Visitation.... - Hereford,TX

Sorry E.. But if she doesn't visit her father, you are in contempt of the court. You can not deny him his visitation even if she doesn't want to go.You also can't deny his visitation even if he doesn't pay child support! If you and your ex are on good terms, you might try speaking with him about this alone or even with his wife there. You may find as suggested before that your daughter may be trying to manipulate the situation. Even at her young age, she can do this. Children learn to do this very early. It could be many different things such as jealousy,different parenting styles, or even wanting more attention. I have been in this situation twice now. My first husband and I shared a son who would tell each of us the same thing about the other parent.We only got to the true problem when we all sat down together to try to fix the problem.It was a shock to hear that he was telling me the same things about his father that he was telling him about me. My ex is now deceased. But I am now raising a granddaughter who has tried the same thing. I had to sit down and have a heart to heart with her mother to find out( with her there too. Once she (and my son) realized we as parents would be exchanging information on what she was telling each of us,we became the ones in control. My dgd stopped doing this as it wouldn't cause any problems any more.My relationship with her mother has improved also now. We check with each other when there is a complaint now. Your daughter may need more individual attention from her father too. She may not like sharing "her" time with the other children. I know this may sound like a hard thing to do .But it took 2 people to create your daughter. And it will take all of you to raise her now. It is best for her to see you and her father acting as adults and working things out. You will have to share your child until she is an adult. If she learns she can control the way you 3 act toward each other now, you will have many more problems as she gets older. Be the more mature adult and bring this out into the open with her father and his wife. You will have to try to keep your emotions out of this (which isn't easy.) The first meeting to discuss this might need to be just the adults. Make the decision on what to do and present a united front when you bring your daughter into the discussion. I know it is so... hard to do this when there is a divorce but you have to for your daughter's sake. If you need someone to talk to, email me and I'll send you my personal number. Just know that you aren't ht e first or the last parent to go through this. I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers. M.

Hi E. - I feel your pain!! Although I was on the otherside. I was the stepmom whose stepson didn't want to spend time with his mother. He enjoyed our house so much more. She accused me of "making" him say that...There's not much to do except talk to your ex-husband, just the two of you. Remind him to put his feelings aside, just as you'll do, and think only of what's in the best interest of your daughter. Maybe put visitations on hold for awhile...maybe your ex can take your daughter to the park or shopping without the new wife a couple of times and see how it goes. The hardest part is going to be convincing your ex that you really want what is best for your child and he should do the same. If it doesn't get any better, I'd say talk to your lawyer, it's not fair to your daughter. Also, just a thought, could your daughter be jealous of her "sisters" and be exaggerating (sp??)?

Good luck to you all!! :o))

Last year there was a mom who did not want to force her child to go to visitations with her dad so she told the judge very angry, "My daughter does not want to go with him, I'm not going to force her to go!" the judge said back to her, "If your child did not want to go to school, would you not force her to go to school?, if you cannot even control your daughter in a situation like that maybe you shouldn't have custody of your child!" And just like that he gave custody to the father. No, it isn't made up, it really did happen last year to another mom. Just hang in there, I know this is hard for your daughter, she's very smart to recognize when she is being mistreated. If it gets really bad I would talk to an attorney.

E.,

This happened to my brother and he went through hell to see his daughter. So far the advice to take your daughter to counseling is good. You should also seek legal council. Your lawyer can recommend some legal recourse you have as this will start having an effect on your daughter's emotional state. The best thing is to talk to your daughter and if necessary document what she is saying, but don't let her know you are doing it. You might need to make sure you are having some quality alone time with her to offset her emotional issues w/his new family. Also, talk to your husband alone. Tell him that you want him to have a relationship with her and you need his help. I know that it sounds easy, but at least try. Tell him what you're daughter is saying and maybe have him ask her himself. Tell him you need his support, because it is a tough time for everyone especially her. It is his responsibility to handle this w/his wife and that he needs to make sure she is doing her part. The counselor will certainly identify what you see and what your daughter is going through and that will help you in court. Also, the lawyer can get a mediator and bring some legal attention if your husband fails to take this seriously. If he wants to avoid addt'l legal costs then he needs to do his part. Again, easy to write. Good luck and God Bless!

As a counselor my response is to get everyone into counseling quick! Hopefully, her dad is reasonable and is more concerned with the well being of his daughter than his visitation requirements. From experience, this conflict can have long term effects so my advice is to continue doing what your guts tells you and try to get counseling asap!

