Relocation with a 5 Yr Old Girl

I am so sorry, but I have to agree with Jenny's response below. My dad moved away when I was very young and it was very hard to keep in touch with him and stay close growing up-- he missed out on so much of the everyday stuff, like school events and being around when I was sick. I confronted him about it as an adult and he claimed that he was unable to find a good job in Florida and had to move to Texas to find work. As a parent, I just could not fathum moving that far away from my children and not being a part of their lives growing up. I am so sorry you are between a rock and a hard place, but I am looking at it from the point of view of your child and her dad. This will be a huge strain on their relationship growing up and one day she may blame YOU for moving her away from her dad. I so hope and pray for you to find the right solution. Maybe there is a way to move and still keep in VERY close touch with her dad?? There is much more technology now than there was when I was a child.

My mom moved me away from my dad when I was 3, and then away from his whole side of the family when I was 6 (from PA/CT all the way to FL). I will never have the relationship with any of them that I would have because of it. I know you're facing very difficult financial situations, but your daughter's relationship with her daddy is of the utmost importance--it will shape how she feels about herself for the rest of her life and all of her other relationships, especially romantic. If I were you, I would do anything it takes to keep her close to her dad. Figure something else out, your daughter's emotional health depends on it!!!

i have a daughter that ran into a similar situation,
the courts ruled that he got the child 1/2 of xmas and 1/2 of easter break. than 1/2 of the summer. the first year was a rough adjustment but now things go smooth. the glick with this is they have to split the transportation cost to and from.
good luck

I don't want to sound harsh but I agree with your ex. It is invaluable for your child to have regular loving contact with her father. It is worth huge sacrifice on your part. Some judges make this part of child custody to require both parents to stay in the same state as long as the child is a minor. It does sound ideal to move to the area with a home and jobs but this is one of those times to bit the bullet and make it work where you are. Your daughter's welfare and security must come first. Even if it requires you downscale to a small apartment from a home it is worth if for your daughter to continue constant contact with her dad.

While you have the right to continue with your life especially since you have remarried, I agree with your ex hb about taking his daughter away from him, but since you already have a house and jobs,what can you do? It is important to define if your husband really has your daughter's best interest in mind and not just trying to get back at you. I agree with the responce that if he is a caring and loving father, it will be a shame to take her away from him. When a couple divorces the children are the ones who really suffer, even if your daughter does not fully understands it, it can be devastating for the parent that is "left behind" -not to be able to see his/her child on a regular basis can hurt a lot, put yourself in his shoes and see how you would feel if the situation was the other way around... it is a tough!!!... At this time I imagine the best way to approach this problem is by having a talk with your ex and explain to him the same things you have put on here, and hopefully he will be able to accept it....I went through a similar situation except we were separated and we both share custody on our own accord, we have not gotten divorced not to put the kids through the whole court issue, they are happy to be able to be with both of us and that is what is important to us... I suppose if one day he or I decide to remarry then we will face the issue of divorce but the kids are already well into their teens and know that they can count on us 100% equally, he is a very responsible and loving father, the best they could have, we just don't work well as a couple. So that you have an idea, I was the one who moved away for a year, I was not in a new relationship but wanted to see how it would go for me in a new city, he kept the kids for that year because I did not want to bring them without knowing if I was going to find a job, home etc and it was the worst year of my life, I spent thousands of dollars going back and forth (by plane) every two weeks because I could not stand being away from them and I hated to see their sad faces every time "mommy had to go"... until one day I quit my new job and took my savings back with me and stayed, this was in 2002. The kids are now teens and are happy to know that either one of their parents are a 35 minute drive away from each other, they can spend the summer with both of us, sometimes my son stays with his dad and my daughter stays with me and viceversa, I am glad we get along well because it has helped the kids deal with the separation a lot better. It is tough but then again, you have to think about their well being too... Good luck... sorry I could not be more sympathetic.

I had to relocate as well for the same reasons. I simply said to him - "living here is too expensive and we have to make a move, I really don't have a choice. I will make sure they call you, you can call them anytime you want."

At first he said OK, then he tried to make a big deal but it all worked out.

As long as you can prove that you have tried to find work where you live now etc... IF he takes you to court you should be ok.

How far are you moving from him, I moved from NY to FL.

You are moving- why make that her dad's problem? Leave her w/ him, after all you said"My husband and I have 2 children of OUR OWN"
Why would you think YOUR moving should take her away from her daddy?
k

get as many free consultations you can possibly manage, with your childrens' schedule to consider. Don't let the dad bully you. Many blessings, S.

