Loss of Child

I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, have a 2 year old son and couldn't imagine my world without him. May you find a peace and comfort like none other - and may your daughter help bring joy and smiles to your days. Find a little comfort in knowing your boy is safe in Heaven - comfort in the face of how loved he still is and that YOU were chosen to be his mommy!!! Take each day/hour/minute as they come....I'm sure it can't be an easy road. Blessing to you....you're in my thoughts & prayers.

You are doing the right thing in reaching out. You can be sure that people will pray for you and you will get thru this. It will never be easy - our Lord never said it would be. But, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Keep the faith! Call on His name as often as you can.

S.

I am very sorry about your loss. I have never lost a child, but my 3 year old sister died tragically when I was 8, and I saw my parents struggle. My best advice is to take things one minute at a time. I know the weight of such a loss is absolutely crushing, but keep hanging on - don't be afraid to hurt, cry, talk, smile as you remember, be angry, or express any other emotion that may come up. You will always remember your special little one, and he will always be in your heart. Just stay connected with your family and close friends, and all can support each other. All too often families are broken apart by such a loss - my hope is that you can all learn to appreciate and love each other that much more. Don't ever forget that God is LOVE, and that He is there to carry you when you are too weak to go on. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

D.

I am so sorry, S., for this terrible loss for you and your husband and family. Thankfully you have a deep trust in God and His love for all of us.

Why, oh why, do these things happen? I do not know. A friend gave me a book entitled, "The Shack" by William P. Young. It is fiction but deals with the loss of a child and God's intervention in the life of the father who was so devastated by this loss. Maybe it would be of some comfort to you.

When my husband of 25 years died, I realized how much God is our stronghold and foundation. If you continue to trust in Him, He will show His goodness through it all. You have no doubt heard the analogy of God as the weaver, our lives are the threads, but we can only see the underside of the tapestry--the messy side which seems to make no pattern or have any beauty. On the other side, however, is the most exquisite beauty that we will one day see!

I will pray for you and your family.

F.

I feel I have no good advice for you or answers. Although I will say I cried for you when I read this and felt that I needed to tell you that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I have lost a close friend, and had a miscarriage, but never a child that I have held. I don't think you will ever get over it, I just think the pain softens with time. I hope that you can keep your faith strong during this tragic time because I believe it will help you through it. I also found that if I kept myself busy (after the miscarriage which doesn't compare to your loss) busy with cleaning, organizing, stuff like that. Every closet in my house was organized. I did yard work too, like weeding and planting. God Bless you and your family.

Dear S. D.,

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious little son. Please, no matter how low you feel, don't allow yourself to take your own life. I truly believe that if we take our own life we take away God's choice of when we will die and go to Hell on judgement day.

Stay alive for your family that is still alive and on this planet right now. Go minute by minute if that is all you can get through right now. In time it will be less difficult. Yes, I agree with you that every thing happens for a reason and I too, believe, that everything we go through is filtered and allowed by God. Our church's main speaker says that God allows horrible things to happen to help us get out of "self" and become self less. When we do for others first and put ourself last, all are more blessed in the end than the beginning.

I have to go minute by minute with not over eating. I don't want you to feel I am attempting to minimalize your pain, because I am not, but I am so addicted to food that it is a really big thing for me to not think about eating all the time. I think that is how it is for you and your grief at this moment. Cry all you need to and allow yourself to grieve. Every person grieves at a different pace and you need to cry and grieve for your own healing right now. I have heard that tears release a hormone that makes you feel better so cry all you need to do. I have found that giving myself permission to do what I need to do gets me through some things much more quickly. My therapist once told me that our emotions always win and if we don't learn how to deal with them effectively, they will come out in a way that is more socially unacceptable. So let the tears flow.

If you can continue to talk about your emotional pain, it has helped many to work through so much. I think a little more of the pain leaves as you talk/type about it. Keep talking, typing and it should help. Some also suggest journalling in a notebook with dates and times. Then when some substantial time has passed, you can read how you changed over the weeks, months, and eventually years. You can also write down blessings so when you re-read the journals, you can be reminded of how God helped you cope and get through what you had to deal with. You may be able to help some other person grieving in the future because of this sad experience.

