My Neighbors Son Is NOT Allergic to Peanuts, But....

I'm going to sound like a mean granny. But if the neighbor's boy were my son, I'd have a talk with him. He may love peanut butter, but he may not realize how serious this sort of allergy can be. (He's a kindergartener, after all.)

My younger son went through school with a friend who had serious peanut allergies - the sort of thing that landed him in the emergency room if he happened to TOUCH a little peanut oil left over from the sandwich of a neighbor who hadn't cleaned up his desk after lunch. The boy picked up a book from that desk, happened to brush his hand against the oily spot, and came close to dying that night.

I'd hole up in the kitchen with this sandwich-loving boy for a weekend and he and I would fix tiny sandwiches together - sandwiches made of anything but peanut butter. We'd make it a game, and he'd find something he could put up with sooner or later. When he came home from school in the afternoon, he'd get two GIGANTIC peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as soon as he came in the door. And I'd be very thankful that he was healthy.

Life isn't fair - to those with allergies or to those without. It's that kind of planet.

Most schools have a no peanut product rule in place now. My kids get Soynut Butter instead... They don't even know the difference.

I am in total agreement with you. I think they should put all of the kids with peanut allergies and put them in the same class. I think its rediculous, what about the children with a gluten allergy or sensitivity? I don't think the school should be able to do this. there are more children out there w/o allergies to peanuts that love peanut butter than there are children with allergies. My youngest has an allergy to milk, is the school gonna take milk out? No they are not. Do not punish the majority of the children because of a small percentage of them are allergic.

The bottom line here isn't even if someone in any of the classes is allergic to peanut butter -it's the fact that your friend's child needs to learn that he can't have his way every single time. I find it hard to believe that the only food he ingests is peanut butter sandwiches -for breakfast, lunch and dinner -7 days a week? He never eats any other food? I'm pretty sure that if peanut butter sandwiches were "taken off the table" that he would eat when he got really hungry. If he's old enough to be in kindergarten, then he's at least 5, so he should be able to understand that he must branch out in his eating, and while he can have peanut butter sandwiches sometime -at home -if he wants to eat at school, then he'll have to eat what is sent in his lunch or what the school is serving. He's WAY to old to be crying about this sort of thing -at least after the first day. Your sentence says it all, "...and refuses to eat anything because he is not allowed to have what he wants." Don't you see a problem there?

This child is basically pitching a fit to get his way, and the Superintendent will probably find this laughable. Can you imagine if EVERY parent of EVERY kid who didn't get their way demanded to meet with the superintendent and have things changed to their liking? Our schools have enough problems -that would lead to utter chaos! The school probably has a number of reasons for not putting the allergic kid in another class to begin with, but even if they don't -it's a mute point. Sorry, but it's time for this little boy to learn some lessons -namely that he can't have what he wants every time he wants it, particularly at the detriment of another person. It will be good for him!

Honestly, I think it's up to the parent to FIND something the son will eat. Does he eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal every day of his life. Surely not. Why don't they send the things he WILL eat? This is a parent issue, not a school issue. The parents should work with the kid on his eating, not the school. The school is there for education and shaping, not teaching picky kids to eat something else.

I wouldn't uproot my kid from his class, either. He's made friends and had a routine. Would you take your kid out of a class? This child has not bullied, made fun if, disrupted anyone else. You are actually going to the superintendent to remove him from his class, for doing...nothing. Have you said this out loud, to yourself? Can you understand how ridiculous and unfair to HIM this is? For a peanut butter sandwich? Really? I mean...really?

PS. I am deathly allergic to peanuts. If someone asked me to move out of anything, so they wouldn't be inconvenienced...I would laugh in their face. My ENTIRE life in inconvenienced. I can't be near anything or anyone, that has touched peanut products. We have to search the aisles of the grocery store, for foods I can eat. We have to call restaurants ahead of time, for the few that don't have nut contamination. The list goes on and on. You have no idea how much that kid will be inconvenienced his whole life with this allergy. Asking him to move classes is absurd. Imagine, if it were your child.

Sorry, but it sounds like your neighbor's child is spoiled. I think possibility of death trumps picky eating any day.

