Ok - so we live on the other side of the country from our family - but we're going back in a week to stay at the lake (which is one hour from where all the family lives - mine and my husbands) so we decided to have a BBQ the Saturday we are in town so everyone can get together and see each other. The issue - I've invited all our family and only my sister has RSVP'd. That still lives both my husband's sisters and their families PLUS my other 2 sisters and my brother that have yet to respond. It's totally bugging me!!! We are going to provide the main dish (hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken) as well as beverages and are asking everyone to bring a dish to share. It's informal and this is common practice among our families.
So - back to the point at hand - no one is bothering to respond. Would this upset you? Granted - this isn't until next Saturday (the 30th of June) but I still need to get an idea of how many people will be there so I know how much money it's going to cost for food. We fly out a week from tomorrow - and won't be in "town" where everyone lives to discuss prior.
The question- am I making a big deal out of nothing? I sent an invite a couple weeks ago - everyone except my sister ignored it - then i sent around an email and no one has yet to respond. Do I assume they are all coming and buy food accordingly? Or do go strictly on RSVP and know that if they didn't RSVP but still show up there won't be enough food?
I'll admit I"m a bit of a planner but I don't think this request is out of line - we're talking less than 2 weeks away!
What would you do?
Thanks all. I spoke with my Mom and apparently everyone on my side is planning on coming - my other sister is the "wild card" and it looks like she will show up solo since no one likes her bf - lol - and I don't speak too often with my SIL but according to my MIL they plan to come as well. So I'm going to plan for a full house and buy food accordingly. I guess I just get upset because I like to plan things and have an idea of what will be needed PRIOR to the event - and buying meat for 30 people isn't going to be cheap - so I wanted to get an idea of cost so I know we'll have enough money on hand. Ahh well - the joys of family and travel - they don't understand that we're already spending over $1500 to just get to NY - so the idea of budgeting for food and planning for an event is silly to them. I guess I'm just a planner at heart lol
They're family... call them. Some people probably assume you'd know they're coming and others are probably too busy to focus on next weekend right now. But since you know them well you can call and tell each person you need to know if they're attending.
I do not blame you and you are not over reacting.
They should have responded.. My gosh, there is he US mail, the telephone, texting, and email.. Even on the potty they could text.
I call it breast feeding, people want us to put it in their mouth..
Just call each family and actually ask them. Good grief, how can they be so self involved?
Lack of RSVPing annoys me and I find rude. As it is your siblings I think you should feel comfortable calling and saying, "Did you get my invitation? We are looking forward to seeing people but appears maybe it's a bad weekend as we've only had one response........"
I hope you have a great turnout!!!!
No you are not over reacting, but have you called them?
Sometimes folks just need a push... so you call your family, have your husband call his and see what they say...
Myabe they are working on rearranging thier schedules so they can come, but do not have it sorted out yet... you never know until you ask!
Good luck!
Call each of them and let them know that you need their RSVP before whatever date.
Some people think RSVP means "Respond as soon as you feel prompted." Ugh.
It's family, they probably dont feel like the formal invite is necessary and are probably all READY to show up. I think a few follow up phone calls would do the trick.
Sigh. No I don't really think you're over reacting, but I'm afraid this is totally normal on the guests part. No one RSVPs anymore. I don't get it, it is so rude. I do a lot of party planning for friends and relatives and have the same issue. I think a lot of people who don't host things don't realize how important is to reply so they just assume we know they're coming or they "forget" to let us know.
You are going to just have to call them or email them directly and say I haven't heard from you are you coming? If they say yes, remind them again that they need to bring a dish to share. Good luck!
This is a tough one, but I've found over years that RSVP (and even Regrets Only) are getting lost in folks' minds as we get busier and busier. While a pain especially in the case of a kid's bday party where the invitees are child's friends, I've resorted to calling. Typically, they hadn't gotten around to calling (even the day before!) and fed me a load of excuses. Amazing, but true. The problem with not calling is planning for food.
Just call and say "hey, I need to know if you and the family are coming. I want to be sure there is enough meat and beverages for everyone". Yes or no??? Its an easy question and answer.
I HATE when people do not RSVP! It's rude!
I can understand. I feel bad too when people don't respond in time. Most of the time it's because they are not sure or most probably can't make it. For some people it's a last minute decision if they have other things to consider, so they might respond few days before the event. It's your family after all, why don't you call and check if they can make it.
What would I do? I'd call them.
They didn't RSVP. I know if you are up on ettiqutte that will really bother you. But to the majority of family, it doesn't mean much and with family, its probably, "Why bother. She knows we're coming."
When you call ask them if they are coming and how many are comming. DON'T ask them if they know what RSVP means. Unless you want them to feel chastised and then you may just be there without anyone. And it may bother you for them not to answer, but not near as much as it will bother you to fly all that way and no one show up.
100 years ago only the lowest of low class people wouldn't respond to an RSVP. 100 years ago no woman would even think about living with a man she wasn't married to unless she was paid. But manners aren't taught to kids any more because too many people want to be politically correct. Today, very few women have enough pride and respect for themselves to demand a wedding before sex.
Times have changed for the worse. Good luck to you and yours.
I JUST went through this exact thing. Was planning a shower/housewarming for my sister from afar and did an evite to make it simple for everyone - or so I thought. Anyway, my advice is to just get on the phone and call people. It was the only way to actually get a semi-solid count -- but even then there were some discrepancies ;) Good luck - I feel your pain!!
Tell them if they don't RSVP then it's BYOF, bring your own food, as you are planning on so many and you won't have the main dishes planned for those who didn't let you know. But do it in a kind way to let them know you are hoping they'll come and let you know they are.
I'd give it until the day before you fly out & go with that count--and add some extra.
I would just give them a call. If they don't answer, then leave a message and say that you NEED them to either e mail, call or text you and let you know if you will make it by the end of the day. It bugs me like crazy when people don't rsvp.
Tell them that if they decide to come without RSVP'ing they should bring something. Then just plan for the people who let you know they were coming. I'd also ask a local family member to help with planning this gathering.
