Strange Friends Behavior...

Awwww....yeah.
And not so subtle.

Real friendship isn't difficult or awkward at all.
Good luck!

Yes. But that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. If someone stands you up and doesn't apologize with something more than "lame excuses", it's her problem, not yours. If it was just the "didn't respond to FB" thing, I might chalk that up to missing the post. But that's not what happened here. If her "lame" apology was more than that and you didn't accept/recognize it, then you have very different standards than she does, and she's sending you a message.

I suppose you could call (not text) and ask, "Have I offended you in some way? If so, I'd like to know." But if this person hasn't acknowledged you in several settings, she's not likely to be willing to talk about it. So if you did do something, it's probably not fixable because she's not open. But it's more likely that nothing specific happened, and you've just gone different paths.

I wouldn't obsess about it. I know that's hard. But this has been going on for months, and meantime you've missed out on someone somewhere who would be a great friend! I agree to move on.

Some people aren't very good at "breaking up" with their friends. They just try to go away and hope you will take the hint.
Lame, but true.
True friendships happen naturally, and sometimes take years to develop.
Take classes, work out, volunteer at school, church, the community, whatever. Just put yourself out there and meet people. Don't "try" to make friends, just meet people, get to know people, work with them. Over time relationships develop.
That's how it works.

Regardless of what her issue is, you HAVE to get past your difficulty and make new friends!

I am an ex-hermit too, and I HEAR YOU about how hard it is. But it makes a WORLD of difference when you spread yourself out more by being nice to many people and expanding your world. You won't make close friends right away, or maybe even for a while, but you'll be busy doing things you like and it will happen.

I am naturally the type to have only a couple of VERY close friends. But when I moved to the styx, and those one or two people moved with their jobs..that left me totally alone in my new home with just one or two people I communicated with by phone and email.

I branched out in my community and befriended a very social person and started taking some cues from her behavior on how to be more outgoing. Now after several years, she and I aren't actually that close anymore, but it doesn't matter because I've met some really nice people I have more in common with. So I don't worry when she's flaky or blows me off. I'm too happy inside and busy to fixate on one person. You need that for yourself.

The less you care about specific people and the more you feel fulfilled and busy doing your own thing (while be thoughtful and communicative to those who are receptive of course), the more everyone likes you anyway.

I don't know why your friend seems to be avoiding you. But you need to be good to yourself and others and leave it alone. It may not be permanent, but you need other friends. You say you've tried and failed. Forever? Permanently? In a world full of millions of people and interests and activities no one will ever be your friend?

You can do it!!!

Not so subtle but yes, I'd say this was an un-friending.
Move on and meet other people.

Most likely.

It makes a difference to know your back story. Best friend before kids or marriage and now pulling a 180 would be very hurtful.

If this mom had a ballet or preschool overlap with you and might be super busy with multiple kids and doesn't have much to say to you, then that is that. I used to think the moms were rude in my son's preschool until I had a second child. I truly could not keep all the parents straight and did not know if Ava or Emma mom was the lady in front of me at Trader Joe's or if it was some lady from ballet or soccer. I swear it is confusing and I have a great face/name recognition skill and I still could not keep it together.

not even very subtle.
sorry, hon. try not to brood on this one's exit too much. i hope you develop some new friendships soon.
khairete
S.

Yes, I'd move on. If someone wanted to maintain relationship/friendship, they would find a way to do it. If she did not even bother to explain to you what was wrong before deciding to distance herself from you, then she was never really a good friend to begin with. I'm bit of a reserved person and come off too direct so I know what you mean about diffiulties of making friends. Best ways to make new friends, I've found, is to participate in activities at work, community, or volunteer. Be open and share little bit of yourself and be interested in others. I hope this helps.

Move on, I wouldn't want to be besties with someone who has that much trouble communicating their feelings. Find someone who loves being around you, because you are you. Try to think of it as "her loss" to ease the pain.

You might want to ask yourself a couple of other questions: does your friend drink? any signs she is having an affair and doesn't want you to figure it out? Do you know of any painful or personal things she is going through? Is it possible that in spite of knowing your friend like forever could she have a mental illness that causes mood swings? I truly don't think you did anything, she is simply hiding something. And you sound very friendly. I am sure you will make a lot more friends. she will be the loser

Tadpole, after reading your eta....I suspect that you smothered this poor woman with her being your only friend. If you have trouble making friends and have only one friend and 'now have none' that last statement sounds like such a drama, woe is me, have a pity party sort of mind set that yes, your lack of friendship skills probably killed this relationships. You can't focus all your friendship needs on just one person. It's not fair and it's not what friendships are supposed to be - they are not to fulfill your lack of friendships..

