Hubby Has Seious Anxiety Issues

Updated on February 21, 2008
S.H. asks from North Charleston, SC
15 answers

Ok all..First I want to thank everyone for their responses and kind thoughts. I have been overwhelmed with all of the responses and messages and the fact that there are so many wonderful moms out there that care so much. God is definately good! I had to leave for my trip for work yesterday or i would lose my job so I asked my in-la ws to come down to stay with my husband and son. He made it to work yesterday!!!! And he seems to be doing a little better. We still want to get him in with a good doctor that can help him cope but when i talked to him on his last break last night he sounded so much better. We are taking it one day at a time. I feel very blessed to be a part of this website and so many wonderful people on this site. Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers. It truly helped me more than you will know!

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So What Happened?

Okay, so I did take him to the doctor yesterday. It's the 4th doctor my husband has seen in 2 weeks. He has a psychiatrist which I called on Friday and he was no help at all. I'm not even sure why we are paying him. I called the psychiatrist on Friday when my husband was on the side of the road and he told me that he was having a panic attack and to keep him posted. That's it...to keep him posted. Each dr. just tells him to keep taking his medication which usually does help but what he needs are some coping techniques. I tried to tell the dr. this yesterday that he needs somebody to teach him how to deal with a panic attack when he gets one so it doesn't continue to take over his life. I still can't get any help with this. I explained to the dr. yesterday what the needed and they all just ignore me. What specifically should I be asking for in this case? Is there a certain type of doctor i should be asking for? Thank you for all of your responses so far!

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M.F.

answers from Atlanta on

I don't live in your area so I can't give you my husbands doctors name since it wouldn't help. I suggest that you get him an appointment when your doctors office opens in the morning be on the phone and have them put him in as a sick visit or emergency visit whatever they want to call it but it sounds like it needs to be right away. I wouldn't leave my spouse in that condition....work or not....he needs to see someone. My husband is bipolar which means he has times of being very up and/or very down. He does get anxiety attacks as well we had a bad situation about 4 years ago with my husband he went into an anxiety attacks because of our finical situation one night driving home he stopped at a gas station and lived in his car for 4 days I reported him missing the police after a few days said go to where he works and follow his drive home I did..I saw our car then went to his work site and he had been reporting for work but not doing very well. His boss when I showed up was glad to see me and asked me to get my husband to a doctor he was having problems making sense and I told him had not seen him in days. Well long story short he takes meds now and maybe forever but he has a better job he can do daily tasks, he's a great dad and his boss now of almost 4 yrs loves him...and his mostly in charge. My prayers are with you take care of him you at this point have to get him his help. I know what you are going through blessing to you and your family.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.A.

answers from Atlanta on

Sure. If he has been taking MAOI type drugs (Paxil, Prozac, etc.) over the last year, his body has probably got use to it. For this level of panic attacks, he might want to try benzodiazepines (Tranzene, etc). It sounds like the job is what is triggering the panic attacks (passing out before work, doesn’t want to go to work). Long term he needs to learn to meditate and control his mind to fend off the attacks and lessen the anxiety. Also needs to listen to my Dr. Wayne Dyer tapes.

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H.B.

answers from Atlanta on

S.,

I would start with some natural things first. The first web-sites I would visit are www.bulkherbstore.com, www.morethanalive.com, and www.herbdoc.com. In the first two, type in anxiety, and a host of things will come up that you can look into and try.

I would start asking him in a very loving way, are there things at work or in family that have happened to where he feels pressured or inadequate to perform in a way that he doesn't think he can accomplish. This may sound funny, but "encourage the heck out of him in things you know (and he knows) that he is good at." Men need this much more than we wives do, and we were created to be our husbands helpmeet (helper that is fit).

Pull out a Bible - turn to Psalms and start reading. The first 10 Psalms are good for encouragement. Then go to Psalm 73 and have him focus on vv. 23-28. It's start w/ "Nevertheless" meaning that it doesn't matter what's going on around me and it ends with "but it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works." (KJV)

HTH

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C.D.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

