Piggyback to ....Some People Shouldn't Be Allowed to Have Children!

Scary...... does the mother really want to be a grandmother this early?

I know a 7th grade girl that is pregnant..... she is just 14!

I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. Definitey think I was better off. My kids won't be able to date until that age either.

My thoughts are, no way in hell would I let my 13 year old go out dating let alone with a boy 16 or 17.

These "parents" have no idea what they are asking for by their behavior. If they're not careful they'll be raising another.

But what can you do? Don't know how well you know them or how much you can say. But if you can help by diplomatic words or example go for it.

You know what kind of 13yo wants to date? A 13yo who isn't getting the love and attention she needs from her family and needs to go outside the family for it. You know what kind of 16+yo wants to date a 13yo? The kind that isn't mature enough to date girls his own age who thinks he can get somewhere with a 13yo that a 16yo would say "hell no" to.

Like the song says: No, No, No, No, No-no-no-no-no.....

It's always strange when the mom wants to be 'cool' and a 'best friend' but does everything within her power to get to "Grandma" status really fast by not having any common sense rules.(and will later complain that she's "too young to be a grandmother!") This happened to my mom with my sister; I became a Great Aunt at 40, because sis's first (a son) met a particularly lovely specimen to procreate with... the cycle continues...

Seems like there's been a spate of these young girlfriend/boyfriend type questions over the past day or so... I think I'm locking my son up until he's twenty-one or so. Suddenly, a vision of him playing video games in the basement all day doesn't seem nearly as bad as Early Onset Grandparenthood.:)

By the way, it's not so much the age difference that gets me, it's really the 'letting her date at all' that galls me. 15 years old, in high school, maintaining their grades.... what's wrong with setting reasonable expectations and priorities for our kids?

Only one thought, and it begins with the word statutory.

13? Date with a licensed driver?

Hell to the NO.

No explanation needed.

"no dating until 16" is our mantra. Been using it for 10-12 years now, & as long as you're consistent...it works.

As far as I'm concerned, the parents set the rules....& early teenhood is the time for fun - not the time for love, sex, & romance. :)

EDIT -12 hours later. : A lot of the focus has been on the age difference. I believe this is more of a "she's too young" issue.
My parents' rule was 16, & they allowed me to break that rule 3 months early. At age 15 yrs & 9 months, I was allowed to date a 23yo. I know this will shock a lot of you! BUT, we had met thru our lake community group, had many mutual friends, & he was a part of our wkends for quite some time before we began dating...with my parents' blessing.
I did not become pregnant, nor did I drink/smoke thruout our dating years. We have now been married 30+ years. So for me, this is truly not an age difference issue....but one of being "waaaay tooooo young". :)

ummm lets see big fat no to that

Not happening in my house for sure....

And people wonder why teenaged girls end up pregnant?! There's only one reason a boy 16+ wants anything to do with a 13 year old girl, and it's sad she's going to learn that one the hard way. You just have to shake your head sometimes, you know? When I was that age, my parents sent me to a girls' school to keep me safe - as my dad told me at the time, "Honey, I trust YOU, but I was once a teenaged boy, and I don't trust THEM!" Even at the time, I didn't mind having an adult chaperone around when boys were present. I just wasn't ready to take on anything more than friendship and flirtation at that age. I believe teen girls need parents, not pushovers.

Well, you can't tell people how to raise their children.
I agree with the age 16 rule, it worked for me when I was that age, and worked for my sons.There is no way I would have let my boys date a girl younger than they were.... but many moms really dont know what their kids are doing when they are out.
My mom was 15 when she got pregnant with me, her parents let them date whenever they decided they liked a boy.... so 12 was the age for my mom and aunties..... very sad situation, all got pregnant extremely young and all 4 of them ended up in divorces after the shot-gun weddings.
Of course we are only assuming the worst case scenerio when we see youngsters dating, hopefully all of the puppylovers are not having sex.

My thoughts are that mom will become a grandma sooner than later!

