My girlfriend and I did a mother/son dinner (with our adult sons who were friends as kids) about a month ago and I've barely spoken to her since then. She called off a trip we were supposed to take together and said she wasn't feeling well. I've sent her several emails and called her without any response. This is highly unusual for her since we have contact weekly. I have a feeling my adult son (30 years old), who is going through a very challenging time, may have said something insulting/inappropriate to her after the dinner.(he walked her to her car & did the dinner as a favor to me, so he wasn't too happy). My friend can be highly sensitive to anything she perceives to be even a hint of betrayal and she just stops talking and doesn't offer an explanation--this has happened to several of her long-standing friends. My fear is that it's now happening to me. My question is...do I continue to try to reach her or ask my son?
I sent an "are you ok" email earlier today...Decided not to bring my son into it until I know what's going on with her. I'll update as soon as I get some resolution. Thank you all for your great advice. xo
Why don't you stop by her house. Then she can't ignore you. Ask her point blank if something is wrong. I had an overly sensitive friend and I finally cut ties with her. It was too hard walking on egg shells all the time. A true friend knows how to give and take and not think the worst of people.
Sorry people don't see you said your adult son and that he's 30. Interesting she's done this to other people and you fear she's doing it to you. Is she worth it?? She sounds unreasonable!! Unless you son said "you know, my mom says x, y and z about you and really doesn't like you..." what would he have said that she shoudl hold against you? I'd step back and see if she's really worth having as a BFF. If she is, I'd send her one more note asking if something or your son offended her. If she still can't reply, sorry but I don't think she's worth it. She's being rude and unfair and unfeeling at that point...
I think you should ask your son and not try to reach her again for a while. Apparently something has put her off - maybe some time will help.
Ask your son if there was anything that happened between him and her. It is hard to give better advice than that without more details.
If your son tells you no and you don't believe him (moms know), then I would reach out to her again and ask what happened. That is really all you can do. She may come around with more time.
ETA: SH, she does say she has tried calling to no avail
I would ask her point blank if there is a reason for her silence and that you hope that your long standing friendship would allow for her to be open with you if there is some kind of issue. I would also talk to my son and see if he knows what may have happened, but either way it is not right of her to hold your child's behavior against you.
Call her and say: "I want YOU to apologize for the fact that you haven't contacted me since our dinner. What do you want ME to apologize for?"
You've done your part, now it's time to let her come to you. If she doesn't then I'd suggest you start trying to find some new people to do stuff with.
First, you ask your son. Then, you reach out to her again. Apologize, if necessary. Make your son apologize, if necessary.
If you really think this "friend" of yours is giving you the silent treatment because your adult son said so something she didn't like, out of your earshot, then I think she isn't much of a friend. By all means, call her out on it. You can ask your son, but that should be more for curiosity's sake then to determine if there was a "betrayal" unbeknownst to you.
So how old is your son?
And will he even remember... something that happened one MONTH ago???
And, YOU are her BFF.
So as such, why don't you just, a.S.k. her, if something is wrong?
Why keep guessing.
Just, ask, her, what, is wrong, if anything... since she is your BFF.
And instead of keep e-mailing her, why don't you just call her with a phone?
If you're that close, you should be able to send her a message asking, "Is everything okay? I haven't heard from you since dinner." If you're such good friends, why would she hold your son's insults against you? And why wouldn't she just tell you?
I don't think that you should involve your son at this point, unless he's in his 30s. Then, you can somewhat jokingly say, "I haven't heard from Chickadee since dinner day. Did you say something crazy to her?" Otherwise, she is a grown-up (I presume) and should be able to talk to you about whatever beef she has with you. Don't pull other people into it. Contact her once more to confirm that she is not dead. Then, leave her alone and let her work through whatever is going on with her.
(I'm sorry--I don't understand the dynamic here. You and your friend had dinner with your son? Did she, also, have a son there? Is she your "BFF" or your love interest? Did your son have significant time alone with her? Why would you think that he took that opportunity to be insulting to her? How old is your son?)
ETA: Thanks for adding details...makes all the difference.
I think that you should not involve your son. I think that you should deal with your friend only, unless she tells you that yoiur son was offensive to her. At that point, you address that issue with him. Right now, your issue is with her only. I would either assume that she's twisted up about something and write her a message to let her know that I am backing off to allow her space and will see her on the other side OR go and get in her face to ask her what is going on. Probably the former; she's already let you know that she doesn't want to talk to you right now.
Ask your son. Listen to what he says. If she decides to talk to you about it, listen to her. If their two stories don't jive, then you'll have to decide what the truth is.
Perhaps this woman who seems to look for ways to be offended needs to be by herself for a while. Perhaps the person who needs to take a break from the friendship is YOU.