I fear you are going to open up a can of worms with this question. I'm going to state my opinion, even though you might not like it...sorry....
If her son was afraid of African Americans and there was an African American in his class, would you demand that the African American be moved to a class room with other kids of that race? What if HER son or YOUR son were allergic to peanuts? Would you be willing to transfer your child? What if he was the only one NOT allergic to peanuts? Would you want him to eat alone? My opinion is that her son needs to eat something besides peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. Yeah, it sucks that he can't have his favorite food, I get that. However, it would also suck for the kid that's allergic to peanuts to die.
My daughter isn't allergic to peanuts. A kid in her preschool is. He's not in her class, he goes on opposite days. We have been asked not to bring in peanut products because if there is any peanut butter left on the tables, chairs, floor etc and this other child comes in contact with he, he could die. To me that trumps my child's need to eat peanut butter.
There are probably other factors as to why the child was placed in that particular Kindergarten class. It could be due to class size, class demographic (the number of boys and girls), and a number of other reasons.
I guess I'm a big ol meanie, but I would tell her son that he needs to learn to eat something else or go hungry. We can't always eat our favorite foods or get what we want.

ok I am completely Bias. My son is allergic to Eggs, and yes I mean anything that has egg in it, touched egg, you cannot even eat egg and then kiss him with out washing up and he has reactive airway when he is exposed. I am sorry but herding all the allergic kids into one room is asinine. How selfish of you and your neighbor. Every child has to learn there are more people in this world that have needs that we need to compromise with.

How would you like it if at work because you have brown hair you cannot sit with any blondes, or vise a versa. This is ridiculous. I cannot believe how selfish people can be. This is this child’s life and allergies are here to stay people!!! I have 2 kids in school and when I bake for their classes I have to do it, Egg, Milk, Peanut, Tree Nut and red Dye Free. How would you like that one!!! I do it lovingly and all the Mom's involved know and can rest easy that their kids are safe, and socially excepted. Do you not realize the social repercussions of ostracizing these kids just because they have allergies, OMG!!! I am sorry I know I sound like a ranting MOM but I am. I would be so mad I would fight you tooth and nail, legally if I had to just out of principle, for what a sandwich. That spoiled little child needs to learn to eat other things. When My son was 1st diagnoses my oldest LOVED fluff n nutter sandwiches, fluff has egg, never again in the house can he have egg, am I supposed to move my non-allergic kids into a different home and my allergic child into another? That is just as silly as what you are suggesting.

GET OVER YOURSELF!!!! Sorry to be rude, but .... well ....

Not to be judgemental, but you want to isolate this new boy from his friends so your friend's son can have a peanut butter sandwich? There are alternatives to peanut butter, almond butter, for example. My daughter is 3 and she understands that she eats what's for lunch or doesnt eat at all. This child is in Kindergarten and should be able to eat more than one thing for lunch without screaming and throwing such a fit that people want to go to the superintendent to get another kid kicked out of class! Maybe he wasn't emotionally ready for school?

Wow, didn't realize how serious this topic could get. In my daughter's school, the teacher simply explained to the kids that others cannot be around peanut products and the kids were fine. They simply didn't want to do anything that could possibly harm one of their classmates. Maybe this is an opportunity for your neighbor to teach her child about compassion towards others.

I did not read every post, but I seriously can not believe some of what I have read. Peanut allergies can be deadly just briefly coming into contact with peanuts or breathing in the fumes. Most other allergies are not that severe, such as milk, wheat, and gluten. THAT is the difference. I can not believe some poeple are suggesting that CHILDREN who are in the MINORITY be SEGREGATED into a class of those with peanut allergies or should just be home schooled because it infringes on the MAJORITY's right to eat peanut butter during one meal of the day 5 days a week. DO you let your chidlren dictate everything they eat? Does your child only eat peanut butter for meals at home? I think some basic compassion for those that are different from us is in order. If our country only operated on the principle of "majority rules," can you imagine what it would be like?

I didn't read the other responses, but you, your neighbor, and her son sound like a bunch of spoiled brats. Kids with a peanut allergy can die from ingesting peanuts. What is the big deal with having to take something else for lunch? Grow up! Besides, if the kid eat all that sugary peanut butter everyday he is gonna be overweight with diabetes by the time he is 12. I can't believe you actually are this insensitive and immature. I normally wouldn't outright "attack" anyone on a board--but seriously, this is ridiculous. You all need a lesson in reality---I hope you do find a new school, for all the other kids and parents sake---I can't imagine what its like for them to have to put up with nonsense like this everyday.

