Seeking Advice - Middle River,MD

Hi K....everyone has already sggested evrything I thought of while reading your post. I think that smell and his voice are the best options because you son is so young...Stay strong...

L.
www.workathomeunited.com/lisac

K.,

My ex is on active duty and we have 2 boys together, our oldest knows him more and was deployed several times, in fact the first time was when Jimmy was only a month old, some great military wives gave me some advice about baby knowing dad while he was gone. The one thing I remember most was a good friend of mine (still is btw) asked if I had a tee shirt dad had worn before he left not cleaned and I said yes, she told me to give that to Jimmy and he would recongize his smell. I did do that and of course the pictures, and we had a home movie of his last birthday and I played that so he could still hear his voice. Those things seemed to help my son get through the hard time of daddy being gone.

I think if you show your son pictures and videos of your fiance that will help. I saw on the news where army families are having pics of their deployed loved ones enlarged and mounted on cardboard so they have a life sized figure of them. Also, I know he is too little now to understand the words, but talking about your fiance and incorporating him into your daily routine (we are having daddy's favorite meal for dinner tonight) will let your son know that even though your fiance isn't with you he is very important in your lives. :)

my kids have always loved pictures there dad is always around but we have a very large extended family that they don't get to see very often but we just always talk about them and share pictures of the time we do have with them when he returns home you son will be alittle scared but more confused then anything and they will bond again and it will be like he was never gone so please relax. My best advice is not to get to stessed out about it that isn't good for any of you.

Hi K.,

You can send a tape recorder to his dad and have his dad record special messages to your son. Also, many bases have a morale section which might have a video recorder. Ask your fiance if that's the case where he is; if so, send him tapes and he can have a buddy record him doing things over there. He could also set it up for a private recording to you and the baby.

You can also read e-mails from daddy, show him pictures and make up stories about daddy's adventures, etc. He is quite young now, but you're right to want to keep daddy in his thoughts. No matter what you do, your son will most likely be apprehensive when daddy comes home just because of his age at that time. However, when daddy comes home mid-tour, your son will take to him quickly because at that age, he'll love everyone! When he comes home mid-tour, take lots of videos (you can rent one if you don't own one) but don't stress about it. Just let it be a natural part of your reunion. If the video-taking becomes stressful, forget it and ENJOY being together! : )

Hang in there, sister!
D.

K.-
I know this must be so hard for you, and doing it all alone while your fiance is away must be very difficult emotionally. They say that scent is a very strong sense that we have and that smell is directly correlated with memory becasue it is closest to the brain. My suggestion would be to lightly spray one of your baby's blanket or stuffed animal with his cologne or aftershave. This way when he (your fiance) comes home from Afghanistan, your baby will associate the smell with his daddy! Don't know if it will work but it is worth a try. The smell might become comforting to him (your son) and then when your fiance comes home your son will also associate comfort with daddy. Hope this all makes sense. Good Luck, keep us posted!

I agree with everyone else pictures are great. Maybe the next time your fiance calls you can record his voice with a special message for your son. That way you can play the message for him and he can get to know the sound of his voice as well as see him. Staples and office max sells those miniture tape recorders. You can even use your answering machine if you have one.

K.,
First of all congratulations on your new addition. Second, I agree with the other ladies in regards to the pictures, scents, etc. If you are unable to send him a recorder, I know that they get to call home occasionally, let your fiance' leave a msg on your answering maching or voice mail for the baby. I know those calls are very important to everyone so even if you don't want to miss out on that wonderful call, if you have 3-way on your phone service you could call your line and click your fiance in on the call and let him leave a msg that way. It's worth a shot. Good luck! And I'm praying that all of our guys/gals get home soon! [My husband's unit returned about 10 mos. ago and some of their sister unit just left over the summer. My hubby is on the list for the next round]. Stay strong and if you ever need anyone to talk to email me.

L.

I just had one idea that I thought was a good one. You could take a photo of your fiance and blow it up to poster size and put it in the baby's room. That way your son will see his father's face a few times every day(larger than life). You could even put one in the living room as well, so he sees it all the time. It would probably comfort you too.

