Stranger Danger!? - Millbury,OH

Good you are concentrating on stranger danger, but don't forget about the people she knows. My daughter was molested at the age of 5 by one of my brothers, the sweetest, kindest person I know and the last person I ever would have imagined doing such a thing, to her or any child. Teach her how to handle situations with strangers AND people she knows through role-playing, don't just tell her.

I wouldn't. You can't "test" for everything in life including this. I think it might be more confusing and cause more fear (maybe unfounded) than help in the long run.

Also LOVE the book "FREE RANGE KIDS". Highly recommend it - entertaining, funny and "real"

My kids know who is defined as a stranger and who is not. My kids are pretty free range... but this little mama still has eyes in the back of her head ;)

Example: one slow day at our boat club, a new member (who I had met before, but my children had not), a man, went up to my girls to introduce himself (I was watching from my car; he told me he was going to say hi to my girls)... he stuck his hand out and said 'Hey ladies, I'm 'Jim''... Emmy (almost 8) smiled at his out stretched hand and responded, loudly, 'NICE TO MEET YOU JIM!! I'D SHAKE YOUR HAND BUT I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE GOING TO SNATCH ME OR NOT, AND MY MOM IS HERE!!'... he smiled, and said 'well, smart girl, but what if I said I was a cop or had candy in my car?'... my daughters eyes widened, knowing the trick, and screamed 'STRANGER DANGER!! I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN!!' and took off running...

Proud mommy moment ;)

But then I really had to introduce her to 'Jim', LOL!! ;)

I would never, ever set my child up like that. If she found out that I set her up then where does the trust go between us as mom and daughter?

Moms are very correct on here.... the chances of stranger danger is low because most children who are abused, know the abuser. Teach her there are no secrets and if someone tell her it is a secret, then come tell you.

When my daughter was little, a neighbor mom and explained stranger danger as in the signal lights, red, yellow, green.

Green = mom, dad, brother, sister, grandmother, etc (you get the gist)

Yellow = some parents of best friends/classmates, people you know well but are not in your family

Red == people we don't know at all..... mailman, delivery people, grocers, etc we may see them often but not know them.

Another thing.. when my daughter was about 7 she expressed interest in martial arts. We had no idea she would excel in this. She is a black belt.

Well I hope you spend a LOT more time teaching your daughter about what is and is not appropriate touching and what to do or say when someone she knows asks her to do something like that.
You must know that your daughter is WAY WAY WAY more likely to be abused/molested by someone she knows, loves and trusts more than she is by a complete stranger?
It's fine to teach stranger danger but don't get so caught up in your fear of the boogey man that you lose sight of the fact that almost all child molesters know their victims, and most of them are family members and trusted family friends. I know that's a horrifying thought but it is the truth.

I was just about to direct you to Ephie's question from a short while ago and am glad she did it herself! I agree with other moms that it's more important to teach your children to trust their instincts than to "test" them while you watch from afar. Sadly, your child is far more at risk of being harmed by someone you know -- and trust -- than she is by a stranger.

After reading your "What Happened", I'll edit to add: I was molested by an uncle at family gatherings for almost 5 years right under the noses of the rest of the family and no one knew. Started when I was in preschool. He didn't threaten hurting my parents. He told me he'd cut off my fingers, or he'd show them the pictures of the bad things I'd done to him, and that they'd be REALLY mad and I'd get into BIG trouble. I kept my mouth shut until I was in college. God, the f'd up mindgames a sicko can use on a child.

I have never tested my kids but I know what they are capable of.

I think parents these days have been bombarded with information. If you do this your kid could do that, if you let them do this that could happen. Well, sure, a plane could fall on my house but it isn't likely to happen.

Everyone seems to know how to do statistics. Statistically what, 95% of children abducted were alone at the time. Okay, statistically .000001% of all children left alone are abducted. Which stat do you think a news story is going to lead with if they want you to watch.

I find it funny that there are programs that teach a child under one years old to talk and recognize pictures of things but giving the actual object have no idea what it is.

I don't know, maybe it is just me but it seems like we feel like we have enough information to create a perfect childhood and forget there just is no such thing as a perfect childhood.

In the last year we've had three attempted kidnappings in our area. All three were of middle school students and all mentioned the same green SUV. Every time a letter is sent home with the kids saying another kid reported this, I have a long talk with them about Stranger Danger.

This letter came yesterday and the school said that police presence was being stepped up. I haven't seen any police in the neighborhood. In addition, this supposedly happened on Wednesday...on Monday, my daughter said the counsellors came in and talked to them about stranger danger. (Typical chat, nothing out of the ordinary.) One of the kids told my daughter and some of her friends to watch out, the guys from last year were apparently back. Sure enough, two days later a kid reports the exact same thing the kid last year reported. I don't know if this is something parents are doing, or what, but it's suspect. Either way, my kids know what to do. We have a code word that we use if I have to send anyone besides my husband or myself to get them. They can't go with the person unless they have the secret code word. They know this so well that one time DH and I went out of town and grandma was watching them. She stopped by to pick them up from school. My youngest told her teacher that she couldn't go with anyone but M. unless they knew the code word. Grandma didn't know it! She told the teacher she couldn't leave...and refused to. Grandma called me and I gave her the code word. She told the teacher and the teacher asked my DD if that was it. Then she finally went with her.

