system she made up for them to do a certain room, have helpers, and teach the younger kids how to do the jobs the right way.

I think that understanding what you are facing when you come home is hard for dad, he's most likely a visual person so seeing the jars and seeing the lists as they get made will help him to understand what you are going through.

ummmmm, what would you say if this question was posted by a man asking what to expect of his wife who is a SAHM?

Sorry, but you're not the boss. There are no 'expectations'. You can discuss with him the sharing of chores, but the post sounds a little entitled - much like the complaints of SAHM's on MMP who seek comfort from husbands who demand they do housework b/c the man brings home the money.

I'd suggest you two have a heart to heart about the chores.

I clean, wash, plan and prepare all meals, grocery shop, garden, paint, repair, vacuum, mop and get car maintained and repaired. Some days I do more, some less. H doesn't judge my work and I don't his. When kids were little, I did all baths and help with homework. He does the bills and lawn work. When we had our 2nd child, he started cleaning up after supper, not washing dishes but cleaning the table off and putting stuff up.

I have said it before, men make terrible wives! You need a monthly family meeting. You say, this isn't working for me. I am exhausted and resentful.
He needs to put a period not a comma at the end of his school work. It's done between this and this time. Probably while your child is at school, not at night. you will have to compromise on your expectations. You can not make him care. You can make him aware.

Not as much as you would do if you were a SAHM. Unfortunately, it is the way it is. Men are just wired so differently.

I'm a SAHM and a full time online college student. Believe me, online doesn't mean easy. I get on facebook and on here. I'd be ticked off if my husband complained about how I use my own free time.

That being said, have you ever ASKED him about the laundry? And if it's his night to cook, then you really can't dictate how that happens.

Honestly, I'd love it if my husband came home from work and gave our daughters a bath. That's part of parenthood, regardless of who works outside of the home. And technically, your husband does have a job, even if it is part-time.

If a SAHM posted that her husband expects her to do *everything* all because he worked.... Well... We would all tell her that HE should come home and take care of his kids and the house, too.

So.. My suggestion to you is to sit down and ASK him what he does all day. And that does not include facebook or whatever. I mean specifics like cleaning. And then divide ALL the chores up in a fair way.

Since he wants a list, give him a list. I would even put up a bulletin board or dry erase board listing what he should do each day (go to pinterest and search chore list and you'll get a bunch of ideas). Have him check off as he goes. When you get home, then you'll know what's left and can pick up the slack.

While you're on pinterest, search freezer meals and you'll get a bunch of ideas to put together crock pot meals that can be prepped ahead of time and frozen - all you'll have to do is thaw them out and he can put them int he slow cooker in the morning.

Omg, I work part time and do pretty much everything around the house. My husband does help taking his turn with the dishes and he is obsessed with swiffering up the dogs prints, but other than that I dont expect much from him as far as cleaning goes. I would talk to your husband and maybe try making him a schedule for the days your dd is gone. Make it very specific, like 10 am sweep and mop floor, not just cleaning at 10 am. Also, when you are both home, child care needs to be 50/50. Just make sure he is ok with the schedule first so it doesnt come off mean. If hes ok with you emailing him chores, he might be ok with a schedule.

I have seen them do it on Supernanny, they write all things that need give done on slips of paper and then divy them up. Then maybe it will be easier to make it fair.

Get together and agree on who will do what and when. Then print it out, stick it on the fridge. I'm a SAHM but my husband does all our laundry and puts it away. Each of our kids has a daily chore, one takes out trash, one puts away dishes and one wipes down the bathroom. There is no reason he can't be doing more. Once its in black and white there should be no more arguements.

I am a SAHM and I went to school and volunteered at my kids' school. I did pretty much everything. My husband did the kids' bathtime sometime (sitting in the bathroom reading while they played in the tub) and he cooks sometimes. Apart from that I do everything. I do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, mowing the lawn, shoveling the driveway, repairs around the house - really everything. I consider this my job. I do have to say that sometimes even if I do run around all day I still am not able to do everything and the house looks messy or laundry piles up. He doesn't help with that but he also doesn't complain about it.