Document, document, document EVERYTHING your daughter says after each visit (without her knowing, of course) - in case you do need to talk with a lawyer. Never say a bad thing about her dad, step-mom or step-sisters - this will help her to feel free to share with you, but do let her know that if they say ugly things that it is not right. Talk to her dad about the situation in a non-threatening manner. Tell him that you know he wants the best for his daughter too and that you know he is concerned too - this will bring his defenses down. Make sure your daughter feels free to talk to you...
It sounds very similar to when I was a child, but I didn't feel free to tell my mom anything - because my step-mom threatened me - make sure your daughter knows that no one is going to be mad if she tells.
With the dad - don't encourage visits - don't contact him, let him contact you. But do not appear hostile in any little way.
Blessings! Grace and Peace to you!

Unfortunately, you cannot let her choose not to go. The dad would probably feel you are making it all up and seek other visitation. You should probably open up communication about the issues with your ex and let him resolve the situation. As challenging as it may be, you both should work hard to make this situation work for the sake of your little girl. Best of luck to you!

She has to go. I am a divorce lawyer and put yourself (and therefore your daughter) at risk if you don't make her go. And then you end up in court with lawyers and such - yukky and expensive.

So I would suggest you go about it another way. Maybe you can have a good play therapist assess the depth of your daughter's concerns. If they are such that Dad needs to be brought in, then you have an advocate for the child. If anything, the therapist can tell you how to handle it and give you options better than the court system can.

I know it is awful to worry about your little darling. Address it with a therapist first if Dad is not listening. I would be glad to consult and brainstorm with you or help you locate a play therapist if needed. J. D. ###-###-####

I was in this very same situation 10 years ago and yes if you do not want to be in contempt of court orders you must make her go, otherwise you can file for temporary orders to change the current custody standing, but this is not a likely happy ending for you unless you can show that your ex and his new souse are endangering your child in some way.

Yes, you have to let her go. She needs her dad in her life. And this situation may be more complicated than you know. Children in this situation are adept at telling each parent what the child THINKS the parent wants to hear, so the "reality" at each home may be quite different. This is not malicious on the child's part but a genuine attempt to "please" each parent.

Have you tried being non-committal? That is, listening to her but not reacting in a way that encourages her to continue with her tale of woe?

I suggest that you sign up at www.lifeinablender.com or www.bonusfamilies.com -- both are good sites with message board where people from both sides of the stepfamily spectrum participate. You will get different perspectives and have contact with people who have gone through the same thing.

I'm a retired law enforcemnt who worked for three yrs. as a Bailiff in Family Law court. Unfortunatly yes you do need to make your daughter go to see her father or he can take you back to court and be charged with contempt.
What you need to do now though is document, document document evry single thing she says when she comes home. You might also try to talk to your ex and try sincerely to tell him you want to do the right thing but want the best for your daughter.

My fiance and I are going through the exact same thing right now, except we are on the other side. His 13 year old will NOT come see him. I found out through MamaSource and the District Attorney's office last week that the ex-wife is in contempt of court and we can take her back to court if we choose to pursue this matter. We do not want to force the 13 year old to visit, but he hasn't visited his father for a year now. We've been very patient and kind about this. The other 3 children, ages 10, 8, and 5 all come to see us every other weekend. We have a ball together! When they go home, they often tell their mom "bad" things about us and our home....that I'm mean, etc. Yet, they will come back again in two weeks and have a great time. It has been very frustrating. We believe, like all children, they only want to make the other parent happy each time. Children, in general, have a long history of dividing and conquering. They can smell fear and they know how to manipulate a situation in what they feel is their best interest. We have had to prove some of the stuff the 5 year old says is not true. The mom has been extremely vocal about how she feels about me, to the 13 year old. She has leaned on him during some trying times and has had absolutely nothing good to say about me or her ex. Now that she's dating, she's backing up and is trying to talk the 13 year old into coming to visit us, but she cooked her goose by all the trash talk in the beginning of this. We aren't sure what we are going to do, but we are seriously contemplating taking her back to court. My own children are grown and out of the house, so thank goodness we don't have to deal with the step-sibling issues, too! Good Luck!

Have you thought about talking to a therapist? And get your daughter to talk to one to... It might help her deal with some of this and that way you have record of what is going on. And how your daughter feels.