My mother has battled this disorder for most of her life. I can tell you that, if left untreated, his anxiety will likely increase. It's hard to recommend a doctor because I don't know what area you live in. You could probably just look up "generalized anxiety disorder+[city name]" and get a whole list of doctors specializing in that field. He will likely be prescribed medication, don't give up if the first one doesn't work. It took my poor mother twenty years to find what worked for her, but the right medication gave her her life back. Also, the term "generalized anxiety" would lead one to believe that there is no specific source for the anxiety, but that is rarely the case. Just because he can't identify what is panicking him, doesn't mean that there isn't a reason for it. And from the little bit you have described, it sounds like something triggered his anxiety, even if he's not aware of what it was. I would seriously consider a good psychotherapist. A good therapist will first teach him how to cope with the anxiety, and gradually dig deeper to help him find the source(s). You want to be careful about people who want to dig first, as this can often make the anxiety worse. It's like picking at a scab on a hemophilliac. And while you're being Wonder Wife, taking care of the hubby, don't forget to take care of yourself. It is paramount that you surround yourself with a network of strong reliable people to help support you both. There may come a day when you just can't deal with him, and you need to have someone available to take over the reigns for a while. If he has any close friends or family in the area, don't be afraid to ask for their help. Mental illness comes with a lot of stigma, and people will often try to hide and supress it, but that's the worst thing you can do for the good of yourself and your loved one. This is the most abridged advice I can offer you on an issue I have dealt with for most of my life. If you want to talk further, you can feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com. I wish you all the best.

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T.K.

answers from Macon on

I have suffered from these attacks at various times in my life and they can be debilitating. What I found helped me more than anything was to work. I had a terrible time getting to work, but once there, I felt like myself again and could function. I stayed at work as long as possible. Also, if I knew someone was counting on me, I could seem to pull myself together. It was just those times when I was alone with my thoughts. My mind raced out of control and was my own worst enemy. Medication helps, but it doesn't even begin to touch the root feelings. I also talked to myself and tried to make it through just one day - that was my goal. Lastly, I posted messages all over my mirrors, doors, etc. about inner strength. Most were Bible verses. Faith can go a long way in helping you through this. Hope this helps some.

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C.W.

answers from Athens on

I don't know any doctors in your area, but he needs to make an appointment with a mental health professional. There must be an underlying issue that needs to be dealt with. Call your local state mental health department and ask for advice about doctors or therapists in your area.

K.O.

answers from Honolulu on

You also need to remember that the meds take time to kick in. I can see how it would be frustrating that the dr didn't do anything while he was having the panic attack but really what did you expect him to do?? I agree with the other ladies just get him some counseling and that will help. though that too will take time, this isn't something they can fix over night.

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C.T.

answers from Athens on

Has he had a CAT scan? Also, has he had bloodwork done?

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D.G.

answers from Atlanta on

My first question is, Is he on any medication? I have suffered form anxiety and panic attacks for years and I have been able to come off my medication slowly due to this finding. Panic and Anxiety are caused by a deficiency in the body. He is probably lacking Vitamin B in a major way. The B complex is what balances moods and stress and all kinds of other things. I suggest seeing a homeopathic doctor ( i can give you some names if you are in Ga) and/or a psychologist. Alot of this is stress and his body not being able to handle it, so any small thing can trigger panic. A psycologist could really help him in dealing with the "root" of all of this! Lastly and Most importantly Pray! If you are a believer you'll understand this. God is able to remove all strongholds on our lives and put the right people around us that can help us.
You might want to check out "Serotonin" at a natural food store. This is a hormone that your body naturally produces that helps with mood, depression ect.. You can get this in a natural form and I'm sure it could help too. Find a good homeopathic doctor. You don't need a band-aid, you need healing! Lastly, be supportive. If he knows your stressed about it all, he will be too!
Hope I helped.
D.

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K.S.

answers from Macon on

Hi S., this may not work for you but it has totally worked for me. You can visit this website for free and listen to the shows and calls for free. Maybe your husband can listen and get over his anxiety on his own. Something is obviously bothering him and he needs to pray about it. No doctor can fix him until he identifies the problem. Go to www.risetosuccess.com and under the members area is some tvShows. I watch one everydday. She is very uplifting and helps you identify your issue. Mine seems to be not accepting blame. I knwo that now. I am working on fixing it myself now.

I hope he figures it out soon for your sake and your son. He needs his daddy.

Sincerely,
K. Sansbury

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J.V.

answers from Charleston on

S.,

First of all, take a deep breath. You increasing your anxiety levels is not going to help hubby - and I know... easier said than done.