In response: putting all the allergic kids in one class does not make sense--do you think the classes never mix? Peanut Butter is not always good for you, sorry. It is high in protein, but regular peanut butter made also has a pretty good amount of sugar and salt in it. My own daughter loves peanut butter, but it is not a good choice for every single day. That is all entirely beside the point here though, the point is that people actually are ignorant enough to think some spoiled bratty kid who wants his peanut butter sandwich should come before the needs of a child that has a fatal allergy. C'mon--that is the reality! I babysat for a child with peanut allergies for four years and during the week my house was a peanut free zone! My daughter totally understood that she couldn't have any pb&j while her friend was over during the week and she was only like 2 at the time--how can grown adults not grasp this?!?

My daughter doesn't like wearing tennis shoes to school but guess what I make her put them on every Tues and Thursday morning for gym day. I fight with her almost every Tues & Thurs morning but tell her its something she has to do. She is not a huge fan of school either....and I'm sure this doesn't help.

Her son needs to find something else he enjoys for lunch just as much. Take him to the grocery store, have him pick it out. My daughter can't have peanut butter sandwiches either, so we make jam sandwiches.

In answer to your question, I don't think there's much you will be able to say to convince the superintendent of schools to help you with your goal of having the child with peanut allergies removed from the class. It is the policy of most schools now to accomodate children with this particular allergy because it can be life-threatening to those who have it. The rest of the non-allergic population must accomodate because it is in the best interests of the group as a whole. Not a bad lesson to teach our kids, in my opinion.

I would have her explain that apparently peanut butter sandwiches is the ONLY food this child eats. ( Btw, kind of hard to believe. A favorite, maybe but the ONLY?)
And I don't think it's fair to expect the other kid to be moved. How presumptuous. While it may seem simple to herd the peanut allergic kids together in O. class, what about those other kids that can't bring peanut butter? That's a NIMBY attitude.
Why not move her son? See if he can eat with the nurse--after all, it's medically sound to have him eat, right?
Peanut allergies are here to stay--so this other mom better try to find something else he will eat! lol

The bigger quandary here is WHY are so many kids allergic to peanuts these days?
I'm pretty certain it is the minority thus causing the majority to have to adjust.
I havent read the other answers but "trying to equalize everyone" is what is wrong with our country in general.
This might be harsh but if "your special need" infringes on the whole then the "special need" needs it's OWN environment. The person with the special need needs to adjust to the society and control their own environment.... they are afterall going to be on the planet for a while and need to learn how to survive it.
**"Honey, you are allergic to peanuts, so when you eat lunch you will eat lunch with the other kids that are allergic to peanuts too."
OR
***"Honey, some kids in your class are allergic to peanuts so you can't have peanut butter sandwiches at school anymore."

This is what causes resentments and hate.

I'm all for teaching empathy, and you should be sympathetic that you can't eat lunch with your friend who's allergic, but both need to know that certain circumstances will cause separation at times.

Suzy cant play at your house because she's allergic to cats and you have one. Do you get rid of your pet so Suzy can come play?

I dunno... I just think some things are whacky.

We had to go Peanut Free this year too at school. Your neighbors son is old enough to reason with and understand that some one could possibly DIE if they came into contact with peanuts. End of story. Get over it.

So... all the Moms of the peanut butter loving kids and a nutritionist amongst us discovered safe, non-nut alternatives. Usually you can substitute SEED butters, like sunflower, or soy (my least favorite), but we just tried Roasted Pea Butter - and that's good enough.

Your neighbors boy can load up on peanut butter in the morning before school and after school, just not AT school. She's got to work with him. He'll get it and learn to compromise to keep others safe.

BTW, this is a huge liability for the teachers, staff and school. It's not about isolating it to one classroom. The kids intermingle, rub their smeared hands on their clothes and touch their neighbor. Believe me, it spreads like wildfire.

Please put yourself in the other parents shoes. They did not choose this allergy for their child. If a child goes into anaphylactic shock at school, who will be to blame? Where will the epi pen be?

