My son is 4.5 years old. I have always had a hard time with his behavior. He has attended daycare/preschool from the time he was an infant. Unfortunately my husband and I both have to work. He was diagnosed with sever food allergies early on (milk, peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, legumes, green beans, mustards seed, and who knows what else) His diet has always been limited and I do try to buy mostly organic or natural foods for him. Since he was about 2 years old we knew we would have our hands full with him. He almost got kicked out of one preschool so we switched to another preschool. As he has gotten older some things have gotten better and other things have become problems. We are currently in a stage where he will not listen or follow directions. he attends a program geared towards his behavior issues in the morning and they use a sticker chart. There are 3 teachers in the room and most days he comes home with 2 or less stickers out of 9. He is very very smart and is the most verbal child in the class but he won't listen to the teachers, he won't conform to the rules which are clear, he occasionally will hit or push other students, he will scream and roll around on the floor because he thinks it's funny. The teacher, at her wits end, took him to the principals office the other day, and he didn't even care. He talks back and calls the teachers crazy and insists he is the boss. He has a very strong personality. We have offered rewards at home, taken away toys/television, put him in time outs, talked with him, encouraged him. We cannot seem to find a punishment or reward that works. His afternoon teacher is very concerned about his ability to socialize. He is very outgoing and want to play with other kids but if a kid takes away a toy from him he freaks like he is still two. He is very selfish. Lacks impulse control and can easily have a melt down if things don't go his way. We can be playing a board game and he can win two games and if I win on the third he has a melt down. I am worried about him entering kindergarten next year. I am worried about his self-esteem. I am worried about his ability to socialize. Recently he has been sad and saying he want to be good but he just can't control himself. He has many positive qualities too but how will anyone see them if he can't get control of the negative ones. Any suggestions? I am planning on taking him to a psychiatrist but am very apprehensive about medicating a 4 year old. Help!!!!!
Added: I have a 3.5 month old baby. My pediatrician has been saying for 2 years that he has adhd and that when I am ready for meds let him know. Took him to a psychiatrist 1.5 years ago and he said the same thing. we have since done occupational therapy and had a regular therapist see him once a week but have ended both after a year with no real changes.
I am glad you are taking him to a psychiatrist. Medication isn't the only treatment for behavior issues, but it can be a necessary part of treatment. I don't have any specific advise, just wanted to say good luck and hang in there!
I knew ADHD would be the majority of the responders answers. Answer this question>>>he sounds like an only child...am I right? Spoiled just like my great nephew.....this question could describe him to a T...betcha I'm right!
I am so, so happy to hear you're taking him to a psychiatrist. Our son has severe ADHD and was just like that in preschool. A psychiatrist can evaluate your son and determine what medical condition(s), if any, he's facing.
Keep in mind that ADHD doesn't equate to medication. It's just one tool used to help with this condition. The best treatment is a combination of behavioral therapy and medication. We stressed a whole lot about putting our son on medication, but he was such a danger to others and no other strategies worked (tried therapy alone first), that it became essential. Medication was life-changing in a very positive way. Don't listen to naysayers; listen to the doctors if it does come time to consider medication. Address your questions and concerns with them. ADHD is a medical condition and you can't will it away, parent it away, diet it away.
If it is ADHD, ADDitude magazine and CHADD are both really useful resources.
My grandson behaved similarly to your son. His mother got help from a developmental pediatrician who prescribed occupational and therapeutic therapy. He has developmental issues that include a sensory processing disorder as well as ADHD.
Babies and children with this disorder experience the world in a different way than most of us. They need help learning how to deal with themselves.
One social worker suggested simplifying discipline. This has worked with him and his ADHD sister. The consequence for nearly all behaviors is to go to their room until they calm down. They can play, watch TV, listen to music but they have to stay until they can come out and say that they're sorry and then do whatever it was that they were asked to do.
