Need Help with My Son Who Is "Obsessed" with a Not-so-nice Kid

Don't be afraid to be the mom . My daughter stopped one of my 16 year old grandson's friendships. She just told him, "This is over." That was after the kid argued with my daughter when she said no my grandson couldn't do something.

And since this grandson is easily led it was the best thing.
He even admitted that it was going to cause trouble.

This little boy may be a kid that you can have over and set up some rules for him but if he isn't then please don't feel bad about stopping the friendship.

I've found that if you don't get too involved in the kid's interactions with other kids, things work out better. If the kids parents aren't very involved the best thing to do is to let the other child come to your house and get to know them. I've seen this quite a few times, the kid will get to know you and won't act out around you, they will respect you for being in your child's life (this is why I always try to take a board position on the PTA, if they know that you know the people at school they won't pick on your child). If you are around them a lot you will get to know if the boy has any good qualities or if he is a lost cause. Usually your own child will finally get tired of the way he's treated and stay away from the other boy.
I have 2 girls in their 20's, a 16 year old and 6 grandchildren, out of all of the kids they were around we've only had to tell one child he couldn't come back into our yard (he was only interested in the new trampoline, so it wasn't a big deal) and we had to ask that another boy be kept away from my granddaughter at school, he asked her to cut herself with the blade he took out of his pencil sharpener. So you can see why they were told to stay away.
My kids have been around all types of kids and they have always ended up doing the right thing and staying away from the kids that got into trouble. Of course they knew what they were allowed to do and that they would have consequences for their bad decisions. If your involved enough to keep track of what the kids do, the others will know they have to act right too!

I think 8 years old is old enough to hear the truth. I'd tell your son exactly what influences this child has that are bad for your son and end all communication, play etc. Tell him straight up that God put you on this earth with the important job of raising your son the right way. It's your job to protect him and that means choosing his friends all the way up until they are 18 in my opinion. Now no self respecting 16 or 17 year old is going to listen to us but we can still try even then.

My daughters don't always choose the friends I would have them now that they are grown. But I see that their friends are so much nicer than some they COULD choose. The older they get the more they start to acknowledge that they understand our reasons for keeping them in a tight little social circle that sometimes didn't include hardly anyone else if necessary!

Suzi

If it was me, I'd just say he can't play with him anymore. The same thing happened when my kids were little. I said that the 'bad' kid couldn't come into our yard anymore and they couldn't play with him. He'd come to the edge of the yard and taunt my kids. I finally had to go to the mom, and explain why I'd made the rule. He was saying cuss words, hitting, and exposing himself to my daughter who was his age. And they were only 4 at the time! I knew I had to do what was best for MY kids. That poor child obviously had a horrible homelife, but my kids were my responsibility and I had to address that. You have to do what's best for your own kids, no matter what. Your son is old enough to understand.

I would tell him because of this boys behavior and attitude that it would be best if they were not friends. I would tell him that friends respect eachother and the way he is being treated is not friendly like. I would tell him that he doesnt not to be disrespectful to him, but keep his distance away, and find diffrent kids to eat with at lunch. I would also let the teachers know how the child is acting to other class mates.

I know this is late, but you might want to read Parenting with Love and Logic. There's a section about bullies. Basically the concept of the book is to let your kid make his own decisions and live with the consequences. That sounds harsh - they explain it better! Anyway, just another thing to look into. Good luck!

WOW they are starting younger & younger.Is it at all possible that you can put up with this kid in your own home and have rules in place when he is over and also to show your son that its not nice to be mean and tease others if this child learns from example it could be a valuable lesson.And if rules are broke you ask him nicely to leave your home until he can show respect

Wow L.! That's a tough one. I had a situation with trying to keep my son away from another friend a few years ago and even talked to the principal. We were told the more we push the issue the more they will rebel. We ended up lettign them "hang out" and kept very limited time on this and they ended up becoming good friends, they both just needed someone to hang out with. Both my son and the other child were from divorced families and had that in common. Of course, the other child wasn't mean to mine either so not exactly same situation. Sorry I am not more help, but I would try talking to your son again about how you should treat people and be treated in return and hope it helps him to realize this kid may be more trouble.