Pushy Moms

I am one of those " pushy moms" I only ask because 1) I know how hard it is to get started and to keep it up in those first few months until you really get a good handle on it. I might have some tips to help out to get you through a rough patch and 2) it's the best thing for baby and there is a movement out there of breastfeeding mom to get breastfeeding back into the mainstream of normal now. to get rid of the breastfeeding is icky frame of mind banished for good. The biggest problem we have today when it comes to being a mom is that boobies were made for feeding babies not for men to stare at.
As one of those "pushy moms" I don't easily grasp the concept of not even trying to breastfeed cause it's so cheap (free) and convenient ( no mixing ,heating ,sterilizing, etc) And it's the best for baby. So I ask why you choose not to because I want to understand.

Try just answering short and simply , if its a friend. If not tell them it's because you decided not to and change the subject.
As one of those

This is in response to Suzanne M's response.... You stated that you (and most women) haven't encountered a mom that simply chooses not to breast feed. Guess what...now you have.

I breastfed my first born and decided from the beginning that I wasn't going to breastfeed my second born. They are both incredibly healthy kids, don't see where the breast feeding helped my first born in any way.

"I have a thing about the girls... too many men have talked to them and about them... even though I know you're just trying to be helpful... we can talk about anything but the girls. They've become antisocial."

While some mom do just want to lend support, I have had some horrible experiences with a few mom's who just want to be up in other people's business. I even had one mom ask if she could touch my breast to show me the "proper" way to nurse when I admitted that it was difficult. I am sorry, but people just put waaaayyyyyy too much importance on their own advice.

Just tell them that it's a personal issue that you don't care to discuss. They don't need to know and you don't need to worry about hurting their feelings. It's none of their business and it's okay for them to be told that in a kind, but firm way.

OR.......if they start asking you about breastfeeding, IMMEDIATELY switch the conversation to talk about bleeding hemorrhoids. It works! ;)

The reason why you're friends are being so "pushy" about your breastfeeding experience is because while breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby it is also the HARDEST to do for your baby. The first few weeks of breastfeeding can be exteremely trying for a new mom. Your friends are simply trying to offer you support by prying in that way.

If you aren't breastfeeding any more, let your friends know! It's a personal choice and if formula was bad for babies they wouldn't sell it in stores. If these women are truly your friends they will not hold your choice to breastfed or not breastfeed against you.

I was told that exclusively breastfeeding my kids for at least 6 months would help to keep them from developing allergies. So I breastfed my son exclusively for at least 6 months. He was in the 10th percentile for weight, skinny, skinny, skinny, but I was told "good job, mom, keep it up". He's allergic to peanuts, milk, cats, dogs, shellfish, trees, housedust, just to name a few. My middle child was constantly hungry so we supplemented with formula from day one. She's allergic to NOTHING. My youngest also got formula as well as breastmilk from the beginning. She's allergic to tree nuts, cats and dogs, some trees and grasses. So go figure... Generally speaking, the two who got formula as well as breastmilk are waaay more healthy than my son (poor kid, he's got ALL sorts of issues). Honestly, I don't know what the benefits were for him getting only breastmilk for the first 6 months. Just do what's right for your family and tell your nosy friends "Thanks for the info. We're doing just fine." Then do whatever you feel is best.

I would just ask,"So why EXACTLY are you concerned with my boobs?". You do not have to be polite to someone who is this much "up in your business". You don't have to be mean, but you don't have to be polite.
FYI, If they are being this pushy over something that is soooooo not their business now, it will only get worse in the future. You don't have time and won't have the energy to put up with negative nellies. Just stop going around them. You will be much happier.

I don't think that these mom's are being pushy. If they are your friends, they are being concerned. For some breastfeeding is very natural and both baby and mom have no problems getting the hang of it. For others (both mom and baby) it can be a difficult transition. They've experienced it before and want to share their experiences with you and help you.