When my brother died unexpectedly at the age of 19 it was very rough for me and I miss him terribly at times, but I can look back and know I got through O.K. Of course, your life will be forever different and never like it was when your son was alive, but that's O.K. to recognize and accept that fact.

I said a prayer for you. I know you will hold God's hand and continue to allow Him to guide you and help you as you cope minute by minute.

L. C.

S.,

My heart goes out to you and your family. I haven't gone through what you're going throught but I feel your pain.

When I'm going through a rough time I refer back to Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Don't hesitate to reach out to family and friends that can help you through this. During troubled times we have a tendency to withdraw into ourselves, just when we need the support the most.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Hi S.,
I think what I have learned about grief is that everybody goes through it differently and at a different pace. I encourage you to not rush yourself through the process and do not hold back going through the pain of grieving the loss of your child - this is a BIG deal even with a life of faith! Sometimes I think people are in such shock that they really don't know how they are for some time. I know that God has a plan and purpose, but that does not make living the day to day through a loss easy - it is a fact that can be of comfort, but it does not make you miss him any less even when you know he is in heaven. There are so many questions to be answered in your mind and more importantly in your heart. I too, encourage a faith based support group to help you get through this and to be with other people who are hurting like you are. I believe there are even specific support groups for people having to handle the loss of a child. I am glad you have family and friends around. Gods peace.

M.

I am truly sorry you are hurting so much right now. I will pray for you. a really good book is, "Trusting God, even When Life Hurts" by Jerry Bridges. I hope it can help you. God's grace will be the biggest help to you during this time. If you do decide you need any counseling, my church is available for that. FBCLO ###-###-####.

I am so sorry about your loss, my condolences to you and your family. No, I have not lost a child (and pray to God I never will), but I have a friend who has lost a child and can tell you what she did to cope with her loss. She lost her son 10 years ago to the flu. A parent never recovers from the pain, you learn to adjust over time, taking one day at a time. One of the most comforting things my friend did was to join a grief support group where she met with other parents who have lost their children. She made several friends who have helped her cope with her tradegy and she theirs.

MC

I am so sorry for your loss. Check with your local librian, they should be able to refer you to some good books. When I lost a family member last year, and trying to explain it to my daughter while understanding it myself the librian helped me find a wonderful book on explaining it to children. However, in the end it helped me come to terms more than I ever could have on my own.

I hope this helps, and God Bless.

I am so, so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. My heart breaks for you and I will pray for you and your family. I am grateful to God that he has given you faith to help you through and the recognition that you need extra help during this time. I know of a very good faith based program that might be of some help to you. Shepherd's Gate Lutheran Church, which is the church I attend has a life care ministry that deals with many different kinds of life issues, one being grief and loss. I have heard good things about it from friends who have gone through similar tradegies as you. One is called GriefShare. You can find out more about the program by contacting the church's social worker, Kristen Heaney through the church office at ###-###-####. Kristen Heaney is a great resource for what programs may be best for you and your family in thea area as well. Also there is information about it on the website at ____@____.com may also get to the information at family.shepherdsgate.com, choose "support" from the side menu, then LifeCare.

In addition, I know of three very good christian counseling centers that also deal with loss and grief. Perspectives Counseling (perpectivesoftroy.com ###-###-#### or ###-###-####), Trintiy Family Counseling Center (www.mhweb.org/macomb/trinity ###-###-####) and Renewal Christian Counseling (rccmc.org, ###-###-####, ###-###-####).

I hope some of this helps. You sound like an amazing mother, grandmother and person. I truly hope you can find peace in all that you are going through and know that God loves you and your family!

Prayerfully,
C. R

I am SO sorry for you loss--how devestating!!! I live in the Lansing are and we have a grief center here called Elle's Place--Wonderful. You should check into it, I do beleive it is mostly for children, but they will also be able to help you and your husband.

My Prayers are with you!

I recently lost my almost 4 month old son who was born with a genetic syndrome. We knew once we had the diagnosis that he wouldn't live to be 75, but never dreamed our time with him would be so short. I don't have any good answers on how to make it through. I have days when I'm relatively okay, and others when I'm a mess. You said you have a strong faith, as do I, but even knowing your child is in heaven doesn't make the hurt go away.
A friend gave me a book this week that I've started. It's a type of daily devotional book called The One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie. She lost 2 children and wrote this from her own journey through grief. It just has daily short exerpts and scriptures to read. She uses some of her own experiences, but the truths can be applied to anyone going through grief and seeking God's comfort.
I pray that God will give you peace and wrap his arms around you because nothing else will take away the pain at this time.

