Stepdaughter Dating Too Soon ?

16 is an ok age to start dating.
An 18 yr old is not too old for her - and if he's a senior then he'll be off to college next year - so it's not likely she'll still be seeing him when she's a senior.
What does his having a license have to do with anything?
If they are going to have sex they don't need a car for that.

I suggest that a date is just a date - a meal, a movie or a football (or some other sport) game - and they are both too young for exclusive relationships - so hopefully they are both seeing other people too.

My father drove my date and I on our first date. He dropped us off and picked us up. He told my date he didn't care if he were a good driver he wasn't driving me alone. After getting to know him better my father settled down. Maybe your husband will feel better if he drives and picks them up on their first date. Wow that's bringing back memories. Good luck!!

Updated

My father drove my date and I on our first date. He dropped us off and picked us up. He told my date he didn't care if he were a good driver he wasn't driving me alone. After getting to know him better my father settled down. Maybe your husband will feel better if he drives and picks them up on their first date. Wow that's bringing back memories. Good luck!!

Tell her she can go out with him with a group of friends...guys and girls. See how that goes. If Dad is not comfortable with her being alone with an 18 year old guy in his car yet, then say only group outings till she is 17 or something like that...whatever you and he are comfortable with. Make sure she knows how to say no. How to handle uncomfortable situations. Not to let someone pressure her. How easy it is to get pregnant and what this would mean for her life. You are going to need to talk about birth control. Talk to her about her plans for the future. Many conversations. Good luck.

She is a sophomore at almost 16, so she is 15. He is a senior and is 18.

Have you never had any discussions before NOW about when she can start dating? Or conversations with her about what dating entails? Does she ever go our with groups of friends to see movies or to eat at restaurants (ice cream or late night burgers) or bowling or mini-golf, etc etc? Typical teenage outings with groups of boys and girls together?

I would encourage them to go out with a group of their mixed friends and get to know one another better. Have him over for movies, tv, to play board games and let him hang out around your house.

Dating can be fun as they get to know each other and become friends, then develop a relationship or they can be wanting to hook up for sex...or anything in between.

My 11 year old is going with a group of mixed boy/girl friends to race go karts this weekend for a birthday party. I think of it as pre-dating as the boys and girls get to learn how to interact together.

Have you discussed how to handle it if he wants to have sex and she doesn't or if she is also planning on sleeping with him? birth control or self-control to not have sex so young?

If you know where she stands on dating boys and the type of relationship she wants then let her date...if you know nothing or have not talked about dating/relationships and sex then maybe figure out carefully where she is coming from...each young person is different when they are "ready to date" and what dating means to them. Good luck!!

seems weird to me to think that a 16 year old is 'too young' to date. she's obviously old enough to think about romance. unless she has some sort of emotional delay, at least.

what would be the purpose of denying her permission to date? is she irresponsible? sneaky? is there something useful she can learn by wanting to date this boy but not being allowed to do so?

she's going to be a legal adult in a couple of years. does her dad think it's a good idea for that to happen with no experience of the sorts of decisions and emotions that young adults encounter?

i don't get it, really.

khairete
S.

If I understand correctly, your husband allowed her to have a boyfriend last year, but this year he has a problem, perhaps because the boy is 18 and has his license. Maybe last year, your husband was driving her and a younger teen to a movie or a party?

I suspect your husband is realizing that his daughter is maturing - physically and emotionally. Perhaps he remembers what his friends (and maybe he himself) were like at 18 - plenty of talk about taking advantage of a younger girl. But here's the fallacy in that: a car is an issue for driving experience but not for sexual activity, an 18 year old guy is probably on a similar maturity level to a 16 year old girl, it's easier for a somewhat socially awkward guy to spend time with a less experienced dating partner.

So either your husband or the girl's mother or you - hopefully in cooperation - have already adequately prepared this teen for life "out there" in the teen dating world. You've had the sex/disease talk many times, you've had the "respect yourself" and "no means no" talk, and you've encouraged her to choose wisely in all facets of her life.

This boy is a senior and will be heading elsewhere in 6 months. This is not a long-term relationship, most likely. In 2 years, your stepdaughter will be heading off on her own - perhaps to college. Exactly when is she supposed to magically gain life skills and dating skills, if she doesn't "practice" now while she's still under your roof? The surest way to get her to rebel and sneak off is to prevent reasonable dating now. You've met the boy, he's been willing to come to your house and face your husband, so you've screened him a bit. Give him (and her) a chance. I'm assuming she has a phone, that your husband has put some rules in place (including checking her photos and texts periodically) and that he has the ability to track her location (and that she knows this). She's not asking to spend a weekend in a remote mountain cabin, right? She wants to go to the movies or out for pizza or to the Homecoming dance. Let her.

Your husband cannot protect her by saying no to everything. Either he's done his job as a parent, or he hasn't.

This is a perfect age to date, and a two-year difference is fine. Tell dad to relax and let go of the reins a bit.

I think it's completely normal for all of us (parents) to have certain ideas of what's age appropriate and then have trouble when our own baby is that age!

My parents let me ride the city bus when I was 8 years old. They encouraged me to go to ride the bus to the movies with my friends when I was 10. I cannot imagine letting my 12 year old to that (lol).

I do think it's perfectly reasonable to let a 16 year old girl go on a date with an 18 year old boy, but I don't have a 16 year old daughter.

I would suggest having a calm, quiet conversation with your husband to let him talk about his fears. Rational or not, he's just worried about his baby.

It is very typical for 16 year olds to date, and a sophomore/senior pairing is neither a large age gap nor unusual in high school dating.

if I understand your last lines, you meant to say that her mother allowed her to have a boyfriend since last year, but her dad didn't like it. Sounds like the horse is already out of the barn on the dating issue.

Many variables here.
Is she a responsible 16 yr old? How much do you know about this boy? I think at minimum you let her go on group dates as others have suggested, and put limitations on what/where they can go.
16 and 18 is not a huge gap, even though for Dad I'm sure it is. You have to show her you trust her until there's a reason not too. Keeping open communication at this age is huge. I did not have that with my parents at all, and it was a struggle. As uncomfortable as it may be for both of you, you have to talk to her.
Make sure she is confident and respects herself enough to only tolerate respectful behavior from boys.
Good luck!

Is she a Freshman dating a Senior or a Sophmore dating a senior? 9 to 12th grade is a big gap, even with girls generally being more mature than boys.

Our daughters weren't allowed to date until they were 16 . . .

In any event, I'd be letting dad and mom handle it. It is their child.

Can you clarify what "FYI her allowed her to have s boyfriend last year & seems ok w idea" means.

So she dated before? Is it just that the boy is two years older and has a license?

I mean as long as you set some ground rules (dad as you are step-parent here) and you get to know the boy - start small, with boundaries.

We have a teen and he's not allowed to go to one kid's house. That's because there's no supervision. We've learned the hard way. You just use your judgement. It sends a clear message that you're on top of things. My kid was ok with it.

I think teens like limits - personally. I didn't have a whole lot growing up due to circumstnaces. I made some poor choices. But allow her to have some fun.

Ultimately, you're the step mom so hopefully dad has good communication with his daughter and so does her mom. How does her mother feel? Wouldn't it also depend on her thoughts?

I think in today's society, kids are much more advanced than when I was coming up. Kissing was the thing to do....but today they barely kiss (they do other things) so his concern is valid! Is she naive? Is she responsible? Is he headed in a good direction? Why does an 18 year old want a 16 year old? Just questions...remind her it takes a second to get into trouble and a lifetime to get out! Good luck