So yeah, I'm not too worried about my little ones. They would have to grab the kids off the street, not just entice them to come with.

and if your child passes the test, with that particular person in that particular situation on that particular day?? Still no guarantee a different situation might go differently. I'm not helping that lady with her lost kitty she reminds me of a lady I didnt like. but I will help that lady give out candy to all the kids on the playground. Just assume your kids will fail the test and tell them again dont go with strangers, stay two arms lengths away etc

I'm sorry but that reminded me of a scene from Desperate Housewives where Lynette did just that to prove a point with her husband. The neighbor accross the street saw the person and came out and started beating him up to protect the kids. What if someone calls the cops? That and the trust thing that others have mentioned....Not sure I'd do it.

I've never "tested" my children in the way that woman did. And I never would.

However, there have been several occasions where I've had to call friends to pick up the children from school for me because I couldn't get there on time. These are friends who are there picking up their own children, anyway. And a couple of times, I've forgotten to give them the password, knowing that my children know them well. And these other parents have had to call me and ask me for the password, because my children wouldn't go with them, since they didn't know it.

See, I've told my children that I will always give the password to anyone whom I ask to pick them up, so they will know it's safe to go with them. And then I forgot - not just once, but twice! Yeah, egg on my face! I apologized profusely to them, and promised I would not forget anymore! So now, I ALWAYS remember to give the password (which we change frequently) to the person picking up for me.

But it makes me happy to know that they wouldn't go with our friends without the password!

I think it's creepy and wouldn't do it. Teach them yourself. And remember, many if not most of the children who are molested, etc. are taken advantage of by people they KNOW or are familiar with. I think it's better to teach them to trust their instincts, to know that most people are good but some are bad, and that they have permission to say no and get away from an adult. We tend to teach our kids to trust adults and not say no, etc. I think it's harder to teach them how to respond and to dis-obey an adult when appropriate. My son is 4 and I need to do this myself - sigh.

So, a pass or fail test, huh?

No matter what age of the child, no matter how mature.... any child is a child.
And each situation is not something we can predict.
We can practice with our kids. We teach them. We role play with them.

Strangers, can be anyone. Not just an icky looking man or woman.
Even a Teacher... or care provider, can entice and victimize a child.

But yes, educating our kids.... giving them skills. How to discern and react, to situations.
That's what we can do.
But never, ever... take it for granted.

I read the same thing. Yes it is a very smart idea and I will try it also. I didn't know there was a CD (dvd?) about stranger danger with John Walsh. I remember hearing about his son Adam. I will never forget that story. I think that was the first story I heard of a child missing and what had happened to him. I so appreciate his dedication to educate people about stranger danger.

I don't know. I've heard of parents doing this before also and I'd like to think I could handle watching this all go down but then there is that part of me that wonders if it would terrify my child so much they would need counseling, for real. And, if a stranger really did approach my child and my child thought this was one of mommy and daddy's friends again, that could be REALLY bad. So, I'd be interested to hear what others say.

I drill it into my kids heads never go anywhere with someone, don't approach cars, don't talk to adults if mom or dad are not around etc. I have thought about doing this to see if my kids would leave with someone (Dr. Phil did it on one of his shows) but I probably wouldn't I know my kids and my 4 year old is so friendly he would probably go with someone. He always tells me "we know him because he said hi" so he doesn't seem to get the stranger danger thing. He is super smart too academically, so intelligence has nothing to do with it. My second child has just always been more naturally whary(spelling?) of strangers even as a baby so she gets it more. What can I do? We just try our best to watch them always, use common sense, and continue to tell them the rules. We will also put all our kids in some kind of martial arts in hopes that they can learn to defend themselves. On Oprah, she has had a few shows when a retired FBI agent who now teaches about safety on her show, and he had always said that most kids are harmed by someone they know and the parents trust than a stranger, and kids that are the most sheltered are most often the target of predators because kids that are more street smart (as he put it) are able to detect when a person or a situation just doesn't seem right. It makes sense , my kids are still really young so I am always right there, but as they get older I am going to have to figure out where the line is of being too protective and letting them have a little freedom. I understand the argument that some moms make that you can't be too careful and they never let their kids out of their sight but part of being a parent is giving them skills to navigate their own way in this world but it's so tough as a parent. Anyways I am rambling I am not even sure if I answered your question ;)

I spied on my kids when I first let them start walking to the bus stop alone. It was down the street and i could just stand outside and see them for 99% of the way, but the actual stop was around the corner. I wanted to make sure they went straight there and see how they behaved their without me present, so yup, i spied and they never had a clue. I have to say i was very proud of them.

I would not. Ever. If you did it and then told them it was just a test, they will lose trust in you and perhaps think that future scenarios are tests as well. If you did it anddon't tell them it's a test, they could be completely traumatized. I know it seems like a good idea because then you know how they would react, but this is not the way. Continue to have discussions with your DD often, talk about shows you see or situations you encounter. Frequent discussions are the way to go.