? About Rsvp for Birthday Party

I was raised where RSVP and thank you notes were a part of life. Unfortunately many people in today's society do not feel the same. My 15 yr old daughter is being taught the way I was raised.

That said, we've had many parties, some costly. I usually get an email addy for parents and phone number. About 3 days beforethe party I start calling and emailing. Some are truly embarrassed but when I'm paying $20+ per kid, I want to know how many to expect. Even with doing that, some who told me yes do not show and some who said nothing do show.

It is a pet peeve of mine.

oh yes -- they will show up. people have no idea what basic good manners are these days. We have had enough parties that we have identified the parents that year after year don't rsvp but do drop off their kid (typically late or early, etc.)

That's frustrating! I had that happen with my daughter's birthday party last year. Only the people that RSVP'd came. You may have one or two extra people, but I wouldn't plan for a ton of extra food, because you will have so much food left over that it might go to waste. I overestimated on food for the last two parties I threw. People don't really eat as much as you think they will. Since tomorrow is Valentine's Day, it's probably even less likely that you'll have extra people. You can always have an extra bag of chips or something on hand in case you have extra people show up, but I wouldn't worry about it. One thing I have found is that people are more likely to reply to an e-mail address than they are to call, also.

OH MY GOSH! I don't mean to sound so upset, but this post...I can't believe "some" of the responses here.

Okay...so someone is thoughtful enough to remember to include you in their party or get-together, and YOU have the gall to feel inconvenienced because you have to RSVP???

OR you feel 'uncomfortable' because the nerve of this nice mom/host to not put into consideration YOUR precious time and be extra prepared for IF and when you do forget to reply?

What is wrong with this picture??

How about having some common courtesy and MANNERS by not inconveniencing the host and letting them know you're coming so they don't over or under prepare?

Frankly, if you didn't RSVP, you should not show up....that's just rude.

I'm sorry I don't have a direct response to your question, but I have to take advantage of this opportunity to get something off my chest:

FORGET RSVPs????? I can't believe someone posted that response below. UGH!!!! People, get over yourselves!!!!! If someone thinks enough of you to invite you or your child to a party, then THE LEAST you could do is have the courtesy to let the person know whether or not you are coming. NO ONE can be so busy (nor should be soooo self-absorbed) that a 30 second email saying yay or nay is impossible. Come on!!! Bring back good manners and what unfortunately has become "UN"common courtesy!!!

I hope your daughter's party was fantastic!!

I thought RSVP meant you wanted a response as to whether the person(s) invited plan on showing up. After all, in English it means "Please reply", right? Apparently not or maybe everyone's just lost their manners. I sent 12 invitations for my step-daughter's birthday and got ONE official RSVP. I had to call others to see if they were coming and two said for sure that they were. Then I had to cancel the party due to the weather & loss of power at our house & I didn't know who to call because I didn't know who planned on coming. I called those I knew for sure were planning to attend. No one showed up unexpectedly but I figured if they had, it would've been at the fault of their own lack of manners and courtesy. Guess I didn't really answer your question but it sure felt good to vent! Best of luck to you.

I must say that prior to being a mom I was a non rsvper. Not out of purposeful rudeness, but ignorance. My family life didn't teach me about t hese things. I hadn't gone to a funeral, wedding, or dance until i met my husband & i was over 18. We moved often during my life due to my dad's job & my parents weren't good about making friends. Since my daughter's party last year, where 30 minutes in nobody had showed & I had sent out 20 plus invites I began to lose it. I was so upset that my daughter would not have anyone come for her 3rd bday party. Most everyone showed, but just for one reason or another was late. I now RSVP even if it is to tell them my plans are to attend, but are dependent on such & such. I never want to ever make someone feel the panic of having to explain to their daughter why nobody came to their party! That is just awful. I now put rsvp to my email, phone, or text to..... & I get more by text & email. So I hope you do get some to attend even though they didn't rsvp. either way, enjoy the day!

