Parenting and Custody

Updated on September 17, 2010
T.M. asks from Saint Johns, MI
5 answers

Parenting with a mental disorder. If you wouldn't mind letting me tell you my story. This is in the desperate hope that you or someone out there will see this and direct me. In Oct. 2005 I went to a marriage therapist with my husband (after he was seeing this doctor for a month prior and continued to see him for 3 months AFTER I stopped seeing him). I was told this was just for marriage purposes only and my child was never involved or even introduced to this doctor.

He does not work with children. The day I began seeing this doctor along with my ex-husband (at the time husband) he sent us home with a 30 year old (I didn’t know how old it was then) 565 true and false questionnaire of the MMPI test and we were to bring it back the next week. No other testing was done. I was already on medication for periodicly having panic attacks since 2001. The doctors findings from this test showed that I have Boarderline Personaliy Disorder. This disorder was not brought up until the custody battle. I stopped seeing this doctor after 7 visits and my ex continued seeing him for several months.

The courts initically awarded me full custody of my daughter. Six months after not paying any court ordered child support and was on the verge of having a bench warrent my ex decided he would fight for custody on the grounds that I have a mental illness. He had this doctor testify against me and said the ex would be a better parent. He went on to testify things that never happened like I was in rehab for drugs (this was said to him during the one on one with the ex). The doctor wrote a letter to my ex admitting that I was being tricked into counseling. I ended up losing custody of my child 4 years ago and this is a non stop fight to get her back. I am court ordered to take medication and go to therapy.

I was instructed to get a Full Evaluation done and I was told after this was done a “review of custody” will be done. To this day and tens of thousands of dollars on therapy, tests, motions, medication and attorney fees, nothing has been done except during one of the court cases it was decided that I spend to much time with my daughter and now my time was reduced to less than 8 days a month. Several letters from doctors to the courts saying I do not have a mental illness and that I am able to properly parent my child means nothing in the court system. My daughter is being mentally abused and I am being alinated from from her anyway and every possible way. I can prove this.

I filed a complaint with the American Psychological Association and the doctor was expelled due to 6 violations of Standards of the APA Ethic Codes. I gave the courts the APA findings and several letters from doctors that have been treating me along with the findings of the court ordered “full evaluation” and they all told that I do not have this illness and that I can parent my child properly. Some even say that if my daughters situation does not change this will affect her life.
I filed a motion to strike this doctors findings after I received the letter from the APA in a desperate hope that I can file a change in cirumstance with the courts to review the whole case over and I will be able to be in my daughters life as her mother. I was told to find a case that a doctors testomony was striken. I complied. I highly doubt that his false testamony will be stricken from the record and I have to be labled to have an illness that prevents me from parenting my child. It was sugjested several times that my ex get a full evaluation done by a referee and 3 doctors. He has not.

As of now my child is being mentally abused by my ex husband and his new wife. My daughter is being forced to call this other person mom when she has stated she does not want to do that, "she is not my mom". When this is brought up by my daughter to her father He tells her to not be a tattle tale. If my daughter does not call this person mom then she is ignored until she does. She is not allowed to hug me when the "new mommy" is there because "she hates you mommy and I don't want to get in trouble". My daughter asked the Step mom "how many more sleeps til I see my Mom". She was thrown on a bed in her room, shut door and didn't speak to my child the rest of the night. She is being told that I am coming to get her and when I don't show up (these times were not my parenting time days) I'm asked by my daughter "why did you forget about me mommy?".

On two ocassions the step person refused to give me my daughter when it was my parenting time. Having to see your daughter in so much pain over this nasty fight and desperatly wanting a stable life (which I proved I can give her) is heartbreaking to say the least. This emotional scar that is being forced on her is going to be a life long scar if this does not change. The parenting time coordinator testified "the spouses need to stay out of the picture because these two are responsible for the raising of the child". I have no part in the raising of MY own child!!! This other person is signing her name under parent/legal guardian and nothing is being done. My childs hair is being bleached to look like this other person!!! The courts won't listen and all my daughter asks is to be able to talk to the Judge herself and tell him she either wants to be with her mommy or daddy, not the step person or daycares.

I have always worked part time since the day she was born so her parents will be there for her most of the time. When my child is feeling ill I am told by my ex-husband to take my child to the step-mother where she can care for her because I am unable to. There is no primary care giver to my child except the step mother and the father (only on paper). Because of a test that was given to me that was outdated, not administered correctly I am pretty much shut out of my daughters life. I get less then 8 days a month with 9 days of not having any contact at all with her while her father works 10 to 13 hours a day and she is with somebody that disgraces me to my daughter and anyone that will listen to my ex husband and his new wife. Daisy Girl Scout leaders, school teachers, school principals, dance intructors and parents of friends of my daughter are being told not to let me attend, volunteer for activites or be around children because of my “so-called” mental illness.

Where is the justice for my little baby here? The ex has the means of money to get a really good attorney that prolongs everything because she can and she knows how to. I feel my case and the life with my daughter is so distroyed I will never be able to fix it. Not to be able to protect your daughter is the worst feeling on earth!!! My latest hearing was August 30, 2010 and I am still ordered to take medication and continue therapy even after the evidence I have given.
Now my daughter has been enrolled in a public school and I was told by the school principal (I strongly feel the ex has talked him into feeling I should not be around children because of my “illness”) that I am not to come to the school to see my child get on and off the bus or volunteer in her class unless it is autorized, in writing, by my ex husband. I have always been extremly involved in my daughters education and try to be in her activities, if and when I am told when and where they are.