S.,

I lost a baby, no comparison to you, but know others who have lost a child. Time heals all wounds and find your inner strength and turn to God, everything happens for a reason. I have you and your family in my prayers. We never know why things happen but they do; eventually the answer will come why things as happen. I would get in a grief support group....

May God bless you and your family and hold you in your time of need.

After the death of my sister I started with a grief share support group. It has wonderful faith-based material and lots of groups all over the country. http://www.griefshare.com/

I would also encourage you to join DailyStrength.org. It's basically the mecca of support groups

I'm so glad to hear of your strong faith, it has been my grace.
In Him,

L.

Dear S.,

I have never gone through the death of a child, even though I have gone through many other kinds of grief. My heart goes out to you though in your grief & pain. I can just feel the heartache you're experiencing through the words you write. They say that the loss of a child is the worst pain a parent can go through. I imagine that a part of you goes with them because of that bond between a parent and a child.

In dealing with other types of grief, I went to a program called "Grief Share" which is put on by different churches in my area. If you search your area, maybe you can find a local church that is using this program. It is a 13-wk. video course where you meet with others who are also experiencing grief & loss, and watch the video, then break up into small groups with people who understand your pain, and talk about that evening's video. To find a group in your area, go to www.griefshare.org. They also have a daily e-mail you can sign up for to help you deal with your grief. I saw 13 books on there dealing with the death of a child and I also saw the Grief Share audio CD's, in case you can't find a group in your area. I can not recommend this program enough. It really hits the nail on the head in helping people recover from grief.

From my own experience, I found that you go through a period of time when your emotions are so overwhelming that you can't feel God's presence. During that time, you need others to show God's love & presence to you, because you may not be able to feel Him on your own. Be honest with your friends & family about how you feel, and allow them to minister to you during this time. By not being "real" with them, you are keeping others from coming into the place in your heart that hurts so much. You are not only robbing yourself of the healing you so desperately need, but you're also robbing them of the opportunity to express their own grief, and to receive the joy of helping you through yours. Crying on each other's shoulders can be very therapeutic. This is not something you can do on your own. But you have to allow yourself to be real & vulnerable with others in order to get the help you need. I found that after I worked through the emotions AND LET GO OF THEM that I was able to again feel God's presence in my life. It is a process. Allow yourself to go through that process. I found that God really is the only source of healing for deep, deep wounds such as yours. As you draw closer to Him, and allow other people to be his hands, you will heal and find hope in your life again. You may even discover a closer walk with the Lord than you've ever known before in your life.

I will remember you in my prayers.

K. S.

I am very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. You are in my prayers. Although you have faith in God and know that everything happens for a reason, you need to also know that it's okay to feel sad and that it is okay to feel mad at times. Grieving is a long process and there are so many emotions involved. I agree with everyone else in that there is help and comfort in joining a grief support group where everyone around you has gone or is going through the same experience that you are. It does take time. And, it is okay if you just want to go into a room by yourself and let it all out. It is normal. Time does heal but there is help and support and you don't have to be supermom during this time. God Bless you and your family.

I am so sorry about the loss of your son. It is always hard to lose someone and even harder when it is a child. You should check with your local hospital about a greif support group. I know they have one or two here where I live (Monroe). They should be able to help you better than anyone else since they are going thru the same things you are.

HUGS,
M.

I know I cannot say anything to make the pain any less but my heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my brother a little over 2 years ago, just know that it's okay to hurt, it's okay to cry and it's okay to be angry. You should probably talk to someone in your church, your pastor or priest. Than you should join a support group, there is comfort in knowing other people are going through the same heartache. You should consider planting a tree or garden in his name, every year you can watch it bloom and grow and remember your baby.