I am also the wife of a Military Man, he has been deployed three times from the time our oldest was 7 months until she was 4 years. First of all I would go to www.daddydolls.com They allow you to email them a pic of your husband and they create a doll out of it. (all cotton, very soft) Your child can then take Daddy everywhere! It allows the child the options to "see" Daddy. Also send him a voice recorder and let him record himself reading, singing, and talking to the baby. Play this often throughout the day to keep the sound of Daddy familiar. If you have any home videos of him let your child watch those as well. Don't forget it is very important that you send pics and videos to Dad while he is gone, it will help him feel "bonded" to his child. Our most recent deployment was when our youngest was 1 1/2 months old, my husband returned to a ten month old who is the biggest Daddies Boy! Distance doesn't mean a great relationship can't be form. If you have questions or need more support I can give you some great resources. Take Care and God Bless!
C.

Well I am not sure if my idea is "allowed" per se but here it goes. I have a KODAK Digital Camera that takes both photos AND short videos. Would he be allowed to have a camera like that (it is just the size of a regular camera)? My idea would be to purchase something like that, mail it to him, have him record just a short video to your son and then have him mail you back the camera or just the memory card (which should be at least 1GB to hold the video memory) and then you can put the video onto your computer or have it made to a DVD and play it for your son so that he is able to recognize your fiance and his actions and so he can see how daddy acts. :-) I would not recommend him E-Mailing you the video only because it woule be EXTREMELY HUGE and most computers (even the good ones) can't support a long video like that as an E-Mail attachment. That is why I recommended him mailing either the camera back (then YOU could video your son doing things and send it to daddy) or just mail the video card (a much cheaper alternative). Just the visual recognition with daddy's movement may be enough to stimulate your son into knowing who daddy is and to not be afraid of him when he sees him again. I am sure it is hard on you both and I commend you two on your efforts to be sure you stay as a close family. I hope this helps. :-) GOOD LUCK!!! (to you AND your fiance)

Does he have access to a webcam that your baby can actually see him and talk to him? Make sure your baby sees lots of photos and hears his voice on the phone too.
Although all of these measures will help, it will be an adjustment for both your baby and fiance when he gets back regardless.
Best of luck and I'm praying for your fiance's safety.

K., he won't be scared in any way. he is too young to understand. he will bond with his dad when he gets back. in meantime take care of yourself and your son so that your husband can concentrate on his job and return home to his family safe
good luck
vlora

My brother is in the airforce and was deployed for 6 months when his son was like 14 months old. My sister in law lamanated a picture of my brother, and Triston carried it around with him EVERYWHERE... it could be a start... and it makes them feel proud to have a picture of Daddy, that they are allowed to touch and hold... just thought that was a cute thing, maybe you could try it.

Show him pictures daily, even if he cant really focus on them yet. Tell him about his father daily....Maybe Dad could senda video or recorded tape of himself. Voice recognition is a strong connection baby's have. Just like when you walk in room baby will turn to your voice. Learning daddy's voice will help him remember him when he gets home. Also if you have a shirt or something that smells like your husband that could help baby too! They rely alot on smell too!

We live in Pennsylvania and my inlaws live in Colorado. What has worked for us, is showing them lots of pictures of their grandparents and talking about them. They make different baby proof books that you can put your own pictures into. We used one of these for when they were babies. I wasn't sure it would help but it really did. My kids went right to their grandparents and weren't afraid at all. We spent extra time with them and the pictures and talking about them right before their visit.

Another suggestion I have for you is to put your fiance's cologne on one of your son's baby blankets. Put the baby blanket with the cologne on your son when you put him to bed. This will allow him to get to know the scent of his daddy even if he doesn't know his voice or his touch. Another thought is to have your fiance record a message or a lullaby that you can play for your son. Doing these 2 things will allow him to know his daddy's scent and voice. That may help him to adjust when his daddy comes home.

Good luck. I hope my suggestions help.