My husband and I are trying to name baby #3. With the first two, it was a struggle, and my husband tells me that he felt like he just gave in to me, and that I named our boys. But he seriously likes to act like I'm a nagging wife who doesn't listen to him, and then laughs about it. It's hard to know when he's being serious about it and when he really feels steamrolled.
The way we've approached it before was to both make a list of names and then (hopefully) choose one of the names that was on both lists. But our lists NEVER have the same name on them! So I wanted to try something different.
Someone on MamaSource suggested the Baby Name Wizard book. I was really hopeful, because DH seemed very interested in it. The book separates names into groups instead of just a dictionary-like list of names. We both agree on the types of names, which the book calls "New Classics" (names that everyone knows and can spell) and "Biblical." Turns out our first two boys' names are in both categories.
So DH went through those lists and came up with a measly 7 names. I'm supposed to choose from that list and we'll discuss it, but I don't really like any of them! The only one I do like was an afterthought for him, and it is undesirable for us because it's been the top baby name for the past 5 or more years. We want a name that everyone knows, but that isn't so popular that he'll have 5 in his classroom. Neither of us is real excited about it, although we could live with it.
So I brought it up again last night, and DH said, "Why don't you just name it....Nathan." That wasn't on his list. I said I don't really like Nathan and he said, "Then, name it Gabriel." I kind of like Gabriel, but I didn't understand what he was doing. He was just throwing out names that he passed over before, as if he really doesn't care what we name him. I asked him about that, but he never answered.
Also, using our favorite names as a first and middle doesn't work, either.
PLEASE! We need new ideas on a method of choosing a baby name, especially one that will help when parents don't have the same taste!
P.S. Caleb, Seth, Jared, Zachary, Aaron, Scott, Ryan, Todd, Mark, Daniel, Wilson, Mitchell, Bryce, and Brad are all taken by immediate family. I also dreamed of baby names when I was young, but my top three were taken by my husband (and we don't want any "juniors") and his siblings! #4 is a girls' name and my husband hates it, and then my niece got it anyway.
Ha ha ha! Sorry, I have to laugh that some of you are reading between the lines that I'm controlling. Yes, there's a huge battle of wills. My husband has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, summarized as extreme perfectionism to the detriment of many aspects of his life. To him, good and bad is black and white. If he doesn't think it's good, then it's automatically evil or stupid or filthy or disgusting. He has problems with rigid thinking (not open minded AT ALL) and part of the problem with OCPD is that he feels like a lot of things in his life are out of control (read not perfect), so he seeks to control people and things around him. He sought to control me for most of our marriage, including how I feel, where I go, what I do, and how I do it (even the order that I iron shirts).
I refuse to let him control me, and that's where most of our power struggle comes from.
So you can see that it's hard to know when he's joking about feeling steamrolled. Because how can a steamroller feel steamrolled? I'm sure that when I stand up for myself, I sometimes get too stubborn and get my way when I should have compromised. But DH is literally incapable of compromise (things are black and white! He knows what's best, and if I don't agree, my opinion is a BAD, EVIL one, and why would he let me talk him into something bad and evil?)
It also means that he has very firm ideas about names. And they're strange ones, in my opinion. I'm really trying not to let this get into a fight. I've been very patient with him. It took me 2 months to get him to come up with a list. I'm trying to discuss it openly and give him time. The times when I put my foot down are when I really dislike a name for reasons I can't get over.
As for mixing up our own names, I don't think that would work. He's got two names that don't have female equivalents, and I only have one name that doesn't have a male equivalent.
Yes, naming a child after an uncle would be an honor, an honor that we do not wish to bestow upon any of our brothers or inlaws. Well, I wouldn't mind naming him after my brother, but DH's brothers are either not close to us or are poor role-models (irresponsible, smoke, living with girlfriend, didn't go to college, been to jail, horrible temper, etc.)
I appreciate all the ideas. I'm really trying to be flexible despite DH's inflexibility. He's been in a good mood lately, which lets him relax his rigid ideas a bit, so we'll keep talking (using some of your ideas) and hopefully we can come up with something we both like!