My deepest sympathy to all of you, remember this is a long process and it takes so much time to even start to heal. Take care, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry for your loss. I never understood why children had to die. It just never seemed fair. We parents alway watch over them, try to take the best care we can of them. I remember when my son learned to drive, it felt so wrong to let him take the car out alone. My grandparents lost a daughter when she was 3 yrs old to an illness. Back then, losing children was more common, she had friends to help her who had also lost children, she told me you never really get over it you just find a place in your heart to put the greif. She had other children and was expecting my mom, she had to go on. She was 24 when her daughter passed, when she was 80 and dying all she wanted was to be with her little girl.
I will think of you in my prayers.

I am so sorry for your loss. My 4year old daughter lost one of her friends to brain cancer in Feb. I Have heard her say that she will never heal from this loss but she will learn to live with it. She too takes comfort in knowing that her little one is in Heaven. Some of the things that she and her family are doing is planting a memorial garden and getting involved with child cancer research. I hope that you can find a way to see the joy in the life around you.
Many prayers, K.

Oh S.! My heart breaks for you. I don't have any magic, but I do have the power of prayer, and I will use it to pray for God's peace in your heart. By far, the bravest thing I have EVER heard was a mom who lost a child on 9/11, and was still able to smile and be thankful for the years that God entrusted that child to her. You know that your children are a gift, and only somebody of deep faith truly understands the meaning behind those words. You are right, it will never be the same...but it will be okay. There is no rush to feel normal...you'll never have that normal back again, but you will find a new normal. Meantime, let your heart grieve. Embrace those things around your house that remind you of him, as you would never intend to wipe away his memory and erase his presence. I hope that you can find reassurance in the fact that grief is human, and he is beyond the human limits now. Grief is for the living, and it will get better. There is no need to tell people that you are okay when you're not. They are your friends and they are asking because they care, so tell them...'no, Im not okay, but God will heal me'.

I truly hope that you find peace. Would you have changed anything had you known his life would be short? My guess is no...like you said, you cuddled him and loved him for 2.5 years. It's doubtful that you can look back and say you could have loved him more...and you certainly wouldn't have chosen to love him less!! :)

May God bless all of your family!

~L.

S.,

I am so sorry for your loss. There is an organization called the Compassionate Friends that is a support group for parents who has lost children. They have a monthly meeting in Livonia. My mother- in -law attended a few meeting when my sister- in- law passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. Their web site is http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

T.

Hi S.,

I know there is nothing that I can say to help you right now, but my heart goes out to you. I read a story about Todd and Angie Smith. (Todd is a singer in the Christian group Selah.) They lost a daughter about 2 1/2 hours after her birth. They have a website dedicated to their angel girl and Angie posts blogs about her struggles with her loss and her relationship with God. One thing that really struck me was that she said she was in the car wanting to scream at God, wanting to know why this happened to her and her baby, but she realized that God can take it. As long as you trust in Him and bring it to Him, he can take it.

If you visit the site http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com
scroll down to the bottom to look at older posts. Start with the blog, "A letter to my daughter" and work your way up. The blogs are long, but I think you will recognize many of her feelings and may find some comfort in her words. I have not lost a child. In fact, it is my greatest fear. My heart goes out to you and I hope that you can find some peace as you remember your son.

C.

I believe everything happens for a reason too. No I have not lost a child, but I have lost many loved ones. The youngest a 5 year old disabled boy who was younger in mind. I babysat him for 1 1/2 yrs. Loved the little guy. I was 13 at the time of his passing. I know its no comparison. I dont't know why, but I was drawn to the computer, and had to sign in tonight soo late. I read your request and just wanted you to know I was here. In thought, and prayer, with you and for you, and yours. Just a light thought; you are here on Earth helping the abused children here, Your son is following in your footsteps in Heaven. Telling the unfortunate children how wonderful his life was and how it was filled with love, caring and family, the life he had with you. To help them. I hope this helped in some way. God bless you and give you strength. D.

I have no clue why but as I read your story I have to agree with other get in to a support group. I am sure that will help a lot. Once your able to deal with the grief do something in the memory of your son. Something that will help others. I know the pain will never go away but in some small way by helping other children you can have his memory live on and people will know how much your little boy was loved and what he meant to you. I hope this helps even if it is just a little. My thoughts and prays are with you and your family. S.

S.,
Bless your heart, bless your heart.