This is not worth starting a peanut war over. As adults it is our responsibility to protect the littler ones until they can defend themselves. They will one day need to learn to live in a world full of peanuts, but it is honestly too much to ask a young, distractable allergic child to focus on keeping away from peanuts while at school.

In addition, NONE of the other allergies listed in other posts, like dairy, gluten, etc are LIFE THREATENING.

Please do use words like 'suffer' even thou you may feel that he is. Words like that breed hatred and bullying. Kids with food allergies have a hard enough time without adding guilt. My son does have a peanut allergy so I know what he goes through when he really wants to eat something that someone has brought as a treat but he can't because of his allergy. Or being at a restaurant and not being able to have certain things off the menu.

Yes, I agree that if there was a class that did not have any children with the peanut allergy in it, that it was unfair that this child was placed in there so that now the whole class must adjust. However, this allergy is a new fact of life, and at some point you and your neighbor's family will be affected. Is it possible that your neighbor's class was the only class that had an opening? Would moving the new, allergic child into a class with existing allergy alert mean that a non-allergy child aready in that 2nd class would have to be moved to your neighbor's class to keep a numbers balance and therefore away from HIS new friends?

Last year there was a teacher with the peanut allergy. Her whole room was nut free because of it. There was also 3 kids in the room with the allergy, my son included. 2 weeks into the school year, a new teacher was brought in because of overcrowding. I had written a note that I was not happy that a kid that had been bullyish to my son was in the same class. They sent a note asking who would have a problem moving. When they divied up the new classes, they moved my son and his friend, both with the allergy, to the new class, because the other boys parents had said they didn't want their son moved. So instead of keeping all of the peanut allergy people together, the divided them so that all parents feelings were satisfied. So then 2 classes had to have the allergy alert.

My daughter and nephew can have pb. My nephew LOVES pb. At Grandpa's one day, he asked for pb sandwich. They said no because my son was there. 'What? Why?' Because Carson is allergic, he'll get sick. My nephew looked at my son and said 'I hate you, you can leave now!'. I was shocked. He'd rather have a pb sandwich then his cousin...

What about just sending a jelly sandwich without the peanut butter? What about if he just has a pb sandwich as soon as he gets home? What about cheese and crackers?

I'm not sure if I've been helpful or not, but your neighbor should keep in mind that this is a new way of life for many people and schools. Each school year will bring the same issue.

M.

My son almost only eats peanut and jam. When he went to a peanut butter free school I changed his lunch from peanut butter and jelly to regular butter and jelly. He didn't mind at all.

OK I've only read a few responses & since neither of my children have any sort of allergies I will not pretend to know what that would be like to deal with.

With that being said, your friend sounds like she is unable to teach her son about compromise & the fact that there are issues in life that you may not like or agree with, but are unavoidable. The earlier he learns these lessons the better off he'll be. Her son is going to have to learn that just because the only thing he WANTS to eat every day is PB&J, it's not a possiblity so he's going to have to go another route. If he's hungry, he'll eat whether it's his favorite sandwich or not, period.

I would be shocked and disappointed if a school system changed the classroom of a child who has just relocated to the school simply because your friend's son wants to eat a particular type of sandwich every day.

I am sorry, but expecting the allergic child to be transferred is unfair. What will this teach your neighbor's son? That if someone else's life-threatening condition makes you unhappy, you should get what you want and they should go away?

I know you love this boy and have his best interests at heart, but what's he's learning here...well....I know my 6 year old can act like this, and if he gets what he wants, then he'll act like this more. At 5 or 6 years old, he is old enough to help come up with his own solution.

SO - I'd first ask him about the new boy, explain the new boy's condition, and ask him to help me come up with something else for lunch. He could even help make it. And I'd promise a pb&j when he got home too...as a reward for being so caring and mature.

Unless your neighbor's son has some sort of developmental delay, something like this really should work. Good luck.

p.s. A few years back, a highschool girl here died from her peanut allergy because her boyfriend kissed her after school. He'd had peanut butter that morning.
This allergy is a big deal....

What if the neighbor's son happened to be in the peanut-free classroom(if the school set it up that way)? This is ridiculous. We make compromises to help others all the time. That is what life is all about. Your neighbor could use this as a wonderful teaching opportunity about helping others, but instead she is teaching her son intolerence toward others and to be completely self-centered. I feel sorry for him.

