I need some advise as to how to help my daughter with her shyness. I don't know if it's a gene or something or a behaviour I am subconsciously passing on, I was shy and my mother was shy. She talks very well, she is energetic, and intelligent. She has been in headstart for about a month now and the teacher says she doesn't talk to them or the other children. They did a speach test with her, and she did very well. Usually, when we are around, it takes some time for her to warm up, then she's a social butterfly. But, the only time she interacts with anyone is when they play pretend. She loves pretend play and is obsessed with dolls and dressing up. We've already had issues with things like going to the doctor and the dentist, but I've found that if I explain everything that's going to happen, she does well. I know I was very anxious when she first started school and she knew it. My husband is going on a field trip with them on Friday, I'm hoping he can help her feel safer talking to her classmates and teachers. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thank you to everyone who responded. Her dad went with her on the field trip, and I think that has helped her to feel more comfortable. She has a friend she talks about all the time now. I've been told there's nothing to worry about, she's just very cautious, which is a good thing. She's very loving and open when she's ready.
Maybe you could arrange a playdate at your home with another child from her class. She feels comfortable there and maybe can relate to them one on one and then carry that into the classroom instead of trying to make friends with all the chaos going on with a whole room full of kids. Good luck!
Hi J.! I completely understand what you are going through. My son is 5 now, but when he started preschool at 3 yrs he had a VERY rough start and was very shy. Normally, he is very talkative and active with other kids. We figured out that he was overwhelmed by the chaos in the room which made him withdrawl from all the other kids. So, the teacher gave me a schedule that they went by. Every night before bed we talked about the schedule and again in the car on the way to class. Once he knew what to expect every time he went, it eventually got better. I also got together with a couple of moms that had little boys in the same preschool class and had play dates at the park. It helped him to make a few friends outside of the classroom which made him more productive in class.
I hope this helps!
Maybe since she loves pretend play at home help her open up by role playing with her what she does at school or for the field trip role play with her what's going to happen on the field trip just to help her relax a little more. It may help.
Had the exact same thing w/ my oldest. And after the first year, she did much better. It took a while to open up to new people. She was shy and didn't even talk to a cousin she had in her class. It seemed after I got her into daycare, at age 5, she did much better. She's shy and unsure of herself, but is doing great now. It's just one of those things she'll have to figure out on her own. Having a playdate is a great idea. Some kids are just self-conscious about themselves around other kids. Mine was and to an extent, still is. Give her time and don't push her to make friends. As long as she's happy and doing well in class, I wouldn't be too worried.
Good luck
~K.
My son was recently diagnosed with autism and would "choose" the "men" over the "women" in all situations. What we did was "expose", put him in situations again and again putting him on the "edge" and he finally came around. Maybe getting your child in a "mother's day out" which is a half-day would help.
My daughter, now 9, is exactly the same way. I hate to tell you, but you will be dealing with the anxiety of new situations until she grows out of it. The best way is to engage her in lots of activities that she is interested in (playground, soccer, dance, gymnastics, playdates, etc..). We took her to the playground and let her watch the other kids. I set up rules that she wanted to play that was great, but Mom was tired and just wanted to watch her play. When she felt comfortable she could go play in the sand. The key is that I would sit on the benches and she could see me and I could get to her in seconds, but I was not going to be playing with her in the sand. She needed to learn that it was OK to be 5 feet from me in public and still be safe. If she didin't want to play in the sand that was fine.
We would even take her to sporting events and have her sit on the outside of me where she would have to sit by a stranger. Getting her into group settings and allowing her to make new friends whether its with a teacher, coach or another child helps her learn to trust others. This was extremely hard for my daughter. Once she felt comfortable with her situation her attitude and behavior would change.
I took her to therapist to discover she has social anxiety. In adults they usually treat with anti-depressants. This was not an option for me since she was around 3 when we discovered it. It is very frustrating to parents to know your child is not comfortable in her surroundings. As you said if you talk about what to expect before you start anything new and try to think of different situations that might come up it makes the transition easier. We would go over how to say "Hi" if someone talked to her. We would practice at home. Normally she would try to hide behind me where she is pushing me over.
It doesn get easier, but the situations they deal with change. My daughter now recognizes when she will have the anxiety and wants to discuss how she might need to act in different situations.
