Need Help for Teenage Son

I would like to suggest Miranda Thornton, M.S. She is a licensed family counselor. ###-###-#### When my 16 year old was experiencing depression and stress at school, she made all the difference. She provides a nice starting point for teenagers where they can safely discuss what's going on. If there is a bigger problem, she will provide the teen and family with options. I also agree with letting him get a real job. Actually being expected by others to be a productive team member changes their perspective on life.

You don't like the reviews of doctors you've researched because you don't want to drug him? Whether or not he needs drugs is way down the line. A doctor will not immediately put him on drugs and he won't put him on drugs at all unless you agree to do so.

I suggest, it's imperative that you pick a doctor, make an appointment for just you and your husband to talk with him to see if you could work with him. The psychiatrist will then spend time with all of you individually and together to find a diagnosis and make a treatment plan.

Diagnosis and treatment is not a 1 or 3 appointment process. It will take time and several appointments before the psychiatrist will have an idea about what his problem involves and then it will still be limited. Having a mental illness is not like having the flu or appendicitis. Diagnosis and then treatment takes time and intense involvement.

I have mental health intervention training and experience as a law enforcement officer assigned to a specialized group. This does sound like mental illness and will continue to get worse without intervention.

The military will not accept him. They are not geared to handle mental illness or even out of control behavior. You can call a recruiter and ask about this but please be honest with them. A dishonorable discharge for angry outbursts and uncontrolled behavior is not what he needs.

After your addition: It's hard to get started and it sounds like you're at that point. I suggest that you get started by making the first decision. Don't try to look at everything at once. The most important thing to do is to get started with a psychiatrist. Just get started. Pick one, out of the phone book, if necessary and make an appointment. Try that one out with just you and your husband. If you're not satisfied with his philosphy and method of treatment then call a different one. Write out a list of questions you want to ask. You have a start with the things you didn't like about the other ones. Turn those criticisms into a list of what you do want.

Also, know that you won't really know what a doctor is like until you talk with him yourself. I don't understand what you mean by reviews. Do you know the people writing the reviews? If not, you don't know how what they say would apply to you and your situation. If a friend or pastor has recommended them, try them out to see how they fit with you.

It's important to take that first step. Yes, he needs a psychiatrist. A psychotherapist is usually a psychiatrist. Both can prescribe medications. However, you're not at the point of knowing he needs medication. You need to first have a diagnosis and a psychiatrist makes a diagnosis. Other professionals aren't as qualified to make diagnosis when the condition is a mental illness.

Take this one step at a time. Get a diagnosis. If he needs more than what the psychiatrist can provide he will include others in your son's treatment. It may be that your son will need something different thanwhat the psychiatrist does and he will recommend that too. It doesn't mean you'll have to start over with someone new.

I suggest that you're not familiar with the system and are understandably anxious. I urge you to just get started. Make an appointment. Take it one step at a time. The longer you wait, the more confused you'll be and the more difficulties you and your son will have.

Make that call this week. Make a list of the psychiatrists who have been recommended by knowledgable friends and the pastor. Put the names of ones who've provided actual treatment for your friends at the top of the list. Do not consider anyone who is not a psychiatrist. It's essential that you get an accurate diagnosis if he has a psychiatric disorder and only a psychiatrist can do that.

Or call for a referral from a medical association. Look in the yellow pages. Just choose one and go. Ask your questions. Ask for them to explain the system of mental health care to you. Gain a better understanding of not only what you're dealing with but also of whether or not this person seems reasonable and effective in their approach with you.

As the saying goes, "Just Do It." You've already delayed too long in seeking understanding and treatment for your son. Make an appointment this week and get started.

I am a real life mother who has been in similar tho perhaps less serious situations both personally and more serious issues professionally. I've been in psychotherapy with a psychiatrist for neurotic and self learning issues. I have a daughter who has been in therapy for serious mental health issues. And I was trained as a law enforcement officer to be a part of a team that addressed mental health issues in the community.

I know it's difficult to know what to do. I've experienced that feeling many times. I'm there now with my cousin's will. I've learned that when I take just the first step gradually everything falls into place. The path will not be smooth or easy. There will be bumps and detours along the way. Doing nothing does not work. Take that first step.