How about if you each made a list of 10, then traded. You get to "veto" 5 on the other person's list. That leaves 10 name sthat you could "live with." It's at least a starting point for the discussion.
What about Asher? It's a biblical name, simple to say and spell and it means "fortunate, blessed, lucky, happy".
My friends are expecting any day, and they don't have a name picked out. They both have lists of names that they like in a specific category, like you do. Their son's names have to be either Welsh or Gaelic. When they have their baby, they will name him with what name looks like him.
To be blunt, it sounds from what you write as if this isn't a battle of names; it's a battle of wills. Who's going to win the name game and who's going to be the loser?
Coming up with fewer names is a guy thing, I think. It doesn't apply to all guys, but they don't put as much thought into that sort of thing except for knowing what they think they don't like (just like decorating the house... we might pick seven different beautiful shades of taupe that we love and can't choose between, and they'll say, "They're all dirt tan! Why do you want to paint the walls dirt tan?")
From a grandmother's perspective I can say that the name doesn't make the child... the child makes the name. John, Zach, George, and Grover are names of convicts AND of U.S. Presidents. Nicknames aren't in fashion right now, I guess, but it used to be that a child who didn't like the name Mom and Dad chose would start calling himself or herself something else! So it will really be the child who counts most.
But don't turn it into a war. You could put all eligible names into a hat and pick out one (or two, for a middle name) and it would be better than getting angry and resentful at one another. Your new little guy is going to add wonderful features to his name, whatever it is; you'll like the name because of him.
We named our 3rd after his great-grandfathers (my husbands paternal grandfather and my maternal grandfather). They'd each had a big impact on us when we were growing up, and they had both passed away some time ago. Both our grandmothers were extremely pleased that we had chosen these names. He is Robert Paul and it fits him perfectly! We also explain to him, now that he's older, that he's named after 2 great men, and he has amazing examples to follow in them.
(interesting side note - Paul is also my brother-in-laws name and it was kind of amusing when we announced the baby's name, I had to explain that it was my grandfather's name and that's why we chose it)
I am not sure what your other little one's are named so this may not work for you but it is worth a try. My husband and our boys have the same initials (JAO). When we had our third which was a girl we didn't like any J names so we decided on two names and then picked one when we saw her. We used dad's middle name for a middle name for one of the boys. That is an idea too. Do you like names like Dakota or Montana (any city, state, etc.). Names from movies and books are fun too. Is there anyone in the family that has passed away and you would like to honor or remember. We used our oldest son's name as a middle name for our third son to remember him. Once he was old enough to know he thought it was cool to be named after his oldest brother. You are due on Thanksgiving so how about "pilgrim or indian" names. Last idea, wait until you have the baby and maybe there will be a nurse, a doctor or anyone during your labor and delivery that has a name that you both like and it would also be a reminder of the beautiful day.Good luck and congrats.
Why don't you just let your hubby name this one, w/in reason of course. My dh named #1 I named #2 and #3 was basically named by our other kids (they liked one name in particular off of our lists and began calling him that before he was born) You will grow to like whatever he chooses.
All the above suggestions are good. No one's mentioned the 'exclusions' though. If you and your husband both like a name that's been "taken", I wouldn't worry about it. As long as the siblings don't have the same name, I don't think it matters if cousins have the same name, or the same as an uncle. Our family had 4 David's, and none of them seemed to mind - (2 cousins, uncle, grandpa). (We also had 2 Davids) It was kind of a family thing. Now we have 3 Richards.
Naming your son after an uncle (as long as he isn't a jerk!) could be seen as an honor.
I know you got a lot of responses, but thought I'd put mine in too.
My hubby and I LOVE movies and we are both named from movies, so we decided to keep that tradition rolling with our kids' first names...the middle names are all family names...it worked well and made naming the second boy easier than the 1st (and actually for the 2nd boy, my hubby made a joke, like "how about we name him such-and-such" and I surpirsed him by saying "actually I kind of like that name, but lets change it to just "such"). BTW, I have lived with a VERY common name my whole life and my hubby has a very unusual name, so it was determined from the start that NO names in the top 100 would do!