There are a multitude of reasons for how kids are grouped in classrooms, not just food allergies. Special needs, reading levels, behavior issues, and personality issues between kids all play a role. Herding all the allergy kids in one room is not usually possible because their reading level might not fit the groups in the class or a personality issue between two kids might ensue that is already known about.

Children that are picky eaters are often enabled by their parents. Are they sensitive and have a hard time trying new textures and tastes? Sure --but PB all day long--is that what we are to assume the child eats day in day out? Ridiculous nonsense for a parent to enable this kind of behavior in her child

How about trying a different type of butter. Are any others allowed? Almond butter, sunflower butter, etc? Many schools don't allow peanuts at all because someone MIGHT be allergic. I think that the neighbor needs to work on getting her son to eat something else. This is really putting a picky eater up against a life threatening allergy.

I see her frustrations, but I just feel that she is approaching it in the wrong way.

I can relate to this situation, and for all those out there who say that the child should be forced to 'eat something else or go hungry', or the parent should somehow 'find' something else for them to eat, well, WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES. I have a 2nd grader that *still* eats only peanut butter sandwiches for lunch every single day (no jelly, even.) The year she was two, I almost pulled my hair out in frustration, because she insisted on peanut butter on crackers (with raisins) for at least one meal a day - sometimes two!

We've tried other things for her lunch over the years, but we found that she was just throwing them in the trash and eating more of the snack that was provided every day instead. NOT a way to raise a child with healthy eating habits. We tried having her eat the school's lunch, but found out the hard way that the school was not/could not handle enforcing the 'meal-only' option, so my kid's lunch purchase record was filled with cookies and ice cream and chips - often several at the same lunch time!

So, for all those holier-than-thou attitudes out there - it is not so easy to just MAKE your kid eat something else, and you cannot just wave a magic wand and 'poof' somehow FIND something they will eat. You can try and try and try and still come up with NOTHING!

Now I have friends who have kids with deathly nut allergies (and egg and others), and I totally feel for the issues they face every SINGLE day in ensuring that their children are in a safe environment. Having said that, a food allergy is not a 'special need' like being deaf or dyslexic or autistic - many of those children ARE put into special classes to work with 'special ed' teachers to help them with their needs - and there is absolutely no reason why the deathly-allergy kids could not have been put in the same classroom. The kids wouldn't have even known about it if the blabbermouth ADULTS didn't make a big deal of it - they certainly don't care. Heck, the parents of the allergic kids might appreciate having other parents in the same class to support each other and know that they can rely on other adults to help keep the classroom allergy free for class parties, etc. The school screwed up in the first place by spreading these children out so much.

Having said all that, this issue goes beyond the child just being hungry because he can't eat his lunch at school anymore - he is actively hating to go to school and I'm sure that that is going to translate into behavior issues in the classroom as well. This IS a situation that requires some kind of intervention, otherwise your friend is going to have a child with very negative issues about going to school for a looooong time. We might expect that in an older child, but that is just a positive tragedy in a child that young!

So, things to do:
--Your friend should have a conversation with her pediatrician. The superintendent is going to appreciate some 'medical advice' from her side of the equation to balance the medical need of the other student. She should have her son evaluated - physically and mentally by the doctor. Is he losing weight, is he showing serious attitudinal differences - is this something apparent to the doctor? If so, and the pediatrician is willing to write a note on her son's behalf that may induce the schools to help provide accommodation for her son.
--She should discuss the negative influence this whole issue is having on her son's ability to learn and contribute to the class - at a minimum because he's too hungry, at a max if he becomes disruptive to the class.
--You don't mention is this is a private or public school, she may have different options if it's public than if it's private. Explore these.
--She should continue to try new/other foods on her son. It's possible that the accommodation that might be reached might not be a pb sandwich, but instead that an aide heats up a kraft macNcheese cup or a chef boyardee pasta bowl or something on occasion. Maybe he can get by with a cheese stick like string mozz or cheddar and some crackers and baby carrots. Odds are that these kids are going to be off and on in his classes for the rest of his school career (barring him or them leaving the school), and she should continue to push the envelope with him, eating-wise. That is the long-term strategy however.
--Looking closely at the setup at the school, what can she suggest as a solution - because going to one of these meetings with only problems and no ideas for solutions is overall a waste of time. So, she should ask them to move the other child, yes, but if they won't, and they do have a valid point, then she should suggest other options. Her child eat somewhere else, possibly (and a hungry five-year old can wolf down a sandwich in 5-10 minutes, easy, so it's not like he would have to be supervised separately for very long.) It might help with the transition for him - he might not prefer that, and be more open to other items to eat if he can stay with the rest of the class. I've found that the most helpful thing is if the child makes the decision by themselves, rather than an adult imposing it on them, they are much more agreeable. The trick, of course, is guiding them to making that decision without it being some kind of punishment.
--She should make sure her child understands about allergies, that some children have them (WITHOUT naming the other child, necessarily), and that they can be very dangerous. IF he is allowed to eat his pb sandwich somewhere else, he needs to practice very strong hygiene habits after he eats it - like using wipes on his hands and face, then additionally washing his hands with soap and water. The reason being that even exposure to the peanut oils that might remain on the mouth, get rubbed onto hands or clothing, and then get transferred to a toy or surface the other child might touch CAN SERIOUSLY INJURE THEM.

