Name Trouble

My son is named John and I don't think I could count how many John's are in the family, I have another son named Mucky (nickname his real name is Carl) there are 2 other Mucky's in the family.We also have @5 Charity's, @ 3 Myrtle's, Lots of Bill's and the list goes on. Sometimes it's confusing but they have all been named after someone dear to their parents and the Honor trumps the confusion. Good Luck!

Baby Camden
Little Camden
Camden Jr
Camden Squirt
Sequel Camden

Does she have any idea what her child might end up being referred to? Loving the name means considering all nicknames sweet, cute or otherwise. Oftentimes the least flattering nickname will stick - especially amongst boys. I still have a cousin being referred to as Little Joe - and he's in his 30s and over 6ft tall!

It is their choice - deal with it. The family will eventually give their son a nickname or call him "Cam" to distiguish them apart. Why stress over such a little thing?

I agree with Jennifer. You can't control what people do, but you can control how you react. It's pretty much a compliment, don't you think? Anyway, you could mention in a humorous way how your Camden will always be referred to as "Camden 1" and hers will always be "Camden 2", or how will he feel in 10 years when he will still be "Little Camden"? I find humor mixed with genuine concern can be a big help. Otherwise, don't harp on the issue, don't tell everyone else in the family behind her back how upset you are, just leave it. I does not diminish your son's worth nor his individuality to have a cousin with the same name. It isn't worth causing family strife just because 2 sets of parents like the same name.

Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where the friends of George "stole" the name he had picked out for a child he didn't have? He looked like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Don't go that route! :O)

Whatever they decide, it's their decision. Just be supportive!

Take care,
D.

Greetings K.:
I want to tell you that names are open season. I always find it interesting that people can either be selfish or warm hearted about having the same name for a child.
We have several family names that are popular, D., John, George. We now have 8 George, and 15 John's and 10 D.'s.
When we all get together some times its a riot! My father in law, Husband and son are all D.. When I got mad at my son for some thing and hollered D. Allen, come here right now--- YES all 3 came to see what I needed!! So we just added the 1234 yes 4 of them! so we got who we wanted.
We have one child that picked out a name and then WITHOUT knowing her sister in law picked out the same name because of a family member. Our girl did it because of a movie star. Those 2 didn't speak for years because of it. Now in that same family there are 6 Richards. So go figure.
Do you think you should maybe reread your school books on your feelings? This is not all about you. If there are other children in your children's classroom at school with the same name are you going to remove your child? Is this worth tearing up a relationship over?
When everone is together just call your child by the full name and she will most likely have picked a differnt middle name and that will solve YOUR PROBLEM. Nana G

Your cousin is being absolutely absurd. Just like others said, she really has to have that name out of all the names in the world? When your son is only 4 months old? BUT, you are the only one who is going to look bad if you say something, so don't. It's not worth it and she may change her mind in the end. If not, she is the only one who is going to look foolish! And everyone else will know it!

Dear K.,
I didn't get a chance to respond to this until now, but I have really thought about it.
Naming our child is a very personal thing. I should know...my first baby was 4 days old before dad and I agreed on something. Everyone tried telling me I couldn't leave the hospital with her unless I had a name for her and I just said, "Watch me..."
I had a perfectly normal, lovely name picked out, Rachel, because that is what my grandfather wanted my name to be and she was his first grand baby. For some reason, her dad was completely against it. And, may I add that a very close friend of mine had a little toddler named Rachel. I cannot even imagine what words I might have had for her if she had tried to tell me I couldn't choose that name because HER daughter had it first. Because she didn't....it happens to be my middle name. And, as it turned out, I didn't name my daughter that anyway. Luckily, she didn't get worked up about it and I didn't have to tell her right where to go over nothing.
When we finally agreed on a name, Angel Heather, I called my mom with the news. There was dead silence from her for a second. I was like, "Mom....it took us 4 fricking days...please don't say you hate it."
Turns out, the man who was to soon become my step-father had a daughter-in-law AND a horse named Angel. My mom never once told me I shouldn't choose that name.
Do you want weird?
I had a miscarriage at 6 months and when my nephew was born, my sister gave him my baby's name. It was hard on me at first, but I never said anything and it doesn't even bother me anymore.
My point is, we do not have ownership over names. They aren't copyrighted. Unless you are someone like Donald Trump...
Your cousin's baby isn't even here yet and you are worried about getting her to change her mind. If she's anything like me, she'll change her mind 50 times between now and the arrival. Don't get your knickers in a twist.
The other thing I wanted to say is that you might have a fit of all fits if you knew how many Ken's, Kenny's, Kenie's, Kenneth's and K.'s are in my immediate family. We have about a thousand Chris's, Christopher's, Krissy's and Kristin's too. We all love each other, we all get along, we all know who is who.
For you to bring up that you're not sure exactly how far along or if you know who the father really is and to top it all off she wants to "steal" your baby's name....
It doesn't sound nice at all. That's just my opinion. It sounds like she could use some more encouragement and support and less judgement.
Your mama protective thing is kicking in and that's understandable where the name is concerned. But seriously, do you love your cousin? Are you going to love her baby no matter what she names him?
She already lost a baby and you should be busy praying this one is born healthy and with no complications.
I don't want to sound mean, I swear I don't, but to me it sounds like you are the one being thoughtless.
Maybe she sees your beautiful son and he gives her hope that she will have a beautiful baby too. She could name her baby Camden even if it's a girl and trust me, no one will actually drop dead over it. I have a family full of living proof. It won't be the end of the world.
Let the name thing go.