Prayer. Time. Leaning on others. I can't think of any other possible way to get through something so heartbreaking.

I will leave you with one thought someone once gave me when I was going through a terrible time and it has stuck with me forever:
I once said---through tears---to a girlfriend (one of my dearest and someone who has a strong faith too), "Why do you think God wants me going through this...what do you thinking he is letting this happen for...what do you think the purpose is? I just can't seem to figure it out!" And she replied, in a very gentle and very sympathetic voice: "L....you know that we are not as wise as God...we can not possibly know what his purpose is for things. We just have to trust that He has his purpose...and one day when we get to heaven everything will become perfectly crystal clear".

I know it does not take the pain away from such a profound loss, but it helped me to get through a very difficult time and helped me to hang onto my strong faith in God rather than question it. Hope this is helpful (?)

My heart goes out to you and your family S..

God bless,

S.,
There are no words to say what a parent looses a child, I'm sorry just doesn't seem right. But I am. I could never even imagen having to deal with that as a mother of 5 myself, with 2 year old twins. I do have a friend that just lost her 8 year old son right before Chirstmas. It took her a long time to get moving again, but had too because of her younger son. She just went on day by day and cried almost daily for 3 months. Sometimes to her self and sometimes would call someone to just talk about his life. She resently got a job and is starting to really move on, but never forgetting her son. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think about him or see something her younger son does that makes her think of him, she smiles because she knows that no matter where he may be, he's always with her watching over her. She also reached out to a local group with other greaving parents, so of resent losses and something who lost their child years ago. It's always easier to talk with someone that has gone through what you and your family is. I'm sure if you google it and put your area in you can find one local as well. If there isn't one, you could always start one.
I'm turly sorry for the loss to you and your family.
S.

S.,
I am going through the same thing right now. My son passed away on mothers day, he was 14. I totally feel the same as you, only I don't tell people that I am ok, cause that isn't true. I let them know exactly how I feel, the ups and downs. If they didn't want to hear the truth then the shouldn't ask especially in a time like this. Check out my other posting for details.

i'm really sorry for your loss.have you tried any type of support group?there's probably one for that.

S., my heart goes out to you! What an incredibly painful time for you and all who loved your little baby! I am putting you on my prayer list and will pray for you as you go through this time. The loss of a child never totally heals, but it does become a smaller part of the tapestry of your life as time goes on which you've already experienced. Too soon for that, though! Wow! I can't even imagine what this would be like, but I know that God knows what you're going through and can help you through it. Please just take this very, very slowly, and don't worry about the future pain. Each day, each hour is enough for you to handle. Your family needs your help now and you need lots of time to heal - you all do! God bless you and comfort and strenthen you!

Unfortunately I don't have any words of wisdom to get you through this time. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! I am so sorry for your loss. God Bless you and your family! HUGS to you!

My most sincere condolences to you and your family. What a horrible loss. Michael's Place is a family grief group. The number is 947-MIKE. They meet just about every week through out the school year and they also provide other grief services. They are a true blessing. Michael's Place is in Traverse City, but there might be something similiar in your area.

Trust me your family knows that you are going through a very tough time, and you are not okay, but they are giving you your space to grieve. Don't push them away. You will be able to find a time to let go and they will still be there for you.

You have my deepest sympathy. As a mother of young children like yourself I can not imagine the pain you are going through. You mentioned you have a strong faith. Please seek out time with your spirital advisor. The support, wisdom, and guidance can be very comforting in this situation. I am sure your advisor can also offer you suggestions on groups to join. Joining one that has parents that have the same strong faith can help.

God bless you and you family.

S.,

i'm so truly sorry for your loss. i lost my brother when he was 3 to a tragic accident also. i can say from experience you have to learn to measure time in a different way. looking forward to a gaping lifetime w/out your precious baby is overwhelming right now, you should try to get through every minute, then every hr at 1st.

my mom couldn't handle the grief and it ended up destroying our family. she lost all of us. it's been almost 30 yrs now and she is finally becoming a whole person again. all of this time, every one of us that was there have blamed ourselves, have been eaten alive w/ guilt and wondering what more we could have done to prevent his death...