When we were picking out names for our 1st boy and before we decided on movie names, my hubby veto'd EVERY name I came up with, but never came up with any of his own, so I finally told him he needed to give me a list of names with the meanings and each night he would give me the list and I would veto the ones I hated and tell him which names I liked so by the end, we had 2-3 good lists of names, most scratched off or veto'd...and none actually used yet, but it was fun to add the list to his baby book...and then pull out the list for #2 and say, WHAT WERE WE THINKING WITH THAT NAME... :-)
Anyway, if you have a theme for the kids, that is always fun and makes a good story for your kids for school...maybe pull out your hubby's favorite movies and during the credits, look at the names for ideas...there might be one that you both love...or at least one that you can change up and agree on...
I do have to agree on the "don't tell family until baby comes" because no one liked either of our names or how we pronounced it...got lots of e-mails about both! Luckily now everyone can't see them named any other thing
Hello,
How well do you all like your own names? My X & I named both our kids after both of us. My X's name is James Leslie & mine is C. Ann. We used our middle names for our daughter Leslie Ann & our 1st names for our son James Cassidy, Cassidy being the male version of C..
You might try pulling yours & your hubbys names together and come up with one, and you wouldn't have to worry about having a JR.
Good luck
With my 2nd we were having the same problems with our daughter's name. I really like unisex names and he doesn't. Finally we did the opposite of what you did. I wrote a list of names that I liked and that sounded good with the middle name I knew we both wanted, and he picked from there. I was a bit bummed he didn't pick my favorite name (which ironically my new niece now has) but it was easier for him to pick from what I liked then from what he liked. Oh and I made this list from the SSN name list. That way I didn't make the top 20ish names of the year before! Hope that helps
I let my husband name our third daughter. It really isn't respectful for the wife to take charge of this task, because somebody always ends up slightly disappointed, that "somebody" being the husband. He said, "Let's name her Elena." My heart fell. We'd just gone through a decade of girls named every version of "Ellie" that you can imagine -- Ellie, Ella, Eleanor, Allie, etc. -- and I was mortified that I would be perceived as one of those "Follow the crowd" people, whom I disdain, essentially.
But he was right: he deserved the right to name his child. So we went with Elena (incredibly common Spanish name). I was super-embarassed.
Now, I'm used to it and I don't think about it anymore, plus, people finally stopped naming their kids Ellie/Allie/etc., so she hasn't had any of those in her classes. We call her Lanie.
When my husband picked that name, I put on a big smile and said, "Great!", because what's the point of him picking a name and being proud if I rain on his parade by pouting and ridiculing him? That would have would obnoxious and mean.
Let him pick the name, and don't EVER reveal that you're not fond of it.
Well I can't really empathize with either of you. My story... I have been dreaming of baby names as long as I can remember. Not weddings. It was a huge deal for me, it is a lifelong choice, I felt for me and for my child. I felt if I didn't get it right I would be making some sort of mistake. I also hated all of the names my husband choose, that I do sympathize with. If it were up to him we would have a carmella or allison. I also wasn't happy with what I found in the 5 baby name books I read. I went with my gut. We did agree that we would not make a final decision on a name until we met our daughter. My husband, more than me, feels that babies "look" like a certain name more or over another name. So I let him win on that one. I narrowed my list to four names and let him get used to it the last month or so. He grew to like the names as much as I did. He even went as far as researching the names in the internet. Unfortunately, this narrowed his choice in names down to three. I had a c-section we went into the room with the list... Josslyn, Emerson, Cecelia, Laila. He saw our daughter first and yelled out "She looks like an Emerson." I said "Okay, are you sure she looks like an Emerson?" Since I was good with the list, it was fine which one he choose. Emerson Kate was named after a news story, from the time I learned I was pregnant. The story of a murdered hiker stuck in my head and as sad as it was it was in honor of her life. We did not know her but now go to all charity events in her name. It means something to us and hopefully to our daughter, someday. You can get inspiration from anywhere. I would suggest that you put the books down. I am already thinking of names for the next.
