Should Computer Time Be Monitered?

yes,we do foster care and we had a child came in that was addicted to computer games and game boys. We have 3 teens now and they can only have the computer if we are with them, to monitor what they are actually getting into for school stuff.

Yes, yes, 1000 times yes. Too much computer or TV actually depresses serotonin and causes/exaggerates depression. Family Game nights, reading together, Dinner with friends, 1 parent taking him someplace like a mall or something, are all better options and inexpensive.

I use monitoring software because my 8 year old came across some very inappropriate things on the internet by googling some music videos. The one I use is free and it is called Naomi. http://www.naomifilter.org/ I have tested it and it will filter out 99.9% of inappropriate content. It shuts down the browser anytime you attempt to access inappropriate content and is completely free! I also have a timer by the computer and each child has their own account with a password i have to type in.

Hi!

I have 4 children, ages 15, 14, 10, and 7- two boys and two girls. (Boys are the book ends, girls in the middle).

I would encourage you to look at balance. We know that it is not healthy for anyone to do too much of any one thing. There are negatives to over-eating, over-working,excessive TV-watching, even over-exercising.

How much time do you feel comfortable with your son on the computer? I know that I can feel my anxiety start with my kids after a certain amount of time. Maybe it's one hour or two?

Perhaps you could try setting a timer for one hour. That's his computer screen time per day. That's it. Or, maybe you feel comfortable with 2 hours. Try limiting him to one hour and requiring a break, then allowing him the second hour.

I feel it is a dangerous thing in a family to allow children totally independent actvities. Limiting screen time allows you interaction with your child. Think of him as an adult. Would it be healthy for him to spend all his waking hours on the computer? It is our job to prepare our children for adulthood and adult responsibilities.

I also need to be conscious of the example I am setting as a parent. Am I living a life out of balance?

I hope that these thoughts might be helpful for you as you seek to set healthy limits for your children.

Blessings,
K. :)

My kids have done the Ruine Scape (or how ever you spell it). I was concerned about what it was cuz I am pretty ignorant of computer stuff out there, but not on everything out there. I will not let my kids say they need more time for something. I get what they mean. They need more time to finish a game or to get to a certain spot to save teh game. But that no longer flys in my house. They get X amount of time and when that time is up than IF they tell me that they need more time I tell them HOW I understand what they mean (saving or finishing etc.) but then I set the timer for 15 minutes NO LONGER and they HAVE to be done and then if they are not I go to them and give two choices, (period). #1 Do I (or you) turn off the game now or do you loose all playing time tomorrow (or next time). For me, that simple. Believe me though to get to that point was NOT simple. I guess talking to other parents and just figuring out that it isn't the way FAMILY should be, kids ruling over stuff (playing time etc.) and that NOT really EVER being with the famiy, not interacting. And I don't mind computer games and things, but there are dangers out there. My space, can be safe and fun, but also your kids CAN talk to people who say they are this or that and they are not. And I do have a few friends who don't allow it but 1 hour a week (all electronics) Do some research on VIDEO GAMES and their EFFECTS on the brain, IT really is a bit scary how it is like an alcoholic and his/her need frot eh next drink. Gaming can actually be harmful, not jsut the game but the effects of gaming. Hey try the game Apple To Apples, it is fun with 3 or more. We love SEQUENCE, another fun game to play with kids. OTHELO too. My 15 year old beats me at that all the time. GOod luck

I have an 11 year-old son who would also be on the computer all the time, if I let him :) I would definitely recommend not only monitoring his time on the computer, but also what he's doing. Did you know there is an age requirement for MySpace, as well as RuneScape? There are reasons for this. Also, many studies have shown that hours on the computer and tv are bad for kids, no matter what age they are. Since he already has other interests, which is great, he could be spending much more time doing those, with friends, rather than by himself. It's never too late to start!

Wow--I am so proud of all the other parents here for their positive feedback! I was worried I would be the only one to speak up for computer time and gaming! I'm not saying your child should be on 24/7 and avoid eating/sleeping/school/family/etc., but it sounds like he's a well rounded kid who deals with responsibility before playtime. I think kids nowadays do a lot of socializing on computers, in a way that we never did. And, I think it's okay. I can tell you I have played RuneScape--it's pretty fun--you might want to try it out! My son wanted a game a few years ago called GuildWars, (PC Online--much like RuneScape), and I became completely addicted! Not entirely, but it is a lot of fun, and it was something we shared for a while--until his interests led him somewhere else. Anyway, I think it's fine--and honestly mom, you have a bargaining tool. He seems to get his chores before he goes on!

