When to Stop Breastfeeding and HOW?

Hey J.,

My daughter was a month shy of two when I stopped breastfeeding (I found out I was pregnant!) I told her that the milk was "all gone," and she accepted that since she understood it.

Good luck!

Omg... I am so glad to read this! I am in the same situation my daughter is 20 months old and she is my first baby! I am a stay at home mom and enjoy breastfeeding her also! Others make comments about it like you are still breastfeeding her?? I am not worried about what anyone else thinks but still get a little bit stressed out when I should stop? Maybe you can help me with some of the advise you get! Hope you are having a fabulous day!!

(Wow. What an fascinating home atmosphere that is!) There is a thing called self-weaning, which is when your son gets to decide for himself when he wants to stop. If he and you are both enjoying it, don't let others pressure you into stopping. My daughter is 3 1/2, and she still nurses about once every two or three days. I had always wanted her to self-wean, but I decided about 6 weeks ago to stop. She actually was pretty much fine with it, which was surprising to me. I thought she was going to have trouble falling asleep or be hysterical, but she was fine. But I still let her "snack" occasionally (if she woke up before she was ready or if she got hurt, or what have you), but I realized I was taking away something that she loves (and will never get to experience again in her life) just because I felt that other people might not understand. But now I am back to letting her nurse when she really wants it, and it is only every couple days or so (some more, some less). Just trust your instincts. If you are ready, just cut out one nursing session per week or so, until they are gone. Some find night time or first thing in the morning the toughtest to stop, but it all ends up working out eventually. Good luck, and may God bless you all!

I'm a SAHM as well with a home based business too. I too did "extended breastfeeding" with my 1st child. She breastfed until she was about 2 to 2.5 years old. My son self-weaned by 1 years old. I believed in breastfeeding and self-weaning. My Hubby also fully supported this, which was a great thing.

If people chide you for extended breastfeeding, just research online.. there are MANY child experts who advocate it. In our country however, it is not "favored." In our culture, the emphasis is on "not" having a child get "attached" to anything and getting them "weaned" off of things quickly so they don't "develop" "dependence" on things. It is cultural.

Anyway, yes, the breastfeeding WILL stop. At his age, your son can be talked to about it....you need to encourage or give him the head's up that one day he will need to stop etc. Certainly, by this age, they don't "nurse" very often (at least that is the way my girl was).

What you need to do, if you want him to wean now, is distract him, or say "not now, later okay" and then get up and make yourself "busy." or some Mom's will "explain" with things like "Mommy doesn't have milk at night...." etc. or substitute a water bottle for him etc.

For, me, that is what I did. However, I NEVER compared my daughter or son to other children, nor did I "scold" them for breastfeeding at their age. I merely explained that as she gets older, my girl will need to stop. She understood and would even think it was funny that she was still doing it. But, in her own time, she DID stop on her own and that was that.

Sure, each child is different, and their "self-weaning" (if you go that route) varies.

At this age, it is also a comfort thing, and that is what people will tell you. Some Mom's feel like a "pacifier" too. Well, so that's fine. Each child and Mom are different, and their level of tolerance with it. But, I think it IS important that the subject is talked about with your child in an age appropriate way... so that he "knows" that one day, it will stop.

Then again, I do know Mom's who have nursed their child even until an older age. Do what you feel is best for you and your child.

If you don't mind breastfeeding him still, and he is not ready to wean, then there is nothing wrong with that, to me. But yes, "prepping" your child for the eventual weaning is certainly the nurturing thing to do. I don't believe in stopping "cold-turkey", although that is the only way that some children will stop, but this method will be met with protesting. So keep that in mind.

Do research online, and use the search word "extended breastfeeding" or "weaning a toddler" etc.

At this age, they don't "nurse" for very long, and not very often. At least this has been my experience...so, by prolonging the intervals and length of it can help, and getting them distracted with another activity. For me, by the time my daughter was that age, I was ready to stop... she too was getting big and my patience was waning. And so we talked about it, until one day she just stopped. And she actually felt like a big girl and was "happy" about it. The self-weaning is a milestone in itself.

Oh and another thing other Mom's have done, my friends included...is putting a band-aid on your breasts to cover them.. .and they would explain that they have an "owie" and don't have milk anymore. For my friends, this method worked.

But good for you... don't let anyone criticize you for your choice in extended breastfeeding. And yes, it may seem like it will never stop, but it will. But do explain to your son about it in a nurturing way so he understands.

