Sleep Problems with Teenage Son

Updated on May 24, 2008
L.H. asks from San Diego, CA
7 answers

My 17 year old son insists that he needs to have the computer playing music that he has downloaded, at night so that he can relax and sleep. Unfortunately, I sometimes find him playing games etc. on the computer late at night. Of course this exacerbates the whole problem of sleep deprivation and then we have problems at school the next day. I tend to want to avoid the confrontation and meltdown that insues when I threaten to take the computer out of his room at bedtime.

What can I do next?

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J.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi L.:
I agree with Dana.Your son is not a child.He will be a legal adult at 18.Who is going to slap his hand ,if and when he leaves home at that time? At this age, he simply needs to learn the consequences of his actions, himself.If he has trouble sleeping,which is normal at this age,and he feels playing a few games on his computer will cause him to become drowsey enough to fall asleep,then let him.If he has trouble waking to go to school,then he will rethink the method he chose and do it differently.At 17,he should be learning by trial and error.If you continue to issue punishment,as you would a (child) he will continue to act iresponsible.If the grades become greatly effected,then at that time,you can sit down with him, and consider an alternative. The best of luck to you L..

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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My teen age son has been nocturnal for several years now. When I tried to force him to go to bed earlier he told me he just couldn't fall asleep. The thing is, there are studies out there that support this, some suggest that teens should start class latter becasue they just aren't alert in the early morning. While sleep patterns can be altered, we all have some natural inclinations. Some general tendency's are that teens tend to stay up late, old people get up early. Having said that, my own parents who are in there 80s stay up very late and don't get up till after 9. My teen age daughter gets up every day at 5. The point being is that each person has their own pattern, what feels good to them. Your son is 17 so I think you will do better to have a heart to heart with him about how he is going to manage his life. Talk to him about his school performace and ask him what he wants in life, like colleg ect. Ask him how he plans to manage with being so groggy when he needs to be alert. I tried for years to get my son to do it differently, he's now 19, in college and doing well. And he stays up half the night most days of the week. If I were you, I would tell him his performance at school will determine weather or not you will take away his computer. Tell him you think the lack of sleep is a problem, but that you will give him the opportunity to work this out for himself. He is almost an adult.

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F.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Take the computer out of his room altogether - for a whole lot of reasons, including him disobeying you. He can listen to the radio or a CD or his iPod to help him get to sleep

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

L., take the computer out, plain nd simple. But first give him a chance, let him know what your plans are, and if he does not comply, take it out for a week see if he learns, if not next time take it for 2 weeks, he'll ge3t it eventually. J.

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D.G.

answers from San Diego on

Hi, my name is D. and I have a 17yr old son. He also has a computer in his room, and I've found him at 3 or 4 in the morning, playing games. I've had teachers tell me he falls asleep in class so...we told him , as u told your son, that we will take the computer our of his room, for a week ....EVERY evening, and he can listen to the radio, a CD, whatever,
It happened one more time [that I've caught him]He tends to test us to see if we would do it- and we did ! He was upset, oh well- with him threats don't work, it just has to be done, he gets one warning, then we do what we said we'd do. He has the computer back, for now...we'll see how it goes.
As far as the meltdowns goes, we've had a few of them with him, he tries to 'bargain', and when we won't he gets balistic. We had a talk with him one day, when he had calmed down, about what the conseqsenses [? spelling] that will happen if he continues to disrespect us. My husband is very good talking to him, I tend to get frustated. But when he starts getting more and more angry, we take something else away that he likes, like TV, or talking on the phone, his cell phone, music. He had absouletly nothing to do in one instance, but just sit there. We only do it for a couple of days, or just the rest of that day, if he calms down and apologizes.
I don't know if any of this helps, please send me a message ok? good luck

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B.S.

answers from San Diego on

I have the same issues. I have gotten to the point where I no longer threaten. I just act as a matter of fact and try to remember while he gets upset that it is his good intentions that are important to my making that decision.

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E.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

If he is 17, I'm guessing he is a senior? or at least a junior. If his grades are affected, take the computer. If they are not, just tell him not to desturb you and his Dad's sleep.
If this is a problem with school, I agree with the other lady, who said don't treathen, just do. When he returns from school he will see his computer gone with isttructions. "If you show me different I'll return your computer."

Good luck,

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