I remember my mom limiting computer time, and back then we did not have internet just computer games. We had an hour ever day and on the Saturday we got an hour and a half. A timer was set and it was kept by my mom so we would not be tempted to add time before the timer went off.

If we were using the computer of homework purpose that was not included in the hour but my mom always check up on us to make sure we were using it for homework purpose.

Nowadays I would defentially moniter the use. I know a few parents that have the computer in the cornor of the kitchen so they can monitor just be walking by or getting something to drink. As the other mothers said below blocking certian words/sites will help monitor your teenager without you always looking over his shoulder.

I am additced to facebook and have to limit myself to spending only 35mins otherwise I could spend all day on there... and I am a mom/adult so if it is hard for me to keep on track I am sure it is the same for a teenager.

Before you get all heavy handed and start making rules and/or installing software, PLEASE sit down with your son and ask him to show you what he does on the computer. Tell him you want to understand why he needs so much computer time, and that you want to be involved in this part of his life, just like any other. Ask him to teach you how to play the game. If things come up that you feel are inappropriate or concerning, don't freak out. Use it as a teachable moment to communicate your values and then show him a better way. After you've spent some considerable time getting to know what he is doing, you will be able to make a better, more informed decision about computer limits. And your son will be more open to receiving those limitations because he will know you actually care about what he is doing.

My son is 12 years old and I have had the same issue for nearly a year now. I also got the same complaint when I told him that he'd had enough for the day. I put a two hour time limit on his internet account through the parental controls so when it says times up, it shuts him down and there are no more arguments. I would also like to suggest that you maybe check into everything that he is doing online. I found that this game led to some internet chat communities and he was chatting with people he did not know which is not allowed. The two hour daily time limit seems to be helping and I think that it is a fair amount of time. I know that they like to insist that they need more time to complete something but now that he knows ahead of time when he needs to log off it doesn't seem to be a issue anymore.

I only allow my 12 year old 1/2 hour a night on the computer. I may allow a little longer on weekends.

My son is also 13. I make him realize that homework, chores, room being clean, etc..all come first before that computer time does. He's also not allowed to be on it all evening even if he's done with chores. He goes outside to play even tho it's winter..he has a coat, etc. lol. When I was a kid, we used to play all day outside no matter what season it is. It being winter is no excuse. My son also has a bebo and a myspace so I in turn have those as well.I only use it to check his friends list so make sure they are all his own age and no creepy adults on it. He has pretty good grades, but until they are ALL A'S then letting him on the computer for all evening is obviously hurting. I'd say give him a time limit for his computer use and maybe up the limit depending on how far he can improve on his grades. That's what I would do.

Not sure where you have the computer but I think it would be best that it is in a public room like kitchen, den or living room. Even if you block sites, it is still very easy to get around these filters and see plenty of inappropriate stuff. I highly recommend you monitor his myspace account. It is so easy and very common for people to provide way too much information about themselves. Many provide birthday, birthplace, where they live, where they go to school, etc...this makes the site a great place for people to steal your identity!!!! Even worse, truly sick people can pose as someone your son's age and do much worse.

Several of my nieces have myspace accounts and I regularly visit their sites to make sure the content is appropriate. Kids are not thinking about protecting themselves or their identity. They are just having fun making friends.

I personally would limit my child's online gaming time to 1 hour on week nights and 2 hours on weekends. Of course this is up to you. If he spends all of his time online he is missing out on some many of the other things life has to offer.

Good luck and best wishes.

I would highly consider moving the computer in a room shared by the family. Take it out of his bedroom. For several reasons...you will see and communicate with him more if its in your dining or living area, he will probably be less interested in spending hours on it since he wont be in his bedroom, and most importantly you can monitor what hes doing out on cyberspace for there are way too many temptations on the internet for anyone including a 13 yo boy. K.

