My husband and I abruptly seperated a couple of months ago due to a fairly volatile event that resulted in filing a protective order against him. The DA pressed two criminal counts against him, as they both occurred in front of our minor child. I left with nothing and stayed with family as a result in my lack of preparation for the afore mentioned event. My husband, in kind, denied the charges, hired an expensive (and notoriously aggressive) attorney and filed for full custody of our daughter.
To sum up, I contacted him and decided to settle out of fear (and ignorance). We settled in front of the judge, but our divorce is not final for another month yet. Since that date, I have discovered financial information that substantially changes our financial situation. My question is- if I go back on the settlement agreement, will I be looked upon negatively by the judge? The most important thing is that I retain custody of my child, but I largely settled out of fear and without knowing our total financial picture as my name was never even on a joint checking account.
Any advice?
Get a lawyer. Don't let him intimidate you. My ex husband did the same thing and me and our daughter nearly starved while he was out eating at nice places, taking vacations and buying new electronics and cars. I was too young and stupid at that time but now I would fight him for every last dime. The only thing I got was our daughter and $8.00 a month child support. If you won't fight for yourself fight for your daughter.
First off I would hire an attorney..that is step one...and i would definitly go back to court.
As far as the court is concerned unless you are seriously unfit and it can be proven they will never give a child to the father unless the mother agrees.... DO NOT BACK DOWN!!!!
Contact your attorney and find out what recourse you have at this point. In some cases you can go back and file for and amended settlement, that is what i would do. The financial shouldn't really affect you having custody of your daughter. Good luck!
Consult an attorney FAST!!
If going for redoing settlment would not take child away, then go for it. But I would not do anything to have my child taken away, just for money or things. These can all be replaced but a child can not be. Lord Jesus help this mother and child out, keep them in your loving care and provide for the ever need, In Jesus name amen! God Bless Always B. A.
If there is anyway possible to reconcile with your husband do so, Forgive and try to move on. If not the judge will understand if you dont go through with the settlement in that you didnt know full intent of you and your husbands financial stability
Yes, the judge will look at you badly if you go against his judgement. You can, however, take your ex-husband to court to readjust the financial side of your judgement. You need to get an attorney. Don't be afraid of how expensive or agressive his attorney is. The laws are set when finances come into play with children. There are formulas that everyone involved has to use. Your attorney can look at all the evidence and tell you if going back to court is worth the time and fees involved. Good luck.
J.
J., i really haven't been involved in anything of this nature but i would think if information was withheld that the "settlement" should be revisited. Get as much substantial documentation as you can, hire a lawyer to get you back before the judge. All they can do is say, sorry...but at least you tried. If it doesn't work, always remember that as long as you have custody of your child, the rest is just stuff. Don't let it become an anger thing that consumes you. It will affect everything in your life going forward...and you certainly don't need that. If you choose not to go the legal route for whatever reason, just drop it & him and move on with your life. Above all, find happiness and raise your child in that atmosphere no matter how hard. Good Luck to you!
I agree, you have to dig your heels in and throw off the gloves and fight with all your might for your daughter, and yourself. No one is going to look badly at you for standing up for yourself and your child. If things were not put on the table honestly in the first place, he could be in some type of contempt-you would have to ask a lawyer or see how a judge would view it though. I tried taking the "nice" route and not being "the B****" in the divorce, and it was the biggest mistake. Don't stop until you are satisfied. There are legal aid offices that offer free council if you can not afford to hire an attorney. Yes, he may have a high profile lawyer, but you have the upper hand in the end no matter who he has hired to be his lawyer. Record everything you can, conversations and paper wise. Make a trail of everything, as the old saying is...the proof is in the pudding. Make him a batch of his own stuff and see how far it gets him. DO NOT SETTLE if you are not satisfied. Your daughter only has you to protect her and stand up for what is good for her. It is tough at first. I suggest finding the battered womens shelter, and asking if they have any type of group therapy for women. I was a client for about a year and it was a great help. I understand why on alot of the issues that happened throughout our marriage and learned alot about myself and how to get stronger. When the seperation is new, and divorce is new, it is normal for some to be weaker than others. It is ok to take him back to court. It is ok to fight for what you believe in. I have lived through some volitile situations and know how it feels. I will pray for you, rely on God, he has provided for me and He will for you too. Take care, and feel free to contact me, if you want.
Then your husband lied on the petition of divorce and because of that you can re-open the case. I would get an attorney and pursue it. If you do not have any problems with drugs or drinking/driving you should not have any problem getting custody of your child.
I'd suggest talking to your lawyer. The discovery of new information is often the pretext for reopening and reevaluating cases. It's hard to start over with no resources, and this is no easy choice you're faced with. I'd say pray about it, and go with your gut. Fear is a bad motivator, though. We tend to do stupid things under its influence. And it is possible that your soon-to-be-ex will use his financial resources to further harass you. In fact, people with NO financial resources have found it possible to harass their exes and torment them through their children (like one of my former brothers-in-law). So, pray, seek legal and spiritual counsel, and go with your gut.
(It is possible that the judge is just as ignorant of the financial situation as you were, and he therefore might view the settlement as the husband's attempt to avoid his responsibility as a parent. However, it would be awful if your child became a pawn in anybody's hands.)
I have never been in this type of situation and certainly don't envy you. I'm so sorry :) The only person that is going to look bad in front of the judge is your ex. He has charges against him and he has lied to the judge, if he hid his finances. Just stay strong and don't let him intimidate you. Good Luck :)
do not settle. if there is more to the big picture them you thought then dont settle. get into contact with the da and try to see if there is someone that can help you with the case. dont be afraid of him the police and court system are there to protect you and your daughter. if you think that he has done something to your daughter then you need to take her to the doctor and see if they can give you something that says that she is afraid of him or that he has done something to her. dont trust him. my ex husband ended up getting my 2 older kids taken from me and i regret it everyday. i settled with him too and now i dont get to see my kids at all.
I hope that you will write back to me privately. I am going through almost exactly the same situation myself right now. I think my experience may help you, and perhaps your experience could help me. I do not want to do it publicly though. To let you know a little about my situation, I also had to get a VPO, it happened in front of my children also, it was very violent, I am getting a divorce...write me at ____@____.com
You better talk to your attorney about that one.
I do not think he will look upon you badly. Especially if You are doing what is in the best interest of you and your child. The only thing I worry about with you is obviously that husband of yours. He seems sneaky and has an expensive lawyer. Do you have a lawyer, if not maybe you should because I think your definately going to need a good one.
There are free attorney and reduced fee attorney services available have you looked up any?
Have you contacted DHR to file for child support?
Call the courthouse and speak with the department that handles those types of cases and ask them if this process is final? and if no then who should you contact.
Network with them they have the leads.
Divorces are battle grounds you either fight or you get taken.
Stay encouraged, protect yourself through education and research.
Have you gone to the courthouse and inquired about their library?
I do not remember the name of it but our city has a legal library that is accessible to the public...
I have been there before and fear caused me to allow him to push me around, when legally he did not have a leg to stand on.
Education trully is POWER! So educate yourself regarding this matter.
Hope this info helps.
K.