As another poster said, no matter how you word it on the invitation, it will not change things. People will fail to come when they said they will, some will show up last minute with little to no warning. I feel like people don't want to say no if pushed, but that doesn't mean they'll come, so I think the best thing I've found out there is Evite. People are simply online more often than they think to post something in the mail or make a phone call, so you have more chance of getting a response that way...some could say to themselves "let me check with my husband, or calendar" and then forget about it, but most check email all the time....so more likely to get a response. Also, if the answer is no, it's easier for some to click "no" than have to come up with an excuse to your face. (Pathetic, but true). I would not include anyone that said "no" and 3 days before the party phone the ones that said "yes" or "maybe" on Evite. Another thing I like about Evite is that it has you answer with HOW MANY adults/kids will be coming with you (an opportunity to be warned about siblings or spouses, so you have enough to drink and all). Before I found this site, we had a near-catastrophe for my son's third birthday. We were taking him to see Walking With Dinosaurs (very awesome, but $250 for the 3 of us). We thought that'd be enough, but he'd been to a lot of parties in the recent months and knew that birthdays have parties (oh no).....he asked for a party and since he's my first child and this was the first time he'd asked for that, I was keen to oblige. I asked him what a birthday party is, what does he want, and he said "balloons, cake, friends--"My OWN friends", he said. I invited all the kids that we'd attended parties for and some RSVP'd no (busy weekend, short notice) but we had a "yes" for 5 kids. I thought that was plenty for a 3 year old, and I made arrangements to have the party at a great park nearby, spent a couple weeks arranging games, decorations, a pinata, made dips, hotdogs, homemade icecream, and cupcakes for all, and ONLY ONE girl showed up! Fortunately, I had 2 friends of mine who have known my son since he was born (but have no kids) come also. It was saved by the fact that the party was at a park so there was the playground, we had our food at picnic tables, and ran around kicking the soccer ball that is always in the trunk of my car. We opened the guest's gift at the park, they played on the playground together, and then we went home with my 2 friends and opened their gifts at home and continued to visit and play some. That would have been HORRIBLE if he were older and understood what happened (fortunately, I didn't tell him who I thought was coming.....I simply said "your party is at the park" and was leaving it to be a surprise). My heart would break if he were old enough to realize he had been stood up...People can be incredibly rude. I'm not sure what I'm going to do next year, but I know that I will only invite people I'm close enough to be honest and frank with. Quality of guests over quantity, for sure!
And a sidenote: my 3 year old already knows the rules of ettiquette better than many adults I encounter! At the end of the party, ON HIS OWN, he stood up on the bench so he could look the adults in the eye and said "Thank you, come my party". We also wrote thank you cards for each guest and gift and mailed them. (I wrote a message on one side of the card, and he scribbled something on the other side, and I helped him write his name). It's so important to show thankfulness and have BASIC manners!!!

People should rsvp to invitations, but many wait til the last minute. with the snow and the unexpected time off from school, many parents have their focus in other areas. I think I would call them the day before and say, Hi, I haven't heard from you and just wanted to check before we finalized party plans. Hope your daughter enjoys her party!

Unfortunately our society doesn't beleive in manners anymore. Over the years with children's parties I've found that usually only the people that are coming bother to RSVP. I've had a few show up without calling, what's even worse is I've had sibblings show up at events where I'm paying a per person fee.

It seems like people do not understand what RSVP means anymore. I have had people tell me they think it means Regrets Only. But then there are others that say they are afraid to tell you people they are not coming because they feel bad. This is the 2nd time I've seen this questions/issue posted in the last couple weeks. I hope everyone reads it and can understand how frustrating it is when trying to plan something and people don't tell you whether they are coming or not. Whatever the answer, it is just nice to know as soon as possible. I always RSVP as soon as I get an invite or post my invites in one spot so I don't forget. Have fun at your party!

