Phone Calls - Claremont,CA

Oh....sounds like you've got a great idea there!!!! I think that's very reasonable--20 mins./day. He's too young to have a phone permanently attached to his face.....YET! :)

Hi E., we all got or get to go through thisstage with our kids, they advice that was given to me when my kids were younger was let them talk on the phone, but monitor the conversation, and keep this in mind, they can;t have sex over the phone, J.

I think that the limits you are setting are fine and totally realistic for his age. You wouldn't probably have any success with telling him no talking to girls, he would end up rebelling somehow. Besides that, I would just keep an eye on him and make sure he knows his limits (and that you stick to them). But on that note, be reasonable. Use his behavior and his maturity level as a guide. And try to involve him in the discussion about why the limits are the way they are.

As for him thinking he is older than he is, I wouldn't worry about it as long as his behavior is in check. It's probably a little bit that and a little bit you not wanting him to grow up so fast. Make sure you teach him how to treat women with respect and probably shouldn't wait too much longer to have THE talk (or have your husband do it), and you should be fine.

Hi E.:
I'd be worried about him if he wasn't talking to girls on the phone. It is the most natural thing in the world for a 6th grader. If he's trying to get away with anything, its (learning)This is not merely A time for your son to learn how to communicate and get along with other boys. Its equally important for him to learn how to speak and get along with the opposite sex.In Jr. high He will have classes on sex ED and High school is soon after.Ahhh haaa It went by faster than you thought huh?? I'm editing here,as i noticed some mothers are comparing phone calls to dating! If you don't know the difference now, you will soon! lol Feel proud,that your son is staying out of trouble and trust that he has learned well from you.Give him a little rope to grow mom.You want to keep that important line of communication open with him tooo.The very best to you,and your (young man)

I'm guessing I'm in the minority here but I don't think there's any reason to promote "dating" behavior this early. I've told our daughter, that unless it's to confirm some homework or for something school or church related, it can wait until she's back at school to talk. I know that seems harsh, but our reasoning is that we don't want her to think that a boyfriend is an option yet. The residual effect of this is that we have a kid that can use her parents to get her out of situations she was feeling uncomfortable about anyway. Good luck figuring out what's best to do...it's sometimes so difficult today to wade through it all!

My daughter just finished the 6th grade. I permit her to use the phone occasionally to speak with other girls only. The social drama and pressure to pair off is much too strong in some classes. Who are these girls parents?!! Far too young 4 this type of socializing in my book!! All of that "stuff" comes soon enough. What's the rush?!! I am not interested in allowing my daughter to put herself in these situations at the age of 12.

Hi E.,
My question would be why he needs to date? Why not encourage him to build friendships and leave it at that for a while (say until he is 16)? 11 years old is very young to date. As he becomes more confident in his relational skills he will advance in his physical skills as well. If he is starting this young he can easily get himself into a situation he may not be emotionally (or physically ready for).
All of this sounds like peer pressure to me, and if you tell him that you don't feel he's old enough to date yet, that may take that pressure off of him and he can use you as his alibi with his friends.

i dont know...maybe its just me...but i think i would be fine with the phone as long as he was in the living room or kitchen where i can have a chance to over hear conversations some. i remember my 6th grade days and i was kind of a tom-boy.i had mostly friends that were boys and i know in some cases a boy will have more friends that are girls...and not always because they had an interest in them but be cause they thought that the girls made cool friends and vice versa. my little brother who just finished being a freshman...he was always the same way...like to have friends that are girls...and as odd as it is...me being his sister...i was the one he would open up to over anyone else. he is going to be a sophmore and never had his first kiss yet. we always looked at it this way when he was younger..its better to talk on the phone than him to actually go out with friends where he could have a chance to be alone with a girl. but again...its just me :-) but feel comfortable doing what you feel is best

I also have a 11 year old son and he fortunately is not glued to the phone (yet!). When he started talking about girls and one in particular we sat down and discussed the rules about dating, the fact that he wasn't going to until he was 16 years old! But I also told him that I would allow her to come over and join us for dinner and watch a movie. They would not be allowed to be in his room alone, or hold hands or kiss. He was cool with it. I think he was uncertain of everything himself so giving him guidelines I think helped him not be put in a pressured situation. We do co-ed movie nights and parties for him so he can enjoy his friends whether they are girls or boys. I think 20 minutes on the phone a day (good behavior permitting) is awesome! I think they need to realize that talking on the phone is a previlege not a right. But restricting him just because you want to will only make him want it more. Which will probably contribute him to disobeying you by sneaking it when you are not looking. So trusting him and giving a little leway will better your relationship. It has to be a give and take relationship or one of you will always feel cheated. Hope this helps.

I think you are doing great!!! Gives me a plan for the future.