My husband suggests Seth, his name. Biblical, easy to spell and say. Short, sweet, to the point Kind of name. Merreck, Boston, Jude, Malcome (family name) were a few we had picked out before we knew. I have heard a few odd/different ones as of late if you are interested.
Hi S., Here is some info that I wish I had known when I was naming my children. I am a christian but....there are other things out there that would blow your mind. A name has a vibration and can affect what and who you are. You can even test this by going to this site and putting in your name and seeing just how close they are to who you are as a person. There is a lot more that goes into it but it is very interesting. They don't tell you what the name means but what you will be like as a result of that name. Go to www.kabalarians.com My one sons name does not go well with his birthdate. He is very scattered and has a hard time. changing his name even when he is older has helped fix that. Another friend of our has had many heart problems. They already knew that on this site because of his name. Very intersting!
We always looked on the Social Security Admin's site. They have the top 1000 names up to last year. I print the whole list out and highlight every name I really like. I give it to my husband, then he circles the highlighted names he likes. But, we still wrestle with it until the end a lot of times... :) Good luck!
We used family names, but with my second it took us until the last minute to agree on a name. What ever you do don't tell other family members until after you've named the baby. It seems like they all want to put in their opinion and change your mind, but once you've named them they are polite enought to keep their thoughts to themselvs. We found family names from the 1800's so they are not too popular, but familiar and have senitmental value as well.
My husband and I are going through a similar delimma. I like unusual names and he likes short names. The combination is hard to find but he's given me parameters like only 2 syllable names and names that are pronounced close to how they are spelled. Is there a trend with the names your husband likes or doesn't like?
Also, I understand your frustration with family taking names. My SIL both named their sons names that were on my list unknowingly so I wouldn't choose them either. If it were 2nd or third cousins I might consider it but first cousins seems a little too close and might confuse grandma.
It's all in a name .. They say ?? But who's mname right !! I picked my kids names by the way i wrote it down .. How did it look and sound together with our last name. I wanted something original .. Something to be remembered by and special. How has you picking the other 2 names made dad act differently than if he had chosen.let him make out the list and you comprimise ... Ask what does this name mean to you. .. Good luck and god bless
We had the same problem with our 3rd child and I did kind of "give in" on naming #3. It all turned out great for us. I don't know of any easy solution for you to choose a name but a couple Biblical names I like (that aren't so common) include Josiah and Elias.....they really grew on me the more I heard them. Good luck!
If the two of you can't decide, let your boys try to come up with a name. Or, wait til he's born & name him then. Our first son didn't have a name til he was 1 1/2 days old-he's not scarred lol At one point in the hospital, he really started wailing & my hubby popped out with "what's the matter Andy Dan?" Bam-he's named. Maybe you need to meet him to figure out what his name will be.
A friend from school let their kids name the younger ones-they had 9 or 10 kids I think-some were kinda out there (Babette, Picabo) but there were also Joey & Nick.
Don't stress his name, it'll either come to you, or he'll let you know what he wants to be called when he gets here.
I also practiced yelling the names we picked out. If it didn't flow, or we didn't like the initials, it went in the "no" pile. Hubby & I picked from different countries for our 2nd son-he was in Iraq. We went back & forth & probably spent $100 in call time picking a name. I loved Aiden, which would have been perfect for the little redheaded spitfire who popped out (Aiden means fiery) but I can't imagine him being anything else but an Alex now.
Both of our boys together have great name stories-just don't let your baby's name story be "Mom caved to Dad's name choice" or "Dad didn't like your name but he was tired of arguing".
It's such a hard decision to make. My son didn't have a name, or any prospects of a name until after he was born. My daughter -- we finally figured out a name a couple of days before she was born. And for her, it only worked because my hubby suggested the name. I actually got him to admit that if I had suggested it he would have hated it. Keep tossing names around. You suggest some and if he doesn't like them he has to say why. He suggests some, and if you don't like them you have to say why too.
