Should I Be Concerned or Am I Being Paranoid?

This is one of those things that I would err on the side of caution. If you have any red flags, or simply any lack of green flags concerning this guy - Don't let her go.

Could you invite your mom over for a girl's night sleepover? Plan a big classic slumber party with pj's and sleeping bags, and makeovers and pillow fights and popcorn and movies! There's no reason you should miss out on the fun.

Playfully kick hubby out of the house for the night to hang out with friends or crash at his moms (Or your mom's, hey - if he thinks its fine, then he can go stay with the guy)

I am just now reading your post, I am a new step mom. My new step son is 31, and has a 5 year old and a 1 year old. When I was first dating my husband, I got an email from his son. Saying- just because you have known my dad all of your life, doesn't mean that I know you, and I am sorry but I am not comfortable leaving my kids with you which is why we won't ask you to watch the kids." Kind of bold I thought, and quite frankly was hurt by it til I thought about it. Then it made sense, they are his babies to protect and he is responsible for the influence he allows in their lives. And, he didn't know me, or my values, morals, code of ethics, the language I used- nothing. Now we try to spend as much time together as we can so we can all get to know each other, it is working out wonderfully! Good luck to you and certainly don't allow your mom or anyone make you feel guilty or silly about your decision. That is actually very good parenting on your part- Even if the guy didn't have all the drama in his life.

I personally would not do it. I would kindly tell my mom that I was just not comfortable with my daughter around a man that I don't know very well. She should understand. If not, unfortuantely, her feelings will be hurt. But your daughter is your first priority. Good luck.

I do not think you are paranoid.

First of all, you do not know this man very well, he seems to have a lot of drama in his life.

He is a "stranger". Follow your gut instincts. You are doing the right thing to look out for your daughter....

He could be the sweetest, kindest man on this earth but why take a chance.

You're not being paranoid. I wouldn't let my child stay over night either. Just tell your mom that you're not comfortable with it and that's that. You're your daughter's mother, it's your call. No one should get offended with you for raising her the way you want instead of the way that they want. Well, keeping her away from situations that make you uncomfortable is part of raising her the way that you want. Don't give in. I think you're right on this one.

Um, no, you are not being paranoid!!! My husband is a police officer and has unfortunately worked on a bunch of child molestation cases. He said the 99% of the time it is done by someone the child/family knows.

There is no way on God's green earth that I would allow my kids to stay at a house where there is someone I do not know VERY well (even if it was my moms house). I don't care if someone tells me I'm paranoid, that is how I feel. I realize we can't put our kids in a bubble...but I feel pretty strongly about this topic!

Stick to your guns mama!

Just now reading your post and I agree with the responses your received. Follow your gut instinct with your children. One thing you might be able to do is to invite your mother to spend the night with you so that they can spend a little extra time together. Our daughter loves to spend the day with her grandmom. They go out for lunch, maybe to a movie or the mall or whatever hits their mood. Even small get togethers can be special .. but no overnights with anyone you don't fully trust.

I agree with the other posts. I wouldn't allow my daughter to spend the night either.

Ask your Mom if she would be willing to plan a day out with your daughter and not do the overnight thing. If she ask why, be honest and let her know your concerns.

Also, if you would like to get to know your mother's friend a little better, just for future events, invite them over to your home for dinner.

I don't think you know this guy well enough to trust him...yet. Your mom could stay at your house O. night. Although your mom is a grown woman and can do as she pleases, I wouldn't want my child to witness my mother sharing a room with a man who is married to someone else! Just my opinion.

Please don't send her over there. You just never know.

You can never be too paranoid when it comes to your children. If you don't trust this man 110% then I definitely would not risk it. I just saw your "So What Happened?" and I know that is what you have decided. Just wanted to let you know that you have yet another mama on your side! :)

Here's the thing -- if you are worried about the situation you are going to spend the whole night worrying and freaking out, it sounds like. Then you'll be a wreck the next day.

So, even if he's perfectly normal, you're not obligated to make yourself miserable. Do it when you're comfortable with it.

Being "paranoid" is part of being a mom. So, no, if you dont feel comfortable with the guy there, dont let her go stay the night. Your mom has to understand that, she was a mom, and probably would feel the same way. I dont think you are exaggerating, at all. I wouldnt let her go, and I would tell my mom about it. What you know or what you dont know about the guy is important, so, you guys will need time to create a bond, and see what type of guy he really is. Dont feel pressured, do it on your own time, when (if you ever) feel comfortable at all.

I would let Mom visit at your home anytime she likes, overnights I would not permit unless you run a background check on this man
I may be paranoid also but better safe than sorry
Good luck with your decision
KC

Strange, I was with some friends last night, and we had just this conversation. Two of my friends had this kind of a situation come up with either themselves or someone they know. One had both googled the man and found out a bucket load about grandma's boyfriend. I would try to check him out. You should do what you think is right for your daughter, mommy voices are there for a reason and you can always say yes later if you find out you are wrong.