my healing has come from yrs of therapy and mothering my own 5 children. in fact my 3rd son was born on my brother's bday spontaneously, 3 wks early and i took comfort in knowing my brother is not truly gone but watching and waiting for us all to be together again someday.

i also found comfort in the thought that perhaps he was taken to avoid some future more horrible fate. we don't know how God works - it might seem tragic and unforgivable that He would take someone so loved and cherished but perhaps there was a future illness or event in store for that child that involved long suffering and pain, and God chose the more merciful route to His bosom for our loved ones.

you mention you work(ed) in the helping profession, i'm sure you must know how much seeking some for yourself could help... i admire and commend you for reaching out here, you are a very strong mama and one day all the reminders of your little boy will be a strength of comfort and joy to you again, i promise.

S.-
I feel your loss and can sympathize with you. I had triplet sons in December 2005. They were born at 24 weeks, and only lived for 3 hours, 6 hours and 9 days. Even to this day, I want to drop to my knees and BEG God to give them back to me. The pain isn't as intense, but it changes.

Now, I only got to be with my boys for a very short time - I can't imagine the pain of more than two years. I have a 16 month old healthy son and wouldn't want to go on if I lost him.

When we lost our triplets, my husband tried to help everyone else grieve. He never took time to grieve himself. It was only after our healthy son was born a year later that my husband finally admitted he needed someone to talk to. He went to a Christian counsel at Pine Rest (several offices in western Michigan). When we were in the middle of all the grief, I just wanted someone, anyone, to let me talk about my babies. My advice to you is find someone (pastor, counselor) to talk to. You have lots of memories and you probably just want to talk about him, wonder why he died, and understand the grief. Don't take on everyone else's grief - they have to seek solace in their own way. If you and your husband can lean on each other and find people outside of yourselves and your families to talk to, you should begin the healing process.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Dear S.,
I have not read all the respnses so sorry if this is a repeat.
I have four very very close friends who have lost there babies way to soon. It is so hard wathcing them go through the pain. I would not worry about everyone else now. I know we have a support group up here of people that have lost kids. Maybe you can find one through your church or hospitol.
One thing that my adopted family did who had lost a six month old was count everyday that he was here and thank God that we had that many days with him. And look foward to the day we would see him again. He went to be with the Lord 13 years ago and honestly it still gets hard. but on those hard days my perants reach out to the Lord or there friends around them to help them walk through it.
I can't imagine the great pain you are feeling. I pray that the Lord not only walks you through this but carries you and your family and friends.
I have a 22 month old and a 8 and 11 year old. Loosing any of them would be the hardest thing in the world.
Take Care S., M.

Although, I have not experienced what you're going through, I do have a close friend who did (does). She lost an infant a couple years ago. When asked how does she go on, she replied, "Well, I have my other two babies who need me."

You're right in that He has a plan. I see you already work with "troubled" individuals. Maybe you are going to have a really positive impact on other families who have had similar losses. I don't know what type of accident, but maybe your work will be preventative.

I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. You and your family will be in our prayers. If you need anything, feel free...

S.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what I would do without my little boy.

The best advice I can give you is to tell the truth to your family and friends. They really want to know how you are doing. By opening up, not only to a counselor, but also to your support network, you will be validating your feelings and theirs.

Yes your family and friends are grieving too, but pain shared is pain halved. Let them help you...I'm sure they want to and don't know how to ask other than "How are you?"

Give yourself the permission to be loved, cared for, and to allow your support network to help you grieve openly.

-C..

I am so sorry for the losss of your child. You mentioned your strong faith. We don't know the reason why things happen, but keep strong in your faith and seek out some counseling. Also, keep the memories of your son alive. Put out pictures and talk about things he did or said. Tell friends not to feel bad if they bring things up. Sometimes the memories help those dark days. May God bring you comfort in your time of sorrow. L.

dear S. let me start buy saying whata stronge and loving person you must be to think of everyone eles in your family and the pain they are fealing at this time and so unfair it is i can not for the life of me put my self in your shoe and i will not try to say i know your pain because i don't i don't beleave we as mother were design to loose our children i would give your sell some time then i would find a group to go and talk to and from now on when someone ask how you are doing it's more then ok to yell screem or what ever it take to let the pain out then and there just know it ok the world or your friends will not judge you if all you do is cry and fall apart so with alot of time there will be a day when you will be ok again may god bless you and your family as you try to pick up your heart and put it back from once it came

S., My heart goes out to you. I have no advice to give but this, rest in God's strength, in His arms. Cry to Him when you are grieving your beloved son or when you are mad. He gives the peace that passes understanding. I pray that for all of your family.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Breath by breath, minute by minute, day by day, God will see you through. He is in control. May you have a peaceful night's rest.