Hi K.,
First I want to say I can understand you being weirded out by this. But ultimately, you don't have control over what people do, you only have control over yourself and your reactions to the things other people do. That being said, consider this. Is this really a battle worth fighting? After being 1 of 8 siblings and now having 4 children of my own, I have learned how to pick my battles. This is just my opinion, but I think that's what you are asking for, right? People's opinions? So in my opinion, I would suggest you never even mention it. It only can do harm. People really do have a right to name their children whatever they want, even if you or I would consider it rude or bizarre or obsurd. I myself have a huge "name association" issue, so it has been very hard naming our children, because every name we came up with, I knew someone with that name and thought of their personality or whatever and didn't want to use that name. But not everybody is that way. So control what you can....your reaction. And I recommend that your reaction be, well, nothing at all. You said you are a tight knit family. Do you want to risk the bond with people in your family due to something as small as a name? Look at the bigger picture and you will realize that a name is just that, a name. It doesn't change how close you are with your family unless you let it. And in the end, all we have is family. And by the way, as the kids grow, they will react the way they see you react. They don't care if their name is the same as someone else's. So be careful how you act about it. Your child will pick up on that and begin to feel the same way. I think we can all agree that we want our children to be well grounded and well behaved. In order for that to happen, we have to mirror that behaviour ourselves. Take the high road. It works every time.

While it doesn't make any sense to me, I don't think you have the right to ask her not to name her son Camden. I wouldn't be thrilled if someone approached me about something like that and I'm sure it would cause problems.

Don't worry about it - who knows what name they will actually use anyway.

Hi,

My sister-in-law and told us they were planning on naming their child George if it was a boy. At the time I was annoyed, but decided because they wanted a boy so badly, they would probably have a girl and I let it drop. My daughter's name is Georgia, and they did in fact have a boy and name him George AND IT IS SO ANNOYING! Also, he's annoying so the one two combo really drives me crazy. To make it worse they call him Georgie which is Georgia's nick name as well. I highly recommend you say something ahead of time. I feel like we are one of those families that are so limited in our creativity that we could not think of another name.

Good luck.

J.

Hi K. -

It sounds like you guys are tight, so I would just talk to her and tell her it feels a little wierd. What would it be like at gatherings and how would the kids feel if they both had the same name? I would definitely start the dialogue and see where it goes.

Good luck!

Family issues are always tough. You could mention to her there might be confusion between the two boys, about having the same name, this is if you sister has a boy. Or you can be happy that she likes the name so much that she decided to use it for her son as a complament to you! But, if you live some distance away then there really wouldn't be an issue. Good luck!

not sure why you would need to ask her not to...seriously I think it is a compliment for someone to like so much the name you choose to feel it is a good one for their child! In our family we have a Steve sr a steve jr a cousin named steve and a steven christopher and also a christopher...its a name!!!! NO BIG DEAL!
I see it turned out fine any ways but yeah...it really is no big thing in life we need to really look at what MATTERS and a name does not so much because it ultimatly is what we make it anyways....but then I guess you are not too upset she is having a boy like you did???

