How Do You Stop the Whining?

I would tell him, you can't have what you want when you wine. You have to ask like a big boy. Once he learns the whining will not work he will try something new. Is he getting alone with mommy time since the new baby came? He may be going through the baby blues. I had a 4 year old in my class once who actually had dreams that her mommy and the new baby drowned and that someone broke in their home and killed the mommy and the new baby. Come to find out, daddy use to take her to the park 3 days a week on their way to pre-school in the morning and since the new baby came he had to help mommy get the baby ready for day care and was not able to take her to the park on his drop off days anymore. Mommy started getting up earlier and getting the baby ready and daddy took her back to the park 3 days a week for 15 min. before pre-school and everything went back to normal. Little things can make a difference. M.

I always told my girls that I don't understand them when they are whining and that they need to use their words. I never gave them anything if they were whining. It is very effective and works well. It is amazing how quickly their tone changes when they want something. :) Good luck!

I always say to my son. Stop. Use words. I can't understand you when you are whining. Works like a charm.

The vinegar may be effective however it will lead to other things. For example, What will happen when it is a different behavior also used by smart little children to get attention?. Your best bet is to tell your 18 month old that he must ask (either through words or signing) and not whine for what he needs or wants. Completely ignore any requests where the "whine" is involved. This will take patience on your part as he figures out it is simply easier to ask. HE WILL become frustrated and cry and maybe even through a fit when you ignore him but it will teach him that you will not tolerate bad behavior for attention getting purposes. This will also apply when he is three or four in the grocery store and throwing a fit to get something that he wants. Simply teach the behavior now instead of having to placate it later.

I would adamantly advise against spraying any substance in your child's mouth due to whining. It is cruel and demeaning. All toddlers do this. It is thier crossroad into the art of language and their way of venting thier frustrations. They do not know how to communicate that they don't like Mommy doing this or Mommy doing that. Or I don't like that or want it. Reinforcement is the only advise I can offer. When he starts whining, just ask him if it's what he wants or does not want. If he keeps whining, tell him that the only way you can understand him is if he says yes or no. He will not get it right away, but he will get it. It takes time and patience. If you did not have to constantly repeat yourself to children, they would not be children. Parenting is nothing but constant and consistent teaching. I am a married mother of a 12 year old boy and 4 year old boy and both of us work full time. I really hope this helps you. Let me know down the road how it works should you choose to impliment this strategy.

I wouldn't do that to my child. I watch supernanny, and she had some whiners a few weeks ago. Her technique was to sit them dow n (maybe after play time, when everyone is happy) and SHOW them the difference - first say, here is a proper question...then say here it is whining. Then ask them if they can tell the difference, and have them talk to you both ways. Explain that whining is not a proper way to get what they want, and that you will not be listening to it. It shouldn't be punished, only ignored. As long as you stick to your rule and ignore all the whining, they will get out of the habit. You will most likely have to remind them the first few times that "Mommy can't understand whining, please use a proper/normal voice" then go along with your business until a regular voice is heard.

I have three children, now ages 21, 19 and 6. I always told them that they could not talk to me as long as they were whining. Very effective...they hate to be "removed" from a parent. It takes a little explaining or defining what whining is and sounds like, and your son may be a little young to understand at this point, but it's never too early to start learning.

R.,
After you have checked all the normals...hungary, sick, clothing too tight, too hot too cold, teeth, and ALL the other Mommy checks.........try clapping your hands rappedly and loudly saying"Where is My Boy?" to get his attention, then SMILE when He stops whining. No more whinning? Hand him a new toy or a pot and a Huge spoon to bang with, or an old toy that he hasn't played with for a while. ALWAYS Rotate Toys! Use his favorite stuffed animal and Play "Hugs,kisses and tickles" with his stuffed animal hugging,tickling and attacking him!
Also, you can blow in his face. It doesn't hurt him. Makes no noise and after a few days of this; he will relate this to stop that behavior. Always remember when he stops just SMILE and turn his attention to something else.....trees out the window or ask him questions like: Where's Daddy? Puppy? etc.
Indian mothers would squeeze their childs heel. This was a signal for them to be "Quiet." "Danger is near"
He could just be bored,,,try teaching him a song or singing some SILLY SONG that will get his attention. Make sure you really over act, be flamboyant and Goofy and LOUD!!! Giggle wildly....children and babies need play, especially Silly Play.......adults too! It relieves Stress. In you too!
Take walks,cuddles and tickle games. Play tiger or dinosaur. Children enjoy getting "You" , so acted scared and suprised! duck behind the couch or counter top;then pop up when he stops whining to look for you! Yell Pick-a-Boo!
Watch to see if after the baby has been crying or fussing,he may be just trying to do what the baby does or he could be mimicing. Watch him, is there a pattern to his whining? Is it a certain time of day or night? Before or after nap time? He may be just trying to tell you about how hard his day has been or that he over did it yesterday (played too hard). He will stop, have no fear the whinning will clear!!!! LaDonna P.S Note ...the whining will return through the years, so just keep trying new things.