Hi,
Our family is asked ourselves this same question. 13 is certainally the age where children do pull away from adults and he doesn't have siblings near his age. Our son is either gaming, making videos or IMing friend on the computer a good part of the evening. It has become a very social kind of activity as he is able to play games with others online, people he and us know. We also homeschool him. One of the things we began stressing a few months ago is variety in things he does on the computer and try and help him find other activities. The other thing I do is since he is so into it I now talk with him about the game and share his interest somewhat to keep the lines of communication open. I also try to offer other activities that we can do together as a family that is off the computer. I'll be interested in what other families have to offer on this topic.
Peace and Blessings,
S.
http://www.YesToSuccess.net/S.
Helping families with health and wealth for almost 12 years
PS: I am also into natural healing

I am not a mom of a teenager, but it doesn't seem like that long ago that I actually WAS teenager. I spent a LOT of time online in high school and it was not necessarily a good thing. I was on a lot of sites that I probably shouldn't have been. I STRONGLY encourage you to have your computer in a common area instead of in your son's room. Just your presence and knowing you could walk by and see what he's up to will keep him in check a lot more. I also recommend that you sign up for a myspace account only for the purpose of being one of his "friends" and being able to see what his account is like. Also, make sure his account is set to "private" which means no one other than his friends can see his account.

I don't believe in monitoring a kids' every move, but I think putting the computer in a common area, like the living room, would really help to ease your mind. Also, it helps for kids not to be able to isolate themselves so much and stay involved in the family. I would say an hour or so at night is probably a good amount of time - and if you are around to keep an eye on him, maybe a little longer. Good luck!

YES YES YES YES YES!!! I have 2 nephews, ages 17 & 13. They come from a divorced home & do not see eye-to-eye with either parent. I happen to be their "cool auntie" and I do have a MySpace page, so they added me as a friend. I became "friends" with some of their friends as a means for keeping track of them, and further, I am usually the one that carts them around places. By watching the comments section and bulletin section on MySpace, I discovered things about the boys & their friends that were far worse than them looking at naked pictures of women on the internet. One of my nephews had a drug problem.

I have no idea if his parents would have found out had I not had written proof.

There are better & less invasive things than Net Nanny. Kids will be even more careful if you install that. Search the word "KEYLOGGER" on google. It is an undetectable software you can install that will show you every site your compluter visits & every single key that is typed on the keyboard. You will know every word said, every password, everything.

It is extremely invasive, and people may disagree with me vehemently, but I work in the information security business. You do NOT want to know the things I know about what is out there.

YES, YES, YES.

I have a friend who's son viewed some really raunchy sex stuff on the web at age 10. They found out it was a website he frequented often. She was really afraid that the raunchy stuff was going to skew her son's view on marriage, making love, being intimate with one person, etc. It was REALLY bad stuff and he admitted to his parents that it was hard for him to take his mind off of the pictures/videos he watched, even while at school and away from his computer. (Scary!)

Oh, one time, besides using keywords to block sites...move the computer into a main room in the house, like the kitchen or living room, etc...so that it's harder to sneak stuff without being seen by SOMEONE in the house. It might be inconvient for now, but for a short time, it's worth it. My friend that I mentioned did this and it worked better even for them to be able to look at his screen as they passed or from across the room.

With the kind of weather we being subjected to it would seem that there is some good outdoor shoveling or snow blowing to do. Does your son have any close friends? Invite them over on the weekends to play board games, build snowmen for the younger children. Any activities that will keep him active, then when he is on the computer , it won't be as much and he may find he likes the live competition even better.

Here's what we do .... One hour of video-game time on weekdays .... two hours on week-end days. Period. End of story.

Does the `12 year old spend a lot of time in his room? Yes. But he is reading, working on self assigned art projects, etc.

Just to mix things up for them, we let them "sell" back their game time for $1 per hour to earn extra spending money. They can earn up to 9$ per week. (Actually, now that I think about it, I should throw in that extra dollar if they sell an entire week in advance!) They've been known to sell six weeks at a time to get something they really wanted.

I can speak from my own experience as I a was a teen online not to long ago. Put the computer in a public place & put the monitoring software on the PC. Curious teens will find the worst of the Internet, I know I did. The Internet is also something you easily become addicted to which it sounds like he already is. It is just the same as food, alcohol or drugs. There are so many better things that he could be doing with his life. I would give him 1-2 hours a day, that should be plenty. I am sure he uses it at school too. My parents did not limit my time & I got into plenty of bad things. My grandma on the other hand would monitor me & come in & out of the room & set a time limit so I knew to get what I needed to be done finished. It may sound harsh, but it is too much freedom & there is unlimited access to the adult world which is not appropriate for a young child.
Brekka

Absolutely yes!