Just because she "ACTS" like a grown up - doesn't mean she is. her brain is STILL immature and will make rash, irresponsible decisions. So. No. No 13 year old girl would go on a date with a boy old enough to drive.

My daughter wasn't allowed to date until she was 16. Rules were STRICT. Curfew. Meet the boy. Meet the parents. Not alone. I was not allowed to date until I was 16 either. We did go to a pizza parlor that was walking distance from my home, as a group. Other than that - I wasn't allowed alone until 16.

Mom must want to be a grandmother something fierce to have that mentality!!! It's our job to PARENT not be their best friend.

That's like a 31 year old man being interested in a 17 year old girl. There's something wrong with this picture.

Mom wants a grand baby to be friends with.

to go on a "date".. no.. likie others have said its kinda weird that a 16+ yr old boy wants to date a 13 yr old
however i will say that i was young for my grade.. i turned 14 like 2 weeks into my freshman year of highschool and yes i had alot of older friends that drove, most of them guys but at that point it was no one i "dated" and most of the time there was other people with us

This could be innocent but it think it offers the young one way to much freedom, maybe more freedom than they can realisitically handle.

I do agree with whomever it was that said this kids seem to be looking for affection that they aren't getting from the appropriate sources.

To compare the age difference of two Consenting ADULTS to a 13 yo and a 16+ yo is not the same. NO 13 yo is able to independantly support a child, nor do i think a 13 yo has the life experiences to deal with the repurcussions of a relationship like this. What are the chances that at 13 in the year 2012 and this boy will be together forever??? Possible sure, likely Hell no.

I was allowed to go on a "date" when I was that age with a boy that was 18 at the time. Only reason was he was the son of my parents' close friends. Adn it was just to a car show, like maybe 2 hours. Other than that, I never went on a real date till I was of high school. Not that my mom didn't try to get me to date sooner.
Sounds to me like the girl's mom needs to be a little more parental and not worry so much about being a friend. That's how some teen girls end up pregnant, they have friends, not moms or dads.

It use to be people would hear of places where 12 yr olds are married off to older men and think "what kind of culture/country is this that allows this to happen to their daughters? India? the Middle East? Some third world country?".
No more.
We're a lot more 3rd world in some respects than we'd like to think about.
If parents are going to allow this then why not just lower the age of consent to 12 and be done with it?
Our people as a culture are forgetting what it's like when kids do not have a childhood - a rather high infant and mother mortality rate when young teens get pregnant - in effect, it's really just being sexed to death.
That's right - sex too early causes death, not life.
Even DOG breeders know this!
Perhaps the March of Dimes should pursue that line of thought to try to educate some of these idiot parents of the real cost of teen pregnancy.

there is something to be said for the boy who wants to date a child,and the girl is trying to grow up way to fast, life is hard enough already, why rush it ,it will only get worse as you get older when ot comes to love, sex and all that stuff.

my daughter is 8yrs, just turned 8 last month and a kid i had never met didnt even know he lived on our block was in the back yard with her playing and i thought wonder who he is and where he came from so i asked him his age, he said 13yrs i said whats a teenager like you wanting to play with an 8yr old girl, he said she;s cute!!, i said you need to leave and not come back your to old to play with her, he came by all the time to get her to come ride bikes with her until my husband told him he would call the police, older kids have bad intentions in mind and when your young you are to trust worthy.

Sounds like mom will be taking care of a grandbaby soon. I feel sorry for that girl...

Dawn

13-16 is a freshman-junior spread. Common. Or freshman-senior spread, not uncommon.

Similarly, parenting 'rules' in highschool sure do change a lot. The parents who (from observation) switch into a friend/mentor role, tend to have a LOT more influence over their teens, and tend to know a lot more about their teens lives / are come to for advice/ actually listened to instead of rebelled against or snuck around.

Psych speaking it's the authoritarian to authoritative switch that produces the most consistent results, with parents being heeded.

Take the frosh-junior spread... Making boy forbidden makes him Adonis. Instead being someone who can ask leading questions, be come to for advice, etc... Actually maintains influence.