At the end of the day, it is true that the risk of death or injury to the other child trumps a hungry and poorly behaved one, but as so many moms on here like to say, your friend is HER child's best advocate and she should continue to try different things to find the best possible solution for ALL parties in this situation.

HTH, good luck!

The school that my son attends (Pre-K) also had a rule about this but they have found a Peanut Free Peanut Butter Alternative and it really does taste the same (I have tried it). I know it is hard to have to stop eating something you love but maybe she should look into an alternative to fit both the school rules and her sons taste buds.

My daughter was allergic to peanuts and luckily outgrew it. BUT, a whole school should not have to avoid a product because of one, two, or ten kids. If their allergies are that bad, they must not be able to go anywhere. Peanut products are EVERYWHERE. I was shocked to find them in almost everything when my daughter was having issues. Even her favorite Kit-Kats caused problems for her. You are going to get a ton of responses against you, but I see both sides. No, a child should not have to be segregated because they have an allergy, but should the kids that don't be punished either? My kiddo's LOVE ham sandwiches for lunch. If they don't eat that, then they take a salad. It's really those two options for them. So if I had to give them something else, it'd be tough. They are anything but picky eaters, but not everhthing will be good when not kept in a fridge or if it can not be heated up. It sounds like maybe your friend is making a deal about it in front of her son instead of encouraging him to try new things, but like I said, I totally understand too. I'd try to figure out how to get him to try something new. She probably won't win this battle....most schools are going towards a peanut free atmosphere.

I really wonder why so many people are claling this poor kid spoiled. If it was their kid who only liked a few things the tables would be turned. You can't get rid of sun, grass, trees, bees, etc...peanuts are another in the line of severe allergies. Even some of the breakfast type bars my daughter used to eat had traces of peanuts. You cannot TRUELY ban anything from anywhere. I really think the people up in arms need to step back and look at both sides. This child is no more spoiled than the one who is making the school peanut free. If his allergies are that bad, maybe public school is not the place for him, or any child with that severe of an allergy.

I agree with you. This is ridiculous! They should have made ONE of the classes peanut free and put all the allergic children in that class!
Why they feel the need to make all the children suffer because of someone's allergy I just don't understand. Of course no one wants those children to be harmed, but they could have accommodated both the allergic children and the peanut lovers and chose not to.
Fight this! Your neighbor's son is just as important as the new kid.

I have a niece in kindergarten and they simply don'ot do snack time because of penuts. My niece was upset because her older brother (2nd grade now) got to have snack when he was that age. But she got over it when we sat her down and explained to her that another child could be very very sick if they are any where around peanuts. She got over it and looks forward to a full day and lunch. Your friends child just seems to be a lil "pampered" if you will. I will not say he is a brat and NO ONE SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT! He is a child and is still learning and doesn't understand why things have to change. He doesn't understand because his mom never explained it obviously! SO DONT GET ON POSTS AND TALK NEGATIVE ABOUT A SMALL CHILD THATS IMMATURE! His mother really needs to explain it stop pampering his every whim and hey if he don't get it then and still cries he'll figure out throwin fits at his age wont work and eventually the school will start separating him from the other kids while he throws fits (this happened in my niece and nephews school) and he'll figure out soon enough to just deal with it. I'm sorry to you for having to see full grown adults call this little boy a brat! Don't take it to heart i'm sure he's a great kid just stuck in his ways. "mom needs to correct that!" NOT THE SCHOOL. Like someone said earlier the school is obligated to assist in any issues dealing with any allergies ESPECIALLY PEANUT ONE not a picky child. Thats mom's job... Good luck and i hope things work out for all parties to a point. I do not hope they move the allergic little boy tho. Your friends son just needs to be guided thru this little life lesson! TELL HIM SANTA'S WATCHING! WORKS FOR ME EVERY TIME!