You asked your pediatrician for advice. He gave it. Now follow it!
See a psychiatrist ASAP!
LBC

I can tell you are a very loving mom and want the best for your son. I would get him assessed and go from there. Two options may be Dr. Pete Stavinoha for a very thorough diagnosis only and Dr. McFarland (psychologist) who can also do therapy. For psychiatrist I really recommend Dr. Corinne Fribley, she is amazing. This is an investment but the best one in the long run.
Good luck!

From what you said, it sounds like your son is on the spectrum. My son sees Dr. Woods in Plano. He is the third psychiatrist we have used. We've been with him for about 2 years now. He does take insurance. He won't just put your son on a med on the 1st visit. If you are looking for something more natural, Brainworx in Plano might be an option, but they won't take insurance.

You need help now. Don't wait any longer.

Your son needs help.
He'll be 17 soon and your time is running out.
Once he's 18 you will have much less control over what you can do for him.
As an adult - he can refuse getting any help - and you can't force him without getting legal about declaring him incompetent - which only adds to the overall expense.
This situation has not come about over night - it's already been a long time in coming.
It would have been nice to start 5 years ago but that's water under the bridge now.

You want a Dr you feel good about but at the same time the more you hesitate and hold off means there's less time left to help him.
(Are you really sure your hesitation is not some sort of denial?)
How is your son going to become an adult capable of living an independent life if he's throwing tantrums, having meltdowns and destroying laptops in a pique of fit?
How will he be able to hold down a job?
If he runs away - and stays away - will you ever be sure he's not homeless wandering somewhere and living in the street?
Your other kids are WAY affected by this already.
You've let this go on way too long.

This is about helping your son - and getting him help might force you out of your comfort zone - but getting him help is more important than your comfort or having warm fuzzy feelings about his doctors/therapists/psychiatrists/counselors AND possible medications.

Follow the advise of your pediatrician. You need to get your son evaluated ASAP. Don't delay any longer. He is 17 once he is 18 he is considered an adult and you won't have much say. Good luck! You and your family are in my prayers.

How about a paying job. Working at a stable? Something to make him feel like he is productive and appreciated. When my son was able to do that, he became a different person. I would start there and see how it goes. My son is lucky he made it to 15, he is now a workaholic, FDNY, installs oil burners, and has two beautiful boys. If anyone ever told me this would be the outcome, I never would have believed it. Ever since he was three he wanted to be an adult. Once he could work, he became a changed person.
Good luck.

I just want to throw out there, cause others have already given really good advice, that the reviews you are reading mean next to nothing. Remember everyone's perspective is going to be different, everyone's expectations are going to be different. While I do think reviews are important, it's based off someone else's perspective, and we are all looking for something different.

It's also important that you realize that while it is important that you like the doctor, it's more important that your son does.

I am so very sorry. I also, have a strong faith. I understand your reliance on faith and the faith community. I believe you have done all the normal things you can to nourish this poor boy and your relationship. It's time for a good psychologist for a diagnosis.

Psychiatrist will listen to their diagnosis and make a recommendation for medication if needed. They are pretty high level thinkers and not really the one that listens to the problems and develops plans to help the patient.
The negative reviews could be unrealistic expectations about their function.
You also have to remember, their patients are mentally ill. Some have drug seeking behaviors and are mad because they don't get them, hense the bad reviews. If I had someone trusted give me a name, I would try to trust them.

Their could be many things wrong but you are on the right track. At this point you still have control over getting him help. I have a mil with Borderline Personality Disorder. Nobody can get her to accept help.
Look at the symptoms on BPDfamily.com. There are good lessons on Boundaries and communication techniques, also.

May God give you wisdom.

Interesting responses but everything you described could be caused by ADHD and parental misunderstanding of what that entails.

Imagine if everyone keeps asking you why you are doing something and you have no idea why yourself. It makes for a very frustrated and angry person.

Very well written! Can you send or enroll him into a military academy/boarding school. Do not allow him to destroy the whole family. Do not give him an ultimatum or any heads up. Pack for a family trip, 2 parents and him and enroll him NOW!