Now, said parents may be goblins who don't give a rip, but they may just be being smart in picking their battles and retaining a role of influence.

Like Lesley B. I went "steady" with a 16 year-old boy that had his own car (a 1976 Nova - the red, white, and blue one) when I was 14. We never had sex. We went to movies, rollar-skating, the county fair, and parties. Sure we kissed and "made out", but I had plans for college and a career and was NOT going to blow my chances by getting pregnant.

And yes, girls did get pregnant in the 70s just like they do today. My brothers both got married younger than planned. More often in those days, a pregnant teenage girl was called a "bride".

When I was 14, I dated a boy who was 17. He had a car and a part time job and my father loved him. We never had sex. We went to movies, out to eat, hung out with friends. We didn't drink.

This was 30 years ago. LOL

But, from what I see of my son and his friends (all in the 15-16 range) things are not that different. Oh, kids still get pregnant - they did 30 years ago - I went to an all girls Catholic High School and we had a girl walk the stage pregnant. So as much as things change, some things stay the same.

It is about how children are raised - what morals and values are instilled in them. But, I have noticed, that children (teens) also learn from each other. A teen with a less than stellar role model parent, can still learn strong morals and values from his/her friends. So, I don't automatically assume that a young teen going on a car date is going to come home pregnant.

Riley J, 13 is 7th/8th grade not 9th!
My daughter is about to turn 13 as are most of her 7th grade friends. They only "date" fellow 7th graders.
But I know when I lived in South Carolina it was pretty common for middle school girls to hook up with high school guys (I was 13, 14 at the time.) There was very little parental supervision going on there.
Guess where you live determines what is considered acceptable.

Well in mydaughter was entirely

My oldest is now 17 and has lived with in-laws since she was a baby... long story!!!

When she was 14 she was dating a 21 yr old w/ the ok from my in-law cause they didn't want her to run away or move in with us... how did I find out??? We went to visit & she wouldn't come out of her room - when I went in to see why I got "Mamma, I am cramping really bad - I can't walk & I haven't had my period in about 3 months." My responce - should I be worried about anything do I need to find you a doctor or is this normal? Her "Well, it's not normal... I might be pregnant."

Oh, the sh** hit the fan, only after I got the important thing taken care of... I took her to Planned Parenthood - she was not pregnant - THANKFULLY. She showed no signes of miscarage & did get a complete check-up & STD test ran - all came back clean THANKFULLY. I gave her 2 weeks to come clean - which she didn't want to do & didn't... then I went to my in-laws and let them know about the scare which is when I found out they knew about the boy well man. Which is when all the troubles started and everything when south... my bubby & his dad got into a fist fight over it - saddly infront of the younger kids, the cops got invauled because the school coach called them when he saw this guy hanging around the field & her team-mates were uncomferable and we didn't talk to my in-laws for almost 6 months - which was really hard on us all! Both men were to proud to be the first one to say something and I kept being told it wasn't my place to get invaulved... we finally got a text from my father-in-law which broke the ice & we did go over and talk about it. We did find out that they did enforce the rules we set before the fist fight (to our suprise).

But she is looking forward to her 18th birthday... so she can't talk to this guy again - not sure why, but she is. And she is now dating guys close to her own age... or atleast within 2-3 year of her not 7 yrs older with kids. Personnaly, I'm just hoping to not go through that again... but I have a feeling I will be a grandma soon - since she will be 18 yrs old in Oct., but I do hope she waits a while or till she finds a good guy that will be good to her baby & her.

Kids do need protected... even if it "ruines their live" Which I have been told so many time I lost count now - lol.

Just for perspective, we're looking right now to buy a home in a nearby city and one of the things we checked out was Meagan's Law-- a website which pinpoints the exact location of child molesters in every neighborhood (http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/). One of the main categories you will see are people who were convicted of having sexual relations with a minor under 14. It's wrong and, when viewed from this perspective, it's disgusting and illegal.
Friend/Mom should be informed of her child's legal stance as a minor and her responsibility to her. She's seriously not doing her job.