Hi K.,

I can see where you might consider it a compliment and try to not say anything. However, speaking from a similar experience, it might really upset you and affect your relationship with your cousin if she does indeed end up choosing the same name. I had a close friend name her child the same name (actually she changed it to his name after 6 weeks) and they were only 2 months apart in age. It truly upset me. And yes, you are bound to encounter other kids with same names, etc. but I think because it was someone I was close to, it affected me differently. It actually ended our friendship which I know seems ridiculous but it was not because of her choosing the same name. It was because she thought I was absolultely wrong and self-righteous when I told her that it hurt my feelings that she never even talked to me about it. It turned into a bigger issue about the kind of friend she was and the things she said to me in response really hurt more than the "same name" issue. Anyway, it is your cousin and that is most important, because she is family. So hopefully you will figure out the best thing to do. And if she does choose the same name, hopefully she will be understanding as to why that could possibly bother you. It's crazy, of all the names people can pick! It was hard for me to understand that at the time but then I realized that not everyone thinks the same and has the same level of sensitivity when it comes to making decisions. Good luck!

I hear ya K., and it's a mystery to me why someone else in the family would want to copy a name that has already been given to a family member, especially since they are so close in age. Think of it this way tho: I always knew I would name my first son Josh, if someone else in my family would have named their son Josh I'm pretty sure I still would have stuck with Josh myself. Her son's name will be personal to her and she's not even considering that he already has a cousin named Camden..... you also, should not consider it as anything except that you and your cousin both have great taste in names. Now you will have big Camden and little Camden... don't fret it.

K., I just read your post and I want to let you know that you have every right to have been upset. I purposely steered away from names that were already taken by friends and family. Out of millions of names possible, why would anyone in the same circle pick the same name for their kids(unless it was a family name)?! I hope that the responses from people who disagree didn't get you down. I think you are totally in the right. And thankfully, the issue resolved without getting ugly.

Since you are a tight knit family I think you have the right to ask your cousin nicely since there is a Camden already in the family to name her son Hunter. If you do spend time with her how would you destinguish between the two boys when talking about them or calling them by name. Hunter would eliminate this problem. Good luck I am sure this is going to be a tough conversation for you.

AFTER READING YOUR "SO WHAT HAPPENED"

K.,

Your lack of compassion for someone (anyone), let alone a family member is very sad. You basically called your cousin an expectant, young mother, a liar and a tramp on a huge site, over the possible choice of the name of her unborn child. She lost a baby after 5 weeks and that is a very traumatic event for anyone.

I can only hope that she doesn’t see or hear about your post. Because if your family is as tight as you say, you will appear to be the selfish and uncaring one.

I truly think you owe your cousin an apology and just hope that she doesn’t know any of your shortcomings or secrets (and we ALL have them), that you would prefer not aired in public.

PS...In our family at one time we had 5 FIVE Pauls...Paul Sr., Paul Jr., Big Paul, Little Paul and Paul Carl...All different ages and personalities. Some married into the family after and before some of the other Pauls were named. It never was a big deal and in fact was kind of fun at reunions because if you hollered "Paul", you were bound to get an answer.

Blessings……

K.,

No you do not have the right....Your Camden wasn't the first one either....and maybe your cousin's child will be called Hunter or something else by the time he arrives.

Blessings....

I would ask her if she has thought that it might be confusing when they get older and someone calls out Camden and they both respond.
W. M.

Names can be a sensitive issue. My daughter has the same name as my cousin (different spelling and different last names). My son picked it out - he's 3 years older than his sister. We spoke with my cousin (she was 11 at the time) and we only see each other every 5 years or so because of how far away they live). I explained how the name choice came about and hoped that she would not be upset. She was totally OK with us using the same name.

A different cousin on the opposite side used the same name as my daughter for his daughter. They did NOT speak with us. They have a different last name, but it starts with the name letter, so even though people have referred to them using the last initial, it's pointless since it doesn't identify who is who. I have to say, it really bothers me. My daughter , now a tween, hates being "Big".

Now, I also have three cousins on the same side of the family, all who picked the same first name for their sons. They ALL have the same last name! Talk about confusion issues. That can be a major problem with identity confusion. Two even live in the same town. I doubt either of the "copy-cats" talked with the parents of the original before reusing the name.