First of all... what you are experiencing now is not what you will be experiencing in 10 years, or 3 years or 17 years. Or 3 months.

No, it will never be 'alright'... but later, in a long time, you will feel blessed at having known him and sad at missing him, and okay with the idea of surviving the loss of him.

I love the quote from A Christmas Carol: Life is made up of meetings and partings, that is the way of it.

Some partings are easy to accept, others much more harsh and bitter. It will never be 'alright' that you have lost your little joy. Eventually, you will be alright with having been blessed by his short presence. Not soon. But in time.

Dear S., I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost 3 pregancies myself, and gone through the deaths of 2 baby nephews. I have just read a terrific book, that I went out and got my own copy of. Run, don't walk, to www.amazon.com, and get a used copy (I paid $1.50, plus S & H, so about$5.50) for mine-but you should get it shipped express-as soon as possible, to help you get through the next few weeks and beyond. In fact, if you call them to place your order, and explain it to them, they may get it to you in 24 hrs. It's the best book I have read on the subject. It is called "Guiding Your Child Through Grief"-although it is also good for adults. It is by Mary Ann and James P. Emswiler. From Bantam Books. Another one, an old classic, is "The Bereaved Parent'By Harriett Schiff. I will be praying for you. You can also get LOTS of help and comfort through the support group "Compassionate Friends". Most Funeral homes nowadays have a resource list of local grief support groups to fit all situations and age groups that they can hand out to you. If yours is behind the times, and does not have one, stop in at another one to pick it up-it's worth it. God Bless-K..

Dear S.:

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can truly express what you are going through. Only God can get you through this deep tradegy. There are many support groups that consists of parents who lost children. SOme are affiliated with the various hospitals. They provide wonderful support and allow you to truly express how you feel. Do you have a support group from church? Go to your minister and ask for counseling and support. Your church family can give you support as well. Although you will never get over losing your little boy the support groups does help lessen the pain. Go into your prayer closet and ask GOd to get you through this and I too wil put you on my daily prayer list. God Bless you and prayihg for you!!!

Dearest S.,
I'm so sorry for your loss!! My little brother died when he was 4 yrs. old (i was 10) due to heart disease! I have no idea how my parents got through that, especially now that I have children of my own!! All I can tell you is that it takes TIME!! You will never be the same and everyone deals with grief differently!! No one is ever going to give you a good reason why God was ready to take him home, but at least you know he's in a much better place! I truly believe my brother was an angel sent to our family and that he was just too good for this world, but at least God blessed us with him for 4 years. We were told he had 3 days to live when he was born! I still think about, love & miss him daily, but I am such a better person just for knowing him!! With that said, I still cry sometimes, like i did when I read this. For me that is ok though, b/c it just reminds of him!! Your little angel is watching over you and wants you to be happy with just the thought of him!! God bless you and I wish you the best!!!!

I'm praying for you and your family.

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your little one. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. Please remember to take the time that YOU need to grieve and heal. I know that we all try to put on a brave face and tell everyone around us that we are ok, but it is ok to not be. It is ok to experience the ups and downs of your grief and not worry about everyone around you.
Here is a website for a grief support group in the area that one of the mom's I know went to when she lost her husband. She highly recommends them, and they have many different groups, including one for parents who have lost children.
http://www.newhopecenter.net/
Please know that there are many of us out here thinking of you and praying for you and your family.

S.,
You have my sympathy in the loss of your son.
Please take your time in the loss of your son, minute by minute, then hour by hour. I know God will be there to help you. Try to do something to honor your son's memory. You wrote it was a tragic accident that caused his death. Make others aware about it.Maybe someone else will be made aware and save another child.
Remember even though he was with you for 2.5 years he'll be forever in your heart.
Thinking of you,
D.

