What's the conventional wisdom? Adult party, maybe 20 guests, invitation by mail. How to handle people who when responding offer/ask if they can bring something. This wasn't requested in the invitation and there are many who have responded without the offer. Is it best to say 'no' so as other guests arriving won't feel they 'should have' brought something, or say, 'sure, bring ---'? I hadn't assumed any contributions from guests, but it doesn't matter to me if they do/don't.
Party was a huge success! After reading your advice, I told anyone who asked, 'sure, there's room for another appetizer' and consequently, we had plenty! One friend said if I'd send her the recipe, she'd make whatever for the party, something I'd never thought to say myself. Most others brought a hostess gift of some sort. Terrific evening. Thanks, Mamas!
I usually tell them I'm providing everything but if they want to bring something to share, they can. We are pretty casual so no big deal but if I was having some fancy meal, I would just tell them I had everything and to just bring themselves. =)
My answer would be to bring something if you want only if you actually want them to. I've always asked if I could bring something to be polite, and often been told not to worry about it because they're set. If I was told that it was up to me, I would bring something. With 20 guests there could be a lot of food. I guess it just depends on what type of party it is...dinner party, maybe not...cocktails and apps, sure.
"There's certainly no need, but if you insist on bringing something, I'm sure we could make good use of a bottle of wine/ another dessert/ a round of brie"
For me, if it's a sit down meal, I'd rather they NOT bring anything because it throws me off, in which case "Just bring your charming self." but if it's just standing/sitting with small plates or whatever, let them bring something nonessential (in case they come without it or can't come at the last minute).
HTH
T.
I would not go to anyone's home for a dinner, party, etc without something in hand.
I was raised that you just don't go without something in hand for the hostess. My go to is a very nice bottle of wine. Most of the time, the hostess just puts it away and the evening goes on.
I've not been to an event when most of the guests didnt bring a little something for the hostess. Just poor etiquette in my opinion.
However, if someone comes to my house without something, it is not big deal... Like you, I don't expect anything and certainly don't judge those who don't bring something. It does not mean they are using poor etiquette... we just both learned things differently.
I would keep it uniform and tell them to just bring themselves. I agree that others may feel badly when they see others bringing something.
Of course it's etiquette to bring a hostess gift. Is it possible that they're wanting to know what to bring as a gift? Perhaps you could word your response in such a way that it's optional. Perhaps say if you want to bring a hostess gift I would enjoy it. I dnk. I like that shorthand. lol
I always put bring a bottle or dessert on my invites. I am the only one in our circle of friends to home entertain on a regular basis. I am not about to foot the bill for the lazy circle of mine! lol
I usually say "just bring yourselves!"
My answer would be, bring something if you want.
If it doesn't matter to you, tell them, 'Thank you. I have everything set, but if you would like to bring something, that will be fine. '
If you have guests who are offering and there is something that you would like them to bring, it is not inappropriate to ask them to bring something. If you know that certain people have a "signature dish," you could tell them that you have the meal all set, but would love their spinach dip for the appetizer course or their double chocolate brownies to go with the cake you have planned. I would never go to someone's home for dinner without some small hostess gift. But if I brought flowers or wine and a few other guests brought dishes to share, I would not feel awkward. Sometimes people prefer to have a suggestion of what they can bring.
I think bringing a bottle of wine makes guests feel like they are more a part of the celebration. Its a class act. Don't fret or take that away from those who choose to do so.
Heather LP., for my FEW friends who ask--I tell them chips. Chips always disappear at my informal bbqs.
For the ones who ask, if you want them to bring something, you make a specific suggestion or just let them know what you haven't picked up yet and let them choose from that list. You are not responsible for somebody else's what-if and shoulda-woulda-coulda issues. If they are interested in bringing something, they'll ask. Otherwise, they won't. If they're battling it out in their own minds thinking that they probably should or should not have asked, then that is their issue, and they'll know for next time. You can't do all the emotional work for everybody.
Maybe it depends on the event. When I have a party, I usually provide everything, though I'll encourage them to bring any speicifc beverage selections that they prefer. My bar is stocked, and the food is usually a good balance, but I am not offended if somebody decides to leave my house and make a run to the store for a particular fix.
I prefer telling them what I need than to have them bring something that I don't want and expect it to be added to my thought-out menu.