I would not however, "bribe" the child or substitute unhealthy treats as a "reward" to encourage them. I think, for me, weaning should not be manipulated with bribing or treats. The weaning should be an end in itself. Then when he does stop... make it a "happy" occasion and give him lots of hugs and love and "rewards" in that manner.

Good luck and take care,
~Susan

Hi J.,
I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say how much I admire you for breastfeeding your child for so long. I wish I had nursed my daughter longer. I only nursed for a year and I regret it. Kudos to you and good luck with your little boy:)

How many times a day are you feeding him? GREAT JOB BF!! Drop one feeding a week or two.

Hi J.,
Good for your for BF for so long. I also BF my three for two years. My oldest weaned easily. I told him mommies milk was all gone and he did fine. I had actually weaned him from the daytime first at 18 months then the night & morning at 2. However, my youngest, she didn't go for it, so after many talks, etc.,I tried putting mustard on my nipples, told her that it was sour now, and after a few tries she wanted nothing to do with it anymore! What was nice about that was she didn't connect it with me taking it away. It was really her choice!
As for the advice that he will stop when he's ready. That might be true but he might not be ready until he's 6! This happened with a friend of mine. Her son never wanted to stop! I guess I can't blame him! Anyhow, you do what feels right for you. At that point you will make it happen.

Good luck and enjoy your precious-one.

For my daughter, we substituted a special cuddle. When she would crawl in bed with me in the morning and want to nurse (the only time she nursed after age 2), I would let her play with my hair. That soothed her back to sleep. That was when she was 3, though, so it worked very easily. She was self weaning at 2.5, and then we moved. As soon as the boxes started getting packed, she was all over me and I knew she wasn't going to wean after all. I took the pressure off. By her 3rd birthday she was only nursing like once a week, so I thought "enough is enough. Either you're nursing or you aren't. If it's not important to remember every day, you don't need it." So we talked about what a big girl she was, and that when she turned 3 my milk was going to go away, but that she could still come in and have a special cuddle with me. It helped that she had always played with my hair while she nursed. I'm still nursing my 3 year old twin boys, who have no interest whatsoever in stopping. So I'm going to give them a few more months. It's the same thing. That first thing in the morning nursing session is just really tough to get rid of. Especially when it lets me go back to sleep, too! Good luck! And don't let anyone pressure you. In Africa, kids are nursed until they are like 7!

Hi J.,

I'm a mom of five, I've nursed all of them. (two of them for around 20 months each, and three of them until about 2 1/2 years)~~ So I have a little bit of experience in this subject! :o) Two years old seems "too old" to breast-feed a child, because our culture in the United States is that by that age the child seems too old. But really, if you're enjoying it, do not let others pressure you to stop. If you YOURSELF would like to start tapering off, just substitute some snuggle time/reading books time in place of breast-feeding, or keep the session short. Generally the child will tire of it anyway, and other things will slowly replace the nursing. Just keep snuggling and enjoying time together and don't make it a big deal; I especially wouldn't say, "Oh, you're a big boy now, you don't need to nurse anymore", as then they kind of equate it as something negative. I just made other things interesting, and soon the nursing days were a thing of the past. Each child is different, of course. Personally I think you should not worry about it at all, just keep breast-feeding and eventually your child will end of his own accord. Good luck and enjoy your precious son!

Marti O.

That was where I was having trouble. I enjoyed it, my son enjoyed it and for us it was really only once a day. My friends though thought I was weird for doing it so long. In the end I got really sick and the meds I had to take would not have been good for him. I was sad about it but he seemed to understand that mama was sick and couldn't nurse him. We struggled with it for about 3 days and then it was done.

You'll know when you're ready, just follow your instincts and discuss it with your dr and his ped if you have questions. Good luck.

Each child is different.

My oldest son dropped his nursing about 2 1/2 years. I had gradually introduced him to a baby cup at meals and he could drink out of it well. After he could drink out of it, he reduced the nursing until it was just before nap and bed. Then, since he was really into books, at nap time asked if he wanted to nurse or hear a book before he went to sleep. Dropping the night nursing took longer, but he just seemed to loose interest. Perhaps I had dried up and he wasn't getting much.

