Need to Correct 20 Mo. Old's Behavior

Sounds like maybe this is her way of showing frustration or of just getting a reaction. I know my 18 month old does things just to get a reaction sometimes, so I try not to really give him one. What I would do instead of correcting and telling her to stop is I would walk over and take her hands and demonstrate how to be soft and what a proper soft hug feels and looks like. With my son we bought him a baby doll, as our friends just had a baby and we wanted him to learn what the word soft means. It has worked great! He learned really quickly by watching me lead by example and by me physically taking his hands and showing him how to be soft! Worth a shot!!

K.
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She is trying to communicate her frustration. Children develop emotions at different developmental periods....this could be a new emotion for her and she is not sure how to express it. Validate her feelings, but DO not give in. I think "Happiest Toddler on the Block" (DVD) would be of great help for you.

Love and Logic is another favorite...I use a lot of their strategies along with ones from the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" which will guide you in Christian parenting...GREAT RESOURCE!!!

My son did this. He actually got in trouble at his MDO for it. I spoke to my ped about it and her response was -- this was actually age appropriate behavior. She recommended redirecting him to do high fives with non-family members. My only concern with that was that high fiving is similar to hitting but you might try a similar redirect. Maybe work on down lows instead.

For the record, my son (like the kids who bite btw) outgrew the behavior. Once he was able to talk, a lot of these behaviors disappeared. My hunch is that she will outgrow this as well. I would highly highly recommend the book and dvd -- Happiest Toddler on the Block. It contains a lot of good information and techniques for curbing and understanding toddler behavior.

We've had our share of unwelcome behaviors with our 20mo this spring in her daycare class. Whew--it's been so frustrating! And my irrational worry is that my child's gonna be the only one in junior high running around biting her classmates! :) All the kids in my child's class seem to be trying out new things and use hitting or biting when they get frustrated--age-appropriate but not acceptable. Sometimes my little one will just walk up to one of her friends, look excited to see them, and slap them. I think she's just figuring out all the complex social behaviors we adults take for granted. We have been consistently saying "use soft touches" and "Show me how you can give soft touches," making her give a soft touch to whomever she's just hit. For biting, we've been using the "think about it chair" for 60 secs, saying, "How sad. The rule is no biting. Biting hurts." I think the challenge is catching them in the moment! Trying to mirror what they are feeling might be appropriate, too. In your case, "You're excited to see your friend (or you're mad), but we only use soft touches." If nothing else, I hope I've let you know you're not alone!!! Best wishes.