Kids Attend Wake and Funeral?

I would definately ask the 11 year old.

My nephew was 9 when his maternal grandmother died. the funeral was in another state.. he stayed home with his other grandparents when his mom and dad went to the funeral. he never saw mom cry about loosing her mother (his grandma) the parents drove off to the funeral.. and by the time they came home 5 or so days later they had worked through the sadness.
This deeply bothered the boy. for many years. Mom feels bad that he didnt attend his grandmas funeral. but she thought she was doing the right thing.

If you are taking them up north .. I would take them to the viewing for a short while.. it is less scary than the funeral. let them see their aunt one last tiem.. (onlyl if they want to come near the casket ) if nto they can just be in teh back of the room ..

I am a firm believer in teaching our chldren to respect & honor the passing of our loved ones. This is a part of life & should be taught as an important Life Skill to our children. I am very proud that my sons offered & performed their duties as pallbearers at their Grandmother's funeral. Danged proud! & at my Dad's funeral, they were the epitome of gentlemen....all very good things.

I wish you peace & would like to offer you sincere condolences on your loss.

My father told me once that funerals are for the living, so we have a way to say good bye and honor our loved ones.

If your children knew that their Aunt was ill the closure may be good for them.

I don't think we should shelter our children from all things. It gives them a skewed sense of the world and makes those eventual realities much harsher.

My son attended close family funerals at 3 and again at age 8. Both were family members that he loved very much and at 8 years old, he did gain a semblance of closure by being able to say goodbye.

I am sorry for your loss.
Hugs to you and your family.

Do you want them there? Will it help you or be too distracting for you? Honestly, having kids there can actually be a help to some people as it gives them a chance to focus on something good for a little while. The 11 year old is definitely old enough to handle it. If you take them make sure they have something to do as it can get long and hard for them. If there is another adult that can help spend time with them it would be easier for you.

My condolences to you and your family.

Yes, take the kids. They will be fine. They may also be a shining breath of fresh air for some of the other attendees.

We have never refrained from taking our kids to such things. It is part of life.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My take on your question - I would let them attend the funeral but if the wake involves an open casket I think you need to think about how your kids will process that. I didn't do well with that as a child and frankly don't now as an adult. I want to remember the person as they were in life not laying in a casket. If you don't take them to the wake I don't think you are denying them an opportunity to say goodbye.

i'm so sorry for your loss.
i don't think kids should be sheltered from the reality of death. how close were they to your sister? are they grieving? if so, they should definitely go to at least one of the gatherings.
if you feel they might be disruptive or insensitive to the mourners, then maybe not. but they're certainly old enough.
can you take them all, and have a back-up plan for the youngest if he gets wiggly? really at their ages they should be able to maintain courtesy and good behavior for the duration, unless the services are very long. but sometimes wiggles are hard to control. what does he want to do?
khairete
S.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I say take your kids.
My mom took us to every single wake, funeral growing up & it helped me deal with the real aspect of life.
It was healthy & it allowed me closure in the ability to say goodbye to
relatives.
It's helped me today in dealing with death.
I do not shy away from being there for people when their friends &
relatives die.
I feel it has made more compassionate.
I see in others that have been more sheltered a bit less compassion only
because they are so removed from the pain & suffering of others.

You can take the kids with you then have your husband take them outside or to the hotel in the event they become too rambunctious or
restless.

Sorry for your loss.

I would bring them. In my family a funeral is one of the few times we all get together to see one another and a good opportunity for the kids to meet extended family. I've taken my kids to church since they were very young, so they know how to behave during a service. Maybe take your kids to an Ash Wednesday service this week at a local church so they have an idea of how to behave, and you will see if they are capable.

I am so sorry about your sister. My brother passed almost 18 years ago in a car accident.

Death is a part of life. The first funeral I attended was my uncle who died suddenly from a cerbal hemorage when I was in 1st grade. It wasn't unpleasent in any way, just sad. My children went to my brother's funeral and my youngest was 3. There was an open casket in both cases.

I think instead of sheilding anyone from death children need to be exposed to funerals. Fear of the unknown is horrible. When they go they will see how respectful and loving a funeral is. They will also get the chance to say good-bye.

As far as your youngest, I am sure he will be fine.

Death is a natural part of life. I think it's important to discuss this with kids (age appropriately, of course) their entire lives. That doesn't mean telling them everything or forcing them to have emotions that they don't. But I do not agree with sheltering them. I think that does more harm than good.

I think I'd be apt to include the 11 year old in everything. By 11, this is something that can be discussed. I would think your child would be up for that.

At 6 or 7, I agree it would depend on how well they knew your sister. A wake or visitation is a much more relaxed atmosphere with lots of family and friends. Your 6 year old might get a little more or a little rambunctious, but it's easier to deal with in this environment. The funeral, on the other hand, could be a service that requires a lot of sitting still. Then again, it's usually followed by good food! Also, you could bring coloring books for them to use during the more boring parts of the service.

There really is no right answer, just the answer that's right for you. But I do think it's never too soon to talk to them about death.

