Very Confused

I'm confused. He was a drinker and you liked to party. Please be more specific. If you are only going back to him for stability and not LOVE, it wont work the second time around either.

I agree, in your post you seem to contradict yourself - you left your husband because you did not like him drinking, but you also wanted to party and not just stay home all the time. Well, guess what - you are a mom now. That does not mean you can't have fun, but it does mean you need to make your sons your first priority. You need to grow up.

You need to give up the partying and the dating and decide to create a stable life for yourself and your boys on your own before you start expecting any man to provide stability for you.

Are any of these guys - your ex, your new boyfriend, any others in your life - going to be the type of role model your sons should have? Is your ex husband - the boys' father - still drinking? Do you feel you are being a good role model to them yourself?

I am confused because you said that your husband likes to drink and that is why you left him, but then right after you said that you also left because you were not into the same things you like to "party" (which to me involves drinking), and he did not want to do that. So I don't really know how to respond. Maybe you just needed some time to get that out of your system and grow up.

Maybe you are just now starting to transition out of the partying scene and believe you either party without your ex or you have to go back to him in order to not party. It isn't that black and white and you have many more options than the couple you have chained yourself to. It sounds like it didn't work out for you both for legitimate reasons and probably won't work out this time around either.

To be quite honest, you sound very confused about what you want, which is why I think you are transitioning to a different place in your own life. Try really hard not to confuse the change you are feeling with going back to someone you know is bad for you.

And seriously, maybe this is life's way of telling you that this empty space you are feeling is because you are missing your babies. Maybe you know that you shouldn't be leaving them with others too often because they need their mama. And maybe you are confusing dating or marriage with love. Your kids are your love...men might come and go. When you find the right man you will know. Until then the only certainty is your kids are your love and you should probably start to throw yourself into fully experiencing what that love means to you. I guarantee you'll be glad you did. You can still have fun, but lighten up on the partying and you'll see that your children are waaaaaayyyyyy more fun, especially at this age.

If you don't, you might have to begin saving now for the therapy and lawyer bills because your children will have issues about having a mother who neglected them, who valued loving others more then them, and this WILL manifest in ways that are harmful to them.

I say this with love so hope you at least consider my words, even if for only 3 minutes:)

I'm sure you are lonely and longing for a traditional family. Obviously your ex is not the answer, rushing into marriage is not the answer cuz it could lead to another divorce. You have to let things develop slowly I hope you get all that you wish for, when the time is right! Happy Holidays!

Your post is very confusing. It sounds like you want to go back to your ex-husband. The answer to that is NO. Even if he has stopped drinking, you're still at different points in your life and it's time to move on.

Going out and "partying" is something you do before you have children. Where are your children when you're out having a good time? Your first responsibility is to them.

It sounds like you now realize the grass isn't greener on the other side. Only you can decide what will make you happy, and you need to work to meet those goals. Is this new BF, ready to settle down and raise a family? Is he committed to you and your children? If yes, work on developing that relationship, if not dump him. You do not need a man in your life to be happy.

What does, "I like to party" mean? Drink? But your ex didn't and he's an alcoholic? I guess I am confused.

Also, how was it stable if he were an alcoholic? Was he a functioning alcoholic? If you divorced him for alcoholism, is he sober, and if so, for how long? If he has been sober for over a year, and since you have 2 kids, I would consider getting back together with him.

You're probably feeling lonely and disconnected because of the holidays. Unless your ex has stopped drinking you're going to be right back where you started. You're experiencing the "myth of nostalgia" where things seemed so much better when...

The Israelites experienced this when God released them from Egyptian slavery after 400 years. Later as they wandered in the wilderness eating only manna and quail they whined and complained about how much better things were back in Egypt when they had a variety of food to eat.

Whatever you decide, don't do it hastily. Good luck to you!

Jareda, life gets hard when we have to grow up and be responsible doesn't it. I married young and had 5 children b the time I was 37. Life was a zoo but it worked. Youare seeing tat beinga teen is over and out of the high school stage but the days of being taken care of are behind you its now time to step up and be the responsible parent to the children you have. Since you are rather confusing as to weather you think your x would een want you back and how you think that will be any different I can't say anything. When we are youn and full of life we think reality will be how we dream it but when reality hits the door POW its not even close to how we thought it migh be.
I hope that you wait to be in a relationship ntil you have discovered yourself and are really sure what you want out of a relationship. It takes years of hard work and compromise and the days of a stay at home mom and dad does it all are far behind us. I have many friends with a 10 year age span in thier marriages but they have had to really learn compromise and balance and both had to desire the same things to reach the goal of appiness and not selfishness.
I wish you well and more so to your children.

It is very easy to fall back into something you are familiar with (your old life)...but not fair for either one of you. Move on and accept that sometimes you have ot make hard decision and stick with them.

I have always wondered what it would be like to have children young...I can see in your post that it can be very frustrating. I had my first child when I was 36 so I had years to get my partying desires out of my system. Most of my friends from high school are now grandparents. Right now your job is to be a mom and I think you need to get your head around the fact that your party days are over until your kids are older. I think what your missing from your Ex is that fact that you had a partner to help raise your kids. The upside of being a young mom is that you will be 38 when your youngest is 18. You'll be in the prime of your life and the parenting will be done! Good-luck!