How you monitor it should be up to you and according to your beliefs. For example, we don't put up word blockers or anything like that, but we *do* teach our children responsible web searching and make sure our browsers are set to safe searching.

We do monitor the kids' email accounts, and the kids are fully aware of it. Nothing is done behind their backs.

We have very solid rules:

1- NO accounts are created ANYWHERE without a parent's permission. (Ie., no webkinz, neopets, facebook, myspace, livejournal, clubpenguin, forum handles, etc.)

2- Time on the computer is limited to 1/2-1 hour per day. The reason it's so short and we don't extend it on the weekends is that they also have the Wii the Nintendo DS, etc., and other things around the house.

Those are the big ones.

If they are on a computer, a parent is in the room with them monitoring them. If they are playing World of Warcraft, they have additional rules:

1. No chatting.
2. Do no respond to tells or comments
3. Do not respond to guild invites until we arrange to set up a kids only guild for them of known people.

We're pretty much a geek household and are savvy to what goes on online, so keeping track of what our kids do and where they go is pretty much second nature to us. What we're trying to get them to learn is that computer usage is still a priviledge, not a right. And that negative attitudes and behaviors regarding the computer are not appropriate or ok. Nor is sitting around on the computer 100% of the time. It's a hard message to sell when they see parents who sometimes work from home and who are software developers - but it works when we also show them what is work and what is not.

I think it's great that you're making sure his school work and chores are done before he gets computer time. :) I'm an online gamer, and while yes, certain things need a set block of time (never played Runescape but games similar to it) he shouldn't need more than a three hour block of time for anything an online game has to offer. There's a 14 year old in my guild who's parents have the parental controls on his Warcraft account set to 9:30pm, and regardless if he's done raiding with us or not, it kicks him out of the game until the next day. He complains about it constantly, but I told him if he was my kid, he wouldn't even be playing at ALL during the week. Another thing his parents did was put the computer in the kitchen. That way they're always walking past and monitoring his language on Ventrillo (lets face it, he's grouping with a bunch of 25+ year olds, we say some crude things sometimes).

I'm not sure what to do in the way of website protection, but I'm sure there's a way to block websites and search keywords. Also beware pirating programs like Limewire and BitLord. While downloading songs/movies I've ended up with a few "hidden" files that were by no means appropriate. (What's worse, it was hidden in a KIDS movie) I have no idea how to block those downloads, I think they're just embedded in the other files I was downloading, so that's something to be cautious of, as well.

I think a good thing would be to have a time limit and set a kitchen timer when he begins. Also, on the time he'll have free, maybe you can use some of that time to play a board game with him or set it aside as reading time. Try and use it to your advantage to create more family time. Maybe he can read to his brothers or have him start a craft (model car building can be great for that age, or radio controlled cars). Get him going on something creative and set some time aside to help him with it. Good luck!!

My kids are 13 and 20 years old - girls. And while girls don't tend to spend as much time on the computer as boys do, because they have friends I know lots of boys who do and many boys who don't. None of them seem all that different. How they behave in school and in public seems more about how they are raised and who they are as people. Whether or not the are accomplished also does not seem to be impacted by computers.

Because boys communicate analytically, computers are a natural thing for them to gravitate to: no hard relationships, no personal fighting... Still, having a healthy balance about anything is best. Sign him up for other activities to get him out of the house - take trips and field trips. Make sure he is getting together with friends from school regularly.

Studies show that computer time is healthy except in that it is sedentary. Google on the topic and see what you find - you may be surprised.

Absolutely monitor it. Please make sure you have keywords, sites etc blocked that are not appropriate. Also limit his use. If it is for home work purposes let him use the computer as long as he needs bot for recreation limit it to an hour or so a night.

