Self-weaning and Extended Breastfeeding

I've only got a second right now so I will write more later, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone! My son is 2 years 4 months old and still breastfeeding. I am trying to wean him right now because I am 15 weeks pregnant.

Hi H.,
My daughter breastfed until she was almost 3 years old! It was only at night or once in a while some other stressful time during the day.... not regularly for naps. She totally self weaned eventually, even tho at the time I thought it might never happen. I was a bit embarassed too because she was so old. She was old enough to reason with and could be really inconspicuous. I had another daughter 4 years later and she self weaned at just under two. So I guess each child is different.
My oldest is so very strong willed and independent it seems almost humorous to think she breastfed until almost 3. Good luck! P.

You sound like a wonderful mother who is very concerned about your daughter's well-being and in the end that's what matters most. No, you are most definetely not the only one who nurses or nursed a toddler. I nursed both of my kids until they were two and a half. Many of my friends nursed their kids until they were three and some even went to four or five. It's more common than it seems. It's perfectly natural to have mixed feelings about weaning and your feelings, not just your daughter's, should be considered. If you don't want to do it anymore for any reason it's okay to stop. I personally felt when both of my kids were two and a half that I was just done. I just started to feel extremly annoyed by the sensation. They weren't necessarily done so we took it slow and we talked about it alot. I knocked off one feeding at a time so it was not as dramatic of a loss. Each time I knocked off a feeding I replaced with a fun activity or a snuggle so they were still getting special time with me(I even gave my daughter a weaning party.) They cried some but were mostly over it within a week or two. My feeling is it's okay to stop nursing now if that's what you feel is right and it's okay to keep nursing too. Whatever works best for YOU and your daughter.

P.S. My only other advice is make sure you are really done before you try to wean her. It will be alot harder for both you guys if you go back and forth.

Good luck and take care!

No, you're not the only one! I nursed my daughter until she was 2 and a half. The summer she self-weaned, it was a self-reinforcing process. She remembered to ask less often, and I produced less milk (it was down to a symbolic level, anyway). Then she'd start to say that she didn't want to nurse because I wasn't making enough milk. While that made me a bit sad, it really seemed like a natural process was happening. It was a real ride emotionally and hormonally, though, because I'd really enjoyed nursing for the most part. It will happen!

You are definitely not the only one. I stopped breastfeeding around 27 mos in July. I had been nursing him mostly just before bed for about six mos with occasional nursing during the day on weekends. I gradually eliminated habitual times (except for first thing in the morning which he stopped on his own). Finally I only nursed him when he asked--he forgot a couple bedtimes a week.

When his 2nd birthday came in mid-May there was no end in sight and it made me sad to think about stopping. I wanted to let him decide he didn't need it anymore. But as I was increasingly doubtful that that would happen--he really liked it--and I really needed to take some pain medication, one night I nursed him, put him to sleep and took some pills. The next night, when he asked to nurse, I told him that he couldn't because I had to take medicine. He was okay with it. He asked a couple more times after that, but clearly wasn't sad when I said no.

Even though I didn't self-wean, he was really ready. Oddly enough, I think I was less ready--I still had milk for 2 months+. If he cried, my boobs would fill up.

Good luck and don't worry about being embarrassed. Just tell yourself that you are doing the best thing for your baby.

Hi H., no you're not the only one breastfeeding a toddler! There are a lot of women who choose to do this. From what I've read, there are some experts who believe that children are meant to nurse till they're older, and that it's just an arbitrary thing that our culture has imposed that we wean them so young.

Anyway, I nursed my daughter until she was 2 and 7 months. She did not "self-wean" per se, but at that point it was possible to explain to her that I could not nurse anymore, and she just accepted it. She slept well for the first three nights, and then I think she realized that she really wasn't going to nurse anymore and was fussy for a while, but she never was a good sleeper to begin with. Eventually she took a bottle (I know, but a better alternative than going back to the breast) which she then gave up on her own.

I have a friend who nursed her daughter until she was 4, and pregnant with her second when the girl decided to leave the milk "for the baby." My boss nursed her daughter until she was 3. She eventually did what I did, just said that Mommy can't nurse anymore. Her daughter cried, but accepted it. These are highly educated women, by the way.

