My last question was really not a joke. Thank you very much for your answers! I haven't been completely honnest. My husband has a very short temper. He has outburts of fury from time to time, he sometimes loses control and pushes me, pulls my hair or destroys my mobile phones(he is also very jealous). He never hit our son, but he screams at him a lot. I have to admit that I also yell at my son from time to time because a toddler is really testing your nerves. He gets upset if I don't satisfy him the way he wants it,the way he wants it...as I said in my previous post. I am so sad, I don't feel loved or appreciated it and my beauty and youths are fading (I'm 32). He always tells me that he can have another woman, a younger, prettier one.I feel as if he is doing me a favour by staying married to me. He is the my first man, I haven't been with anyone else. I don't think I can do it on my own. I am afraid of loneliness and also I don't want to lose my son.he threats me that he will do anything in his power to win custody,even to order a phychological test for me. I am so lonely, so desperate! I have put my life on the wall, here so that you can help me with a piece of advice. Thank you so much and thank you for existing!
I agree--please reach out to a women's center/domestic violence center for guidance.
Leave carefully.
His threats are empty and typical of an abuser.
Call your local domestic violence center and speak to a counselor there.
You are in an abusive marriage, period. The only thing to do is end this. He is already hurting you and it will only be a matter of time before you are seriously injured and/or he goes after your son.
AFTER you get out of this marriage, you will need lots of counseling to understand why you feel like this is OK and why you put up with it. My guess is that your family of origin is like this too and you are perpetuating a cycle. That cycle can stop. It HAS TO stop or you'll end up dead and your son will be raised alone by this abusive man. After lots of counseling, you may one day be ready for a relationship with a wonderful man who will love you and treat you with respect and kindness.
The national domestic violence hot line number is 1−800−799−7233. They will put you in touch with local resources who can help you. They will not be afraid of your husband. They will tell you what you need to know to put together a plan to get out safely, how to document things and save money without him knowing etc. Please call them today. Even if you're not ready to leave - and it doesn't sound like you are, unfortunately - they can tell you how to prepare so that when that day comes, you can leave safely.
You and your son are worth more than this. I wish you the best of luck - there is a better life waiting for both of you, but you need to take the first step. Call the hotline.
You are really afraid of loneliness MORE than you're afraid of your husband abusing you and screaming at your son? What do you think all this screaming at your son is eventually going to do to HIM?
Go to a family lawyer. Ask advice. Tell him or her everything that is happening. You need a plan.
He is NOT doing you any favors by "staying with you". He's just saying all this to hurt you and keep you under his thumb. Surely you know this!!
If you do not call the police when he pulls your hair, pushes you or destroys your property, then there will be no proof that he's abusing you. You need to call every time he does this. A judge will look at all these calls and will take this into account if he tries to get custody of your child.
Go to a marriage counselor by yourself, mom. It will help you understand what's happening better. Please start now.
Sanda: You've gotten a lot of good advice about how to proceed. I just want to say .....I'm sorry no one deserves this. I don't know if you realize you deserve better and quite honestly you and your son are better off without this person in your life. Get out safely. My husband is a MAN and he would A. Never call me a bad name B. Never cuss at me C. Never push me or destroy our property out of anger D. Try to make me feel bad about myself or put his needs above mine
Be careful he sounds like he could easily escalate. Get out physically before he knows what is up even if that means a domestic violence shelter. Never go back..He will escalate it is just a matter of when.
This is affecting your child much more than you realize. Please focus on yourself and your child and not on finding another man.
LEAVE HIM! HE IS ABUSIVE! Move in with family, or something.
J.B. said it well! Call the hot line and get help. Do NOT tell your husband you're getting help. On the sly start making plans. The first step is to talk with a counselor from a woman's shelter.
I don't know if this is the right place to go, but try this. http://southbaycommunityservices.org/emergency-domestic-v...
He will say whatever he can to control you. You need help to leave. Unless you want to get yourself or your child injured or killed, you have to get away from him. He's an a-hole. He's trying to break you down. He will destroy your son psychologically even if he never hits him - I've seen this happen to a family member's kid.
Please, please, get help. Keep records of everything you can in some way. Find a family member or friend who can be a safe base, safe place. Take the first step. YOU are fine. So don't even worry about a psychological test - seriously - he's violent and he's threatening YOU with a psychological test? You could ask for one for him and he's fail. He's not doing you a favor, he's making you a slave. I didn't get married till I was 30, and didn't have a child till I was 38. He's trying to break you down so he can control you. Don't let him - if not for you, then for your child. You need to get out unless you want your child to either be hurt by him, or become JUST LIKE HIM or both.
You have a choice to stay or not to stay. That is the bottom line. I had that choice 25 years ago. I chose to NOT stay. I knew for a long time that it was over for me but I needed the strength. I spent a good month praying for that strength and I secretly opened my own bank account. One day that strength came and the choice was easy and final. It all starts with the choice. Don't go back and forth on it. You are stronger than you know and you are worth having someone love you for you. Men like that know how to use our insecurities against us. You are so worth it to be loved and happy. Oh ya, that word, HAPPY!! Again, one decision. Good luck.
Oh and I ended up with full custody of our son and he never saw him until he was about die 24 years later. I did find love and my current husband is my sons dad and always will be. You can do it.
Aw S., I feel for you. This is not a marriage, this is just an abusive relationship. You and your child need to get out of there and find help immediately. Your husband 's behavior will never stop and it will escalate. I hope you have family or real good friends to help you through all this.
Now you know, your first step is pick up your kid and leave, find someone you trust, and an attorney and take good care of yourself. Marriage is not supposed to be like this, marriage is respect, tolerance and love.
Good luck!
A. :)
He says all that to control you...to make it so you are too scared to ever take legal action. And like most situations it worked. It's not that you can't make it on your own...and you won't lose your kid. This man has only manipulated you into thinking that. You have received some awesome advice on what you can actually do.
PLEASE do it.
Like everyone else said, find any way to leave him. Take your son with you, consult a lawyer and fight for custody. I would also call the police the instant he is abusive so that you have a record to help you in court. Put away any money you have and look for help whereever you can. Don't worry about being lonely or your beauty fading. The stress of being with him will only make you feel alone and age you faster.
Plan to leave ASAP. You won't regret it, but you will regret staying. Consult a good lawyer now so you know what to do before you leave so that you won't lose your son. You may need to see a psychiatrist just to prove you are healthy.