Been there done that. Yes, you have to let her go. You are legally bound. If you are serious enough about it, which I finally was, you will have to go to court to try to get the order changed. It will cost a fortune and most likely you won't get anywhere. -Nita

Only you know the kind of man your husband is and if he would put a four year old in harms way. My step kids go home and tell their parent untruths about my daughter and they are 3 and 4 years old. Kids will be kids. And it's not to make your ex happy but that child needs her father in her life if he's a stand up guy.

I have been the "step-mom" for 13 yrs the only difference is WE have custody and the shoe was on the other foot, the kids did not want to visit their bio-mother. In the state of Texas until the child is 18 or declared an Adult in the courts they MUST follow the visitatin listed in the divorce papers. The only way to change it is to go to court and get it changed. Be prepared if you do this to have strong concrete evidence. Also be prepared that if you take them to court they can in turn ask for things as well.

Ok, I didnt read all of the responses, but I did read Dalya's and I just want to tell you, she MADE MY DAY with her post! I am a step-mom to a beautiful 3 1/2 year old girl as well as a mom to a beautiful 4 year old girl. I am obviously on both sides of the fence on this one....I have to send my daughter to her dad's house with step-mom even when she sometimes does not want to go and we have my husbands daughter come to our house.....and sometimes she doesnt want to come. In the beginning (when me and hubbie got together) things were AWFUL! Nobody got along with ANYBODY! My hubbie and his ex hated eachother and then of course, she hated me. I hated my ex and his signifcant other and well....it was just really ugly. As time has gone by, we have all washed all of that away! It is fabulous. I can honestly say that the 6 of us are very good friends and it is wonderful. People tell us all the time that we are weird and we just ignore them, but seeing a comment like Dayla's just reminds that we are really doing the right thing. As far as your question goes, do you think your ex-husband would allow your daughter to be in a hostile situation??? Obviously when you daughter goes to her dads she has to share and be with other siblings and from what i understand at your house, she is the only one. Have you tried talking to the ex?? or to his wife?? I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works itself out.

C.

It's clear that the father's could careless about the dysfunction home environment he is placing her in during his limited parenting time. The stepmother is a 3rd party and if your daughter is telling you something is wrong listen. Suggest dad actually spend quality one and one time with his daughter instead of dumping them on stepmother and his other children. Maybe if father actually took the time to spend with his daughter once a month, daughter won't feel this way.

Updated

It's clear that the father's could careless about the dysfunction home environment he is placing her in during his limited parenting time. The stepmother is a 3rd party and if your daughter is telling you something is wrong listen. Suggest dad actually spend quality one and one time with his daughter instead of dumping them on stepmother and his other children. Maybe if father actually took the time to spend with his daughter once a month, daughter won't feel this way.

yes, you have to force her if your ex is wanting to take his visitation.

you should get your daughter into counseling immediately and have the counselor start documenting EVERYTHING. If the counselor sees things the way you do, then the counselor might be able toe reach the ex where you can't.

If the ex can't be reached, then at least you'll have extensive documentation. it sounds like this will eventually come to a head over something and you'll be glad you had the documentation.

FWIW, I'm on the other side. My 9 year old step-daughter refuses to talk or come see her dad. She lives 1200 miles away. After hearing her mom talk bad about her dad for so long (even if it wasn't directly in front of her), it's no wonder she doesn't want to see her dad...

E.,
Visitation issues are unforunate. I am so sorry to tell you that I too experienced this too. My children were 1 and 6 when I left their dad. (They are now 13 and 18). Legally, you have to send her and encourage her to go. Emotionally, try to just be there for her as a listening ear, but don't let her see that you are upset about what she says. Try to find things that she can be thankful for even in though things are tough over there. She may be just experiencing some difficulty dealing with the transitions at the different homes. Whatever you all do, try to work together for your sweet daughter. My ex and I finally started working together a few years ago and the children had benefited greatly from that. I hope that you all can work through the visitation issues quicker than we did! Hopefully, she will become more comfortable as she sees you all work together as a team.

I would go the extra mile to be nice. Drop any ego that you have. Help your daughter make something for the stepmother. Be very nice to her. The woman probably feels you are a threat or feels she has been hurt in some way. We all have the tendency to act stupid when we are fueled by irrational feelings. Be the bigger person and try to work as a team for your daughter.