Encourage other activities, books, games, hobbies, etc. Or if you do choose to let him play on the computer more, make sure he is in a public space in the house, this will discourage any behavior that could be questionable. & make sure he takes breaks. Sitting in from of a montoir all night is not good for you, ask anyone who works on a computer all day

I would allow my teenage children 1 hour per day, but only if they had completed all their homework and chores. Also, make sure the computer is in a main room of the house. Ours is in the dining room, which is sandwiched between the kitchen and livingroom. There was less chance that they could go into inappropriate web sites with all the traffic!

I also have a son who just turned 14 and is either on the computer or online on his video games, I really do not see anything wrong with it as long as he is not on the wrong web sights but I think of it as when we were growing up we were on the phone all the time so what is the difference if he is talking to his friends online or on the phone just a thought

Absolutely, computer time should be monitored. I only have a three year old and a one year old. There is Cyber Bullying out there that it could be fatal for kids your son's age. I have heard stories on the Tyra Banks show about Cyber Bullying and it is very scary, some kids have committed suicide because of Cyber Bullying. Cyber Bullying isn't the only probelm out there. There is the issue of not knowing who is on the other end of the computer. It could be a sexual predator who preys on kids. Or a stranger that miay try and kidnap your son.

A little about me: I am a happily married woman to a wonderful man. I am a SAHM of two boys

i suggest you use a new product called Plugstop. It is essentially a way of keeping kids/teens off games consoles, computers, tv etc by locking the plug. By doing this you can limit the amount of time spent on consoles and other electronic devices. http://www.plugstop.co.uk/
Hope this helped
V.

Get him out of my space!!!! I have heard so many horror stories from other parents. It is dangerous.

Most pediatricians recommend no more than 2 hours of screen time total per day for a kid his age - screen time includes video games, tv and computer (excluding time he's doing homework)

He is at a critical age - he needs to spend time with his family. You say he thinks the things you do as a family are boring and refuses to participate? How does he refuse? When we tell our kids we are going to spend the weekend together as a family, it's not a choice. We discuss things that we might do and come to an agreement about what sounds fun. some times each child asks to spend alone time with a particular parent, then we meet up for dinner or meet at the park later. If he is isolating himself from you that much and refusing to spend time as a family, some intervention is in order along the lines of a family therapist. My friend's family did this when her 12 year old withdrew and everyone thought she was going overboard - that it was normal teen behavior - and they found out her son had dabbled in alchohol already and was developing relationships with kids over an internet site - lots of other scary things too much to mention. Get involved with the youth group at your church or find a new church with a great youth program where the kids have lots of time to hang out and do fun stuff. Good luck.

Absolutely! We have a timer next to our computer and our computer is out in a public area. My 7 year old gets 20 minutes a day. I sure wouldn't let a school age kid have more than 30-45 minutes on a school day. And my son can "earn" extra computer on the weekends by good behavoir, helping out, etc.

His time should most definately be limited. I think in order to make a time limit work ask him what he thinks is a fair time limit and already have a time in mind and meet somewhere in the middle. I'd think 1 to 1 1/2 hrs. maybe a little longer on the weekends,would be plenty of time. I would also be aware of Myspace. I haven't heard to good of things about it. They are exposed to a lot of garbage. I'd be getting online and finding out more about what he is doing.

Forbidden fruit tastes twice as good. Don't worry about how much computer time is ok, think about what fun you want to have with your son before he grows up and goes away. Find out what he likes, get to know him, he will tell you if he is on the computer too much.

N.-
each family needs to set their own ideas of what's tolerable. Personally, I wouldn't allow my child to have a MySpace acct until they are much older (my 16yr old just got hers) and then monitor what goes on it very closely. We found our daughter had filled out ALL the info in the profile...much of it we didn't want posted--like where she lives...where she went to school....how many siblings she had....her age....her birthday (we made her change it)....we praised her for setting her acct. to friends only and she could tell us who every person was on her 'friends' list (we knew them all).
Many schools these days will set up an email acct for kids if they need to have it for school...in our house until the school does that, they don't NEED an email...they can share ours--we have a couple of free yahoo accts just for this reason.
As far as the online computer games go...you will have to watch your son play for a while and see if they are acceptable. My 18yr old likes NeverWinterNights...but the online game is not suitable for his younger brother--they have however hooked their computers together so my younger son can play a 'cleaner' less bloody/gory version.
You can always set your child's security on "High" on his computer so he will have to ask you to put in a password for websites that you have not 'cleared' yet.
As far as time on the computer goes....a kitchen timer works great. Just put in their alloted time minus 10 minutes...when the alarm goes off they need to get out of the game (10 minutes are usually more than enough time unless they get into a battle or two on the way to the 'save' spot). If they can't follow that simple rule then we take the computer away for the rest of the week unless its for school work.
Remember that being on the computer is a PRIVILEDGE not a RIGHT....so taking it as punishment is perfectly fair, despite what you child says.
Many parents seem to forget that their job is to parent first, and be friends second.
At least in my opinion