There is a lot of information online about nursing toddlers if you want to get more information, Mothering magazine has a good forum, and La Leche League has good info too. You are not alone!

I can't say whether or not you'll be able to get pregnant while nursing of course, but it really does happen. Of course you have to do what's best for you and your daughter, but I hope this helps you a bit in your decision.

Feel free to ping me if you have any questions!

I see I'm late and you've already gotten a lot of great support, but wanted to write anyway. I nursed my first until she was almost 22 months. I gradually weaned her as I was 3 months pregnant with #2 and the pain literally had me in tears every time I nursed her (by then we were down to 3 times a day). I'd have to hide my tears from her as I didn't want her to know it was hurting me. I had wanted to make it to two years (per her Dr. encouragement and World Health Org.). The last night I nursed her, I put her to bed and then came into my own bed and cried my eyes out. There is no need to rush... As for getting pregnant, I was 36 and at that time nursing about 4 times a day and it literally happened the first time (not month, but time!) we tried. Please give yourself positive vibes about all that!

Good luck and enjoy!
R.

P.S. I'm planning on nursing #2 until at least age 2 (now 16 months) and yes, I'm very selective about who knows as the judgment from some family and friends is pathetic. I learned that lesson the hard way with my first. I'll join your "nursing a toddler" camp!!!

Hi H.,

I only (ha! 'only') breastfed my son until he was 16 months, but I was done with it and knew we'd had a good run. Also, we had been trying to get pregnant for 8 months with no success, so like you I wondered if the breastfeeing was a factor.

I know a lot of people get pregnant while they're breastfeeding, so it may not be a factor for you, but I did stop breastfeeing and got pregnant the next month. Who knows if that would've happened anyway, but it did reinforce our decision.

I would like to reiterate what one of the ladies said though - make sure you are ready because, while not impossible, it is a hard decision to reverse. I have friend who gave up at about 9 months and then was really sorry she did. She tried to reestablish breastfeeding, but her milk supply had dropped and her son was just not interested in working that hard for it, so it didn't happen for them.

Anyway, good luck to you. I'm sure you'll do the right thing. I think it's great that you're giving it so much thought.

Take care, D.

Helllo H.: I have 5 chidlren, and several grandchildren.
When we lived over seas, many mothers nursed 2 children at a time different ages because it was the custom. One wise mother taught me a valued lesson on how she stopped with her children.
If they are old enought to ask for the breast, then they are old enough to be taken off it.
It Sounds like you are the one that is ready. So give your child sippy cups and call it a day. You can offer to nurse her at night if you desire to but other than that, give her the cup. Remember, she is the child and you are the adult. She will take her cue from you. Some women do keep nursing for health resons for the child. Some it seems get a kick from the stares from people, or the comments. Recently we were at a family activity and someone thought to nurse a 3 year old in the middle of the family -- the older men were embarassed and my son 22 asked her sho she was trying to impress? Just like with a bottle, remember this is comfort food for the child and why give it up. So if the child likes to snuggle up then hold her, but have her drink from a cup or read to her instead. Good Luck, NanaG

My daughter weaned at 2yrs 4 months. At that point she was nursing only before going to sleep. We talked a lot about weaning with her starting before she was 2, and about how that would show that she was getting to be a bigger girl. We asked her what she would like for a "weaning present" -- she chose an Ernie puppet. Because her dad was traveling a lot for work, we set a date for when his period of busy travel ended, and we would discuss the approaching date: "next saturday you will be weaned" etc. When she woke up on that morning, she actually danced around the bed singing "I'm weaned, I'm weaned!" and she was happy with her Ernie puppet. That night, she said "don't want to be weaned" and cried a little, but she never did ask to nurse after that. And she never did play much with the Ernie puppet, but no one else was allowed to play with it either because it was her special toy.

Her brother, born just before her 3rd birthday (and shortly before my 38th) weaned just a bit sooner -- and to tell the truth, I don't remember too much about the particulars. I was too tired!