I have a friend whose parents have been divorced since she was little and the parents get along GREAT. She lost her step mother last year due to cancer and was devastated. I talked to her birth mom who told me that in the beginning it was very tough to work together. But after they all learned to drop their hurt feelings, they all became very close friends. And my friend grew up to have tons of people who love her.

My best wishes to you and your family!

How about taken a hidden video of your daughter while she is saying the things, to show your ex that it is genuine? If nothing else, you could use this to build a case for future use if you have to go back to court. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully things will lighten up with time. Take Care~ K.

hi there. tough situation, believe me i know. my oldest is now almost 11 yrs. and his dad and i divorced when he was 3yrs. he is remarried as well as i am and we each have our own other kiddos. his other half is a **@@###!!! mean twit.unfortunately according to the courts unless your child is being harmed in any way or neglected...so on and so forth there really isn't anything you can do about not sending her to her dad's. you would be in contempt of court most definately. the only thing is to try and speak to your attorney to find out exactly the legal way to handle it. or you could try to talk to the judge to make him aware of the situation. here is the kicker and hard part that i had to finally accept...you can only control you and yours...you can not control what happens over there and you cannot make him be a good daddy or make the new woman the perfect step-mom...you can only let your kiddo know you love her and try to make the best of a bad situation. sucks, huh. in the mean time you make yourself a journal and write EVERYTHING down. dates that the bad things happen, the instances when her steps are mean to her and even the times when her father does not get her on his visitation times. so that way if you do go back to court one day you will have the ammunition and proof in black and white to back your case. if all else fails, just talk to her dad by himself and try to stay as calm as possible...say hey our child is not happy and does not want to come to see you because of the issues and then ask him what he is going to do to make his kid feel better. maybe that will open his eyes to what is really happening and maybe just maybe he will correct the situation for the child's sake. hope this helps, sorry you are going through this. these things are never easy. just remember you two (mom and dad)may bicker and not get along but it's your child that gets stuck in the middle and is hurt in the long run.

OMG E., I have never been married and Im going thru child support and visitations with my daughters father, he is upset cuz he doesn't want to pay child support so he is fabricating lies and putting them in my daughters head, I can't believe he is using her that way, I also have the standard basic court order as well but don't want her going to her dad's right now b/c of the things he's telling her so she's starting to act very bad. Well I pray for you girl! God Bless!

Hi E.,

I have been there. I was told by my attorney that I could not deny him visits, but since I was responsible for her mental wellbeing, just the same as her physical, spiritual wellbeing that I could have the father meet me in a public place for a couple of hours each day on the weekend until my daughter was comfortable with the situation and everyone involved.
You do have the right to see that your daughter will be safe and in a stable atmosphere with everyone involved.
Sometimes adults take for granted that children "say the darndest things" and not really pay attention to "what is behind" what they are saying. At 4 years old, I am sure your daughter is not making this up, she is expressing herself the only way she knows how. Literally - mean is mean to a 4 year old.

Good luck,
K.

Hi E., I know that this is an awful situation to be in. The courts say you have to make her go. I would talk to your lawyer & see what options you have. Also a counselor is a good idea. They will listen to her & if there is anything to worry about, they will instruct you on options. Also that will be documentation that your ex can't say you are making up. I will keep you in our prayers & wish you a lot of luck!

Yes, you have to have her go. However, you said she only goes about once a month, why? If your spouse is not following through with the regular visitation schedule you can request a motion to modify. You could even ask for the courts to consider visits to be kept to daytime hours to see if this helps improve the situaion. We have a 6 year old that does visitation the 1st & 3rd Saturdays from 9-5. It still isn't perfect but a lot of the anxiety has left her now that she knows there are no over nights. Good luck!