We've had the same problem with every birthday party we have thrown for our kids. My son has had 4 and my daughter has had 2 parties where we have invited a fairly large group of kids and to all of them we would end up with quite a few who did not RSVP. We have never had anyone show up that did not respond. At this point we have learned to take a lack of response as a "will not attend".

Have a great party,
K.

Happy 4th to your daughter first of all.
I too have had this problem, but I fix it by simply calling them. I ask you didn't RSVP. Or like a month ago I sent out an email to all I invited and said I'm ordering food and need to know how much to order and how many party bags to have ready. My daughter turned three in January and I made purses for each girl as their party favor and I needed to have an exact head count. I won't make extras. If anyone would have shown up that wasn't suppose to I would have to apologize and give them a regular bag. Forturnately, that didn't happen.

I also have to agree that people have become quite rude. I have forgotten to RSVP to one party and when I remembered I called and apologized. I did ask if there was still room for us before just showing up. And I bought a better gift than I would have. Never again.

Unfortunately society has become thoughtless and rude and disregards things like RSVPs, which seem like a small simple thing to the person holding the invitation, but is huge to the person giving the party. PEOPLE - RSVP TO PARTIES NO MATTER HOW BIG OR SMALL!!!!!! It is courteous to your host so she knows whether to plan for 5 kids of 15, and doesn't take any of your time! Grow up and get some manners!!!!!

That being said, I too have had this happen, and when it happened to me most of the non-RSVPers didn't show up, but a couple did. As you can see from previous posts, there is no basic pattern. I would be prepared for everyone you haven't heard from just in case, but that's just me. I wouldn't want a child not to have a good time just because their parents have horrible manners. I would maybe when these people showed up, say "oh I'm so glad you came - I wasn't sure if you were coming or not since I didn't get an RSVP." Politely of course, but something to that effect, just to let them know. As far as party favors maybe get something that is easy to return or can be used next year or for another party, etc.

That being said, as much as a prefer the old fashioned method, this year we did an evite to my daughters party and everyone RSVPd and the turnouts were as expected. This just may be the way society is shifting. I'm a little older than some of my daughter's moms, so maybe I'm just figuring this out. Its sad when the things that have worked for hundreds of years no longer do work because people just can't act like human beings.

We had both. I always add 20% in the event people brought extra guests or came without the RSVP. I would never show up without calling to say I will be there, unless of course it is my family.

Unfortunately, people don't seem to have the manners they used to. A lot of people just don't RSVP, and yes many will show up. This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine! I would try contacting the people you can and just see if they are planning on coming or not. And when people do show up that did not RSVP, I would respond exactly the way Laura I. recommended...nice, but to the point. You were considerate enough to invite a child to the party, the parents should be considerate enought to let you know if they are coming!

from my experience no body RSVP's anymore I would give some of them a call tonight to see if they are able to make it or not. I still put rsvp on my invitations but I'll be calling this year if I get no response.

You didn't mention how you sent the invitations, but I find using an electronic invitation (like Evite) is so much more convenient when it comes to kids' parties. At the very least, you can send out reminders and see if people have even looked at the invitations. In my experience with electronic invitations, only the people who say they will come actually do. It's more likely for yeses and maybes to be no-shows than for nos or non-responders to pop in unexpectedly.

Good luck. I hope your daughter enjoys her party regardless of how many people attend.

hi...we have had this happen to us too, it is not uncommon. every year for my own daughter's bday, i have added this and even when i change the wording, the outcome seems to be the same. some will respond, some won't...i have tried RSVP, please respond and even regrets only...it never changes anything...

happy fourth birthday to your daughter!

~T. b.

I' always shocked how many people don't RSVP!!! They will still come!

Many people probably will.