The situation would go something like this when he was throwing a tantrum like out of control behavior. "Please go to your room until you can calm down. You're not good company now. You can come out when you're calm and can say you're sorry." All said in a firm but unemotional tone of voice. Do this before you get hooked into the emotions of the situation.
At first my grandson wouldn't go but he quickly learned that when Mama only gave him "the stare" that he had to go. Mom only repeated, "go to your room." She did have to guide him to his room at first. Now he will sometimes put himself in his room. This teaches the child a skill for regaining control of themselves.
My daughter was very hesitant about using medication but after a year of seeing little improvement in some of his behaviors she relented. My grandson is so much better on medication.
I suggest that a developmental pediatrician may be a better place to start with an evaluation. They can refer him to a psychiatrist or mental health worker if that seems needed.
I add that a pediatric allergist may be of help with the allergies. My granddaughter in addition to the ADHD has several allergies as well as asthma which are under control with the help of the allergist.
After your added comment: Geez, you've taken him to specialists who all agree that medication is needed. Why not try the medication? If it doesn't help, you can stop it. It may very well help. It's helped both of my grandchildren. Their mother resisted giving meds to them for a couple of years. They've been on meds for over a year now and are doing much better behavior wise without any negative side effects.
It did take changing meds to find the correct dose of the right one. The first medication my granddaughter was on gave her headaches and made her lethargic. So the doctor stopped that one and gave her a different one that is working.
Have you started by talking to your pediatrician?
I'm thinking that night be a good place to start.
Good luck!
Your son sounds like my nephew when he was that age. He is now a grown man and a doctor! He was always in some mischief or trouble. The diet for allergies may need to be looked into again to make sure that foods and dyes are not at the core. My son is allergic to peanuts, tree nuts and fish.When tested at first it was all that and wheat,milk and eggs and soy! It was SUPER hard to feed him then. He is now 6 and he is a very picky eater.With all that said, I do think I would set an appointment with your pediatric doctor to go over the things you mentioned and ask whether or not the possiblity of foods and dyes could be a culprit.If the behavior is not caused by foods etc. then some type of behavior modifications are needed. You don't want him to enter into kindergarten and have a bad time. I am a former VPK teacher and director and have three kids of my own. I understand your dilema but would def. set an appt. with the physician so that he or she can direct you to the right place for treatment.
Oh, honey, I so feel your pain. First, I suggest reading the book EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. I read it last year, and then I bought a copy for several mothers. It talks about the difference between cognitive development and emotional... and how children who are very intelligent have far more severe difficulties in the emotional realm. We've dealt with our son (now 7) for years with this... he rarely did anything to harm anyone else (a scratch or pinch), but he is still dealing with not following directions. It's very readable, and it shows why some people are emotionally in tune with their own feelings and empathetic to others, and why others are not.
But it's getting better. MUCH better. His number one issue was tuning out feelings. Rather than tell me how he felt (or even self-assess and figure out he was frustrated, hurt, etc.), he would kick a wall. So we talk. A LOT. Without judgment. He knows now that whatever he feels is valid--it's the acting out that isn't. He is also learning day by day that no matter what we WANT to do, everyone has things they HAVE to do to get along in life. Work first, play later (that's what I tell him, and I show him this in my life, too).
I've been working on him since last January, just focusing on this every day, and now he is far more attuned to emotions than he was. His great grandmother died in August, and we spoke extensively about what he was feeling, something he would not have even expressed a year ago. 9-11 also gave us an opportunity to talk about grief, to express fears about either of us (or his sister and dad) dying, to share emotional pathways that he had been closing off for years.
What I have discovered is that teachers teach students the subjects--math, science, English, etc., but it's up to me to make sure I bring up the more difficult subjects. That said, I could not diagnose any other condition your son has. I just knew my son wasn't adhd because he could concentrate VERY well on anything he wanted to concentrate on. He is still independent--but now he is far more sensitive to the needs of others and more emotionally in tune with his own sensibilities. He's not all the way there, though. My pediatrician said he has a common disease: 7-year-old boy. LOL
Good luck with this. It's a long process, but don't give up. The book offers a lot of insight, and it even shows the types of emotional intelligence. I realized that my daughter and husband have 3-4 out of the five elements, and my son, at that point, had none. Now he's pretty adept at two of them, so progress is happening. And four is not too young an age to begin this emotional conversation.