I feel for you. Unfortunately, I think you would be in contempt, but I'm against forcing a child to do visitation when they don't want to. The child didn't ask for the divorce. Divorce is hard for everyone, but the child should come first. I would suggest therapy or counseling for your child and then the therapist would then bring in you and her dad and possibly his wife to discuss the problems. If you take your daughter to counseling then maybe her dad will see that there is a real issue and it's not just you or the child making things up plus that would give you additional support on how to handle some situations and it would give you evidence should you have to go back to court. I've been the step-child, the step-mom and the divorced mom with kids visiting, so I've been all the way around the divorce. If you live in the Grapevine/Southlake area or it's not too far, there is a wonderful lady/psychotherapist that my kids have been to that I can give you her information (she's not on all insurance). In my opinion, you and your ex have to decide you love the child more than you hate each other and do what's best. If you can sit down with him and have a heart to heart and appeal to him on the feelings of your daughter, not you, but make it about your daughter, then I would try that also. The step mom needs to think about the child and if it were her child and how she would treat them and make her children do accordingly too. However, it sounds that possibly she is basically jealous and sees you in your daughter and takes it out on her or letting her kids take it out on her or the ex and his wife are bad mouthing you, your daughter or the situation in front of their kids. Kids pick up on most everything even when adults think they don't. One thing I have learned is not to bad mouth the ex in front of the kids if at all possible. It will catch up to the ex eventually. The child may be 18 or 20 when they realize how the parent is and they will respect you for not bad mouthing their other parent. Young kids see that they came from the parents and if you say something bad against one parent, then you are saying something bad about them. If you are saying anything bad against her dad in front of her or to her then your daughter maybe picking up on that and not wanting to go. If possible I would try a therapist. Alot of companies have benefits where you can get 3-5 sessions free. It's so very hard and it's hardest on the kids. May God watch over you and your family.

I feel for you as these situations only get worse. Step moms like this will treat her children better and will gloat on herself as being a better parent. My children were convienced their step mom was better and they threw away their chances to go to College by leaving me at age 17 to live with dad and second step mom. My daughter lasted 4 mos my son a year. But I blame her the most. I was the second wife and my step son by his first wife over years he said he wanted him to live with us but he never forced it. I think it was just show. One day we went to take him home and they were cooking pot on the stove. That was the time I wanted to go straight to the police like now you have that chance but my ex did not want to do anything. I think it was out of his sense of guilt as he was a drug user when they met. He never touched any drugs or smokes while married to me for 10 yrs.He left me for someone and she died in an auto accident and he was driving. Then his 4th wife is the one that did not want to pay support and College so she buttered up my teens to win them over and did. I never have had the relationship with my children since and it has been 13 years. My son will be 32 end of this month and I have not heard from him for two years. My daughter tells me she loves me and wants to visit here and there but will not hardly talk to me on the phone. It is always I got to go love you. I do not know either of them. She is doing great as far as I know but I have never seen where she lives or what she is about. She married and is getting a divorce. She goes into one relationship after another. All I can say is be nice to her and others will finally see it is her not you. My ex told my mom and my kids he hates this 4th wife. They fight all the time. Both drink every day. Then he was diagnosed with cancer and it is she who is not taking care of him. He is dying. He is only 61.What goes around comes around. Have her make pictures to take to step mom about loving her. When we pretend we have a good time we then will. Put possitive voices in her to help her endure and by the time she is 12 she can chose and maybe sooner. Not sure of the laws, it used to be about 12. Good luck in your long journey. G. W

WOW - alot of opinions and experiences ...I'll just say that I am the evil step mom in my situation and it is VERY difficult...my "step" daughter was 4 when her dad & I married - now she's 13...the problem of the children having dual houses also creats dual personalities...be prepared for many tough times...if you need to talk about details or just need to vent...I would be more than happy!!!

Let me also tell you I come from a "broken" marriage - and my parents have always gotten along and done what was in my best interest. We spend holidays as one big family - it's actually sort of STRANGE!!! It's for sure not the norm!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

E.,

I know that this is very hard to see your little girl upset but I think that it is very important that you keep her father in her life. My sister-in-law had a similar situation with her ex and daughter and so when her daughter would be upset when he came to get her she would not make her go. Her daughter is now 13 and hasn't seen her father since she was 3. She has very hard feelings towards men in general and gets really upset anytime her mom even talks to a man. I know that this has to be difficult but now she is left with a feeling of abandenment from her father and as much as dealing with your ex may be a pain to you for her sake I believe that keeping their relationship in tact is best for her. When she gets older she will know that you did everything you could to keep them in contact and she won't blame you for her father not being in her life. I think sometimes when they are apart children make up a non-realistic view of their father in their minds that they began to idolize and long for. A friend of mine spoke with my niece's father a couple of years ago and ask him how he could live with not seeing her and he told her that she's a stranger to him and that my sister in law had pushed him away so much that it just got too painful for him to try and now he probably never will. I love my sister in law and I think my ex brother in law did her wrong but in the end I think the distance between my niece and her father was put there by my sister in law and I don't think it's something that my niece will ever fully recover from. I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear but I think it's important for a child to know both their parents even if they are not together.