There has been a statute that passed in 2006 that doesn't allow you to move more than 50 miles without consent from the other parent. If you want to move you need to file a certificate of serving notice of intent to relocate with child/ren. You also need to file a notice of intent to relocate with child/ren. You file these with your husband, he has 30 days to object. If he objects you need to go to court. It can be a battle. You have to show why it's better for the child, etc If it gets sticky you'll probably need the help of an attorney.

that's a tough one. i can imagine your husband will not be understanding of you wanting to stay in the area so that your daughter and her dad can have a relationship. you're in a difficult place. you can take it to court and see what they say but if you do get allowed to move you face the prospect of your daughter growing resentful towards you when she grows up. her dad has spoken his peace, he doesn't want you to move so you have a few choices: try, and try hard to find a job where you're at, see if the dad can move to the area you're moving to, or let him have custody of your daughter. they're all difficult decisions, but make the one that will be less hurtful to your daughter even if you end up putting yourself in a difficult situation. right now it's all about your daughter.
good luck

It sounds like relocating is a financially beneficial move, but that your ex is concerned he won't see his daughter as much. I don't know how far away you're moving, but visitation is still possible. Many families have similar scenarios, but they work through them. You mentioned court, which leaves me with more questions. I'm not sure of your ex-husband's position on your move or why court will be involved. Mediation may be a cheaper & more beneficial outcome for both of you.

When communicating your concerns whether to your ex, court, or mediator, try focusing on the positive. You and your husband are improving your financial situation. Put into place extra communication options between your daughter and her dad, such as Skype or other softwares with web-cam capability. Plan how to share holidays with him, which may mean double holidays for your daughter - one at her dad's and one at your home. Air travel for children is relatively simple these days because most airlines have special options for kids traveling alone, such as special attention, a designated aide, a seat close to stewardesses, or the like. There are many doable travel options to inquire about and check on. Maybe travelingmom.com will have some more ideas.

Hope this gives you a starting out point. Good luck.

Regards,

J. G
Stepfamily Coach
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well i have not had this problem. but with economy and no jobs where you are at and the fact that you already have a home and jobs in the new location. it should convince the judge you have no choice but to move. make sure you take proff of new homw and both jobs for you and hubby.
does your ex come on regular visits or is he unpredictable if he will come or not??? if the latter that too will help you.
but i do know people who moved out of state and the one who choose to move had to pay for the child to go to the other parents for the whole summer, and for like spring break and christmas break.i mean as far as a bus or plane or the the parent who moved had to take the child themselves to the other pareants house for these breaks and go get the child at the end of the break.
good luck. you have to do what you have to do because you have to have a home and jobs and any judge can see that. just tell the judge your first choice was not to move but without jobs you have no other option.

I have never been thru this myself, so what I have to say is purely non-biased. First, there is a reason why you were assigned as the custodial parent. Talk to your lawyer and start filing what ever paperwork is neccessary. Also, talk to your ex and see if he is willing relocate close to where you are moving to. If you ex truly had your daughter's best interest at heart, he would realize that her living with two loving people that are employed and have a home is WAY better than two people who love her but are unemployed and cannot provide her basic needs (ie: roof over her head, food, and a warm bed to sleep in at night). Dont get me wrong, I completely understand that this will be very difficult for him to see his daughter move away and that it will also be difficult for your daughter to "lose" her daddy for a while. But like I said, there is a REASON (what ever that may be)why you were selected as the custodial parent and you ex should respect that and do what is truly in the best interst of your daughter and consider moving too. JMHO!

C.,

Be careful about what you are doing! My cousin had custody of his son from a previous relationship (never married the mother) in the state of Florida. He married and decided to move to Las Vegas with his wife. He bought a house in Las Vegas, had a job, his wife had a job and yet the judge decided to give custody to his son's mother. The judge said that he was in contempt of the custody agreement to move out of the state. He did get visitation but had to pay for flying his son back and forth for holidays and summer because the judge said that it was his choice to move so he should pay the costs of that decision. Lately his son wants nothing to do with him because he blames him for leaving what had been a pretty amicable custody arrangement.

Make sure you understand the laws and are prepared to live with the consequences.

Hi C., your daughter's relationship with her dad is so important, especially at this age where its easy for her to be shaped and easy for her to forget the time she has spent with him. if he's a good dad and loving and willing to take care of her, i believe that she deserves to keep that bond with him, and with you. Circumstances being what they are, i dont think you need to put the rest of your family in a hole considering you have no income and no home, and i dont believe you should have to give up your child either, but i do believe that its up to you to make sure they keep that bond. I live in FL and my stepson in GA, and he comes for the entire summer every year and we alternate holidays and that seems to work well for us. as much as my husband would love to have his son living in our home which has alwyas been and always be an option for him, he's come to terms that he's been with his mother for most of his life and thats what he knows best. you may not be used to not having her around for the entire summer but thats a sacrifice you should be willing to make since you are the one making the drastic change. if you are willing and offer to be more proactive then you already are in keeping that bond together, regardless that your ex may not like the idea of her being so far, he may be more understanding. you're not taking her away from him because you feel you have the right, you are leaving due to necessity. he's never going to roll over and say yeah sure thats fine, but if he has access to his daughter as much as he can and you dont fight him about taking her on vacation and holidays and stuff you'll see he'll realize that you can compromise even this for the sake of your little girl.