I have had Child Protective Services called on me because I took my daughter for a ride on a scooter to the end of my block (3 houses). CPS called it a “bogus” complaint and dismissed it. I had a parenting time complaint filed because I went to my daughters daycare to kiss her and tell her I love her. The Friend of the Court said I was in no violation. My ex said “Under Oath” that he would rather a daycare raise her then me and that he would rather my daughter be with his girlfriends rather then me. My file at the FOC has been tampered with and I can prove that but I do not have the finacial means to hire an investagator to do that.

This wonderful little girl was inside my body for nine months. I felt her kick, turn over, hicup and move inside me and that experience was the beginning of the love for a child. When I saw her for the first time the rush of love that God had given me was most incredible feeling! Now I am unable to share my love with my child because of a wrongful test that I was given and this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. There is so much more to this and I am in desperate need for help to save the relationship between my daughter and myself. Anyones imput or help will be greatly appreciated and welcomed.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.P.

answers from New York on

I'm sorry, but I'm not seeing your actual question here.

Having said that, you should seek legal counsel. It doesn't sound like you have an attorney, but your ex does. If you do have an attorney, get a new one.

I cannot imagine the pain of not seeing your child, especially if you feel that you are being wrongly accused. As a psychologist, I can tell you that the MMPI is an older assessment of personality, but don't blame the test! The results of that assessment do NOT indicate a diagnosis and that is not the purpose of the survey. The MMPI is used to characterize your personality type, not indicate Borderline Personality Disorder. It is very common for marriage counselors to use a similar instrument to help identify why people are unable to communicate.

You say that your are mandated to take medication and go to therapy. Did the independent psychiatrist recommend that as part of his/her assessment? If you have undergone a comprehensive psychiatric assessment by a court-mandated doctor then his/her findings would be binding in court. If that individual feels that you are an unfit parent, you would need to have an independent evaluation conducted to refute that information. Your attorney can subpoena your therapists, but be aware that they may feel the same way depending on their impressions of you.

Who made the CPS calls? That worries me b/c others are concerned about your parenting ability, including the school principal. Is it possible that your anxiety is more than you are aware of yourself? The length of this post and immediacy of it would indicate concern from a clinical standpoint.

I am concerned that you sound like you are reeling and are currently on a medication. Schedule an appointment with your attorney and ask about an updated psychiatric assessment- for you and your ex. I have testified in custody hearings regarding the impact on the child, so your daughter should be evaluated as well.

Unfortunately, it is very difficult to reverse custody pendency when there is a mental health concern involved. A good attorney and a new battery of assessments (for ALL involved) is warranted. It is going to cost you a lot of money, but you may be able to see your daughter more often!

6 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

I have a close relative with Borderline Personality Disorder, and she is extremely skilled at tricking psychologists, psychiatrists, family members, friends.... It took a department head of a mental institution and expert in the field to finally diagnose her, and now we know and have studied the disorder, she is very textbook. She really knows how to make life hell for people. So, I am going to answer in two ways here...

1. It sounds to me that if this diagnosis is true, that you are dealing with a false reality and need serious help... I know first hand what false accusations and twists of reality sound like coming from one with BPD, so sorry for a lack of sympathy. The story just doesn't add up that you would be forced on medication, years of therapy and all of that for a simple outdated personalty questionnaire, and false testimony that you were in rehab for drugs without any documentation of that.

2. If everything you say is true, than perhaps the father is the one with the personality disorder who is doing the smear/distortion campaign on you, though he has spent many years and taken a very elaborate route to get all of his bases covered. If that is the case, then you clearly need to document everything, from the beginning, as well as seek some serious legal counsel. A full mental evaluation should be done of your daughter to see the effects, and he and his girlfriend. get written character referrals in your behalf. Contact the school and calmly explain the situation, bring proper medical documentation and a referral that prove you are not a threat to your daughter. Perhaps have the axe come down on him for the false accusations such as calling CPS, the warnings to your daughters principal in which you do not security clearance to pick her up from school, evidence that the girlfriend is acting as legal gaurdian.... Reinforce the findings with your attorney.

And defiantly take Krista P. seriously. But, I have read your previous questions and they have asked the same thing you you have gotten great advice regarding this issue, what actions have been taken by you thuis far?. Whatever the case may be, I hope it is resolved very soon.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I think you need to contact the local mental health department and find an advocate to help you. If they can't, or you can't, get credible witnesses and change the judges mind then you have a hard uphill battle ahead of you. The only person in that courtroom you have to convince is the judge, no one else.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

Your story broke my heart. All I can say is keep fighting. Check every where you can for help, talk to lawyers and see if one will help you for free or will set up a payment plan you can handle. It sounds like you are doing what you need to, I am so sorry you daughter is being made to suffer.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

T.,
Your story is truly heartbreaking. Are you still going through the mediator or a judge? A judge might be able to consider your documentation. I see from some previous posts that you have a teenage daughter as well. Do you have sole custody of her? Then this doesn't add up.....wishing you strength for the journey--it certainly has been a long O. already. Best of luck!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions