What Do You Do When You Feel Lonely??

I don't know! I'm alone sometimes, but I never feel lonely. I'm equally comfortable with or without people.

My situation is completely the opposite. As a working mom in a neighborhood of SAHMs, I feel very much on the outside, so I spend time with my kids.

I've been having a rough few weeks, finally letting the tears come out, and throwing pity parties for myself. I remember how hard I fought through 5 months of chemo to be with my kids, and they brighten my day.

They're 2 and 4, so they still like me......for now.

I get very lonely sometimes. I feel like I don't have "true" friends. No one I can call to have a deep conversation. So I know how you feel.
Honestly, there's nothing I can do but pray. I pray to know God as a friend, and I pray for God to bring me true friends here on earth. I also tell my husband I need a night out of fun. After talking and having fun with him I'm not so lonely anymore.

Are you lonely or just don't know what to do with yourself?
They say... that 'loneliness" is because a person is not comfortable being with themselves... or have suffered a loss.

Could you still be sort of mourning your Dads passing?
You miss him?
that could make you feel lonely.

And, some people do feel 'down' at certain times of the year. My Mom is like that. AND, my Dad passed away about 10 years ago too... so every year, my Mom gets a little 'sad' about that time of year... and she just feels anxious... and not herself.

You ALSO feel you are not appreciated. Which is what many Moms feel. Me included. So for me, I tell my Husband. You need to talk about that with your Husband...

But mostly, try to focus on yourself... doing things which will create interest for you... and fun! Do you have hobbies? Instead of 'relying' on others to fill your cup... you need to fill your own cup.
Not relying on others to do that for you.
Otherwise, you may never feel at peace....

all the best,
Susan

Hi,

I understand being lonely. When I am lonely, I journal. I write all of my thoughts at the moment uncensored. It really helps clear my head. I take a long walk and then have a bath. It doesn't always work, but it does help to make me feel better. Calling a special friend also can help or another stay-at-home mom- she knows what you are going through. The main thing is to support yourself with others who love you and respect you. Try to schedule some "me" time sometime during the week so you don't get burned out with all the kids. Good luck.

Molly

I hear ya sister! You have to one learn to say no and really try not to get involved in so many activities, like when trying to gather your friends. I am guilty of that myself...I have gotten involved in MaryKay which is something I do for myself but at the same time helping others. I get recognition for my work and producivity and I have felt better and less 'alone' since. Find something that you feel good about doing for yourself and give yourself a prize for working hard!

i don't think i get lonely.i think i get sad when i think about the past. my present is sooo different from my past, that on days like today (gloomy and rainy) i open my photo albums from years ago and i look through pictures. it's good to remind myself i was once so full of life.

I come here, you mama's are my surragate ladies night out.

I empathize with you and do feel that way sometimes. I think I can relate to the fact that it may be because I have suffered a loss too. When I get those feelings, I pray.

S., I'm not sure I have any advice on how not to feel lonley, heck I need the advice too. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I too have an in home daycare. I am doing that (as I suspect you are) so that I can be with my kids. I do find myself being jealous of my clients and friends that seem to have so much "free time". However, my clients point out that I get the big hugs and kisses from their little ones and they don't.

My family (2 boys) is very involved in Scouts so I get some interaction with adults from that. I have to watch that though because I'll volunteer for anything and everything and then I end up feeling dumped on when I did it to myself!!

Like I said, I can't really offer advice, but you are not alone

M.

When I was home with kids all day and felt lonely I had the blessing of a couple of friends who were also home with kids and we could talk on the phone and laugh at our situations and things the kids did, and at ourselves, and just general things going on. It helped so much to share with someone in the same 'boat' and we could walk around with the phone, no cordless then much, and still get work done, change diapers, etc. Maybe you need to find someone in the same situation as you who can help share the load and laugh with you or cry with you. It does help a lot. I know you said friends have moved, etc., but get out to church or somewhere where you can meet new friends in your situation. I had 8 children so was home forever and that group of phone friends saved many days of loneliness for me.
Also I'm sure you feel the loss of your dad still so just recognize that you still have sadness and will always miss him but don't let it get you down. Just realize it's a feeling that is not there forever but especially this time of year.
As for recognition, mothers don't usually get that, do they? :-) Realize if you don't get it that God knows what you do and he sees and your children and others you watch are being cared for so you know you are doing right and good for them. Pat yourself on the back for doing a hard job and don't worry if anyone else every sees it. Hard to do but part of life sometimes.