When they were little and they started to whine, I would say, "Oh it sounds like you need a nap. You sound tired." And I put them down for a nap.

With my older child and two teenagers I ignore whining. I can't seem to even hear them when they whine. I will turn around a few minutes later and say, "Did you say something?" I think they want attention when they whine. If whining doesn't work then they usually stop.

My mother used castrol oil on me, a teaspoon once when you have had enough of the whinning and it will stop. After that if you threaten the castrol oil the whinning will usually stop. I do not know how old your son is but it worked for me when I was a kid. I think I was about 6 or 7. Just be aware that it will clean the system out. I hope it works for you think it did for me.

What I or my sisters always do is either ignore what they say while whining and make a comment like "oh I heat some high pitched sound what could it be." and hope they talk normal so we can understand them. Or simply say in a calm voice, "Mommy can't understand you when you talk like that, can you please use your normal voice." It works most of the time. Jenny, 11year old girl and 2year old son

R.,
When my boys started whining I bent down, looked them in the eye and told them that I do not respond to them when they are whining. When they stop they can come talk to me.

Spraying vinegar into a whiney little mouth? Doesn't sound very effective, it sounds as if that would turn the whine into screams. You sound very grounded and educated and I wonder if at that moment of hearing "whines" you go completely out of charactor and perhaps... make funny faces and make that whine into laughter. That's what I do and it works. I go totally into another voice, or character and make my 2 year old grandson laugh, I change the subject while getting him the thing he's whining for and he actually responds when I do this, and the "whining" is gone. Just change the subject in a very funny way. What makes your child giggle? Try it....it works now just as well as it did on my own daughter 30 years ago. Pick your battles, he may be just tired and cutting teeth.

tell him you cant hear the whining thats what i did with my oldest and still use it when she wines

I think that is a little harsh. He's only 18 months old and i'm not sure how effective it's going to be in the long run. I would explain to him that until he speaks to you in his normal voice, you will not acknowledge what he's saying. He needs to ask nicely. He will understand that I'm sure. Then ignore it. Once he realizes that his whine is not getting any reaction out of you and he's not getting anywhere, he may change his voice and ask nicely. But you'll have to be consistent and remind him everytime he does it because he is still little. As also remember that whining is age appropriate and you're going to get some of it regardless of what you do. Good luck.

Consistently model the tone and words you expect your child to use when talking to you even though he's not capable of using them all yet. Then tell him that you won't talk to him until he talks to you the right way. My youngest decided to scream or cry every time he needed help or wanted something, so I would say, "Say 'help/more please'" and I would calmly repeat that until he mumbled his version of those words, and if he decided to pitch a fit instead, I would walk away and he would find me when he was ready to try again. It's good to get in the habit of this this technique now because even though the whining should get better as your child becomes more verbal, you'll still need to remind him how to talk respectfully to you and others as he gets older. Good luck!

Teach him to ask for things the way you want to hear them. They can quickly learn through praise what methods to use to get your attention. Unfortunately they learn even quicker through response. When we respond to them to make the whining go away it reinforces the connection between whining and results. Stay strong and consistent. The concept of asking for things (Can I or May I) doesn't seem to happen until after 3 years. "Please" and "Thank you" and "I want" are within their understandings at a very early age. Praise is powerful...no treats necessary! Good luck to you!

Oh, don't you love the whining stage...want some bad news? It will last for several years! My daughter is 5 now and she used to whine when she was about 3, then took a break from it, but now at 5 she is starting to whine again! I ugnore it. I tell her one time, that I can't understand her when she whines and that I will be glad to talk to her when she can stop.Period.I ignore her completly until her normal non-whine voice returns. It does work...kids don't like to be ignored by mommy! Good luck...

I just tell my son I can't understand or hear what he's saying when he whines then ignore his requests until he talks normally.

all i know to do is refuse to give him what he is wanting until he asks for it. i have a cousin who never made her daughter use words. if her daughter would point to something and whine, she would just get it for her. her speech was very delayed because of this. if you are sure that your son knows the word for an item, make him use it, or he gets nothing. they learn fast. for anything that he doesn't know the words for yet, make sure you tell him the word several times before giving it to him, so that he can learn them.

i just tell my girl that i don't understand her when she's whining or throwing a tantrum. and when she's ready to be nice and use her words like a big girl, then i'll talk to her and try to help her out...then i stick to my word.