That said... most of our parties end up with 20-40 kids. (We loooooove big parties... and we have "no-present" parties where siblings are welcome... plus backyard BBQ's so the parents can eat/drink/relax, so it's not like we have 40 5year olds, but maybe 10-15 friends and then all of their siblings, especially younger sibs). One year though we had almost no RSVP's (we'd also just moved into the area), and then half the people who did RSVP called day of to say they were sick. We only had one child at the party. Whoa. The year before the EXACT same thing had happened, but we had 30 kids on the day of.

So while many people may come without rsvp'ing, I'd also plan out how to have fun just as a family or with a really small group (like one or two other kids).

Unfortunately in my experience, MANY people do not RSVP. You can always call them to confirm, or just plan on everyone that didn't RSVP to come. Either way it's a mess trying to do food without knowing for sure, but it happens.

Ugh, I hate when people do not respond. It is so presumptuous to show up unannounced with all types of excuses.. It takes a second to send an email or call... .. And what does it teach their children? Thank goodness most of my daughters friends, even the boys have learned to RSVP to each others.. we moms have spoken about this many times in front of other parents who do not RSVP and have noticed they have caught on to this...

Anyway, sorry to rant, but this is one of my pet peeves.

I call and ask a few days before. With tomorrow being Valentines day, but also a Sunday, there is not a sure way one way or the other.. Just call and let them know you are hoping their children will be joining you...

i am in a rush and dont have time to read the other responses but yes ppl usually show up without rsvping. at one of my daughter's party we invited 40 kids and we could have up to 30. knowing a lot would not come. 15 rsvpd yes and 3 maybe. 32 kids showed up!!!!

For our son's 4th birthday party we invited 12 people, I almost canceled it because no one responded and I was so sad for him. Wound up with 15 children because parents brought siblings and left them. Great party but a lot of pre-party stress. I wish I could say it would get better but it does not. I guess people no longer understand what RSVP means.

we decided that the best thing is to contact everyone to make sure if they are coming or not because I have had a lot of people forget about the party or misplace the Card.. My son's 3rd birthday No body showed up, he was very hurt.

It really bothers me when I'm requirred to RSVP for a small party, I understand if it is a wedding, but a backyard child's party I feel is pushing it.
You should be prepared regardless just in case they do show up. Also many times I will forget to RSVP and it is the day of and ready to go... then I feel a little uncomfortable going because I forgor to RSVP and I won't go.

My daughter had her ninth birthday and had just moved to a new neighborhood and new school... She wanted a large party as her birthday gift,,,we agreed....we got 4 rsvp and no replies to rest of invites... Well. Come the the day of her party ,,,,,, we had party supplies for 12 and a no show for bodies.... I wish everbody who will not say yea or nay to an invite---could have seen my daughter pain and puzzlement....maybe we need to call on these non- rsvper's and gently remind them of possible consequences of their actions.... Also i explain that i must have a definite yes or no because i plan to give each guest a special treat and i honestly can not return the treat and will budget for those who tell me that they will show and i do not want to exclude anyone but without prior knowledge that will happen,,, i bluntly tell people that my income allows me a certain budget and a body count is an absolute necessity to use my funds to give t my guest the best time ever

I think everyone should just forget about RSVPs. It always leaves more questions and uncertainty. People who don't plan on coming may or may not tell you. The best thing to do is just send out an invitation and estimate how much food and space you will need based on how many people you invited. If some don't show up, you can send leftovers home with people.
If you're planning something where you need an exact number, ask people to please tell you if they ARE coming so that you can be prepared. Or call them a few days before the party and say something like "I haven't heard from you, I was just wondering if you are going to make it to the party? I'm getting my grocery list ready and I want to make sure I have enough to feed everyone!" or something like that.
In your case I think it's unlikely that people will show up without RSVPing, since tomorrow is Valentine's Day and that is probably why they haven't responded.

This is the main reason I switched to Evite, at least I get SOME resposes and can email them a friendly RSVP reminder. But even then people are jsut rude and don't RSVP whether they plan to come or not.