Best of luck,
A.

you're not the only one. it's common to breastfeed after the age of two, and it's actually recommended by the World Health Organization. you are doing your daughter good by nursing her.
i doubt my 2+ yr old daughter would have self-weaned. when i was ready to stop, she was nursing before sleeping (twice a day). she gave no trouble at all. so just gradually get it down and when YOU and/or she is ready to stop, then stop.

p.s. look up world breastfeeding statistics - you'll see it's common, and healthy, to nurse 2, 3, years.

Hi H.,

You are not alone! Keep it up!

I nursed my son until he was 2 and a half. I thought he would NEVER self-wean but with some gentle coaxing, he was fully weaned by 2.5.

Here are the responses I received several months ago:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/11430334332774907905

Hope it helps!
Good luck, it will happen.

Melissa

They really do self wean! My oldest nursed until she was 3.5 when I became pregnant with her sister. I know I seemed odd. I know people looked at me sideways sometimes. But I didn't care. It was the first big decision my daughter was able to make for herself. I think that's important. You need to do what is comfortable for you. For me, I followed the don't offer, don't refuse approach. If we were in the park and she fell down and needed a little nursing time to center herself, I didn't refuse. I believe living in the Bay Area really plays a role in not having too many people think it's odd. I think it's awesome you got her to stop nursing and still nap--once we stopped nursing mine never napped again! I needed that sleep SOOOO BADLY in my first trimester!

My daughter will be two on 10/15 and she's still happily nursing 6-10 times daily. I did night wean a couple of months ago because co-sleeping wasn't working for anyone, and I wanted her to sleep in her own bed. If you're not bothered by her being on you at night, I wouldn't change anything. You and your daughter are the important parties here. As long as you're both happy with the arrangement everyone else can mind their own business!

I became pregnant with my second while nursing at least 5 times a day, but not at night. Everything I have read says that as long as you're not nursing for a 6-8 hours period daily, your fertility comes back to regular (which would explain your period coming back). So, if she's not nursing during the day, you're likely as fertile as you'd be without weaning.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You're not the only one! I think with a toddler, it just takes a little discipline(since toddlers can be sooo headstrong!) on your part and all will work out.

I recently weaned my daughter born July 2007 and here's what we did: We began to talk about the time when she'd have no more "nee nee". We talked about what a big girl she was and all the things she could do. Finally, we were on vacation in Hawaii, and our return would be the end. My older daughter came up with a little song, "After Hawaii, no more nee nee!". The two girls would sing it constantly laughing all the while. Well, lo and behold, it worked! She asked a few times when we got home (and cried a bit-but clearly, for me)and that was that!

Good luck!

No, you are not the only mama nursing a toddler. I was just thinking about how my 20 month old is getting to that stage where they nurse more than one year olds and how normal that is. With my first child, I remember hearing all the mamas of two year olds at La Leche League describe this as "nursing like a newborn" and worrying that their kids would never self wean.

That was almost 20 years ago. dd did self wean and the end of our nursing relationship was "every three months for five minutes just like clockwork".

Although the WHO recommends a MINIMUM of two years, the normal age of weaning for a human varies from 2.5-7 years

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

Although early weaning is currently fashionable in the US, there are many benefits for you as well as your daughter in letting nature take its course:

http://www.helium.com/items/267806-when-to-stop-breast-fe...

it sounds to me as if you might need some support from other mothers. Is there a La Leche League group in your area? I know you can find an online support forum, but I can't imagine that it could take the place of meeting people in real life.

ETA: I got pregnant while nursing dd and am currently TTC while nursing little ds. I am 44 years old.

My son will be 3 at the end of this month, and he weaned himself about 4 months ago. I'm currently 35 weeks pregant, and he still asks every few nights, but as soon as he latches on, he says he's done. When I first got pregnant, it was pretty darned painful, and he weaned himself partly because he knew that it hurt me. Then, my milk changed over to colostrum for the baby and just wasn't enough for him.

I think his need for it now stems more from just wanting to make sure I'm not going to shut him out when Baby Sister comes next month. There are going to be so many changes, but I also have a don't offer, don't refuse "policy." And even when he asks, sometimes I tell him not tonight because .... (insert reason).