First, I am so sorry for your loss. Second, I think that they should go of course. My kids (ages 7-14 now) have been to three wakes/funerals in just over the past year alone. My brother in October 2011, my aunt in December 2012 and my grandmother in January of this year. They have actually been to many, many more prior to these last three. My kids are normally a bit rambunctious during Mass every week but have understood the gravity of wakes and funerals and have acted accordingly. Be prepared to have your husband usher out or entertain the younger kids if they get restless.

I can't imagine not giving children the chance to say good-bye to an aunt, even one who they didn't see often. If your parents are alive, the presence of your children will do much to raise their spirits. I know that my parents took great comfort in spending time with the grandchildren and seeing them there paying their respects as they buried their son, sister and mother this year.

I think that introducing children to the idea of death and letting them see how we gather to support each other and celebrate the lives of our loved ones is a very healthy thing to do.

Again, so sorry for your loss.

I took my kids to my ex-brother-in-laws wake when they were 5 and 8. they had met him a few times, and he was the father of their favorite cousins. I knew it would be a decent learning experience since they didn't have a close attachment. They were able to experience the atmostphere and the people, even to see my BIL's body in the casket, etc. I prepared them for it as we drove the 20 minutes to get there. I told them what to expect of the room, the casket, the people. I told them how to behave, what to say, what not to say and I made sure they knew I expected appropriate behavior, and that they were not required to stay in the room, or even get close to the casket if they didn't want to. I also brought their handheld video games so they could sit in the lobby if needed.

It was a "good" experience for them and they were able to learn in a situation where the person wasn't that close to them so they didn't feel a personal loss. We are also active in our Christian faith so I was able to explain and answer questions about what happens after we die. That's a tough concept for a 5 yr old.

My then 5 yr old son was normally very hyper - but he behaved wonderfully. He could perceive that my expectations for him were appropriate and he acted accordingly. I told him I was very proud of him.

Both kids wanted to go up to the casket, they looked at my BIL's body, they asked soem questions, they told their cousins that they were sad for them and wished they could help them not feel sad. It was very sweet.

The reason I used this as a teachable moment is because they were both very close to their two grandmothers and one living grandfather - but none of them were healthy and I expected the kids would have to attend wakes & funerals of people they loved dearly - and a few years later they did. My FIL passed away about 5 yrs later when my kids were in 5th & 8th grades and they knew just what to expect and how to behave. They had greater confidence in themselves.

My suggestion would be to bring them along. Most of your old friends and relatives will be there and kids bring a fresh breath of air into a sad situation and help people to realize that life goes on, even in loss. That generations come after us, that there's continuity. Keep in mind most funeral homes have rooms for kids that include tables and toys, a TV and DVD player, etc. Call ahead & ask. If not bring a portable DVD player along and coloring books or other "contained" activities they can stay busy with. Bring your kids at least to the wakes - but depending on how long & solemn the funeral will be - maybe get a baby sitter.

I'm so sorry for your loss - I can't imagine losing one of my sisters at this time in my life. My 82 yr old aunt just lost her older sister and is mourning that loss even at her advanced age. No matter what your beliefs, even if you know you'll see her again some day, it's still a loss in this life.

Sorry for your loss. Bring the kids and any handheld devices you have. I think it will be easier for them to process and learn how this "works" with someone they were not close to. My son is hyperactive and handheld devices (3DS/Nook) help greatly. It also helps that our family funeral parlor (odd statement) has a basement for the kids to be if they do not wish to be upstairs, maybe where you are going this will be available too.

I am very very sorry for the loss of your sister.

Before you make your decision, I would call the facility where the funeral is being held. Do they have a separate kids room? How long is the ceremony? Explain that you have small children and see what they suggest. I would also talk to family and ask if other kids are attending, is it an open casket, etc.

Once you have gathered all your information, I would then talk to my children about funerals and what to expect. Make sure they understand fully and ask them what they would like to do. It will help if you have a couple options- "if you decide you don't want to go, Amy is getting a sitter for Ethan and Emily and you can go with them".

My father passed away when I was 7. Based on my pediatrician's recommendation (it was the 1970's), I didn't attend the funeral and instead spent the day with my sister's in-laws, whom I barely knew. It was a horrible day. I swore as a parent, I would consider my children's opinions in my decision making whenever possible. I also believe when kids make the decision, they tend to behave better.

Again, my deepest condolences on the loss of your sister.

Funerals are there to help those who are grieving. If your kids knew your sister and want to say goodbye then, yes they should go. If not, then they will just be bored and prone to being an interruption. Ultimately, I think they should have the final say. Some kids can handle it, others can't.

I am so sryy for your loss and I know you must be going through a terrible emotional time.

I personally see this as a part of the life cycle and I have not sheltered my now 18 yr old daughter from death, funerals, etc.

Fortunately, she has not been to many services as we have not experienced much death in our family.

My main concern is that fear of the unknown and I would much rather her be prepared and know what is going on vs learning all about it first hand when it is one of her parents or someone she was much closer to while they were living.

Knowledge is power.

So sorry for your lost. Yes, take the kids, they are old enough to understand everything and Im sure family members will be happy to see them.