My middle son was extremely demanding and would not drink anything from a bottle or cup. As a result (we were on a mission trip in Africa at the time) I had no choice. He gradually dropped to nap and bed time, then just bed time. However, the bedtime one he clung to for a long time. It only took a few minutes to nurse and he would fall to sleep so I didn't mind it, but he would scream continually, stop for a short time, and start again and could go on for hours if I didn't nurse him. Even threw up in his bed, so just sitting down and nursing was the only way it seemed that I could handle it and have me stay sane. I couldn't take his crying and nursing was not big deal. He was and still is very strong willed. After we were back in the US his father was in Toys R Us with his brother and him. He really liked a specific toy Dad was purchasing for his older brother. His Dad told him that toy was for big boys, little boys nursed...he told Dad he was a big boy so his father boought it for him and never demanded to be nursed again. (This was just before his 4th birthday)

My third so just automatically dropped his nursing times.

I read a lot to all the boys during the day, but just before bed was either nursing or book.

Nursing is a special bond and I really enjoyed it. Only my middle son continued longer than usual, but ended up self weaning like the others when he was ready.

Enjoy him...he will stop eventually...even if he is strong-willed:)
H.

Hi J.,

I am a mother of 4 breastfed children. You need to decide what you think is acceptable for how long you nurse. I have seen the gammat of how people nurse. I had a friend who nursed her daughter at the slightest fuss (literally, I saw the child latch on 8-9 times in less than 1.5 hours!) This mother was not nursing to nourish her child...she was using it as a pacifier. Needless to say, she never once nursed her second child...That was terribly sad to me. But, she was so trapped by her daughter and the way the she nursed her (I did not agree with what she did). I think her daughter was nearly 4 when she weined. But poor baby brother never had the benefit.

Since you and your son seem to enjoy it, I think you need to decide how much longer you want it to go on ...your son is getting old enough where you can talk about it with him. Personally, I nursed all of my children til at least a year and my younger two I nursed until around 16-18 months....pretty much if you nurse past 18 months, I believe the child is the one that needs to decide, not you. I think it is great for you that you get to be home with him and nurse him when he needs it. If you are feeling like YOu want to ween, then I would do it gradually. Cut out the easiest time of day first. Save the one you need the most for the last one to cut out. What I mean here, is if you like going back to sleep in the morning...let that one go last. I approached it differently with each of my children. With my first, I got rid of the morning feeding last since it meant I could nurse her and go back to bed for a little while. With my youngest, I got rid of the night feeding last. This gave us the evening time together to reconnect (I work outside the home parttime). I treasured the time that I had with all of my children and I truly loved nursing...actually I miss it. But, my baby is 7 now, so not really an option...enjoy the time you have left nursing him. One benefit that he still gets from nursing is your antibodies to help him fight off sickenesses.

Best of luck...you will do what works for you...and remember, it is not anybody elses place to judge or criticize your choices. You are his mother and you know what is best for him.
T.

My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and I am still breastfeeding her because we both still enjoy it. You are doing such a wonderful thing for your child and until you no longer enjoy it or until your son is no longer interested, keep doing what you're doing! He will eventually stop, but if you're ready to stop before he is, you can try the band-aid trick (I've heard of that, too). I really think you have to trust yourself and do what you feel is best. Don't let anyone else pressure you into stopping breastfeeding before you and your son are ready; it is your choice and with your husband's support you will be fine. Just tell people who don't understand that your doctor recommended extended breast feeding! That might quiet them! :)

I so happy to hear that you're willing and able to continue!! My son is also 2 yrs old, and I am still nursing. Don't know if you've gotten this advice, but with my son I will let him nurse, but often talk to him about listening to his body (are you thirsty for something else? hungry? just need cuddles?) to make sure that he starts thinking of other ways to meet his needs, and allow him to transition gently. Way to go, mama!

I just posted an article from askdrsears website with tips. Go to www.askdrsears.com and search weaning.

Congrats on nursing for as long has you have. My first stopped at 2, my second at 3 so I understand. The good thing is your child understands so much now so although it may take months to slowly wean him it won't be traumatic. With both of mine I just told them what was happening and slowly but surely we got there.

Best wishes,
M.

I let my son decide with a little encouragement and redirection from me. I too worked from home and breastfed my son until he was 3. From 2 1/2 - 3 he only nursed in the morning and at night. Gradually the night time session went away because he usually fell asleep while reading stories without nursing. The morning session was the last to go but my milk supply was decreasing and it was more about cuddling and being close. I made sure he got ample cuddle time and as soon as he awoke we started the day with activities that he was looking forward to. (even small things like feeding the dog, watering the plants, making pancakes etc....) It didn't stop all at once but gradually it dwindled to 2 or 3 times a week and then suddenly I realized he hadn't nursed in over 2 weeks. He occassionally would mention it and I just said that Mom's "mip" (as we called it) was all gone because that now he was such a big boy he didn't need it to grow big and strong because he was eating all these wonderful healthy foods. Then I'd get him a snack. The whole process seemed to take a natural progression and I've met alot of mothers who nursed their children until they were 3 or 4. I am incredibly bonded with my son and as he will be my one and only I took the time to treasure the whole experience.

