Just Wondering If There Are Other Adoptive Families Out There

Hi, my name is A.. We have a 14 month old son who we adopted from Korea in Feb. We actually just finalized his adoption today! We're about 15 miles west of Phoenix. I'm always looking for other adoptive families to talk with too.

I found this today while surfing the internet on ABC News. I hope you don't mind that I share it here.

NEW YORK Nov 19, 2006 (AP)— Mothers deciding to place their infants
for adoption deserve better counseling, more time to change their
minds, and more support in trying to keep track of the children they
relinquish, a leading adoption institute recommends in a sweeping
new report.

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute said its report, being
issued Sunday, is the most comprehensive ever devoted to birth
mothers, whom it described as "the least understood and most
stigmatized participants" in the adoption process.

"Birth parents have been a population that has been neglected for so
long just starting a dialogue that respects them as flesh-and-blood
human beings is really important," said the institute's executive
director, Adam Pertman.

The report focuses on U.S. mothers who voluntarily place infants for
adoption an estimated 13,000 to 14,000 such adoptions occur
annually. Most of this country's roughly 135,000 adoptions each year
are from foster care; the next biggest category is overseas
adoptions.

In contrast to a few decades ago, many of the voluntary U.S.
adoptions are "open" with adoptive parents communicating with the
birth mother and often allowing her regular contact with the adopted
child. However, the report says a significant number of birth
mothers are manipulated, pressured and deceived sometimes finding
that they have no recourse when agreements they negotiated to visit
or keep track of their children are broken.

"If you make a decision about adoption based on thinking you'll be
able to see this child grow up, and suddenly the carpet is pulled
from under you and the family moves away without giving you their
address, you go through this traumatic loss that some women never
come to terms with," the report's author, Susan Smith, said in a
telephone interview.

The report recommends that all states establish legally enforceable
post-adoption contact agreements; it said only 13 now have such
policies covering infant adoptions.

It also recommended extending other rights to birth mothers,
including pre-adoption access to pressure-free counseling about
their options.

"It amazes me how many adoptions are done by attorneys, where the
birth mothers have zero counseling," Smith said. "There are a lot of
sharks out there, manipulating them in every way they know how, and
the laws don't prevent that in most states."

Jenna Hatfield, 25, of Cambridge, Ohio, said she got little
insightful counseling before she agreed three years ago to the
adoption of her daughter, Ariana, by a couple from Pennsylvania.

"My agency did not tell me until a month after I signed the
agreement that open adoptions are not enforceable in Pennsylvania, "
Hatfield said.

She said she has been fortunate in befriending the adoptive parents;
they regularly bring Ariana to visit Hatfield, who is now married
and has a 1-year-old son.

"Thus far it's worked very well for me just a couple of bumps,"
Hatfield said. "But unless both sides are willing to put in the
legwork, there are going to be problems, and they'd need counseling
to help them meet in the middle."

One problem cited in the report is a shortage of mental health
professionals trained to understand the grief and loss experienced
by birth mothers.

The report said birth mothers' chances of achieving peace of mind
are greatest if they are able to keep in contact with the adopted
children, or get continuing information about them.

"Mothers after childbirth are in a very vulnerable state," Smith
said. "We need laws and practices that protect their rights and
interests."

The report recommended that birth mothers be given at least a few
weeks after childbirth before the adoption decision becomes
irrevocable. At present, irrevocable consent for an adoption can be
established within four days after birth in roughly half the states.

"In many states, you can change your mind about buying a vacuum
cleaner or taking out a mortgage within a prescribed time period,
but most states do not have a revocation period during which a
mother can change her mind about relinquishing her child," the
report said.

The report said the rights of birth fathers also deserve stronger
protections, including notification of pending adoptions.

Current adoption practices, the report said, "are too often based on
outdated understandings, faulty stereotypes, and misinformation from
the time that secrecy pervaded the adoption world."

It is so good to find all of you. My husband and I have been down a long road to adoption and we are finally completing the classes and hoping to meet our children in a couple of months. We are adopting through Adams County in Denver. So far, all has gone well, so there is no reason to think that the adoption will be anything but a success. We already have two biological children 5 and 2, but we just know that our family was meant to include more children.

Any and all of you that live in the Denver area please email and we can meet.

We have a 2yr old adopted daughter but she is internationally adopted from China. We have had her for almost a year.

L.

Hello J.,
I am the single adoptive mother of a beautiful little girl who turned 6 this week. I adopted through Denver County, and although the birth mother is deceased, I did connect with the parents who adopted 2 of her siblings. We don't live that close, but have a wonderful relationship.

I know of some support groups if you need any information. I am interested in starting a babysitting co-op in the Wash Park area of Denver.

Thanks

Hi J.,

My husband and I are in the process of adopting a 1 year old little girl. We have been her foster parents since she was eight months. We have some info about her bio mom, but bio dad is unknown. And bio mom has disappeared. We are collecting as much info now about her bio family for the future. That way when and if she decides to find/have a relationship with her bio family we can hopefully help her find them.

If you don't mind me asking, did you adopt through private adoption? I'd love to hear about your experiences, especially in maintaining healthy relationships with the bio family. And how the children emotionally are handling it all.

I do not have a child that is adopted, but I am/was adopted I am now 24 and have an open relationship with my birth mother. My daughter is 18 months old.

J....I am a birth mother. My daughter and I were reunited when she was 16 and a half. She lost her adoptive father six weeks after we were reunited and her adoptive mother lost her battle with cancer a years after her adoptive father died. I am so thankful for parents like you that love big enough to love all children...Her adoptive family opened their hearts to me as well.
I have two beautiful grandchildren from her, a boy and a girl.
Please let me know if you need anything.
God Bless

T.

Great post!! Hi J., yes~my husband have 4 adopted children, out of foster care. More like they adopted us:) They are 2 bio sibling groups and we have maintained communication through relatives of one of our sib groups.
We are new to Tucson and mamasource as well!!! H.

Hi, We have six children, two of them we adopted through the foster care system in our state.(UT) It has been a wonderful way to expand our family. We have a semi open adotion with our 3 year old sons birth family and no contact with our 1 year olds birth family. (their choice)
C.

Hi J.,
My husband and I adopted out son at birth and have an open adoption with his birthmom. At first I was scared to death to keep the adoption open but once we met her I fell in love and would not have it any other way. Our son writes Dear TummyMommy letters every few weeks and sends her pictures of all his new accomplishments (he is 16 months old BTW). It has made her happy and settled in her wonderful choice of adoption. She has had a rocky road and often falls off the map but she tries hard to keep in touch and we are hoping to meet up with her again next time we are in Oklahoma!

My name is R. ans i am a birth mother,I have very close contact with my daughter and her parents.We have read "The spirit of open adoption",a great book from all points of view,the child,the adoptive parents,and the birth parents.We did our adoption at Catholic Charities,they are very helpful in everything.Feel free to respond if you have any questions at all.Thanx for being a part the miracle of adoption.

Hello! My name is T. and we have 3 1/2 year old Lliam who is adopted. We also have two biological children who are 4 and six both girls. Our adoption is closed at the birth parents request.

My husband and I have been waiting for a year now to wait for that call, but nothing yet. We're wondering if its our agency.

We had an open adoption fall through almost 2 years ago but we remain very good contact with the family. We're the babys godparents and see them often.

Its so hard playing the waiting game with CPS.