Updated

I have a niece in kindergarten and they simply don'ot do snack time because of penuts. My niece was upset because her older brother (2nd grade now) got to have snack when he was that age. But she got over it when we sat her down and explained to her that another child could be very very sick if they are any where around peanuts. She got over it and looks forward to a full day and lunch. Your friends child just seems to be a lil "pampered" if you will. I will not say he is a brat and NO ONE SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT! He is a child and is still learning and doesn't understand why things have to change. He doesn't understand because his mom never explained it obviously! SO DONT GET ON POSTS AND TALK NEGATIVE ABOUT A SMALL CHILD THATS IMMATURE! His mother really needs to explain it stop pampering his every whim and hey if he don't get it then and still cries he'll figure out throwin fits at his age wont work and eventually the school will start separating him from the other kids while he throws fits (this happened in my niece and nephews school) and he'll figure out soon enough to just deal with it. I'm sorry to you for having to see full grown adults call this little boy a brat! Don't take it to heart i'm sure he's a great kid just stuck in his ways. "mom needs to correct that!" NOT THE SCHOOL. Like someone said earlier the school is obligated to assist in any issues dealing with any allergies ESPECIALLY PEANUT ONE not a picky child. Thats mom's job... Good luck and i hope things work out for all parties to a point. I do not hope they move the allergic little boy tho. Your friends son just needs to be guided thru this little life lesson! TELL HIM SANTA'S WATCHING! WORKS FOR ME EVERY TIME!

Both children have a right to a fair education, under federal law. The peanut-allergic child has a right to be placed in a classroom based on his educational plan/goals/etc....and NOT because of his disabilities. In fact he is also protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act for this, he cannot be segregated because of his physical disability.

While I empathize with the boy who is not allergic, his educational rights are not threatened by a deadly disability. I do see how this is hard for his family too, and perhaps they could use more support from the school system and friends(yes you) for realistic solutions, unless they plan on fighting the federal laws in place to protect all people with disabilities. They would have to take their peanut-butter-sandwich-eating-rights-platform all the way to the Supreme Court to make this happen:)

I myself am allergic to cats. I am so allergic that when I am in close contact with the kids I work with who have cats in their homes I have such a huge reaction I have to go to the ER. I have learned that I need to take a very strong antihistamine before going to work everyday. I bet the mother's of these peanut-allergic children wished the solution could be that simple for their families. Their is no current medicinal preventive for peanut allergy exposure.

Also, 1% of the population being peanut-allergic is still pretty high. That means 1 out of every hundred people in our country are allergic. The stats have risen 95% in the past ten years. I think that is a pretty alarming growth trend, and am happy to see it addressed in our public school systems. 80% of food related deaths in the US are peanut related.(stats from http://www.netwellness.org/healthtopics/ch/peanut1.cfm)

Why do the "offended" always get their way?
It seems to me you guys have a great arguement, all the allergic kids should be in one room, that makes SENSE and that is why it probably wont happen....
So many people crying "discrimination".... it has really, really gotten out of hand.

Wow, that kid is being catered to and his mom needs a wake-up call. This kid has some issues if he is this tormented over pb sandwiches. The mom needs to work with him at home to implement his ability to eat other foods, and to help transition him to eat a healthy variety of foods. She's probably the type of mom who makes two dinners every single day, one for him and one for the family. That kind of catering to a child is a good way to create a toxic personality in a kid who can't learn to obey, compromise and try new things.

If this kid with the allergy is moved to another class (which may be difficult for him to change teachers and the like), those kids in that class still have to abide by the same rules. Her son is not so special as to be the only kid who gets his way if he throws a tantrum.