And, since he feels steamrollered on the first two, maybe you can go with a name you don't love, but are ok with? In the long run, you will come to love any name you choose because you will love the child.
And, just a funny story about names - my grandmother HATED the name my Grandfather picked for their youngest son. She swore she would never call him by that name and she never did. Instead she called him Rocky -- and their last name was Rhodes. Good luck and congrats on your new addition!
One of the MANY books we used (we have 4 girls) was this one. You can find it at Barnes and Noble (just recently got rid of mine or I would have gladly sent it to you).
Beyond Jennifer & Jason, Madison & Montana: What to Name Your Baby Now
by Linda Rozenkrantz, Pamela Redmond Satran
We had a hard time choosing names as well. Our lists never had the same name either. It definately took compromise to come up with a name we both (happily) agreed on. A couple of boy names I never got to use were Grayden and Brevin (Rhymes with Kevin).
I would sit down with your husband and reinforce to him that you want the both of you to pick out and agree on the name and that you are sorry that he felt that he gave in to you on the others (keeping in mind for yourself that he should of spoke up then and didn't so there is no reason to feel guilty about it now).
Practice actually saying the names you are considering in real conversation. One of the things that gave me a definate "no" on a name we were seriously considering (we were down to two and my husband liked both) was when I was thinking about calling to make her first doctors appointment. Making that call in my head, the name just didn't sound right.
Best of luck to you!!
Roman, Judah, Simeon, Elias, Asher, Nolan, Joseph, Joshua . . . some more obscure Biblical names anyway. I think it's so much easier to name boys!
I did like someone's suggestion of letting him pick, provided you're somewhat OK with the name. You'll love the name cause you love your child. And there's always nicknames! (Hopefully names get picked together, but I do have some friends that took turns with their 4 kids. The husband named the last boy "Duncan" and to this day, she thinks of Dunkin' Donuts!)
Good luck!
S.,
I wasn't a big fan of the name we chose for our son - but now he's 5 and I cannot imagine him being anyone but "Logan"!
We couldn't agree either, but I deferred to my husband on our 4th and last one and, as I said, I wasn't big on it, but it grew on me and I cannot imagine any other name for my son!
Maybe you let him name the 3rd and move on. As long as you don't completely HATE the name he chooses, go with it! Odds are it will grow on you and you'll come to love it as much as you love your family.
God bless-
C.
Are you sure that your husband isn't upset with you? It sounds like a little bit of a power struggle or communication issue between the two of you.
I am just reading between the lines, and Mary caught it too. How about asking your husband to think of a man that he really admires, in the family or not, and name your boy after him. Then you have a story behind the name and it a compliment to your husband. If your husband is joking or not about you nagging him or being too controlling, he is most likely not kidding, but laughs about it so that you won't get mad at him. If you have a hard time telling whether he means it or not, my guess is that he does mean it, but doesn't want to start a fight so he makes offhand comments instead. If he feels like you named the first two, he should name the 3rd.
I say let him pick the name, and even if you don't immediately like the name, you will love your son and if the name never grows on you, you can call him a nickname.
GL,
Marci
Hi S.,
I am a teacher so I see a lot of names. For me it's hard not to find a name that doesn't remind me of someone else. Anyway here are my favorite classic and/or biblical names. Good luck.
What about Joel, Jeff, Dillon, Noah, Isaiah, Isaac, Max, Andrew, Alex, Owen, Christopher, Leo, Brian, or Brandon?
Here is my suggestion, if he isn't too 'into' it. Make your list. Put only names on there you can live with, then just let him pick what one it will be. You like the name and he has the final say. He can't say you didn't let him choose on this one.
Well, you can take Hank out of Thanksgiving and take one of your husbands names on his list and use it as a middle name or visa versa and then you will be done and won't have to worry that you are the only one picking. Or you can name him Hank and one your husbands names as his middle name, which was one of your first three choices and make your husband feel very proud of the name and not feel left out. I hope this helps.