I suffered with a panic disorder beginning in the 4th grade, I think. It was the early 60s so of course, they were ill equipped to deal and looked for an assortment of physical ailments to explain away what was happening. I remember clearly gunning for "Valedictorian" of my 4th grade class (can you say "overachiever"?) and getting sick as a dog because of it. I was a mess - and in 4th grade and, although I loved my parochial school and its commitment to making us the best - c'mon... 4th grade? Hello? Instead of getting that slot, I again was #2 because I spent two weeks in the hospital. Diagnosis? Ulcer. Then in 10th grade I remember a number of occasions where I had a terrible sense of impending doom, one of which ended in a trip to the ER in an ambulance because I just could not breathe and every touch felt like a sledge hammer to the heart. Spring forward many years and I was living in Brooklyn, working on the largest budget show I'd ever had (I am in the theatre) and my partner, the choreographer, had a heart attack. I was horrified and began manifesting his symptonology. Ended up spending almost every night in the ER, insisting I was having a heart attack each night. My husband could not figure out what the hell was happening and blamed it on my natural propensity toward DRAMA. He was wrong. Finally, about three months later, I discovered the choreographer I was then working with had similar issues. She'd been diagnosed with a "anxiety disorder" and I knew this was the same thing I was suffering. Finally got diagnosed and began to feel better to realize I was having a physical response to something psychological - but clearly it was based on my physiology. My synapses were misfiring, sending my body into the fight or flight mode when nothing was actually occurring (I am simplifying here to the extreme). Discovering I had a PHYSICAL issue and not feeding my fear of being friggin' nuts, helped me overcome. I still suffer from them from time to time but they don't send me to the hospital anymore. I recognize the onset and begin a slow breathing technique, reminding myself it is physical but untrue and that I will be fine in time. Not easy but it works for me and I didn't want to be on meds.

In terms of your hubby, first assure him that although you don't understand what is happening to him or why, you do recognize SOMETHING is happening and it is not in his head. The assurance I wasn't nuts was pivotal in my response to the episodes (I was close to agoraphobic as I did not want to lose control on the streets of Brooklyn or Manhattan and I was terrified of the subway because I didn't feel in control) and really helped me begin to rejoin the world. It's a horrifying experience, it really is. Then suggest he see a doctor ASAP. There are drugs available to counter the episode and if he's passing out in the shower, fearful of returning to work, etc., it is time to see a physician before it gets too out of hand.

You are going out of town and worried about him. It sucks but unless you can change this trip, there's really not much else you can do except pray and talk to him as much as he is available to talk BUT I'd get him in to be seen by his GP (if you trust your health care) and if not - hell - send him to mine! In the meantime, perhaps a family friend or family member can check in on him. It truly is a dreadful time for all involved and for a man, I'd imagine it brings up all kinds of doubt about manhood, etc. I know a man who turned to alcohol and drugs - he felt it was his only choice in dealing with the world without going spastic. NOT a good choice, obviously, and one your husband can eliminate if he hops on the wellness track now.

I am new to Mamasource and don't know if you are in the Low Country but if you are and need a recommendation for a physician, call Dr. David Albenberg at Access Health Care. He doesn't take insurance so it is costly but I wouldn't trade his style of healing for the world.

Hope this is at least remotely helpful.
Peace.

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S.H.

answers from Atlanta on

He needs to see a psychologist for this. Psychiatrist ONLY handles meds. Psychologists only handle the problesm.

Maybe he needs his meds dosage changed or the med itself changed? I'm so sorry about this.
It sounds to me more than anxiety. I wish I knew more to tell you. I"m going to pray, ok??

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D.W.

answers from Florence on

I am a 56 year old married mother of two. I have suffered from panic/anxiety attacks for approximately 10 years. My internal medicine doctor recognized the symptoms and prescribed the prescription Klonopin for me which works very well. Those who have never experienced a panic/anxiety attacks have no idea what it is like. They come on with no warning and you feel like you are having a heart attack and going to die, but the Klonopin has been a miracle for me in helping to control my attacks. I do find that if one does starts to come on, I begin to take deep breaths breathing very deeply through the nose and exhaling very slowly through the mouth trying to let my body relax as much as possible and stay quiet and still until it begins to pass. Remind him that he is not alone. There are others who do understand what he is going through. I hope that you find the right doctor, and he is doing better very soon.

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J.W.

answers from Savannah on

Oh my girl! Sorry to hear that! Thats bad news!
My Hubby has PTSD ( after Iraq)I couldnt hellp him, only doctors could, so he has improved a lot!
Other then that I will pray for you and yr huby! Hope he gets better! He must be so scared! May God bless yr family!

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D.T.

answers from Atlanta on

I'm not sure exactly what they are called but you're looking for something along the lines of a behavior therapist/behavior therapy. You might have more luck with a psychologist since they cannot prescribe meds. They have to counsel the patients. You might even find one that works in conjunction with a psychiatrist or doctor so he can get his meds and counseling. I would get on the phone and call every psychiatrist and psychologist you can find until one starts talking about therapy instead of just medicating. Also, ask your husband's doctor if he can recommend anyone.

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