Potty Training a 3 1/2 Yo

How about no pants at all at home? Maybe if there's nothing to catch the poop/potty, he'll care a little more.

A., This is an answer I gave to someone else in your shoes. I am copying and pasting, since it is almost a novel, but it works. I used this with both my kids who are 3- just turned in may 09 & 4 in feb 09 and I can't remember the last potty accident we had night or day, probably 6 months or more. Anyway, hope this helps you.

Last poster's boyfriend wanted to leave kid in dirty pull up as a consequence, thus the following.....

I agree that leaving them dirty is just disgusting and it can irritate the skin and cause them unneccesary pain. First - get rid of the pull ups! Newsflash... Boys can sometimes be lazy and the pull up is enabling them to procrastinate the whole potty training thing, but it also is easier for you too!

This is what I did with daughter and plan to use the same method with son. Once I knew she was physically able to do it, then I implemented this strategy, both your boys should be ready, but the younger may not because each kid is different. Older boy shouldn't have a problem with this plan.

Sit them down and ask them if they know what today is? When they say they don't know, tell them that it is the day that they say goodbye to diapers and pull ups because they are big enough to use the potty like everybody else. They have two feet to get them there and they can talk to ask for help and that you are tired of cleaning up their nasties and if and when they have an accidents that they will be expected to help clean up the mess. Let them know that it is their choice to use the potty or not, but it is your choice to let them have _______________(fill in with their most prized toy or treat. (For my daughter it was chocolate milk. As long as she used the potty, then the choco milk flowed (I did limit her to 2 small glasses a day, but if she had an accident, then no more milk till next time. She pee pee'd ok in potty just not poo poo.) But you have to find the currency that works for your kids and don't give in. When he asks for _____________, then ask did you poo poo or pee pee in the potty today? and he will have his answer. In this way he is choosing to use the potty and he is earning a payoff for doing so. That is real life. You choose to go to work everyday and your payoff is all the stuff you choose to buy. Some people say reward with extra special things, but kids know they can already live without the extra special stuff. I say to eliminate that which they use everyday and will miss. (not their nightime cuddly thing though) be it an outside play toy, swimming, juice drink, favorite car etc... This costs you no extra money and getting rid of pull ups -- your man can't ignore the wet spot and poo everywhere.

Secondly, when they do have an accident, have them go into the bath tub and strip. Try and get them to help clean the clothes and then wash them off as well. Trick here is to make it uncomfortable and icky. Don't use any hot water, only cold. This is not harmful to your child. Hot water is a luxury we have in this country, it is not a necessity to life. You know your almost 4 year old will notice and ask, Hey why no hot water? and just answer, we need to save our hot water for our night time baths or something to that effect. My daughter went 4 days before she chose to use the potty like everybody else and we have been almost accident free since. She now has accidents every now and again when she is sleeping, but not when she is awake. I do not count the sleeping accidents against her, but they started to get frequent one week and I mentioned casually that it may be time to stop drinking chocolate milk and they stopped, so know they have a choice and it has to be his choice. Just make sure he wants it as bad as you do and you'll win, but he will feel like he chose it and not that you made him do it. My daughter was 4 months shy of her 3rd birthday when I did this. Had my daughter chose to go longer than a week, then I would have chosen to take away her t.v. and chocolate milk until she chose to use the potty. I had planned to "up the ante" each week, but I never had to. Just be strong and consistent. NEVER yell or get angry or punish them for accidents or for them choosing to go in thier pants. You want them to feel absolutely no pressure and that they are in control and can choose whenever they are ready. You are just using your choices as well and trust me. It will work. I'm sure your son is bright and will figure out that choosing to use the potty is the better choice eventually. Have faith in him and Good luck.

There's a website that has a lot of information on potty training "resistance" that was helpful to me from the University of Michigan. Search their site www.umich.edu, "toilet training". I found all kinds of helpful info to get me through the frustrating times. If your son is screaming when he is on the potty, it will only delay his potty training. Make him go bare bottomed with a long tee shirt on for about 3 days(do it when you can stay home and don't go anywhere). Don't force him to sit on the potty, ever. Ask him about every 30 min if he has to go, but don't let him be in charge of when he actually sits on the potty. It's all about his being in control. When he goes poop on the potty, make a big deal about it and reward him with something that is motivating to him - may be a small prize. This method has worked for many of my friends/family with little boys. Good luck!

Hmmm, what if his father takes the primary lead on this... 'Man to big boy' kind of thing? Is his refusal a power-play against *you*?

My daughter was a little slow to get potty trained. And she was also very strong willed. The trick that worked for us was setting a timer. I explained that every time the timer went off, she'd have to go sit on the potty and try. I'd start at 15-30 minute increments. Once she'd actually gone, I'd set it for an hour, then go back to the 15-30 minutes. That way, it wasn't a struggle between me and her. It was a relationship between her and the timer. It took the battle of wills out of the equation.
My second bit of advice would be to try the completely naked thing. I have a friend who took a very relaxed attitude about it. She felt like whenever he learned, he would learn. Well, there he was, six, and he hadn't learned. Then he got this weird rash on his bottom and he could wear underwear for a few days. By the end of a long weekend at home, he was potty trained. So you might seriously try the completely naked thing.

My son did the same thing. We finally succeeded in getting him potty trained after we held firm to the fact that he was not going to wear pull ups any more. My sons biggest problem was he was scared of the big potty. So we bought him a cushie seat for the toilet and a potty chair too that we kept in whatever room he was in at the time. It is time consuming but the biggest thing to remember is not so much the discipline or scoldings that my mother so despereately tried to force on me but the consistency with the fact that i did not give in and buy any more pull ups. EVER!!! It is hard because at first you will be doing alot of washing so make sure you have plenty of undies and at least one spare set of sheets for the bed. Eventually he will become used to the fact that he has to wear big boy pants and he will become embarrased if he does it in public. Mainly. Keep your patience. And remind your self that you are doing the best that you can and darn it ...boys are stubborn!!!! LOL. Good luck. Let me know how it helps or if it does not.

