Thorn Between 2 Friends

It is his place to do the right thing. Allow him to do so. If he wants to do it in person, respect that. If he gets home and still does not say anything, decide then. He may meet this new girl and not like her in person.

If your question is legitimate, I apologize, but you post these inane scenarios on this website at least twice a week. I believe that you're just trying to scam a lot of well-meaning people. If you truly aren't some bored college student, then i think you need to expand your circle of contacts and stop relying on strangers to validate your life. If you are doing this as a joke, well the joke's over, please stop wasting the time of people who are trying to offer sincere support to others.

Don't tell. What you want is so not important in the wellbeing of all the people actually involved, so let them handle it themselves or you could be the one erased from everyone's lives. I understand your feelings, but really, it's not your place to say anything.

I agree with Sally! Maybe seek a counselor!

Its not your business to tell her. He is the one with the situation with her- he needs to tell her. I would continue being her friend but don't mention it. As for her being suicidal-- is she getting help? Therapy? If not, help her get help. There are resources out there.

M

Well hopefully when he meets the girl in person he'll change his mind..sometimes that happens..in fact most of the time..he has built something up in his mind..and 99% of the time when 2 people from the net meet in person and there's this big of a build up..it fails..as for your friend..maybe you can say "i think he's losing his mind b/c he's interested in a woman he's never met" but make it seem like you have no idea how far he plans on taking it..or don't mention it at all and keep your fingers crossed that they won't like each other in person.

dd

Your BIL sounds like a real mess and very irresponsible. WHat does your husband say about his brother? Personally, I would stay out of the whole mess if I were you. I think your husband needs to tell his bro if he doesnt tell the old girlfriend of his plans to marry someome by then end of the week he will tell her. I guess I would look at how close of a friend she really is in this decision, is she a real friend or just an aquaintance? If she is a good friend, know you are at risk of losing her as a friend if she finds out another way , not thru your husband or you, especially if she finds out you knew in advance. Even if BIL marries this other woman , which may never happen once they meet, there is no reason you can't continue your friendship with your friend. Is he paying child support for the child he fathered? if not encourage this friend to get an attorney and go after him for it, it is the least he should be doing b4 marrying someone else. Then I would seriously distance myself forever from this guy, brother in law or not. You don't need this drama and mess in your life, concentrate on more important things and people.

It is not your place to say anything to your friend. He is the father of the child and he needs to tell her. Just make sure your bother-in-law understands that he needs to tell her right away or you will. No waiting around.

Unfortunately there is not much you can do to soften this blow. You also cannot take responsibility on how your friend handles the news. All you can do is offer support to her and let what happens happen.

Good luck!

Okay, if I were in this situation, I would give my bother time to tell her, maybe a few weeks, and if he doesn't by that time, then I would tell my friend.

If she is your friend, she won't go crazy on you... maybe your brother though, but if they are already broken up, I don't know why it would be a big shock, of course she still may be hurt though.

If she is really suicidal at times, then don't feel afraid to contact a suicide hotline for advice, she does have a life and a baby to watch out for, regardless how or when she finds out about the baby's father marrying another woman. She could also be suffering from post partum depression and it would be just tragic if harm came to the baby in any way, so she really needs some help. I would strongly,and caringly encourage her to talk to her obgyn or family Dr. about this depression.

After she finds out, talk to her carefully and let her know you still care for her and the baby and will always be there for them and hope she will still consider you family.

Here is a suicide hotline in your area:
http://suicidehotlines.com/california.html

*ps, I know a few people who married people they met online. It worked out great for several of them, they of course met and dated some before the marriage so they had some time to figure it out.

Mind your own business. Everything will come out eventually.

If you feel she is suicidal/freaks easily why would you tell her??? That really makes no sense to me. Please consider the baby first NOT her feelings about what your BIL is doing.

You should discuss that with your BIL as well.

Don''t tell her anything. It will make it worse and it's not your place to say anything.

You need to stay out of this one. Don't talk to your BIL about it, just be there for your friend when she finds out from him. This is their life, no matter how much you want to you can't fix it for them.

Stay out of it. I know it is hard, but this is between them. And try not to be too judgmental of your BILs relationship, I have heard of many good relationships that have started up on line. And fact is, whether it turns out good or bad, your BIL is an adult who can make his own choices about his love life, he does not need anyone's approval, and telling him you do not approve could just cause hard feelings within your family.

Face it: you are in a lose lose situation.
Say as little as possible. The marriage to someone unknown is crazy, but so is having a baby without marring. Say as little to possible and put it behind you.
You will probably lose everyone involved.
You can't change people.
Sorry for your lose.
B.