I'm guessing here, but it sounds like you've chosen not to breastfeed. This is extremely difficult for a mom to understand. First and most important, 99% of the time it's what's best for your baby, and what mom doesn't want what's best for her child. Second, it's free. Third, although it can be difficult, it's easier than sterilizing bottles, mixing formula etc.

Your response can be " it's a personal decision that I've made and I prefer not to discuss it".

I tend to agree with Laura C. the most...she's right on. Most friends only ask b/c it is so difficult and if they've been or are going through it they might know some tips. Besides, as people, especially mothers, we all want to share our advice, especially when something actually works!! haha! ;)

I think if you are choosing to nurse, you may want to think about opening up to your friends a bit more, after all, they might be able to help! I understand it's personal and maybe a little odd to talk so much about boobs, but trust me this is only the beginning! You'll have to talk to someone about them, among other gross things, and your girlfriends are better because husbands just don't understand!

If you're choosing not to breasfeed just tell them. Most people don't really judge you on that choice, especially your friends.

Just smile and tell them thank you for their concern, but you and the baby are happy with the bottle..

It is none of their business..

Whatever you decide to say, just be confident and straightforward. I think most pro-breastfeeding women who come off as pushy sense a certain amount of reluctance and maybe some teetering on the part of the mom so they think there is an opportunity to support and encourage breastfeeding when that boat (in some cases) has already sailed. If someone asks, just say everything is working out just fine for us and don't show any remorse for the decision.

Good luck,
K.

I think its this simple....people trying to push their beliefs on you, no matter what....are not taking into account YOUR best interests. Moms that push breastfeeding on women who are clearly not choosing that option are doing the same thing as people who think breastfeeding is something to be done only at home or not at all and try to force THOSE opinions on breastfeeding moms. I chose not to breastfeed my boys and feel its my right to make that decision....just like I support those moms who choose to breastfeed and believe they have every right to do so wherever it is that the baby is hungry. I believe that every mom has a right to choose her own path. However, I have had some breastfeeding moms comment how selfish it is for me to opt to bottle feed my kids. Its hypocrisy at its very worst. Some woman go absolutely ballistic if someone even hints of ideas against breastfeeding, but those same woman have no problem fousting their opinions about bottle feeding. Women should ALL be supportive of one another, not looking to make each other feel bad about our choices.

well, yes, i understand. for some reason, breastfeeding moms have to push their beliefs. i had so many friends in tears because they were bottlefeeding their babies and getting attitudes from friends and family members.
so just said: i don't want to talk about that. i think it's a private matter.
which it is.
it's between you and your baby, nobody else's boob or business :)

Understand that most moms think breastfeeding is the ideal, so don't push them off or assume they are being pushy. They want the best for you and your child. Obviously you have decided to take another route. Simply let them know you appreciate their concern, but you've chosen not to breastfeed (for whatever your reason is doesn't have to be explained)

Congrats on the birth of your new baby! What a magical time and a time of great insecurity mixed with strong instincts. Wierd. You're doing a great job, no matter what you feel from moment to moment.

It is a difficult situation to assert yourself as the strong and capable mom you are when you're the youngest and your friends and family have already been there, and had the space to learn to parent for themselves. You deserve the same respect and space to become the great mom you are capable of becoming.

If anyone gives you the eye or asks questions that are none of their business, don't sweat it. Your only reaction to it need be to keep breathing and go about your day. You don't have to give any answer at all. You can say, "I am doing what is best for my baby and myself and I don't care to discuss this decision."

You didn't mention if you are bfing or not. I am a lactation consultant and as a public health issue, I was trained to strongly encourage bfing. There are some startling statistics regarding formula, and I think the bfing "nazis" are often just concerned about those things and want to be supportive to you because it can be a hard and lonley road. The only way most moms get to successfully bf is by having the support of those around them. They're offering. But if you don't like coffee, you can politely refuse a cup. Just the same, if you don't need help with your decision, you can say, "No thank you."

