Need Consquences for Mis-behaving Boys

Hi M., in my house what has always worked is The Cold Shoulder. tehehe

Nobody Likes It When MOM is Mad.

Life is SA-WEET when Mom is jolly, Life SUCKS when Mom is mad.

There may be more to it then that, but I have never really needed to take things away, or ground anybody or that kind of thing.

So I tend to hold a grudge long enough to get the point across.

Good Lord, I am JUST like my MOTHER. I am in effect GUILTING my kids into good behavior.

At any rate, it WORKS.

:)

I'm a big believer of making the punishment fit the crime. If my kids are arguing a lot they don't get to play with friends, if they can't get along with each other I can't trust them to play nice with friends. If they overdraw their lunch account (yes, ds has done this multiple times this year) they have extra chores to work it off. Ds spent last week scrubbing walls to pay off the $10 he charged on the xbox without permission - of course he also lost xbox live privileges as well.

Put their butts to work! That's what I do when I'm out of ideas. Age appropriate chores on top of whatever they're already in charge of seems to whip kids into shape pretty quickly in my experience.

Make them clean the toilet. That will shock them.

Make them sit quietly in separate rooms when they act up. The older one has to stay separated longer. Don't expect them to act older than they are, though.

One of the things you really have to handle with the Wii is that they LEARN that their drama mess when it's time to get off loses them the privilege. Really talk about it with them. Ask them if they want for you to give the Wii away. When they say no, ask them why you shouldn't. Tell them that they have to give you a reason to keep it. If they don't know HOW to tell you to keep it, explain it to them. Help them to learn to say it back to you.

Tell them that in x amount of days, you will give them 1/2 hour to play on it. You will tell them when they hav 5 minutes left. When one minute is left on the clock, say that, and then come turn it off. If the dramatics start, remind them the way they are supposed to act, and if they don't immediately stop the antics, put the Wii away again. You must be 100% consistent. But in order to teach them to do the right thing, you must keep giving them a SHORT opportunity. When they do it right, up the amount of time and let them play some the next day. The FIRST time they backslide, go back to them not getting it.

Remember the army - if one person screws up, everyone pays the price. Employ that here. If one sibling says to the other "Hush - we'll lose it if you fuss!" then you have won. Kids listen to other kids more than they do to their parents.

Good luck!
Dawn

Agree consequences should fit the crime, but keep it reasonable. If you take everything away then why should they behave at all?

Take the Wii away for one hour, or give them a way to earn it back. If they mess up again, then take it away until tomorrow, etc...

Or, Next time you want them to turn the Wii off give them a choice. "turn the game off before 5 minues is up or I will turn it off for you." that gives them a chance to finish a game, or a round. Set a timer for 5 minutes. When the buzzer goes off just turn it off. They will be drama queens, but ignore them. After doing this 2-3 times I bet they will start to comply because they know you mean it.

Do you have a dvd player or legos to play with while the Wii is off limits?

I make mine do pushups

How about a token jar? I used poker chips when my kids were younger. A different color for each child. Anytime they did something positive, l$25ike take their dish to the sink, put their coat on the first time I asked, buckled without being told, stayed in bed, etc - I would reward them with one chip in the jar. Each chip was awarded a value -25 cents and they could use chips to buy the toy at the store that they "had to have" - OR 15 minutes of video game time. Boy did they become helpful when they wanted to play video games, or go to the store! And I would tell them "your 15 minutes is up in 5 minutes" with a 3 minute and one minute warning too. It really cut down on the griping and complaining about getting off, too.

I wish I could give you the link but I am sure if you browse pinterest because that is where I saw it. There is this mom who has this jar of tasks (and I think a blog too). If her kids leave something out and she has asked them to take care of it and they dont she holds it hostage. they have to take something from the jar to get it back. Same thing if they are misbehaving. It could be shoveling snow. Cleaning the fridge, scrubbing the toilet. All kinds of things.

I give mine extra chores, different from the "regular" ones. Like if they won't pick up their stuff, well they might need to vacuum and dust downstairs too. Fighting? Go clean up the dog poop together...
Good luck!

For me, it depends upon the infraction. What did they do?

Make the punishment fit the crime...such punishments should be hard and memorable.

A couple of consequences that have really worked for me lately are (1) standards (writing numerous sentences such as "I will treat others with kindness and I will respect mom when she asks me to do something.") (2) time out is now putting their nose on the wall, something I learned from another mamapedia mom.

My daughter was having a few behavior problems and I was at a loss of what to do too. I talked to her pediatrician who said to reward good behavior instead. So I put up a couple of charts for behaviors I wanted to see (like treating the cats nice, saying please, picking up toys, etc) and every time she does something nice she gets a sticker on her chart. After so many stickers she can pick a small toy or treat or go somewhere special. If she misbehaves then a sticker is taken away. We make a big fuss over putting the stickers on the charts. We still have our moments, but about 90% of the time she's an angel.

Good luck and hang in there!!!