When lives change, friends change. That's the way it is. I've gone through several periods in which all of my closest friends disappeared - we just went off in different directions. But... you have friends you don't know about yet.

Being a homemaker brings its own brand of solitude. It's not like being in an office with three dozen other people. I usually enjoy it - but not all the time. I imagine you take breaks when you can, but it's harder to manage when you have the blues over a loved one or any other reason.

The worst thing you can do is to have a pity party, but sometimes it happens anyhow. So if you're going to feel sorry about things, set a timer for fifteen minutes, and that's it. You have to get up and get busy after that.

While you're waiting for your new friends to show up, look for anything good around you. Find something that makes you smile, or even laugh, at least three times a day. Those things don't have to be all about YOU - just anything that's there. A bird on the front step, one of your children making a funny face, a smiling grocery clerk... be on the lookout. That's to banish any depression that want to attack you from behind.

What can you do for your neighbors? For people at your church or at your children's school? Are there any older people near you?

I'm not trying to discount your feelings! I've had them, and sometimes I still do. I've had to learn not to let those feelings rule over me, and I've discovered, looking back (I can look back for miles) that the WORST times I've had were not when everything around me was going wrong, but when I was over-focused on myself.

Don't worry about getting recognized or appreciated. You're not invisible - you only feel as if you are. Get busy for your family and for anyone near you who could even use a smile or a friendly word (or a meal, or... you fill in the blank). Don't look for thank-yous, look for ways to be active. Write your feelings in a journal, but REFUSE to let them boss you around!

Hope this can help a bit.

You need to find new friends.........if you don't have a bunch of kids that you watch, go to the park, meet new people......go to the library.......they have some good kids programs as well.

If you can't do that, then you need to make sure in the evening or on the weekends that you get out and do things with the family, things you like to do.........meet new people from schools or where ever you can.....

Hang in there.......of course, there is always the internet too......we are here to help.....

Take care.

I bake, bake, bake. Normally I don't like cooking projects and I'm certainly not suzie-homemaker, but I find it gets my mind busy and I start enjoying myself and I usually feel a lot better. I usually miss my mom who lives far away and I think it kind of reminds me of the time we spend together.

Take time for yourself and to develop and maintain your friendships. This is important for your sense of well being. You don't have anything to give to the kids if you are not happy and have an energy reserve. It is also important to model for your kids how to have friends and be a friend and how to maintain friendship. Women have a hard time taking time for themselves - but it is som very important.

Suggestions to get you going:

Sign up for a class in your area for something that you are interested in. (Art, computer)

Join a work out class. (yoga, running, aerobic)

Check out http://www.meetup.com/find/ to find other moms in your area that you could get together with for play dates, walks or mom's night out. I have used this with great success to meet new people.

Join a church.

Reach out to your neighbors...maybe stop by with some cookies and invitie them to get together - coffee, walk etc.

Good luck.

yes, it's okay to feel sad. BUT it's not okay to let it rule your world! When it hits you, take the time to do something for yourself....don't wait for somebody else to make your world right. Take a walk, meditate, pray, think happy thoughts! Make a conscious decision to embrace "happy".

I also have an in-home daycare. Sometimes the isolation is overwhelming. BUT it is an isolation of my choice. This is the decision I have made for my source of income, to be available before/after school for my teenage son, & has provided me with the means & ability to care for my older son who is just 7 days into recovery for his hip replacement surgery.

While I am emotionally & financially ready to work outside of the home...for my own well-being, I am very aware that this is not the best choice for my family as a whole. As soon as my older son is on his feet again, I will begin my search for a job which will provide financial stabilty AND health insurance. I am very aware that my husband has already been thru one heart surgery.....& our insurance is dependent upon him.....& I need to prep for the future.

