My Son Cries All the Time

My daughter used to cry non stop and it was the only thing that made me loose control. At 2 they understand everything but can't always communicate with words. Is he able to tell you what he wants in other ways? If so I would tell him it's ok to cry (that may be how he vents) but he will need to do it in his room. Then put him in his room. Let him know that as soon as he calms down he can come out. After a week of this my daughter usually stopped crying the minute I told her if she needed to cry to please go to her room. Good luck. If it doesn't work try something else. Not every child reacts the same way, you may need to try various things until you find what works.

Hey it's tough being a 2 year old. Imagine a world where you pretty much understand everyone around you, but no one understands you. You can't do what you want, people are always telling you what to do. It can be frustrating.

But if you think this is more than normal 2 year old behavior, you can look for other factors. First, make sure he's getting enough sleep (check out BabyCenter.com for charts) Also, he may be reacting to changes in his environment (a big move, the removal of a paci or bottle, a new sibling, potty training). Spend lots of time with him to reassure him that your love doesn't change. Also with a little one on the way, try to keep everything else as constant as possible. Kids need routine and consistancy - it's how they make sense of this great big world.

It isn't easy. My son is almost 3, he's pretty articulate, but he has his moments too. It gets much much better though. You'll get through this.

R.,

It sounds like this is how your son has learned to communicate by crying to get attention. When he does act like this you should ignore his behavior until he can stop crying and show you what he wants. Children with limited vocabulary will use many other avenues to communicate even if negative. They cry, hit, bite, throw tantrums. When he cries for something you need to get down on your knees have direct eye contact and ask him to show you what he wants, firmly tell him no crying and if he cries do not get what he wants until he stops. When he does stop and show you make sure you praise him for not crying and being a big boy. If he is not playing well with others it is probably because he is used to getting things his way. Is he socialized with other children often, daycare, playgroups etc. If not I would socialize him more and let him learn to play with others. This is a skill that for some does not come naturally it has to be taught with positive reinforcement. They only way he will stop this behavior is when you make him stop. Like the saying goes if its working for him then why stop. You have to try as hard as it is to not give in. That is what he is counting on wearing you down. Trust me my son was like that he was relentless because he knew eventually I would cave. Have you considered maybe part time preschool for him just a few mornings a week or a little gym class? When my kids were little they were home with me, but I would take them to the library for story hour, or the park when it was nice out, whatever I could to keep them around other children. When children are around adults mostly the adults will usually give into them and this is where the difficulty in sharing and interacting with their peers comes from. Also once he can use his words and his vocabulary expands he will probably not be as frustrated. Try to stay strong and firm and you should see a positive change in his behavior. Good luck and happy holidays!!

Hi R.. This is a tough time. He'll start communicating better in a few months and it'll all get easier!

With that said, make sure you're covering the basics in terms of meeting his needs. Please don't think I'm being demeaning - as they change it can be difficult to discern what they need sometimes, especially when they can't communicate it to you. Make sure he has food when he's hungry and can rest when he's tired. If he's hungry or tired everything that happens around him will agitate him and nothing you do will help. Maybe he's going through a growth spurt and needs the extra food or rest.

If you think it's just an attention thing he needs to start being disciplined but ONLY if you have the basics covered.

Good luck! As I said, it'll get better in a few short months when he starts talking more. I remember being very frustrated myself when my daughter was approaching 2. : )

I so feel your pain, my child is 15 months and does the samething. There are clues that she might have a melt down, or that something is getting started. But, not always. She may just sit and cry at a plant for no reason at all. I would not use the high chair as a time out, he/she may associate eating as being bad. We use the pack and play to put her in when the crying is overwhelming and can't take it. Not the crib, that's where she sleeps. A place when she can know its not fun to be there. Also, try to ingnore some of the crys, unless they are needed to be attended to. It is just the age, and keeping them busy is the key. Try painting, playdough, cooking, bath. These things even my fussy baby loves. Its a mess, but worth the peace, get washable everything and that helps. Good luck, and know we are in the same boat. Take care!

R.,
Have you been to the pediatrician at all or asked over the phone for ideas?

My thought would be to join a play group or mommies group so he can learn to mesh with other children - it's not an inborn trait. My son does not mesh well, and we are working to find a group to attend.

Good LUck!
M.

Dear R.,

I'm sorry. This sounds like a really tough time. What I recommend is that you do what you can to get your son to communicate with words. If you see something you know your son wants, get him to say it before the tears start flowing -- e.g., "Up? Up? Do you want up? More? More? Do you want more?" (Once he's crying, he probably won't be able to learn anything, even the lesson that crying won't get him what he wants. When small children are that upset, the "learning window" is closed.) But watch him closely during the times you know are hard for him, and try to get him to articulate his needs.

Also, as hard as it is, I don't think it's realistic to expect a not-even-2-year-old to "play well with others." At my son's preschool, where most of the kids are 2-and-a-half by now, only the girls interact socially. The boys either parallel-play or try to grab other's toys. Instead, a more realistic option might be to just not bring any toys to places where your son will be interacting with other children. That way, even if he doesn't make friends for another year or so, at least he won't associate social interactions with being compelled to surrender his beloved toys. (Sounds like your son also doesn't think he'll ever get those toys back, which is normal for his age.)

Finally, can your husband watch your son for an afternoon or evening and give you a "girl's night out"? You might need a (much deserved) moment to replenish your (understandably limited) store of patience. We all do, from time to time.