Sorry if I'm being honest and hard....but you have to put yourself out there and be polite and civil and learn new social skills and perhaps new hobbies that will help you connect with other friends. Join art classes, clubs, gyms, reading groups, cooking classes, women's sports teams....you name it....go for it.

Give people time, but I can tell you that if you complain in the early stages of any friendship what you wrote above "i don't make friends easily, i have tried but failed. and now i have none." Most people will exit with a wave.

If she has been a friend, please give her the benefit of the doubt until you know for absolutely sure that she's blowing you off. Please don't assume that this is personal toward you, not yet.

There are other ways to think about what you describe, other than just "She's not my friend any more." If someone had been a real friend, I'd try not to leap to that conclusion.

Here's an example: What you thought was a lame excuse might have been her trying to cover up something that prevented her from seeing you. I had a friend who made up what sounded like lame excuses -- it turned out she was embarrassed and upset that she was going to a lot of doctor appointments and didn't want people to know she was sick and trying to get a diagnosis.

Or maybe your friend has trouble at home you don't know about and she's keeping it to herself and doesn't want to start sparking questions by telling people about it. It is not unusual for people with troubled marriages or troubled kids or who are having issues at work to fall out of communication, even though those are the times they most need their friends.

As for Facebook, maybe she just doesn't use it as often as you do, or as often as she used to, especially if she is busy or works a job outside the home or has kids to keep up with; she might have been swamped with stuff and just not seen the request about sending you contact information. I'm not on Facebook at all; if a friend used it to get word out about losing all her contacts, I would never know it at all if she used only FB to communicate that. You would have her e-mail address in your e-mail records, right? Maybe try sending her an e-mail instead of using FB, if she might not be on there much these days--?

In the grocery store, sure, she absolutely could have been politer and said more. But she might have been finishing up with the cashier and just about to dash to make an appointment or pick up a child who was waiting. I know I've had to get out of places fast to make a pickup on time and haven't been able to stop to chat with folks I've run into. She could have said that to you ("I'm sorry but I've got to go get X at preschool") but we all have times we just blank out and don't say what we should say.

If you were once close enough to be each other's bridesmaids, I'd be more worried about her than anything else at this point. If it were me, I'd contact her and ask, "Hey, you've been tough to reach lately--I was sorry we didn't get to chat in the store that day, and I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything OK with you and your family?" Then issue an invitation to get together; rather than a vague "sometime let's have coffee," make it a firm, "Can you meet for coffee Wednesday at 10 or Friday at 9, at Starbucks?" and start from there. Just let her know that you're concerned about her and want to check in. She might not respond, in which case you can decide whether you want to make another effort or just stop, but at least you will know that you exited the friendship after taking the high road and getting in touch to ask if all is well.

I would have to agree that it is time to move on. If you see her in the store or on the street, be cordial but that is probably where the relationship is.

I have a friend that was pretty much a bff growing up. The last time I saw her was 7 yrs ago. I sent birthday and other cards and more than half were returned to sender even though the address was correct. I took that as the message that the friendship was over. If I ever do see her again, I won't ignore but do not expect a blossoming friendship.

Hey girl, your statement about acquaintances but not really friends, damn, I can sooooo relate to that! I call them friends but at the end of the day...meh, just me. I am a hermit mostly too and lately I've been wondering if I'll regret it, etc. I don't know, I'm super happy chilling at home, lost in my own superfluous thoughts! Is that odd? Lol
I figure I'll acquire closer friends when I need to...and I figure my thinking and chilling solo is what's needed right now. New friendships take energy, time and money....and sometimes I just don't feel like expending all that! Lol
But about your friend, I'm the type that sees things like, well it appears to be over and that sucks...A LOT...but I love our memories and glad I got to experience such and such. Again, maybe that's odd, but I try not to dwell on what I've lost.
I think lots of women have trouble getting new friends, you're not alone, people post those questions all the time. Move forward, relish the memories and maybe just chill for awhile. :)