With all that said (& thought thru many, many times!), I am content to be where I am. I rejoice everyday in the thought that I am dealing with childhood drama....& not that of witchy old women in an office! Each & every time my younger son comes in the door....full of details & stories from his school day ......I REJOICE! In other words, I'll take this ride for as long as I can... knowing that the end is coming, that I'll be entering the workforce soon.

As for grief & the aftermath of your dad's passing, I too feel grief. It comes & goes. We lost our daughter during her 2nd day of heart surgery - 17 years ago. Her birthday is harder for me than her death date. BUT ....& it still takes my breath away.....last October, my father passed away on my daughter's death date. I was overwhelmed, I was so deeply devastated that even now tears are filling my eyes. Knowing that one year anniversary is coming up, knowing that it is paired with our daughter's passing is so deeply felt ....combined with providing my son's home healthcare .....WOW! It's truly an overload of emotion!

To combat these emotions does not work for me. I embrace them. I acknowledge them. I let the grief pour out, I have learned the hard way that bottling up or trying to ignore these thoughts ....simply creates more stress for me. With our daughter, I always buy a bouquet of flowers for her BD & a SnowBaby Christmas ornament......& her ornaments are the 1st ones put on our tree at Christmas. I light a candle in her memory, I usually bring all of the very few photos we have of her....& put it all in the living room where I can see it all day.

With my dad, I know I'll visit the cemetery & have a sip of Jack with him. It was his fav....I personally hate the stuff....but he liked sharing with family. & I do regularly visit the cemetery. I would like to have a one year memory "party" for him....he loved having parties at his Lake House...but with my son recovering from hip surgery - that's out.

In closing, find the "happy" for yourself. Embrace the emotions you're feeling....& find a way to that happy place. No one can do this for you. It is your journey, & yours alone. Please know that many people, strangers even, support you in this journey. >>>I truly wish you Peace.

Crank up the iPod and dance to music no one else can hear!! :)

i hear ya...but i never really get lonely because unless i'm driving to and from work i always have someone to talk to....to have that "girl/woman" time is another story cause i live so far out from work, and of course it's too far for any of my co-workers to hook up at my house, or vise verse. not to mention everyother weekend WITHOUT the kids my husband and i spend "our time" and of course the time with the kids on the weekends we do have them.....never fails

I recently asked a similar question and the responses I got seemed to point in the same direction. People told me to take time to get out of my house (on my own) and bring back the enjoyment of just doing things I want without my little ones dangling on me. Also, find a group in your area of other sahms that can do playdates and such. Just having other moms around can be a nice thing and you may make some new friends.

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely :( I think it would get isolating to run a daycare in your home, because you can't get out and connect with mamas via a mom's group or anything. I've found that the single most important thing for me since having kids is to find friends who are in my same life situation and can relate to what I'm going through. Most of my "old" friends are still dear to me, but the people I lean on on a daily basis I have met through my children.

I would suggest maybe going online to meetup.com or something similar to see if you can find a mom's group in your area. I know my group often does weekend or evening playdates for the moms that work in the group (like me). Also, could you try to meet other moms through an evening sport or activity for your kids? My aunt has two boys in college and she has a super tight knit group of friends that she met when her son was 4 on his swim team. I think that's so cool that 17 years later they are all best friends!! My 3 year old just started blastball (like miniature t-ball) and I've enjoyed the company of some of the moms and wouldn't hesitate to invite one for coffee if I felt the need, etc.

I think sometimes as a mom we just need to go out on a limb and strike up conversations. I think you'd be surprised how many other moms of little kids feel the same way that you do!

Good luck :)

K

Try to space out your chores. If yuo need to go get a manicure do it on Monday. Tuesday go to get your groceries. Wednesday to the cleaners. Thursday go to take a look at local thrift stores. Friday go to lunch at a trendy restaurant. Saturday go look for yard ales. Sunday go to different churches. Yes, it will eat a lot of gas or bus tokens, but it will give you a daily adventure.