M.

I would politely say NO. You don't know him. PLUS (this is MY opinion, so don't bash me) even if your daughter is too young to grasp the full meaning as yet it is not 'right' for a MARRIED MAN to live with another woman. This is teaching her - subliminally - that it is okay to be immoral. HE says his wife is 'crazy,' but he would have to say that to get your mom to have him live there. If she is really crazy, he should divorce her. If she won't agree, there must be a way out if they are 'estranged.' THEIR relationship is none of your business like you said, but your daughter IS YOUR BUSINESS!! Hang tough, Mama!!

I agree with you, I would never let my kids (Boys or Girls) stay at someone's house where I did not know everyone in the house well. Now you love your Mom and you trust her judgement right, so I would have a heart to heart and explain that once you get to know this man then we will see, but for now we need to take it one day at a time. I do not know how old your daughter is, but mattering on her age you might want to talk to her as well. if she is old enough (10 or up) to know that she can tell you anything and if there was an issue with him she would then discuss it with her but if she cannot do this then just tell her you need to get to know "whatever his name is" and leave it at that.

I am also worried about the "Drama" My neighbor went through a NASTY divorse where her X shot out my window w/ a B B gun just for watching his son for her. You have no Idea what people are capable of, He shot himself 2 months latter and there were 3 bullets in the gun (one for her, one for him and one for the little boy), he text her just before he did it, and if she had gone right over ... who knows. I do not mean to scare you but when you say crazy I get worried. PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR LITTLE GIRL, that comes 1st above all else.

Good Luck

I think your feelings are justified. I personally won't let my child stay the night, it's not because I wouldn't trust my mom. You are still getting to know him and you have some concerns.

I would just let your mom know that. Offer other alternatives for her to spend time with your daughter.

My MIL is single and my husband and I have actually had this conversation. We both agreed that if she started dating someone, our daughter would not be allowed to be around without one of us there with her.

The fact that your mother is living with a married man doesn't say much for her judgement. I wouldn't let her stay.

I haven't looked at the other responses, but your duty is to protect your daughter. If you don't feel comfortable around this man after knowing him 9 or 10 months, there's probably a good reason. Trust your instincts and your judgment. Your subconscious is probably seeing something you aren't. If your mom ends up marrying the man, then you can revisit the issue later. So that you maintain a good relationship with your mom, maybe you can offer to have her come spend the night at your house.

Also, I would consider looking him up on watchdog or a similar type cite. But, even if he doesn't have a record, it doesn't mean that he hasn't done something. Often, they don't get caught!

You are smart to worry about this and your mom should understand and appreciate your concern.

Great advice everyone, and I agree protect your daughter first of all and trust your instints, common sense, intuition.

There would be no way I would allow my child to stay the night there. You hardly know this man and what if this crazy women he is still married to were to show up at your mothers house while your daughter is there?? You are your daughter protector listen to your heart!!

I think you're justified. If you're not comfortable with your daughter being around someone you don't know well, then trust yourself. You are her mother. If she really wants to spend time with her grandmother maybe the three of you can spend the day together. Or maybe you and your daughter can spend the night there together, but I like the idea of having your mom come to your house for the night and having a girl's night sleepover!

Personally, I wouldn't let my child stay with anyone overnight who I didn't know and trust 110%. I know you trust your mom, and it would be nice to think she could protect your daughter if need be, but if you don't really know this guy, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

Always follow your instincts and let your mother know that your daughter can not spend the night with another man in the house. Molesters come in all diferent shapes and sizes and SES backgrounds.
Good luck because she may be offended but so what--it is what it is.
N.

I am with you on this one. You don't know him well enough. Maybe in time when you do get to know him it will be ok. Do a back ground check on him. You just never know these days.

You are her mother and her best advocate! If you have a strange feeling about it then DON'T do it!! You don't know this man very well and you can't *potentially* put your daughter in harm's way!

.

No way. You barely know him, he is not married to your mother, and you don't know what will go on. Maybe drawing this line will help your mother see the consequences of living with this man and reconsider, but it will certainly protect your daughter.

I trust my mother implicitly and so I would let my daughter go but if you have any doubts whatsoever (which you obviously do) then do not let your daughter stay over. Just tell your mother that you are not comfortable letting your daughter say over until you get to know you mother's partner better. Hopefully she will understand.

Like everyone else here-TRUST YOUR GUT! something is not being said or told and it does mean he is hiding something-don't let your daughter be anywhere around them without your protection!!!
Now have you checked out his so called Ex wife? this may not be true and what is not being told? Your have every right to check into her and him and follow thru till you are satisfied!!!! Tell your husband not everyone is as they seem and you need him to believe your feelings too!