Best of luck,

Mira

There's some great advice already about how to try to stop the crying or whining. We have done these things with our son too and he's much better, but it's a very difficult age (he'll be 2 in two more weeks). It's also hard to be pregnant with a toddler in tow - sometimes we're just too tired to do the things that work because they require so much more effort. My son is very verbal already so he's learned to "use his words" to communicate, and I remind him constantly to ask what he wants instead of whining or crying, and if he can't back down from an all-out tragedy cry, we go take a break together in another room and try to figure out what's wrong. Be careful not to punish your son for being frustrated - putting him on a time out because he can't communicate with words isn't really fair. My son isn't an only child, he's got a 9.5 month old sister, and he still doesn't play "with" others or want to share his toys (and cries or screams or hits if she's got something he wants, OR if she takes something from him). And that is very normal behavior.

And then, as a few people have suggested, maybe this is something more and you should talk to the pediatrician. How is he sleeping? Is he getting 10-11 hours at night plus an afternoon nap? If not, maybe he's overtired and cranky. Or maybe you should ask to test him for allergies - food allergies and sensitivities (especially to every day foods like dairy, eggs, wheat/gluten) can really mess with a child's behavior and ability to sleep and keep collected throughout the day. Testing for allergies at this age is a simple blood test. Good luck!

Get him checked out.. He should be able to play with other children.. and the crying shouldn't be all the time. I wonder if maybe he doesn't talk a lot if that has to do with the problem of crying.. like he is fustrated. Talk to your dr. and then see about a play group or pre-pre school.. like one day a week.. where they will get him to interact with children his own age. Westfield has two such groups... Time out for Mommies where you leave them for 2 hours.. you go shopping... or Mother's morning out.. they are both run by Churchs.. and are excellent.. if your not in this area.. call around to some churches... presbeterian churches usually have this type of play group.. and its wonderful... good luck

Start removing him from the situation when he starts crying and "do time" out with him. During that time out, calmly talk to him. Let him know what you expect of him and that you don't like the crying behavior and you want him to stop. Stay in time out with him until he stops crying.... Tell him he can ask for something without the crying etc. Also at the end of time out, let him know you love him and share a hug with him...
Don't give into anything he wants when he cries as that will reinforce the crying behavior. When he asks for something without the crying....thank him for asking without crying.
Also sign him up for activities in your area for children of the same age. Children do learn from one another...this is where he will learn how to share things, how to behave with others...

Be patient, calm and firm, and persistent ...it will take time to turn this behavior around...

Have you tried baby sign language? some people say it helps them have a way of communicating. I have not been consistent at all in trying to teach our 10 mo. its tough, but may help.

Hi R....
Is he crying or whining? I would call your pediatrician to set up a possible evaluation of your son...or at the very least, you go in and have a consult with the ped. they have lots of good advice to offer.
Best wishes to you...
Happy Holidays!
J.

What do you do when he cries? Do you give him what he wants? Do you pay attention to what he might want and give it to him BEFORE he cries? 2 y/o's cry and throw tantrums because they cant communicate their needs. When they were infants they got hungry, cried and got fed. Got lonely, cried and got picked up. Parents teach children to cry to get what they want. Which is ok when they are infants, but we have to learn to communicate when their wants become more complicated. Try to anticipate his needs, if he toddles into the kitchen ask him if he wants juice or a snack. etc. If he starts to cry tell him not to. It drives me nuts in stores when a kid starts crying and the parents ignore him. He doesnt understand and keeps crying until he gets so loud they give him something. Tell him he will NOT get what he wants if he cries, He does understand, but it will take awhile for him to break the habit. If he keeps crying,put him in time out, the high chair works good for that age. Tell him as long as he is crying he is staying in the high chair. Let him scream, wear ear plugs, turn up your music, but dont give in. As soon as he stops go to him and tell him you love him and give him what he wanted. If he starts to cry repeat the treatment. He might spend a day in the high chair, but he WILL learn. It will be very hard on you, but it will harder in the long run to have an infant and a screaming toddler.

I am sorry to be a downer but he is just acting his age. It may get worse before it gets better due to the slower language development. He won't play and share well until he 3-4yrs. He wants to be independent now but can't communicate well. It is frustrating for him. My advice is get a break just for you once a week if you can or more if you can work it out. I know it can hard on you. It will pass. Best wishes

Oh my good heavens - you sound JUST LIKE US. My daughter turned two in September. I'm expecting our second any day. My daughter is a world-class whiner. She actually made up a specific whine - it was three notes, and it was ALWAYS THE SAME. It meant "Ican'tdothisIwanthelpNOW!"

I'll warn you, it has taken several months, but we HAVE seen improvement:
1) When she whines, I don't give her whatever she's asking for.
2) If she continues to cry, she gets a time out in her room until she can come out and ask me nicely. (For these types of time outs, I don't even close her door - she can literally come out as soon as she's ready to ask nicely.)
3) We're giving her a new baby brother...and some competition, to hopefully BEAT the "only child syndrome" out of her. ;-)

This week we HAVE seen improvement - usually, when she puts her shoes on, she's usually crying within 5 seconds. Last night, she stopped and said, "Mommy help!" before the whining started. :-)

Good luck, Mama. My daughter does have the honor of being the "loudest grandkid", and that's hard to deal with - but we're the Mamas, and we love 'em anyhow. ;-)