Just because you take him to a psychiatrist doesn't meant you have to medicate him. Go to a psychologist if you really want to work on non-med possibilities first.
BTW Skidsdad described how spanking + a threat of pouring cold water over a child "solved" their problem. Really?! I am absolutely dumbfounded at suggestions like this.
Since punitive parenting and rewards/praise based approaches do not seem to be working, I would take a look at positive parenting. It is based upon the philosophy that children want to do their best (in an age appropriate way) normally, that our job is to model and teach them appropriate behaviors and skills and set them up for success. It is not dependent upon punishment or rewards (which I view as just the flip side of punishment). You can google 'positive parenting' for more info. There is also a great Yahoo group on the topic - LOTS of help with specific situations, as well as just getting started.
He sounds a lot like my sibling, who at that age was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder and ADD. He also had attachment disorder (from being adopted) which made him very aggressive though. My brother went through a lot of therapy, but did not have to be medicated, (which he should have been). Just a thought! Hang in there, it's a challenging road.
In the meantime, I would recommend Dr. Sears, he has some wonderful advice that may help him if you remain very consistent:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior
Have him tested for Autisim. ADD -- ADHD -- ODD are usually a part of Autisim.
My son was in trouble (behavior wise) from Pre-K. Nothing seems to phase him as punishment. He has little to no impulse control, doesn't want to play by the rules, does what he pleases, lies, steals and acts like he is exempt to most of the school rules. He is now 12 and he NEEDS medication becuase off of it he is totally out of control. Thing is he is so smart - when HE chooses to be - otherwise forget it. 90% of my energy goes on him, I fear for his future. He sees a therpist, a psychiatrist, has gone through special courses for kids with severe behavioral issues, he has special ed at school (due to behavioral issues), nothing really works "well". Good luck with alternative treatments, I hope 1 works for you I really do.
M. F
I would look into a holistic and metaphysical healing approach - your child may need enzymes and probiotics to help balance his digestive system, and there is a strong connection between gut issues and behavior/mental health which could be in play here based on what you describe with all the food intolerances.
I work a lot with people doing energy healing, clearing/releasing disturbed patterns in the biofield/aura, which often has a big impact on emotions and behaviors. There are psychospiritual reasons why certain imbalances and behavior patterns exist, and it's important to address the root of the issue rather than covering up symptoms with hazardous synthetic chemicals. A reputable psychic is much more likely to help you than a conventional psychiatrist. As far as psychiatrists go there are a rare few who really understand a lot about healing and offer the appropriate help - Andrew Levinson, M.D. in Miami Beach is one who has specialized in helping kids with neurodevelopmental issues.
Check into an NAET doctor. My husband is a chinese acupuncturist who is also certified in NAET. Read up on it on the web, and feel free to contact me if you have questions.
Good luck.
N.
Guess what you went to the wrong places. If you want to learn how to help support your son with all natural things and get his mind and body connected and hence calmed down, join us for our monthly Masgutova Method meeting in Jupiter. The next one is Nov 19th. PM me for more information. I practice this method and I would use nothing else.
If your pediatrician and your psychiatrist have given you a diagnosis of adhd and you haven't pursued that yet why aren't you trying? I understand your hesitancy to medicate but it sounds like you might be an honest case where your son needs it to get some self-control. If you've tried occupational therapy and it hasn't worked and regular therapy and it hasn't worked don't you think it's time for meds? I understand your apprehension but why don't you try it for 6 months? He's young. Starting him on meds and behavior therapy now might help him wean off the meds when he's a little older. Good luck.
