5Yr Old and Anxiety

Last year in K my son was a mess! I actually posted on here to get help. It got so bad i took him to a therapist. I talked to his teacher about seating him near kids that were best matched for him. I didnt know other parents but i asked him to tell me a few kids that were nice to him and i sent a note to their parents to set up playdates. Also we kept a notebook at school for him to write his worries in (teacher helped). That was a huge help. It helped him from not holding it in and helped me talk to him about it. This year he loves school, has great friends and hasnt had a single worry so it does get better! Although my other son who was fine in K now wants nothing to do with first grade! One day life might get easier i guess:)

Sounds just like my kiddo. K (my daughter) has severe anxiety - it started in kindergarten with the same types of worries but she also has excessive fears of bugs, grass, dogs (at the time) etc.

For her we did a couple things - every day instead of letting her focus in the hard stuff we had her tell us one or two things that made her laugh or that she learned and then expanded on that. We also talked to her teacher to find a peer group that we then reached out to outside of school walls so she could get to know them.

Lastly, one might a week, we let her pick her dinner choice to encourage her to eat. It became part of a routine she loved.

What we found was her anxiety was driven from needing a plan. She needed to know exactly what was going to happen when so we worked with her teacher to lay out the scheduled. Once she understood and knew what was going to happen, she got a bit better. We still have to do that to this day and she is in 5th grade. When she is encountered with a day or an hour without a plan she gets anxious all over again. In kindergarten we kept it simple - wake up at this time, eat at this time, see your teacher at this time, see mom at this time - and so on. She would watch the clock (gave her the big numbers before she could really tell time - when the big hand is on the 1 for example). It really helped her out tremendously.

Now that she is older we sit down at the start of every school quarter and draw out her schedule - she has it on a white board in her room for at home stuff and taped to her desk for school stuff.

It seems like it might be a little extreme, but when we started it - and saw what happened when we stopped it (nail biting, loss of appetite etc.) - we realized for her, it really did help.

I will advise you to invite kids from her class (one at a time) she seems to like over for a playdate. Do this EVERY week. Playing one on one will help her to make friends. You will see who she clicks with and who she does not and just keep inviting over the kids she gets along well with. This really helped our son bc it gave him something to look forward to...his friend in his class!

If you worked there you must know her teacher more than an average parent. I would give her a call to discuss this and find out how she really is doing during the day. I would also ask if there are any little girls in the class that she would be well suited with and could the teacher maybe encourage interaction between the two by pairing them up or seating them together. I would then invite her new friend over for a play date. It may just take one buddy to help her ease in.

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you, I have a new kindergartener as well.

My daughter did not have this degree of anxiety, but she did have a really had time adjusting to kinder. She's a pretty shy girl and it took her until 2nd grade to find her feet and really blossom. I attribute much of it to a lovely, lovely teacher she had in second grade, and time and maturity.

I have had kids in my daycare who don't eat for the first couple of days up to maybe 2 weeks. It's a new environment they aren't yet comfortable in yet and it's one thing that they can control. They do eat pretty normally at home to make up for it though...

I would just reassure her that she's ok, that you'll always see her right after school. Give her a picture of you so if she gets lonely she can look at it. Talk to her teacher about how hard it is for her, so she can be sensitive to her needs in the classroom and maybe pair her with a child who can draw her out.

My daughter's very best friend (still in 3rd grade) happened because a little girl with a name very close to my daughter's name introduced herself and asked my daughter's name. When she told her the little girl said " Hey, we have the same name! Want to be friends?" They's been two peas in a pod ever since.

It's so hard to watch, but she will be ok. It will just take a little time. Small play dates with kids in her class, like to the park with the child and parent and you and your daughter will help. Make it someplace neutral, and for a short duration at first and increase when your daughter feels more comfortable. Find her an activity. like gymnastics, martial arts, swimming... that she is good at and feels comfortable doing so she can build her confidence.

Good luck~

I don't have experience with this exact situation, but I can definitely see how this must be hard for you. Can you talk with the teacher? Tell him/her what is going on at home. I'm certain that the teacher has seen situations like this before. Has your daughter been in daycare before or is this her first experience away from you? I think it is VERY important that you reinforce that she is going to be in a very supportive, safe environment. I think it's important that you manage your own feelings about this when you are not around your daughter. If she senses that you are anxious, she will be anxious.

Do you know any older kids who could be her mentor? When my daughter went to kindergarten, we had a 5th grader who showed her around, etc. Have you tried role playing?
If it keeps up at this level, I would recommend counseling. (I taught high school for 38 years, and my daughter did really well with counseling, but someone else needed to tell me to do it when she was 6.)

when the time is right. she is five that means nothing to her. teach her how to introduce herself and engae other kids. tell her to say " hi my name is Hanna(or what ever her name is) what is your name?" If they answer her tell her to ask them if they want to play. Also teach her about proper times this is ok, not durring class but on the play ground. she sounds lonely in class help her make friends. tell her what to do if they are mean and dont want to play with them. tell her if she dose not want to play woith someone what she should do. how do you want her to treat other people and she should treat them the way she wants to be treated. if she wants to play alone at that time tell her to say" no thanks I need to play alone right now, but maybe later ok?" its kind enough to let the other kid get the hint with out making ppl dislike her.

Any advice for a ten year old with same problems is also appreciated. Having this anxiety for the first time in her school career. I attribute it to a new school but don't know what to do to help get her over the fear.

Maybe try The Seperation Anxiety book by Elizabeth Pantly