S.,
My prayers go out you and your family! You're right, nothing will seem right for a long time in your life and no one can ever imagine what you are going through except for other parents that have had endure such a terrible loss. With any loss that is devistating like this, I would suggest that you get with a support group. There are many in the Lansing area or you can find many on the internet in chat rooms. These sites involve many more people and chances are, you will meet some one that also lost a little one. I'm glad to hear that you have not turned your back on your faith - your faith is the most important thing right now!

Don't hesitate to tell your friends and loved ones what you need right now. In times like this people want to help but don't know how or what to do. They need you to tell them! Even if it's to come over just for a cup of coffee to talk about anything! If you need help with the house, children, groceries, paying bills - ASK!

Again, my prayers and hugs are with you.

S.,
I couldn't be more heart broken for you. I send you a spiritual hug. As we prayed continuously yesterday for Steven Curtis Chapman's family, I thought of all the hurting parents out there who had also lost children, yet no one thinks of them because their loss is not posted on the news or the internet.
I just received this letter today to be passed on to some friends of mine who actually know a relative of the Chapman's. I hope his words will also minister to you.

Johnetta,
As I have shared with you in the past. Having had my 29 year old Son Adam called home to the Lord back on 12- 12- 04, every time I hear of someone losing a child it effects me that much more. I have been given strength by our Lord through a very simple phrase..."The pain is rooted in Love".... Please pass this on. My heart is with this Family....Ted

S., I am so sorry to hear about your tragic loss. Your whole family must be devastated. Things will get better eventually, but they won't ever be the same. The first year, and all the firsts that he would have experienced, will be hard, but you will get through them. If your hurting, thats OK and normal! Don't let anyone tell you it's not. Don't be affraid to say your hurting either. Sometimes talking does help.
I haven't lost a child, but my youngest is now a quadriplegic because of an auto accident. Life as we knew it, changed forever. It's been almost 6 years, and my heart still breaks when things come up that he won't be able to experience. He's here though and that's what matters.
I too believe that everything happens for a reason. That reason may not be clear to you today, but it will be some day.
It sounds to me as though you were all very blessed to have had each other, even if it was for such a short time.
You and your family will be in my prayers, in the days and weeks ahead.
T.

My sincerest condolences, S.. I cannot imagine the pain and loss. I've had the miscarriages, but never experienced this loss.

Allow yourself to vent. Honestly. S. you have your faith and you will have that to rely on. But God gave us hearts and feelings. He knows our pain. He went through it himself. If you consider the storm after the crucifixion, could it have been God's pain and hurt at the barbaric loss of his son? And that this was all a divine plan, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
You need to release the pain somehow. Even if it manifests itself as totally against your faith and convictions, let it out. Because even if you got angry at God, remember also He's there to comfort and forgive. And mostly to understand. He didn't create us with emotions just to have them swept under the rug.
There just is no clear answer on how to deal with a loss like this. But I'll bet you've got lots of friends and family around to support you and see you through your grief.
My Best wishes for you.

S., I do not have any advice to share, i would just like to say I am sorry for your loss, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Warmly, T.

I have not been through what you are going through now, but just want to say my prayers are with you.

I have lost a child when I was 5 months along. I started early labor and had to have a c-section. She lived for 3 hours. Her name was Rose-Lynn marie.This happened 8 years ago as a good mom it is something you will never let go.I think talking about him will help you remember him and make you have some laughs. Its ok to be sad and maybe talk to someone one on one. I am sorry but it seems like you have a strong family and alot of support.

S.,
As many others have said, I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. I have never lost a child but have lost someone very close to me and the only thing that helped was time. I will be praying for you and your family.
Chris

S., you and your family are in my prayers. I don't have any advice on the sorrow you have in your life right now. BUT I do know that you don't need to feel like you have to help everyone else (except your own husband and children) get past this. And you don't need to say you are okay. No one expects you to be okay and you shouldn't expect yourself to be okay. You have every right to be a mess right now. God Bless you, your lil angle, and your family. Even at the darkest moments of our days there is the promise of a new day and a new light!

I am so sorry, I have no advice, I just wanted to send my sympathy. My heart is breaking for you, I can't even imagine what you are going through. I lost my dad when I was 7. I can only tell you it gets easier with time.