I have a 2 1/2yr old active daughter, and I need you advice. I have to attend a viewing at a funeral home and hour away. I am not sure if I should bring my daughter or not. I have not seen this side of my extended family (we call them aunts/uncles/cousins but they are not blood) in a few years. We do communicate via email once in a while, but no one has ever seen my daughter in person. I want them to meet my daughter but I do want to be disrespectful. The person who passed away has grandkids - but they are probably 7yrs and older. I would really like you advice, I am so torn. I was thinking about having my husband and daughter come and once everyone met her he could take her to the car to watch the DVD player. By the time I could get to funeral home it would be 6:30/7pm and it ends at 8pm so timing will not be an issue. I know my mamasource mom's will give me the best advice
Wow I was not expecting people to be so harsh/rude - I don't think you understood what I was asking. I was not planning to take her to the actual funeral, but the viewing which I only was able to spend about 30min due to the timing of it. I would not bring her to show her off, and I take much offensive to that. Since I said above that I did not want to be disrespectful. She actually is starting to come down with a little cold so I am for sure not going to take her with a cold. I normally don't post questions on this and I think some of you really should think about what you say. This was not for you to bash me, but I was just curious what proper etiquette was for a viewing (not the actual funeral). I know what the etiquette is for a funeral as my grandfather passed away about 6mths ago and I reviewed it then. I don't think that young of children should be at the funeral but I was not sure at the viewing. Please no more responses, as my question was answered. Thank you to those who gave advice instead of bashing.
Ok so I have recieved many responses- the funeral/viewing that I was going to was yeserday. I did not take my daughter because she started to get a cold and she normally gets cranky in the evenings when she is not feeling well. I went to the viewing and of course everyone wanted to see her, since they all live states/or 4+ hours away. They understood that she was not feeling well and I expressed under the circumstances I felt it was not a good idea. Their were many other kids at the funeral home (about 6) so she would have been fine. Thank you to all who sent such nice messages and to those (and you know who you are) please read before you type and your way is not always the right way or the only way to go about things. Also make sure you fully read what people are asking for, you can be very hurtful and not want people to use this site.
I wouldn't take her. There could be other times where they could meet your daughter, and I'm sure they would understand if they asked you "where is your daughter" you would say that you felt it wasn't the time or place to bring her. I'm sorry about the loss by the way.
I wouldn't bring her to the funeral. There is usually a gathering afterwards, it would be fine to take her to that. If you do not have someone to watch her, just have your husband stay back for the funeral as well. I have been to funerals recently where children did attend and they were loud or crying at inapropriate times. Of course it is not their fault they are little and have no idea what is going on. I would say unless it is close family or someone else that was very close in your childs life it is probably best they do no go.
I wouldn't bring her. We just went through this a couple of months ago. My daughter turned 3 in August and we had a funeral in July. We don't see the family very often and there were some there that had never seen the kids, but we felt that she was just too young. She doesn't understand and wouldn't undertand being there. We left them with the other grandma and grandpa for the day (ours was also a 2 hour drive away).
Plus, I didn't want to take away from the family. I'm all for killing 2 birds with one stone, but this time wasn't about me or my family and I didn't want to take away from the family who needed their friends and family to focus on them.
J.
Hi K.! I know that you asked for there to be no more replies on here, but I couldn't help myself. I definitely think people were being very harsh as to their "advice"/judgement. I think it is totally appropriate for you to bring your daughter. She is probably not ready to go look at the casket, but there will be plenty of people there to distract her from that. Children can be a moment of happiness in a time of sadness. When my husband and I went to his grandmother's funeral a little over a year ago, our niece and nephew were both there along with quite a few other children (this was for the viewing). Our nephew was 6 and our niece was almost 2. A lot of funeral homes have rooms off to the side where children can watch movies or color or play with toys. You could possibly call ahead to see if the funeral home you are going to has a room like that. If not, it is ok to have her in the viewing. Just have your husband hold on to her while you go up and pay your respects to your loved one. I guarantee that people will not be offended that you take her. Many times funerals (especially for older people who have lived a long and wonderful life) can be celebrations of that persons life rather than complete sadness. Yes, people are sad that that person is no longer with them, but they are also happy for that person who was able to live a long and fulfilling life. Ask yourself this...Would that person have wanted your little one there? If the answer is yes (which it probably is yes), I see no problem! If she starts to act up, you have your husband there who can take her out to the car or take her for a walk. Please don't let some of the mother's negative responses bring you down. Cassandra (my niece) is 3 1/2 now, and was not scared for life by attending a viewing. Your little one will be fine and whatever decision you make (whether to bring her or not) will be the right one for you and your family. Much luck to you!
I don't think a funeral or a viewing is any place for a 2 year old. I would just take some pictures along to show to people who haven't met her, and pay your respects. I don't think anyone would think it unusual that you didn't bring her to the funeral.
Ok I know you said no more replies but come on - one more k? :)
As a three year bereavement facilitator voluntarily at church I can't even imagine you wouldnt take her! Its up to you if she is quiet during the viewing or service then she stays if not backup plan and a car video is perfect. She can rejoin at the reception and yes see all the family. Children bring joy - funerals can be sad. Its important at two to begin to understand life and death. Seeing a dead body is not scary its not unhealthy its a part of life and a personal decision (yours not anyone elses). At that age she wouldnt get it anyway more than likely.
I just took my 13 month old to a service 5 hours away - we had a great time - it was good to see the family, they doted on him, he brought them joy during a sad time and during the service I was in the hallway most of the time while my husband (it was his uncle that passed) was in the service area. :)
HI K., I know it is done with but my girls are 9 and 5 and they have been at funerals (Family, Friends ect) since they were born. I see no problem with you taking your daughter (if you did). I think it is horrible for others to say such harsh things to you. I hope you don't feel hurt still.
J.
HI K.
My daughter has been to a lot of funerals, and has brought a moment of joy on such a sad day. If your calling them aunts/uncles then your family. I think it's fine to bring her, she's family too. You not doing so to be a show off. I'd suggest bringing some coloring (maybe a snack too) something for all the kids. Thats one thing thats often forgotten about. Then if you need her distracted you have the dvd as back up.
A. H
No, you should not take her. This is not the venue for people to meeting your daughter. If it's important for you to have these people meet your daughter, then plan a visit a month or so after the funeral. This isn't about your daughter, it's about mourning a loved one. I'm not trying to be harsh here, but it seems your going more to show off your daughter than anything else. How is your daughter going to handle herself in a place where people are normally soft spoken and sad? How is she going to handle seeing a casket and body?
Good luck with your choice, I hope you make the right one for the family who's in mourning.
JMHOP,
J. in Macomb
I think it is fine to take her and your husband. I would be more concerned with how she will react/handle the viewing than how others will react.
I sure would take her - go as a family! Don't let her run wildly through the room unless it turns out there are other kids in their family doing that. I don't see any need to take her to the car unless there's a problem - she's screaming or something. Daddy can hold her or you could take a little, folding stroller if you think she'll get out of hand. Funeral homes always have lounge areas, sometimes with beverages, where your hubby could take her if she needs a break from the crowd, or vice versa. He can just walk around with her and look at the pretty flowers etc. to keep her a bit occupied. You won't be there that long. Children should always be welcome at these family events. I can't imagine anyone be offended as long as you're supervising her. Also, she'll be a breath of fresh air to the mourning family!
Ask the people you email. They might be having the same questions, or they might be able to answer. If they've got kids the same age and something is offered to entertain the kids while the adults are at the funeral, go for it. It keeps you connected with family, and your daughter too. She'll learn to make and maybe keep connections.