So, my advice would be to talk with your cousin and let her know your feelings. Many parents want to pick unique names to avoid confusion or the need to use last initials. Suggest that perhaps she use Camden as the middle name instead.

Hi K.,
I'm glad everything turned out the way it did. Personally, I considered names close relatives (assuming this is a first cousin) and close friends had already used for their children off limits. I don't agree with others who thing you are being selfish. As you said, if your cousin had planned to name a child Camden for many years, that would be one thing. It's not like you chose a really common name, and there are plenty of names out there. As much as some might say you were being selfish, I would say that your cousin was being insensitive and should have asked you if naming her child Camden would bother you as soon as she started considering it. Was she committing some horrible crime? No, of course not, but I think common courtesy should have led to her at least checking in with you.

I see you're getting mixed answers here. But like another person mentioned, Camden is not a name we hear every day, and of ALL the thousands of names, your cousin has to have it on her list. That is crazy, and it would definitely annoy me! Don't know how you could go about saying something, but hopefully she'll choose the other name.

I completely agree with you!! It would drive me crazy too. Family members (and even close friends) have no business "stealing or copying" your child's name. There are billions of names to choose from in this world. I view it as being jealous or coveting what someone else has.

It would be different if it was a name she always wanted to name her child, but you were pregnant first and used the name. Or if she had a family member she wanted to name her son after. But this sounds like a situation where she heard your name, really likes it, and now she wants to use it too. Unexceptable.

Parents spend hours trying to come up with a unique name they both like and it isn't fair for others to come along and be so inconsiderate. She needs to be more creative and be more sensitive to you.

Now as far as whether or not you should talk to her about it. That is a sticky subject. It really depends on what your relationship is like, what her personality is like, if she would be upset with you and tell other family members, etc. It comes down to how important it is to you. Are there other people in your family that think it is wrong too? Maybe they could make comments for you (ie: It would be too confusing to have two Camdens in the family for the rest of our lives. As they grow up, don't you think the boys would like to have their own individual names?)

I have a lot more to say on the topic, but my little one is calling. Good luck.

Hi K.,
I also would try to consider it a compliment. At least your Camden is first and will always be the oldest. We have two Laurens in our family and at first I thought was a bit strange yet years later as we are all adults it so does not make a difference. You have one shot to name your child so if they love the name then so be it.

Let it go. As the baby grow figure out a nickname to call the second baby...let it become a term of endearment. Think of it more as a compliment that your cousin wants to use the name. Could be worse! Look what Michael Jackson and George Foreman did to their children! OY.

i think it's thoughtless for your cousin to want to name her son camden. if you're that tight as a family, what's the big deal about calling her up and telling her you think it may be confusing at family get-togethers to have 2 baby camdens running around. but, truly, take it as a compliment. she must respect your style because that name is uncommon.

I come from a big Irish Catholic family where every other person is Mary, and every other person is Catherine (and yes, we have a Mary Catherine too). As these are fairly common names anyway, there are a lot of nicknames (Mia, Katie, Cathy, etc). It works out fine. But... 2 kids in one family being named Camden is kind of weird, because that's a pretty unusual name. When I heard that my aunt, who was due the same time that I was, wanted to name her baby Hayley, I crossed the name off my list right away. Unless it's a very common name, there is no good reason to duplicate names in a small, close-knit family. Maybe somebody else in the family could suggest that she go with Hunter.

I would simply say "since our son is already named Camden, I think Hunter is your best choice. It will help cut down on confusion when we are all together." Your cousin still has the option of naming her son Camden, and might do so. Be prepared in that event, to be gracious and work out the situation without being upset over the choice of names. Perhaps Camden had been a 'first choice' in her mind before your son was born and she may be feeling the dilema now of having to decide on that choice or substituting a second choice name for her son.

Hi-I don't think it's weird that it's driving you crazy. I would be really sad if close family or friends named their child the same name I had just named my baby. As long as this was not a known favorite name they had always intended to use and you jumped the gun then by all means say something. You cannot control their final decision but at least you can let them know your feelings. Seems really unoriginal and sort of mean to do that against your wishes, surely there are other names they like. Good luck!