My brother is going through this, in reverse! Call your lawyer and get a parenting consult, they will set up a meeting with your child and the two households and make an accessment of the situation, hopefully this will help.

E. let me try to give you a differant perspective. i am not saying that they are actually mean to her b/c i am not there and they very well could be. my husband and i have a 7 month old daughter and he has an 11 year old from a previous marriage. we have a differant paranting style than the ex-wife (she plays the best friend role and we take a paranting approach) everytime she gets in trouble while at our house the next weeked she does not want to come over, he mom does not make her. this is how i feal about our situation as a step mom. if she doesnt come over that is fine with me, it makes my life easier. however i feal like she is allowing my step daughter to pull away from her father. as an adult you have to make decisions for your children that they might not like but it is best for them. i dont want my step daughter to feal like an outsider in our family b/c it could cause problems when she gets older. so i prefer he coming over and participating in the family activities. so let me say that i wish the ex would help foster a relationship my hubby wants with his daughter. but let me also say you should talk to your daughter and find out what "mean" is and talk to your ex. if you feal she is being harmend physically or emotionally by all means step in and keep her home. i hope this helps sometimes it helps to see someone on the otherside of the situation.

i was in the same situation but i was the step mom and my step daughter didnt want to come to our house cuz she said i was mean to her! then when she would get there she wouldnt want to go home she would cry not to go home! we always try to have fun i think she feels the hostility and wants to make you happy maybe because when my step daughter got older she tolds us her mom would talk about us when she thought we werent listening and vice versa a our house we are now friends all of us and hae a good relationship with all please dont aleays listen to whats said she may be doing it for you!

E. O,
I too am a divorced mother of a 9 year old, who has gone through this situation. My ex-husband left when my daughter was 1 yr. old. She didn't have overnight stays until she was 3 yrs. old. Recently over the last year or so, she too had problems with not wanting to go because of the discord in their home. Because I have a verbal relationship with my ex-husband, I explained to him her feelings. He would say "why doesn't she tell me?" I explained she is concerned she will hurt his feelings, and she doesn't want to do that, so she just doesn't say anything at all. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your ex-husband, and if you are able to sit him down in person and explain to him your daughters feelings. In my situation the step-daughter is only 6 months older, and was mean to my daughter as well. She didn't have a bedroom for sometime, and slept on the couch. The step-mom is non-existent in my daughter's life when she is over visiting, and mostly gone. My daughter doesn't feel close to her at all, and knows she resents her beign there on her weekends. My husband has even resorted to taking her bed down now due to their own problems.
In the end, I'm not going to subject my daughter to the dysfunctional, destructive behavior if she doesn't want to go. Maybe you all can have a mediator come in and speak to your daughter and then let your husband and step-mother see a tape of what your daughter feels and this will validate that you are not the one making this up. Sometimes it is better when it is seen so to prove "we are not the problem". Best wishes.

I have three children, and they must travel four hours to see their dad. We have been doing the visitation thing for 11 years. My oldest and only daughter did not like going to her dads because of 1) being the only girl amongst three boys 2) traveling so far 3) school activities. She stopped going down there totally about four years ago. My attorney said that I had to force her to go unless the father said she could stay. I had a friend who actually got in trouble (by the court) for allowing her son to remain home from visitations even though the other parent physically abused the child. The courts frown upon any distruption in visitation schedules regardless of the situation. My attorney said that normally when they are driving age, the courts tend to be more generous since kids would be able to "run away". My daughter got to the point she would just tell him she wasn't going. We finally had an agreement through the court that since she was 17, she no longer would be "required" to go. The boys have missed numerous athletic events because their father insisted that they go. Bottom line, I had to send kids who would rather have stayed here to their father's regardless of any situation. I would suggest a counselor, and they might be able to do a family counseling. It might help if there were a third party involved. My ex refused to do this option, so I didn't have that option.

I would suggest maybe taking her to see someone...such as a play therapist so that she can talk with someone about how she feels other then you and that way you can also divert any bad influences it may be having on her. After you have started that I would try and get a change in custody, you have to go back to court for that but if you file it now saying how she is afraid, they will have her evaluated by an outside source and through that time they may allow you to keep her from going over there at all. My ex tried to file for change of custody on my daughter last summer and stated all kinds of things that were not true because his girlfriend wanted my daughter around and they got to keep her in California until the trial, when he dropped everything.