I'm also a peer counselor with Nursing Mothers Counsel, and I LOVE to see mamas still breastfeeding WELL past the AAP recommended 1 year!!! I also love to see HOW MANY mamas are still nursing their toddlers because they understand and love the benefits to both mamas and babies! Remember, that your milk changes with your child regardless of how old your child may be, and as long as both and your child are comfortable with nursing, there's no reason to stop. Who cares if people look at you funny?! YOU are the parent; not them! And thank goodness you're the parent if they don't believe in breastfeeding....

I also wanted to let you know that at this point in your breastfeeding "career," nursing your toddler should have VERY LITTLE impact on your abilities to get pregnant again. In fact, one of the early signs that you're pregnant (even before you can test positive!!) is breast and nipple tenderness/pain when your daughter nurses.

Congratulations on your dedication, and good luck on extending your family!!!!

I got pregnant while my first daughter was nursing at age 2. As soon as I was pregnant it became very painful to nurse. So I stopped. I could not endure the discomfort. Nursing is a wonderful time spent with your daughter. Don't rush ending it.

I also am an extended breastfeeder. My first two nursed until 2.5 and now my third is turning 2 next month. I had to stop them at 2.5 so I would be interested in what others say about self weaning as well. I was never that lucky!
R.

I'm probably too late too, but my daughter just turned 4 and she self weaned with some encouragement along the way and the promise of a trampoline when she no longer needed breastfeeding about 6 weeks ago. She still has a little suck to see if there is anything in there,but is OK with it.

I'm not sure if my story will help but I did get pregnant while my daughter was nursing and after a few months of pain and less milk even though she was not yet one and a half even she begrudgingly took to dad giving her water instead of me giving her milk. The part where I was pregnant may not be as useful as what we did when the pain of nursing was feeling more overhwelming than the benefit. We cosleep and so my husband and I just switched up her routine a little until she adjusted to the change. He put her to bed since she would expect me to nurse her if I did. And then she would sleep closer to him than me for a while. It was a very smooth transition.

It's been 2 months since I weaned my baby and he will be three next month! I had a strict don't ask, don't offer policy. When we got back from vacation (early August), he nursed pretty consistently morning and night until we got back into a routine. Then he backed off, and I had hubby or big sister put him to bed. Then we played the distraction game when he would mention "more night-night". Now occasionally he asks and I told him that there's no more milk. Just this morning, he looked down my nightshirt and said to his brother - "no more milk, bubbo". So I can't say he was self-weaned, but it really only took some gentle nudges to get there.
And with the first 2 I did get pregnant while nursing and it took a long time for my period to come back as well. It will work out like it is supposed to! Good luck!

I don't have advice about self weaning, bc my 2.5 year old is still going.... but wanted to share that I got pregnant while he was breastfeeding. I think if you got your period, you're ovulating, right? Are you charting/taking your temp so you can tell if you are or not?

I had heard that some toddlers will self-wean when you get pregnant bc your milk changes, but mine actually wanted to nurse more.

Best of luck and just wanted to let you know you weren't the only one nursing a toddler...

There are tow great books out there that I can reccomend "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and "How weaning Happens." Both address nursing toddlers and even preschoolers. I am nursing my fifth and none of my older four children completely self weaned. The odlest three we set a date to have a weaning party (after they were down to only nursing at bedtime for soem time). My oldest two were 4 when this happend but numebr 3 was just 3. My fourth quit nursing at 16 months when I night weaned her. I have many friends who swear that their children quit nursing on their own between 2 and 4 years old but that was not my experience. However I was able to get pregnant while nursing and each of my older children had a younger sibling who was nursing so it was a costant reminder of what they wanted. I do know from my years in La Leche League that every mom is different and some like me get their periods back the second the baby touches their first bite of solids and for others the child had to be completely weaned for fertility to return.
Know that you are not alone and whatever decision you make whether to help your daughter wean or to let her self-wean is the right one for your family.

you're not the only one nursing a toddler! my son was also born 9/07 and LOVES to nurse still (even though I can't imagine he's getting much milk...) I still nurse on-demand (which isn't too much as I work full-time)... but nurse on naps / night... so let me know what you learn! good luck!