I breast fed both of my sons- at the same time as they were 16 months apart. We nursed well past 2 years for both. I didn't have to try to stop- they matured and the nursing became less and less on their own doing. It sounds as if you are truly blessed to have a supportive household so dont feel that your child will be nursing until he is 16! Trust me, they grow up and their needs change. If you are both enjoying it just go with the flow- like most things having to do with parenting. Don't listen to well intentioned people who say he is too big and question your judgement. You are are doing a wonderful thing and he will transition. You will know when it is time to lessen up as his habits will tell you. Enjoy this while you can and best wishes to you.

If you are both still enjoying it, then don't worry about it. They ALL stop breastfeeding eventually...think about it. When one or the other of you stops enjoying it or other problems arise, then and only then start planning. The planning will be easier because there will be a need and things will fall into place.
I nursed my daughter until she was 3 and only stopped because I was having trouble getting pregnant and had exhausted all other reasons for not getting pregnant. I am still nursing my almost 2 year old son with no plans for transitioning as we both still enjoy it.
A

Hi J.,

My daughter is 22 1/2 months old and I am a stay-at-home mom as well. I just weaned her from her last evening feeding a little less than a month ago. We were both enjoying the nursing process so it was a very difficult decision I had to make. I am almost 6 months pregnant and my doctor advised me to wean by around 5 months into my pregnancy, however I would have continued nursing until my daughter decided to wean herself had I not been pregnant.

I don't think there's any right or wrong time to wean. I think you simply have to do what works best for you and your son. If you do decide to wean, a lactation consultant recommended I wean one feeding at a time (I took about 3-4 weeks to drop each feeding) so as not to overwhelm your own body or your child. She also recommended I drop the most "cherished" feeding last (which in our case was the feeding right before bedtime). I must admit it certainly wasn't easy weaning since my daughter still wanted to nurse. It truly broke my heart, however I made sure to replace each feeding with some special time between her and I. We now cuddle and sing a special song in lieu of the feeding.

Good luck to you! My best advice is to remember that you need to do what works best for you and your son and to not give too much thought about what other people say to you. Oh, FYI, a great resource book I found is called Mothering your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner.

You are doing the right thing to allow things to take their natural course. I BF my first child for two years and my second until three. I didn't have to initiate anything, one night (the last to give up) he just fell asleep while I was reading to him in my lap and he never asked for chi-chi again. I cried, but got over it. I too, was a little older 36 & 38 at the time. I think if you start a routine that will eventually replace it like reading, cuddling or playing with hair, etc. he will just transition on his own without a problem. You are undoubtedly lucky to be able to stay home as cutting short the breastfeeding time is usually because of a return to work. Good luck with your son, he is a blessing you are only beginning to realize.

if it's not a problem then keep going..i just weaned my son..he's 28 months..i had to b/c i got sick and had to go on antibiotics and they're the kind that are bad for children's teeth. I always thought it would be so hard to stop..i had to stop cold turkey..i felt bad but i feel its time ..it's been 10 days..he's asked for booby a few times..thrown some tantrums but he's doing better than i thought..i just tell him "booby is all done, you're not a baby anymore and booby is all done" my friend told her son "booby is broken" ..my mother always did things cold turkey with me and i have a very non addictive personality ..i've always wondered if it's b/c of that? I did substitute w/ a bottle for a few days and added a little almond chocolate milk that i got at Trader Joe's in it.
good luck! i know it's hard..don't quit if it's not a problem.

J.,
My son is 2 years and 8 months. I just weaned him when he turned 2 and a half, so about 2 monhs ago. It wasn't as bad as I thought, its something I was dreading, I thought it would be horrible, but it wasn't! Waiting until the right time is important, so that neither one of you suffer.

I just gradually nursed less and less, until we were down to one feeding in the afternoon. That was my get home from work, bonding time feeding, which was the most difficult one for me to stop. I know what you mean about enjoying the nursing. I stopped because I am pregnant, so it was getting really uncomfortable for me.

