Potty Training Advice for Almost 4 Years Old

Be aware that your daughter is watching your reaction to this and making decisions about herself based on your reactions. Support her as if this is normal (it is). Her self-esteem for the rest of her life is way more important than a phase with potty accidents.

Is she still in diapers at night? We are still in night time diapers at seven and our fabulous pediatrician said not to worry about it until our daughter is nine. Of course we just had our first slumber party and diapers were a whole other issue, but we supported her in a way that she asked for and worked for her. I was thrilled that she felt comfortable asking for special support.

Our pediatrician says that sometimes kids just develop more slowly on the ability to feel the need to go potty in time.

Hi K.:
I believe you'd receive better response,if you'd elaborated.Do you have her in pull ups at home? Does she use the potty at preschool? Do you appear frustrated or agitated at her failure to succeed? Eliminate the pull ups,as that makes her feel you have no faith in her abilities.As anxious and frustrated as you may feel, Don't show disdain or disappointment in her accidents or failures.Only be supportive. Don't put so much emphasis on her achieving this,to please you.She will feel less pressured and more at ease to reach this goal herself. I wish I could help more, but you didn't give me much to work with.

If the only reason is not wanting to stop playing to go use the potty have her take the toy with her. I took a very casual approach to learning to use the potty with all three kids, no problems at all. But I was just thinking about your question and this thought hit me ~ my kids always seem to take the toy that they are playing with to the bathroom with them. Never considered the 'why' of it until now...The toy would sit either on the floor, sink, edge of bathtub and even the toliet tank while they used the potty. Maybe this is so they feel like they have not stopped playing and there is no chance for another child to take thier toy when they leave the room to use the potty. I could be way off with this since I have never asked the kids why they take stuff with them, but maybe it will help your daughter. Let her take something that she is playing with to the bathroom with her. Good luck! And again this was just a thought that I had ~ I have never tried it but have watched all three of my kids do it. My daughter is 10 and the boys are 4 and 5.

1- Rule out medical reasons first (urinary tract infection, std, etc. etc)
2- Ditto with below...what else is up/going on?
3- What's the routine at the preschool? How have you worked with/spoken with the teachers and what have they said? (Warning: Some preschools only have "set" potty times. This encourages accidents. Is yours one of those?
4- To some degree this is normal...kids get wrapped up in what they're doing and plain old forget until it's too late for YEARS after they're potty trained. Consistency and reminders are pretty key.
5- What happens at night?

Our son turned 4 before he was potty trained, which was critical for us because they wouldn't take him in pre-school until he was potty trained.

We only made one change, and it made all the difference: we made him responsible for the mess. He had to clean himself, get the clean clothes, clean up any spots on chairs. (Supervised, of course.) We didn't scold, we just didn't let him do anything else until the mess was cleaned.

BTW, leading up to that was a change to Gerber's cotton potty-training underwear. It has extra padding to help with the accidents. I think they were helpful too.

Good luck!

is she in pull ups at home or preschool? if so i would say eliminate the pull ups. maybe while shes at home ask her to try and go potty every hour and before naps and bed. limit her drinks after 5 and only give her a drink inbetween meals if she goes potty first. have you talked to her preschool about this? do they take her potty? or expect her to go on her own? i hope this helps good luck!

use POSITIVE reenforcement. Make it fun to use the BIG GIRL potty. I tought my little cusin when she was 3.i used to draw happy faces on her hand when she would use the bathroom. Don't get mad when she has an accedent. that is really inportant., i know it's hard. put her i under wear ( big girl). you can do the happy faces on the hand or you can do like a chart every time she does potty in the toilet she gets a sticker or a star then if she gets a certain anount of starts then she gets a reward at the end of the week like going to the park or getting a scoop of ice cream. have your preschool follow and help you out on the happy faces on the hand. this will make it fun and then she will learn to stop her activity and use the bathroom. GOOD LUCK !!

K., The keys to toilet training (or any habit you are trying to create or change) are consistency and patience. I have a home-based preschool and have found tremendous success with established bathroom breaks: before or after snack or lunch; before and after naptime; before we begin a new activity. Using the bathroom simply is part of our routine throughout the day. Start out by choosing a few times during the day that really work for you. Since she is in preschool, perhaps it is best to start out with dinner-, bath-, bedtime. It has to be easy for you, too, so choose a time when you are not feeling rushed. I firmly believe that achievement is its own reward, and each time a child is successful (during the "training" phase"), all the other children in our group will cheer for him or her. This is also a little sublte encouragement for others in the training phase. Don't spend too much time on the toilet -that's not comfy for anyone! A couple of minutes and real focus - no toys or games. If nothing happens, set the timer for 5 minutes and go back and try again. While you are home, you can say, "Oh, Mommy has to use the bathroom (whatever words you typically use), why don't you try, too?" Try to keep it simple, but consistent. This can be a fun time for both of you...Peace, B.