Just an idea for a winter activity. How about snowboarding or skiing? I don't know where you live if it is near a hill to practice on or a ski hill. I do think too much computer time keeps kids from doing other things.

Have you ever seen his my space account? Do you have content filters on your computer? If not, I would strongly suggest setting this up. He doesn't even intentionally have to look for inappropriate things, they can just come his way very easily. I would make sure the computer is in a "common" room and also limit his time to maybe an hour online. Just from experience with friends and family, the internet can lead to dangerous areas.

I have the same problem with my 15 year old boy. He is interested in nothing but his computer games. Every minute he free he spends on the computer. I have to monitor him like a mouse. His school work is slipping.

My daughter will be 11 in May and loves RuneScape too. We have installed software on the kid computer in our house - each child has their own login and daily computer time (30 minutes each weekday, and 2 hours on weekend days). The software allows for us to extend their time via a password if we choose, which we'll do on occasion if homework is done, chores complete, etc. Sorry, I can't remember the name of the software, but I know there are many out there. We can also get reports on websites they access, etc., to keep them safe. I think limiting non-homework computer time is important, and we encourage our girls to get out and play (when Wisconsin weather allows), read or play games, or most recently to play Wii, which at least gets them moving a little when it's too cold and icy outside... 30 minutes a day might be too limited as they get older (they're 7 & 10 now), but we'll definitely continue to keep tabs on the time they spend.

Nichole,

Yes, it is not good for him to be on the computer all the time. Limit his time to an hour and then shut it off. Find ways for him to interact with family or friends. He is going to be very mad at you, but it is common for kids to get addicted. The other danger is predators out there pretending to be a 13 year old. Physical exercise is a good idea.

L. :)

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!! Pedophiles count on parents not knowing much about computers, and not monitoring their children while they use them. When the computer becomes a teenagers' best friend it's time for a change. Check out the NBC Dateline series they have run on the pedophiles hunting our children on the internet.

There is also quite a span in the ages of your children, so maybe set aside special time for you and your husband to spend with the older one. Catch him now before it's too late. When they say their family is boring it's only because they are not connecting with actual live people 'face to face', and use the computer as their link to life.

Hope this helps. Teens can be challenging but so much fun if you can get them away from the technology! Good luck. L.

I think the most important thing to be aware of is what he's doing on the computer. Don't be afraid to be a snoop. It's your job to be sure that he's protected from the dangers the internet can bring into your home. As far as how much time is spent, if he's not interacting with real people and getting the physical excercise he needs to stay healthey, you need to find a way to intervene. Getting him away from the screen might take some effort and creativity. Find what his interests are and encourage hobbies in those areas. Does he love animals? Encourage him to volunteer at the Humane Society. Does he have an entrepunuerial spirit? Help him start his own business (mowing lawns or babysitting are great starts). Maybe encourage him to use the internet to discover what his interests are and then go from there. Whatever you decide, stick to your guns and be consistent, even if you meet opposition.

Dear N.,

Try googling "the harmful effects of computer and television use".

Yes, watching the flat screen is one dimensional viewing. It is very harmful, especially when addiction is apparent.

Use the computer and television as leverage, do what I ask and you are rewarded with 20 minutes of computer use a day. In the meanwhile go skateboard or play or wrestle(3-dimensional) games...no flat screens.

Learning disorders can manifest...again, google it and you'll learn so much.

And check out www.braingym.org, too.

Good read, "Smart Moves" by Carla Hannoford

Take care, and have fun with those boys...must be wild at home!

I don't have sons as old as this, but I've seen the affect of this much computer time on my cousins and it's not good (didn't go to college, can't maintain a job, was finally kicked out of the house).