The bedtime feeding is the one you have to stop first. He needs to sleep without nursing. Once he sleeps with out nursing, gradually remove one feeding at a time. Set your own pase. Don't think abut time lines, you'll get there when you get there. Eventually, you'll be down to one feeding, your milk supply will have adjusted, so you won't be engorged either, so there won't be as much pain.
Best wishes! Nursing you baby is the best gift you can give him!

lots of great responses... I'll make this short. I have heard that a minimum of 2 years is good and the once or twice a day thing (like before bed...) until the age of 4 is ideal. It is not a problem if he goes until 5 or 6. It's whatever HE needs, and he WILL WANT to stop on his own at some point.

First- Hats off to you for doing the best possible thing ever!! I was a SAHM (work 2 days now) and didn't know when/how we'd stop. We ended up doing CLW. This is child led weaning. I nursed until my daughter said,"Mommy I don't need this anymore!" I thought she'd never say that. She did slow down gradually (sometimes she'd go for 15 seconds) and one month shy of her 4th bday she stopped. I do not regret it for one minute. She has since decided that she made a mistake, but the milk is gone (she turned 5 in lste Mar)LOL Yes they will all stop eventually. My daughter is confident, VERY healthy and really smart. The benefits as they get older are still there. I got ALOT of support on motheringforums. They have an entire section devoted to bf'ing including a section about extended bf'ing and CLW not to mention lactivism!! I did start explaining to her that some day she wouldn't need mommy milk and just talking about it in general. There is so much evidence that nursed children are brighter and healthier it amazes me that some don't by their own choice. My heart goes out to those that are unable to. I'm sorry this is long, but I highly commend you. The bond you two have must be very special and will continue to be. Well that's what my experience has been. I'm going to read the other responses now because I'm very curious. Listen to your heart.
! PS WHO reccommend 2 years PLUS of breastmilk. Keep up the good work and feel free to PM me anytime. Best, H.

Do you want to stop?

at 2 they understand everythin and you can tell him at 2 no more milk from mommy, you will use a big boy cup. It can be that easy. It just depend on your child.

hmm this could be hard for him because its so routine for you both. maybe tell him that since hes a big boy he can pick out his very own big boy cup! i would assume that you are putting him on regulars cows milk? talk to him about how and what big boys do. just take it slow and give it time. good luck!

If you are both still enjoying it, there is no reason to stop. I know it seems like there is no end in sight but, like I was told, he won't go to high school still nursing. I have one son and we nursed until he didn't need to anymore. That was just after his third birthday. 23 months is a big developmental leap and he will really appreciate the stability of nursing during this time. You will probably see a tapering off in the next 6 months and it is usually so gradual you won't notice. Two good books on the subject are "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and "How Weaning Happens". Both are very pro extended nursing (almost fanatic) but still have good info on how toddlers benefit from quitting on their terms.

Bottom line though is that you both still like the relationship so there's nothing that needs to change right now.

I am a 38 year old work in an office mom with a 4 and a half year old son who nursed until he was three. My only plan was to nurse until he was at least one year. He had no intention of stopping until he was ready and it was wonderful for both of us!

I gotta tell ya -- my daughter is 3 1/2 and she still gets "num-num" at nap time and at bedtime. I thought for sure she would have given it up by now, but then I remind myself that she's intense in every aspect of her personality, so I really shouldn't be surprised. She's starting to talk about giving it up, and so I know it will happen soon enough. There will come a time when you will know to gently encourage it. I say that you should relax, and enjoy the special time you have with your son. It will be over before you know it! There are days when I get super busy and don't get to sit down and really play with or connect with my daughter -- and those are the days when I really appreciate the nursing and am so glad I haven't pushed her to give it up. I'm working from home now too (wasn't working at all til recently) and it's all the more important to have that connection. Keep up the good work, and know that it will come naturally. And you probably won't be even a little bit sad when he does let go bcuz you let it run its natural course (at least, that's what I keep telling myself!)

Hi J.,

My husband used to tease me that I would have to go to college with my daughter so she could nurse. Anyway, she nursed until she was four but the last year or so she would only have a couple of sips when she woke up, and a little when she went to sleep. Then, she gradually forgot the morning one. She stopped on her own at four, when we were on a trip, and had no problems. In fact, when she started kindergarten the teacher said she thought my daughter was incredibly well adjusted. My daughter is now 24 and has wonderful self-esteem. I feel that when you wean them before they are ready it gives them a feeling that they don't have control over their own needs and a feeling of disempowerment. This also goes with forcing potty training and making a big deal out of it. They learn on their own time and if you force things, you're asking for trouble later on. Enjoy your son and don't try to make him grow up before he's ready. It happens soon enough!

V.