To Be or Not to Be Married Anymore?

Dear M. D:

First let me say that I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time in your life. Second of all let me tell you that there is hope. The only hope that I can offer you is to get yourself "WOMAN OF FAITH" BIBLE and a good church and a good church that professes JESUS CHRIST give your burdens to Him. He is calling you. Yes your husband has a problem with his tempter don't become an enabler to him. Your responsibilty is to protect your son and yourself. As for divorce you will have to talk to a christian counselor and see what they recommend. I do promise you this God has not turned His back on you. He is there. I don't know if you ever read the story in the Bible about the disciples and Peter coming out of the boat and He though he was going to drown, the reason he thought he was going to was because he never bourgh Jesus into the boat with him. No matter what storm we are going through we need to bring Jesus into the storm with us. I have been in an abussive situation, a single mom, but I can honestly say that it was through this storm in my life that Jesus worked in my heart first. I will never turn my back on the Lord now He has done so much for me especially given His life for me. Yes seek the Lord while He may be found. I gurantee you that the moment you take a step closer to Him He will take two steps closer to you. He is the LIght of the world. I hope and pray that this was an encouraging word for you. Seek a christian counselor, and pray for God to make Himself real to you.

In Him, Someone who is praying for you

M.,
My question is was everything good with your relationship before oyur son was born? Because my husband has been very jealous and "extra needy' with me since our son was born 2 years ago. He has alcoholism in his family also, although he has a great relationship with his mother. If his behavior started after your son was born then maybe it could be saved if you can find ways to connect together as a family more. I know that babies need their moms so much more in the early part of their lives because of nursing and for the majority it is the moms that stay home. The closeness has left my husband feeling "left out" and not needed as much. It may be far off your personal issues, but i was just wondering if that may be part of the issue. I guess it depends on when his negative behavior started. My opinion would be is to try to get him to go to counseling again, let him know that your at this very serious point where it means your leaving...or he goes back to counseling. I wish you happiness in whatever happens for you and the rest of your family, divorce hurts everyone...as does fighting. So, whatever path your life takes , be strong...it sounds like you have been thus far.

My ex and I split up when my son was 9 months old. It was horrible to see my son go on visitiation with him. I never imagined that this was what my life was supposed to be like. I did not have many options about the visitation. Unless my ex was dangerous I had to let him see him. My son is 3 now and it is still hard. However, my son never had to witness fighting or abusive situations between my ex and myself. I think that if you feel trapped, abused, or sad most of the time your son is going to know and also feel those emotions. I know that it is scarey to move on but in my opinion I would move on with my own life sooner than later. Your husband seems to have a lot of baggage that you could not alone help with. You have to be superwoman to your son not to your husband.

Wow, you have your hands full. My honest opinion is that you have got to take care of yourself and the baby. His temper is unacceptable. I think you need to decide where and when to draw the line and lay it out for him. Either start being a supportive, loving husband and father or I'm done. Why do you think you would have to leave your son with him for extended periods of time? Get your ducks in order now, try to get a free consultation from a lawyer. He will have to pay you support for the baby ( and yourself during seperation if you live in Pa). If you feel afraid of him, leave, get a restraining order, whatever you have to do to stay safe. Just remember, you can do whatever you need to do to keep you and your son, safe, happy and healthy. Don't think you can't make it on your own.
Good Luck to you.

HI,
I can't say I have any experience with your situation but I know what I would do. You need to leave and never look back, for your son and more importantly yourself. You owe this man nothing, nor do you need to figure out what to do with the step children. Not your problem. I know easier said then done but I'm afraid for you and don't see your husband ever changing. You need to inform the mother of the step children through a letter what you have decided to do and inform her that she needs to take her children back. You need to move away and fast. Sorry but one mother to another, you will be much happier.

Move back with your mother, get a lawyer, and get a divorce. Have no contact with your husband, don't answer his calls, don't let him guilt you into returning. You don't want to raise your son in that environment. You don't want him thinking that a man behaves like his father.

Once you get a job and get back on your feet you can get your own place, and move even further away. Your ex-husband will most likely find another source of revenue to move in and raise his kids. He more than likely won't want to drive all the way to your place and back again to take your son for a weekend.

Stay strong for your son's sake. I wish you the very best of luck.

Liz

Dear M.,
It sounds like you're living in a really stressful situation. I feel for you! I agree that you can't stay in that situation forever, but maybe there's a way to get through to your husband without leaving him? Does he know that you're almost out the door? If not, you should let him know that you're feeling hopeless and ask him if he has hope for the two (three) of you...Good luck. A.

Wow, you poor thing!! This sounds almost exactly like what my best friend is going through!! It turns out he has bi-polar disorder, and needed some medication. - this is what this sounds like to me. Counseling is crutial, try everything to get him there. You could file a Protection from Abuse act,-{just to tell your husband "hey I'm serious, I will not put up with this!"} and you also could get some advice from A Womans Place. Hang in there, things will get better, but for right now, when he starts to get that anger, just nicely say "Ok, Were going out for a bit, we'll be back when you've cooled down" - as tempting as it is to stay and argue - just leave for a while. I'm soooo sorry you have to go throught this, especially with a little one. It will get better, and hang in there. Tons of hugs and prayer sent your way. You are not alone XOXOXOX