First, I hope the computer is in a public place so you can somewhat monitor what he is doing. Second, doctors suggest limited screen time (tv, computer, handhelds) to only an hour or a few hours a day. How can this much game playing be beneficial? If you son is only on the computer, how is he developing his brain? What is he doing to help him get into college? How about other sports? Basketball? Does he even talk with you? Have friends? I'd start limiting it to a few hours at most, or maybe make it a reward -- if he keeps his grades up -- and higher than average -- he gets more time. Maybe talk to his pediatrician about what kinds of limits and how to enforce them. You're the parents here! Be strong! :-) Sorry to sound so strong, but yes, I think he is spending WAY too much time on the computer and you're bowing to a "I need more time" excuse. Set limits, be firm, turn off the computer, take the monitor and lock it up if you have to. Do it for the sake of your little ones too!!! Make him read, spend time with friend, help around the house. Does he have chores? He should have pleanty by this age. Good luck!!! PS My brother was born deaf and didn't speak. After some surgery, the doctors said don't let him watch tv b/c he needs to learn how to talk and interact. In response, my parents took it away completely. I don't suggest that, since then tv/computer becomes the forbidden fruit and its all I wanted to do at friends homes (I became very boring). But "all things in moderation" should be your mantra, and if you're a natural healer, you must know in your heart that this is not healty for your son in the long run. He needs more activities (and more time on homework) to stimulate him.

Moderation in all things. As much as we may love something, it is never healthy to do it constantly. Kids need to be outside exercising their muscles as much as their brains. I'd limit a kid his age to 2 hours a day which allows for checking email, etc. and playing a few games. Then, since he's such an addict, let him earn extra time on weekends by doing chores, helping with siblings, running errands, etc. Even though teens like to stay up late, it isn't healthy for them and must be monitored until they learn to monitor themselves, which often doesn't kick in until their 20's. Because your son in already in a bad habit pattern, you'll have to wean him off, probably with incentives, because a cold turkey change for a kid his age will just result in hard feelings all around.

Been through it Christian mom of seven - two grown, two teens, one tweenager, two little ones

I think since you are asking you know you should limit his time on the computer. We did about 1/2 hour to 1 hour a day. I think it would be good for him to be around for family time and time to serve his siblings. We all need boundaries in our lives.
S.

N., yes the computer should be monitored, we should strive to be balanced in every way, and caution must always be exercised when online, my space has it so you can set that no one else can view his page except freinds, other wise any one can look him up and talk to him, also runescape is a fun game, again, caution is to be used, others can talk to you on online games, however runescape has made it very hard to conversate with others deeply on it you mainly have time to talk game, i have a 13 year old too, and i do think by warmer weather they will be outside, however i dont think i would allow my son/daughter to push family things aside, if we choose to do things as family , we do them as family, even too, how about you and others in family getting a runescape acount, it is free, and can be alot of fun, for the whole family, it can be played in many different ways, i would play with our kids, you can build a house, mine, farm, do quests, and help each other out, it too can be a fun family game, there is a lot to do and explore, even as a mom i found it fun and very enjoyable with the family, if son needed some minerals i would go mine it for him he could sell it or do whatever , and besides it would help my stats too. its ok to be interested in what he is doing as well, check it out our family loves to play games together, but then we run into the problem of how many computers do you need ? hahahahaha any way, yes, make sure they get their work done first, and family things , and sure play games have fun , exercise caution, and be a great family, but its also ok to like what he likes, and if you need help in runescape let me know, D. s

Computers should be monitored just like all the other mom's said, the internet is a dangerous place. I'm gonna throw something out here by teaching our kids that it is fine to sit on the computer for all hours of the day what life skills are we teaching them. My husband a few years ago got into a online game and almost lost his job and we almost got a divorce over it because no one had taught him moderation. He thought it was fine to play for 12 hours a day, when I asked him about it he said he thought it was ok to play vids all day. His words were "When you're in a game it's the most important" Well it's not so it is up to us parents to teach our children self control with computers and video games. Even though technology is amazing today there are so many other things.
N. you said your son likes skateboarding, a good winter sport that improves board skills is snowboarding. Has he thought about it. My brothers do both and say that it is how they keep in shape and keep their skills in check. Just an idea, it looks like fun. Kinda spendy but there are some online shops where you can get gear for pretty cheap.
That's my thoughts
A.