Hi A..

I understand your frustration but can you imagine how frustrated your son is? He is only 3 yo and he is confused (and frustrated) by the inconsistency. Get him out of the pull ups. Why would he learn to go only to the potty when alot of the time he can continue with his play and just go in his pull-up? Even if you have to cancel gym time, he needs to be in underwear. For 3 days, plan on staying at home and working consistently with him. Only underwear is allowed and he needs to have nothing to drink after his last drink at dinner. Take him to the bathroom every 30 minutes regardless of what you have going on. Set a timer. When he sees you are not giving in (may take the whole 3 days) he wil begin to "get it". I know they say boys are lazy but he is almost 4yo and he is old enough to learn this. I know it's tough but you can do anything for 3 days!

What worked for my almost 4 YO was the promise of a castle cake from kroger. They have a Spider MAn Cake and some other neat cakes. I promised one of those cakes if she could stay completely dry (absolutely no accidents) for a whole week. Finally just before her fourth birthday she decided she was potty trained. And sure enough, she's been dry ever since! She went from not at all potty trained to any degree whatsoever to fully potty trained in a week.

My oldest was potty trained after her fourth birthday. My second was potty trained after her fifth birthday. My third was just about four (as I just mentioned) and my fourth is two and although she sits on the potty many times a day she still has not peed in the potty. I'm just glad to only have one in diapers as I've had 2-3 in diapers for the last 5 years!

I always said I'd never use candy as a tool. But it works like a charm. I used balloons when my son would tee tee and had to turn to candy for the poo poo. I'd give him like one or two M&Ms or small candy for sitting there and trying. When he went poo poo, he got like four. We are now officially potty trained during the day. Our day care wouldn't even allow pullups. Put him in underwear and take him every so often. When he messes his britches, show him how to wash them out and put the clean up on him and reward him big when goes.

Too late now but for all future children use cloth diapers.
Average age for potty training is 17 months for girls and 19 months for boys. This is all over before the terrible twos even begin. It's better for the baby's future as well as they will inherit this planet. And on top of that it saves you over $1000.00 if you use cloth from birth to potty training.
Best advice I ever received fro my MIL
D.

Maybe he needs a more immediate prize. I knew a mom that carried stickers in her pocket. Each time her son went and did anything in the potty he got a sticker. I would not have thought of it but it worked for her. If he does not like stickers maybe a tiny piece of candy will help. Another friend used candy and stickers and had success.

I am having the same problem ---- any advice would be greatly appreciated---

From my experience you can not make a child go to the bathroom, go to sleep, or eat. So I say back off. Sit your little guy down, tell him you are going to put him in diapers, untell he tells you he wants to go to the bathroom and wear pants. I know that this sounds extreme but it sounds like you have a power stuggle going on. In the mean time you might get some of the potty books that are out there and read them to him. Also I would see if there are some little friends that are in pants that can be examples for him. But by all means don't ask or beg or insist that he go. I know that you want him to go to preschool in the fall, so you could take him and have the teacher have a little take with him. It is kinda hard to know what might be helpful to you, not knowing how you interact with him about other things. I do hope this helps.

boys are so lazy!! just keep telling him how nasty it is when he poops and pees in his underwear. don't force him to sit on the potty to poop( he may not have to go at that time)just keep telling him this is where we go and what a big boy you are and make a total huge deal out of it. my husband used to give our second one an m&m every time he went.

keep up the good work and eventually he will be comfortable enough to go regularly.

Power struggle. This is one thing he realizes you cannot make him do. So back off. When it is no longer important to you, he will come around. You are stressing because he has to learn to do this for the fall. To you the summer is short- to him the summer is an eternity. Totally back off on asking... All 3 of my kids were potty trained late- 3 , 3 1/2 and almost 4...my middle one was soooo not interested. And all three of them managed to get it for that all important "back to preschool" deadline. Just back off, quit fighting him. Don't even mention it for a month. Has he been doing MDO or pre school before? If he has, he probably loves his friends and will be excited to go back...if not, maybe the thought of going is scary and THAT is why he doesnt want to learn. Think about it- there are times when I don't want to be the grown up- how do you think your 3 year old feels? If you learn to do this, then mom is going to send you off someplace you have never been before for the day. hmmmm.....I might hold off, also. But if he has been, and enjoys it , just a casual mention of the potty rule when he has an accident- or how proud the teachers will be if he goes might be enough to get him going. All three of mine stayed in pull ups until they were so past ready - they would go on the potty if asked but not consistently- and when I knew they could do it and it was so not an issue, we would pick a date and that was when we would go cold turkey on pull ups. And expect accidents and -o well- for a few days there is more laundry. But they all 3 got it in a couple of days once we committed. But they were past ready, really, no pushing. And I will be the first to admit I was the lazy one...
But first - BACK OFF. Forget about it. And yes- my kids were the last of their friends potty trained and so what? Someone has to be last and now they are all teenagers and we laugh about how they just were so not interested in learning to use the potty but GOSH! they all use it just fine now. Good luck. I know it is frustrating.

Maybe go back to square one with the pooping and offer small rewards for each time he can sit on the potty without screaming (10 min of a video or something else immediately afterwards, or candy). Once he's doing that easily, change the reward a bit or up the anty for each time he tells you he has to go and/or poops in the potty. The next stage would be keeping it dry all day. Maybe you could make a little sticker chart so he could see his progress.
Good luck!