Time to Discuss Strangers and Inapproprate Things?

My oldest daughter is 3 as well and we started around 2. I started early because i was molested as a child so i wanted to start really early to prevent anything from happening and i wanted her to know what a stranger was early, i wanted also her to know that she doesn't have to say hi or anything to some one she doesn't know. We started out by saying don't talk to anyone you dont know. it sounds simple and it is. Now she will tug on my leg and say, "look mom a stranger" and i say "yes, and what do we do?" she now says "we don't say anything to them we come and get mommy or daddy." Its the same thing with inappropriate touching. We have always told her that that was her "privates" and that no one was supposed to touch it except for her mommy,daddy, and grandma when we were washing her or wiping her. She says " Thats my privates," Hope this advise works for you!

I got the Berenstain Bears Don't Talk to Strangers for my kids when talking about strangers. As for inappropriate touching, I tried to emphasize that you don't touch anything that your bathing suit covers and just try to repeat that no touching other people's private parts.

Aside from the resources people may suggest, I would also recommend that you start modeling/practicing good "stranger" behaviors.

Very often people approach little children and their parents and try to engage with your child b/c, let's be honest, they are adorable. Be conscious of sending a "mixed message" and gently thank the person for saying how cute your son is, but don't give them his name. I have said to people (nicely) that we are trying to teach him not to talk with strangers and without being rude, don't share his name. Honestly, most people react very respectfully and positively.

The Safe Side www.safeside.com has a fabulous DVD titled "Stranger Safety". Check it out! I love it and show it to my 2 kids periodically. I can't recommend it enough. Your son might be on the young side for it but certainly not for long.

It's important to teach children about strangers and inappropriate touching, but we must remember two points. Most children are molested by family members or a close family friend. Most children who are taken are taken by family over custody disputes. The incidence of stranger abduction has been essentially the same for 30 years despite everything we are doing to "protect" our kids. With my four kids we did alot of examples when we are out and about. For example, if you are sepearted from us at the store, what would you do? If you are in the park and someone wants help looking for their dog, what do you do? If someone grabs you, what do you do? (yell, kick & scream, not my papa, not my mama) You don't want your child to be overly afraid of strangers, there are times we need their help. It's important that we don't teach them to ignore the little voice in their head. If someone, friend, relative, or stranger, makes them feel uncomfortable they need to keep their distance even if we diagree about the person they are feeling uncomfortable with.

Just one more...

That is a great question. One every parent should ask. Yes, we need to teach our children about “stranger danger” but really we just need to keep them feeling safe. Statistics will tell you that it is more likely that if a child is threatened it will be by someone that they know, not a stranger.

It is not safe to tell your child “don’t talk to strangers” when you do it every day, at the grocery store till, at the gas station, the toll booths, we talk to strangers every day. Sending your child mixed messages is even harder on them. When you are out and about use the opportunity to say: “hey, if we got separated what would you do?”. When you are at the park say, “what would you do if someone asked you to help him look for his dog?” Or at school say: “what would you do if someone was being mean to you?” Use real life situations. Don’t make up situations that “may happen” that may scare him. Use the teachable moments as they come.

What I do and did with my kids is simple. I told them how to be safe. You know, stay with Mommy, hold my hand in a crowd, the basics. I taught them to TRUST their instincts. If they “felt weird” tell me right away. If they were scared, tell me and we would talk about why.

As they got a little older it is, stay in a group, always let me know where you are, know who you are with and where you are going. Make good choices.

Now one is 14 and the other is 11. My best advice to them is stay safe, make good choices today. I trust that they will be safe.

B.
Family Success Coach

Yes,
We found a wonderful dvd by John Walsh & Julie Clark , called "Stranger Safety"
My son loved it and he is now 5 years old, but we first showed it to him when he was 3.
You can also find more resources at www.thesafeside.com
I hope this was helpful

Books are definitely the best way to open the discussion. All kids are different, so I would go to the library and preview the stranger books. The librarian can help you find age appropriate and high recommended books.
It is never too young to teach your child about stranger safety.

There is a great video called "The Safe Side" created by John Walsh and Julie Clark (the creator of Baby Einstein videos). It is a very upbeat and loaded with information that empowers kids. It was great for parents too, many new ideas and concepts that we did not think about when we were growing up. It is a different world out there now and we have to teach our kids how to protect themselves from not only strangers, but even from people we know from our everyday lives that may not have appropriate intentions. I also do role playing with my son to give him the opportunity to practice the skills he's learned.

My neighbor's children and my daughter were all close in age. We were together a lot with playtime, etc. Here is what we came up with and modeled with our children to help them understand stranger danger.

Of course, you do not wna tto scare your little one so we used an idea based on a traffic light. Green-Go..... A "green" person was mom, dad, grandparents, VERY close neighbors, relatives with close relationships. Yellow.....caution A "yellow" person was someone we knew but not that well, like some neighbors, people who were identifiable on a name basis, some relatives you are not so close to or see often, etc. Red..STOP...A "red' person is someone we don't know at all, even though they might smile at us, ask our name, etc. If we do not know them at all, they are a stranger....Ex: someone you rarely see....maybe a UPS delivery person, someone you pass by in the grocery store, etc.

I know we all sounded funny at times at the park because our children would say..."there's a red" but they "got it" and that was our point.