First, you will survive the whining stage. In my family it usually starts at age 3 and ends around 7. Lucky for you, you've entered it earlier:)
Clearly state, "I don't understand what you are saying when you whine." When he asks for something in a nice voice, praise him. Catch him asking and talking nicely more and make a deal of whining less. This too shall pass. Good luck!

At eighteen months old I would not really begin punishing for whining. Just be calm and respectful and know it is a phase. I would also not recommend the vinegar method since at this young of an age that could affect how his taste pallet develops. It's a natural phase. Remember that he is still just little. Just don't give him something if he whines for it. Don't make a big deal out of his whining. Just ignore him when he does it. He'll get over it.

The idea of the 'whiney medicine' cracks me up. Apple cider vinegar is fine as long as your son is not allergic to apples, like my 19yo daughter is, odd huh? I don't think it would take too much 'medicine' to get the point across.

Anyway, I always just told my kids I couldn't hear whine. And I would ignore them, sometimes it took the patience of 10 Jobs but I would only respond to them when they talked to me w/o whining. It worked. It is the age for the whining and the new baby probably adds to his condition too.

As parents we often focus on telling kids what NOT to do without instructing them on the right thing to do. Tell him that you will consider his request or listen to what he has to say when he speaks to you in the right tone of voice. (Of course, you'll have to phrase this in a way that he understands it..."your nice voice", "your polite voice"...whatever would make sense to him). Then walk away or refuse to respond as long as he continues to whine.

BTW, IMHO, the vinegar thing is cruel, just like washing the mouth out with soap for using curse words. Not to mention, as I nurse I strongly recommend against associating meds/shots, etc., with punishment. What's going to happen if, God forbid, the child becomes ill and needs meds/shots? They've learned that "medicine" is punishment for being bad, and "real" medical treatment is going to be less cooperative.

I would spend a little more time when your infant is sleeping or content to work on some more signs/french words.
I used signing with my DD and it worked wonders. It gives them the power to communicate and not be frustrated. Keep in mind, he is also adapting to the NEW baby... something he is NOT accustomed to... Plus the whining is getting him some attention.. suggestion: Tell him "Mommy can't understand what you are trying to tell me" Can you please use your signs or words to tell mommy. That is what big boys do. Something along those lines might be helpful.
I am not sure what other comments you have received.

My DD still uses signs and she is quite verbal, she is now 5 yrs old and the usage of signs makes things great especially out in public... I can use the sign NO, or Yes, STOP, sit..Thank you in case she forgets her manners. It is wonderful thing and it minimizes correction in public but yet the child still knows what you are saying. :)

I had this problem with a few of my charges when i was a nanny. the whinnies meds is a good idea i wish i thought of that but what i did was i started to whine right back and i made sure it was the most shrill and hideous whines. it made them stop in their tracks. afterwards once they were quiet i explained to them no one want to help or give any thing to a whinny person. so they only were whiny when they were tried and needed to sleep.

You are making an excellent choice to raise your children in a multilingual house! Children are very capable of learning more than one language and will not be "confused" by it. They will also learn to speak each language without accent and will have an easier time learning accents in the future. My children's school began a Spanish program when my oldest was in third grade. My youngest was in pre-school. Her accent is SO much better than her brother's.

Your older son is missing his one-on-one time with Mom now that you have a new baby. Punishing the whining seems like a bad idea. I have two nieces who whined to the point that their parents finally sought professional help, and the pro told them what we'd told them all along--do not give them what they want until they ask nicely. The nieces only whined to their parents. They quickly learned that their aunts and uncles would not put up with it.

Be sure your son is getting enough sleep, so that the whine isn't about him being tired. Be sure to spend some alone time with him, possibly while the baby naps or is in bed for the night. Then, when he asks for something in a whining voice, say pleasantly "I'd be glad to get you a glass of milk if you ask nicely." He will whine again--he's trying to do things HIS way. Just smile and say "well, I guess you don't really want it." and walk away to do something else. Then in a few minutes, pay some special attention to him when he is NOT whining. The whine is just his way to try and get your attention, and children who do it alot generally find that their parents give in when they're tired, busy, or in front of others and are trying to get the kid to not be annoying (my brother's problem.) Give LOTS of positive attention when he is not whining, but ignore the whine even when it's making you nuts. He'll quit in about a month.
Hope this helps!