You are right to be concerned about the amount of time he is spending on computer. The right decision isn't always popular and your son will likely disagree with you but what if you developed a contract? Time on the computer could be earned if matched doing other things? 30 minutes of reading, playing a game with the family,doing homework or skateboarding would earn him an equal amount of keyboard time. The very nature of the contract will decrease the amount of time he sits in front of the computer. Set a maximum for the week. My sister's home is electronic free during the week (t.v and computer!) and unlimited from Friday evening til Sunday evening. He won't shrivel up and die and neither will you. good luck

Yes! I am a third grade teacher, my husband is a middle school teacher,and we have 3 children as well. Kids need to find other things to do than just sit at the computer!!
Also, if he is alone and surfing the web....you can't be certain he isn't on sites that are inappropriate for his age. Please pay attention to what he is doing on the computer and the amount of time he is spending on the computer. I have set the guidelines with my fifth grader that the time he spends on the computer needs to be equivalent to or less than the time he is reading a book, or involved in exercise of some sort. Good Luck!!

Honestly, I would be concerned. You didn't mention where the computer was located. Is it in a central part of the house or in his bedroom? If it is in the bedroom, I would suggest moving it immediately to a higher traffic area.

Beyond that, MySpace scares me a bit with kids his age. There are so many people out there that do NOT have the best of intentions in chat rooms and the like - especially where kids are involved. If you decide that MySpace is appropriate for him, then at least please be sure you are monitoring what he is doing at that site. Be sure he does not have ANY identifying information available.

What is he doing that he needs more time on the computer?

This time of year is rough on kids (not being able to be outside as much), but isolating himself on the computer is not going to be beneficial to him in the long run.

Whatever you decide, be prepared for a fight if you make any changes to the amount of time he can be on the computer. Just remember, you are the parent. He can always "earn" time on the computer by improving his grades, helping around the house, etc.

Dear N.,

As the mother of three teenagers in High School, my response to your question is ABSOLUTELY. Three years ago, my husband and I got rid of all cable and our computer system at home. This has made a tremendous impact on each of the kids grades and made them appreciate life more. I have been deemed the "most strict" mom of all the kids friends, however, also the "funnest". So that evened out! We have invested in a laptop at home since all High Schools have gone to this web based system of turning in assignments and reports and even checking grades. Though we are not happy about it- we cannot beat the school system alone. Our laptop is set for the kids to sign on to their own "kids account" and only we know the password. This is for school work only. The access to internet is monitered with us around and the useage on the computer is for convenience for reports and school work. Believe me- your childs school does not monitor their own computer systems very well. My son used to come home from middle school bragging about how he was able to get around the system and play games online during study halls! The kids will look up whatever they can get away with at school.All three come home to tell us about what they saw on U-tube many times a week. You cannot really prevent that- without creating more problems for the kids and teachers regarding their assignments and turning them in. However, at home, you can. Once their assignments, chores, dinner, etc is over, eventually, your son will get bored in the house and decide to go outside- especially with spring here. If any of my kids even mention being bored- they get a list of stuff to do. I have not heard that word for 3 years! Don't get me wrong- it took a while but they listen to music, see friends, go to work, etc. They have earned these rights. We are also Christians and stay together as a tight family with our beliefs. This involves dinners together whenever we can and other activities with and without their friends. Try it. It will take time but the rewards are great! Especially with 2 of the kids on Highest Honor Roll. Good luck.

Yes computer should be Monitered. i have 3 Tweenagers boy 13, 2 girls are 12 yr olds.. they are being watched all the time. they are always Iming to thier friends and i ask they hate that. They know how stricit i am with it..week nights my kids are only allowed 1 hour each. No one is on the computer past 6pm at night. on the weekends is also one hour.. We do family time if they havent been on it at al that day they will wait unitl next day to get to play on it.. my kids have thier email addresses and i have parent control on it. i know what they are into and what websites they visited..Sounds like you doing just fine..if they say they are bored..OH WELL!! READ A BOOK.. My 3 are always complaining.. i tell them to read a book and Go play with gameboys or game cubes.. They have more electronics than i did when i was younger and i tell them get over it and find something to do..As long you gave him chores and homeworks and etc.i think you doing alright maybe cut back on the computer a bit..My 13 yr son is same way..