Sounds like he's not a typical SAHP with no other responsibilities and kids in school all day so you likely are expecting a bit much but he also could very likely do more. I can see it being like this if my husband stayed home. It's why I never encouraged him to all that much even though I'm the primary breadwinner. I pictured lots of arguments. He just would care about a lot of stuff I do. Do you do his laundry too and cook for him? I'd do as little as possible for him until he starts being more cooperative. Definitely don't do his laundry... And can you hire a cleaning person? You said he doesn't have to work so figure the money he makes on Sundays goes to helping you... And just make dinner for you and your daughter some nights. I think you have to kind of work around men sometimes. Do what you need to for yourself bc likely his priorities are so different it'll be next to impossible to get him to do all you want. And in fairness, school full time plus a full work day on Sundays and your daughter is home a fair amount means he doesn't have all that much time. It's so much harder to be efficient from home and with a child I think.

tell him to get off his lazy bum and get busy..your a team..leave him a chore list every morning..good luck

I am a stay at home mom. While I appreciate any help my husband gives me, I consider the home and cooking to be my job most of the time. He usually cooks on the weekends to give me a break. When I go back to work we will split things more 50/50 but it only seems fair for now that I be responsible for the house. But, when I was looking into going back to school my husband said he would consider that the same as a full time job and that he would help out more if I decided to go.

I had to chuckle at your last question..."Do you expect your husbands to do most of the chores when he gets home?" If the tables were turned and HE was working FT and YOU expected him to do all the chores I think you'd be getting a lashing on here!

I am a SAHM. I do ALL the cooking, 99.9% of the laundry. The only time he doesn laundry is if there is a specific article of clothing he needs that day and it isn't in the process of being washed. I do the grocery shopping, all of the cleaning, bathing of the kids, the dogs. I have 2 kids at home. Granted I am not going to school, and I know that is time consuming, but it is totally unfair that you work outside of the home FT and have to come and carrying a secone "full time job" which running a house is a FT job.
Something needs to give. He is not pulling his weight.

Have you considered making a job/chores board? List all of the chores that need to be done and the frequency (daily, weekly, monthly, etc.); post it on the refrigerator or tape it on the kitchen wall, and you all can check off what each one of you do.

2.5-3 days per week free = all laundry, dusting, vacuuming, bathrooms cleaning should be able to be accomplished. (that's about 1 day work for me)

He should be offering to help you with meal planning too. (Take out and start dinner, then maybe you finish?)

Even with his school schedule he HAS time to get these things done in my opinion. You shouldn't have to carry the load. Time for a heart to heart and do it respectfully but firmly. Tell him YOU need more help. Just be honest and open and come up with a plan together. Hear him out and compromise!

Good luck!

Since you are working FT and he is going to school FT and working PT, I think you should split the home duties 50:50. It does not sound like he is pulling his weight.

I'm not a SAHM but clearly the current situation is not working for you. I think you should sit down with your husband and explain how you are feeling. When my daughter was born I was doing everything pretty much one you are. I could feel myself becoming resentful and angry. I finally starting drawing some boundaries and asking my husband to pick up more and help with chores. Mind you it wasn't easy at first when suddenly someone who has had to do and worry about very little had to pitch in. I explained to him how I felt basically jut said I can't do it all and we are a partnership ( regardless I who stays home in you case ). I wouldn't make it about staying home when you sit him down and talk to him. And void being confrontational ie you don't do this or you never, etc. make it about how you are feeling an hopefully he will be responsive. If you wrote it down on paper I still do a lot more around here than him but its at a level that I find acceptable and that's different for every couple. Reach out to him and hopefully you can find some balance.

I would expect him to do the laundry. It's easy to do in between other tasks.

I feel for you. My hubby and I both work but I do everything but take out the garbage. I was a SAHM for 2 years. Then I got a job and the SAHM part never went away - I still do it all. It SUCKS! I'd demand more from him. Make lists. Demand he cooks or at least chops veggies.

I have considered going on strike but I think he'd just never change his underwear!! :)