I

Just be honest say we felt that we wanted to stop. That's all it was not something for me. I had a simiular issue with my first daugther and after a while I desided to just tell people to lay off and I did they stayed my friends just knew when to back up and stop. You are wanting to be nice and I understand but if they dont get the hint you might have to just drop your foot. People can be pushy and you dont nee that right now.

I agree to keep your response short and sweet. Keep in mind that breast feeding can be very difficult and a lot of moms like having the extra support from friends. They obviously feel they are being good friends by asking. They will get the hint when you tell them "things are good" and change the subject.

ok trying to make sure i understood? You are not breastfeeding and they think you should???? Well, obviously you had your reasons for not breastfeeding and if these are your friends i would be frank and tell them. Just come right out and say "I chose formula because...... please respect me on this (period). again i'm assuming that you did have a good reason.

Now if you are nursing and they are asking, then i think it is just their way of offering you support. It can be difficult and i think they are trying to look out for you.

Do not let anyone make you feel guilty. I had a horrible time trying to breastfeed. I called it quits a lot sooner with my second than with my first, and it's my 2nd who is the healthier child (no allergies, no asthma like my first). My hubby and I decided we wanted to enjoy that infant stage instead of being so stressed out like we were with our first. If people asked me about it, I usually just said "It's just not for me", and they usually dropped the subject.

i had this same problem with a few people once i had my little girl, i just politely told them it just wasn't something i felt comfortable doing, i didn't even want to try it and that was the way i felt about it, and they dropped the subject my sister had a similar situation, but she let her MIL push her into doing it (because thats how she did her kids) and she didn't like it at all, she finally put her foot down and she felt a lot better, whatever you are doing isn't anyone's business, breastfeeding isn't for everyone and no one should try to push it on you, (real friends would respect your choice no matter what it was)

I would tell them this..........."thanks for asking, we are fine" then change the subject......if they go back to it, tell them that is personal between you and your babies Daddy......

I am sure they feel they are trying to help and you might even say, wow, you guys are great, I'm sure you all have found your own way, and so will I......what works for you, might not work for me.............

Take care and hang in there.

They mean well... Talking about the details of breastfeeding can be a bit embarrassing for a new mom; I sure they're just trying to open the topic for you in case you feel odd about introducing the subject or asking questions.

If you don't want their advice, just smile and say "yeah , we're still figuring it all out. But he won't starve!" laugh...

Since you want simple and to the point, IF/when someone asks how breastfeeding is going, I'd just say, "He's doing great on formula!" (all excited). If they look confused, just smile harder. If they give you ANY lip about why aren't you...I'd just once again say, "We're happy with formula. Thanks for asking."

Basically, I wouldn't engage them. I'd repeat the same phrase over and over until they understand this will NOT be a topic of discussion.

Just smile and look at them like "Hey stupid. Don't you get it. WE'RE HAPPY WITH FORMULA."

I also formula fed (my child is not dead bc of it by the way lol)
Of course you can give all the good reasons like formula is a tad easier, and just as good as the boob nowadays yadda yadda yadda.

But I like to tell a funny little story when ppl used to get on my case about it.
My sister breastfed her second child until he was 4 months. I remember one day (before I had had my child) I was watching her pump her milk out. Her boob was going 90 to nothing in that pump!!! It was like a purple nurple! I couldn't believe it and it made me squirm. All I could think was ouch. She kept saying, oh you'll feel differently when you have a child.
Then, one day we were going shopping and had the baby with us. She forgot her pump (she preferred pumping instead of direct contact) so she had to feed in the car in the parking lot. We were just sitting there int he car, with her shirt hiked up and her baby latched on like a mosquito. Now this is probably not funny to some, but to my family this was hilarious. (We are a weird sort =) ) And she just kept saying, you'll feel sifferent when you have a kid.

So I had my child a few years later, my sis asked if I was going to breast feed and my reply?
"Remember all those times you kept telling me I would feel different when I had a child? Yeah, I don't feel any different"

And we just laughed and laughed while my baby sucked her formula down from a bottle =)

Fortunately my sis is not the BF nazi, I couldn't have stood it.