Seeking Advice on Search for Birth Family

Like Virginia (former responder) I have oodles of questions . . . Ultimately you'll have to follow your heart. I agree that -- with the internet, if you know a name or two, SOMEONE should know someone else and get you started onto a trail of finding relatives.

As a last resort in deciding, make lists of reasons TO search further and reasons NOT to. Give each reason a 'point value' for importance, and if one list ends up with a lot more value than the other, go with that. I'd think you'll never be sorry if you find your relatives -- just for closure if nothing else. It helps to know your health history, also.

How did you find out that both your birth parents are deceased? If someone knew them then, surely that person knows some of their relatives. Do you know their names? You don't mention anything about your adoptive parents. Are they still alive? If so, do you have a good relationship with them? Are you looking for a sibling relationship? Is this what you mean about a blood relative? In this day of the internet it should not be too hard to find these answers without spending a lot of money.

M.: I encourage you to do it.
I'm 54 years old and I just find out I had another brother. If you wanted advice from the other side: We ALL were so happy he existed and he searched for us.
The main reason for his search were his children, (so they know and see heir roots) (A great and most important reason) Also for him. Do it!!!

As an adoptee in a similar situation (I have no info on my birth family), I understand where you are coming from. I, too, would have to go to court in the state in which my adoption was finalized with no guarantee that my file would be opened. The state does offer a search option, with adoptive partent permission (my father is still living and fully supports any search efforts), but still no guarantee of finding anything.

I, too, don't know if I have the physcial or emotional energy to search. I have a very full and happy life. Yet, I long to see someone who looks like me and shares my blood. My mother (passed away 13 years ago) always wanted to find my birth family to thank them for giving her such a wonderful gift. I am lucky in that my parents were always very open and positive about my adoption and expressed loving sentiments about my birth family.

All that being said, I still don't know abut searching even with my famliy's full support. If you would like to discuss off line, please send me a message. Maybe we can help each other come to some kind of resolution on our search decisions.

I do hope you and I both find a place of peace regarding our birth families.

PS- My adoption experience made it very easy for me to opt for an open adoption when we adopted my daughter. I am so thankful that my daughter will not have to go through what I am going through.

Hi M.,
Although I don't know him well anymore, a friend from elementary school (born in 1951) recently contacted his long-lost (both boys were adopted-out) brother. Their families have bonded and they are all very excited to have found each other. This might be a rare "fairy-tale/picture-book" ending, but it does happen and I think is worth pursuing. He recently posted a beautiful photo of his birth mother on his web-site.

Unrequested discussion:
As far as the present goes, I feel for you working second shift with your kids' age ranges. As a nurse, I always tried to work first or third shift during my childrens' pre-adolescence and adolescence so I could keep track and maintain an awareness of their friends and their lives. Working second shift, I felt too "out of the loop", being absent during their active hours. But meanwhile, you've got your youngest who needs you the most.
I feel for you - "been there, done that" - and don't know how we all made it. I envy the SAHMs and wish I could have been one. I also have loved my career. I believe my continued employment taught my children (my youngest is 19 y/o) to be hard workers and to prioritize their time better, though.
The best of luck to you.

While I have not been personally touched by adoption, my best friend and her husband adopted a baby. I think it would be important for you to find your biological family. First, to just give you some peace. No matter how full your life is, I think you might feel incomplete not knowing. Secondly, it could give you a key to any illness you or your children have down the line. If you do not know anything about your birth-parents health history, this could be the key to help doctors pinpoint an illness or disease.
There are risks as I am sure you are aware of finding your birth-family. And you want to make sure that you are prepared for the good and the bad. Just talk it over with your husband, and perhaps your adoptive family as well to see what they say. Definitely don't try to do this alone.

I hope this helps :)

Blessings and Prayers to you

I dont think you would ever regret finding them. I think you should do it.

Try writing a letter to "The Locator" show... maybe you will get lucky & he can help!

http://www.wetv.com/the-locator/casting.php

Never know... it couldn't hurt to try!

Good Luck!

P

hi M.
sorry to hear about your unfortunate events, I recently (about 6 mos)adopted my granddaughter, she is 2 yrs old. any way I found a site under yahoo.com/groups Its called
Adoption-Search-Angels. i hope this helps you
lisa

i too was adopted at birth. when i was younger i wondered about my birth parents and at times i guess i still do. to me i wanted to know more about brothers and sisters than anything. personally if i was able to find out any info on my parents (like they had passed) that would be a sign to me to s top there. but at the same time i know how that curiosity can keep you up at night. whatever choice you make will be the right one. how did you go about finding them?i have never even known where to start.

I can't relate but also can't imagine what it would be like if I had siblings out there that I didn't know. This story made me wander if writing to the show "The Locator" would help you any. Especially if you know the names of both your parents and have already found out they are deceased. When I've watched he always has more means of finding relatives than trying to do it on your own. Most of the stories are ppl who have tried for years to find parents, siblings, relatives and had no luck and yet he's able to find them. Worst case he's not able to find anyone or doesn't choose you and you at least haven't lost any ground, just didn't find another path. From what you've said this sounds like a story that he would choose to work. Good Luck

First try the Public Library or any County Clerk's Office in your area or the area where you think your biological parents are. Hope this helps.