Seriously. This kid and his mom both need to go to time-out.

Have to say this woman seems so unreasonable to me. AND to put my opinion in perspective...My daughter loves Peanut Butter and is a vegetarian. If we were told not to bring it to school, we wouldn't. She could have it after school if she wants. Good lord Who is this kid that what he wants for lunch is so important that others REAL needs should be discounted? Also, this mother needs to wake up. His reaction is due to much more than peanut butter!

I'm sorry lady, but this child is being a "brat". Peanut allergy is highly dangerous. life isn't fair. Tell the child he has no choice. Peanuts are not the only food on the planet or that this child must eat ever. There are other "nut" spreads out there like others have said, Try nutella it doesn't use peanuts i believe and has something all kids love, a chocolate flavor. He needs to grow up. I bet this kids was one of those "extremely picky" eaters.we all have to adjust according to rules around us...this is one of those Rules at his school. Why should this one class be different?

Our school must be smarter than most schools. The kids with allergies in each grade (up through 5th grade) are put into one room per grade, and that room is clearly labeled Peanut-Free. It's much safer that way. We have four kids in my daughter's class who have various allergies. One is very allergic (airborn) to peanuts. The others not so much.

I think the kid who cries over his long lost peanut butter sandwich at lunch needs to just get over it at this point. Sounds like he may have some sort of emotional/control issues. There ARE other things to eat. Maybe you can be proactive and get the school to group kids next year.

I think it is crazy. I teach dance, and I have one little girl that is allergic to peanuts, severely. So severely that she keeps an epi at the dance studio also! The only thing the mom asked of me is to make sure she doesn't ever get snacks that have peanuts. (Some of the girls are there several hours of the evening.) She also cannot sit next to someone eating peanuts. I find it very hard to believe that the room is not big enough to accommodate your friend's son eating his sandwich so that he is not too close to this other little boy. I'm sure that there are many kids with allergies. I've never with all my kids been told not to send peanut products in my kids' lunches. They should be more willing, and it should be easier, to make sure the little boy that has the allergy is not next to the peanuts. My kids love peanut butter sandwiches, peanut butter crackers, and peanuts. I would be one of I'm sure many unhappy parents if they didn't allow us to pack what our kids like to eat. Apples dipped in peanut butter. Why hamper 20 kids for one kid? I'm sorry if I sound cruel, but, if its THAT bad that he can't sit away from the peanut products, then he needs to NEVER go in public, because you cannot control what is around you.

***btw- the STANDARD, pre-packaged lunch for a child who forgets lunch or money in our district is a peanut butter sandwich with an apple.

Have to ask also- do they have a 'no peanuts before school' policy also? If it is as bad as some of you say, then these allergic kids should be quarantined! I mean, if the kid has a peanut butter sandwich before school and does not wash up, doesn't that pose as much risk as eating it on the other side of the room?

I have a daughter who is allergic to milk, but it is only if she ingests it. Because we didn't know about the allergy for a long time (she was 15 mo.) she had quit eating ANYTHING. She will now eat a few things. Very few.
Crackers, bread, raw onion, pickles, green olives and thats about it. I would be upset if her small selection were lessened even more because of someone else.
I guess these people fussing that your neighbors child should learn to eat different foods never had to deal with a child that wouldn't eat anything else.
It's not as easy as that. I hope they can come to a solution that will work for everyone.

There may not be anything that you can do to get peanut butter back in the classroom. My son's school switched to peanut free this year, and serves soybutter sandwiches in the cafeteria.
Instead, I would ask for help for the child who won't eat.I doubt if it's healthy to skip lunch every day. And it's probably not normal or desirable for a child to cry through lunch. There ought to be someone at the school who can come up with a solution, like a counselor, behavioral specialist, or occupational therapist. If he eats snacks OK, could they allow him to have a 2nd snack in the afternoon? I've seen this done for kids with diabetes.

One of my son's classmates used to get a pb sandwich every day for lunch. She did not want to eat it, and would cry after a couple of bites. The teachers wouldn't let her open the other food she brought, so she would go hungry. I wondered if the mom was trying to force her to learn to eat it, or just didn't know. I had the opposite solution for my picky son. I would pack a wide variety of flavors and textures, in the hope that he would eat something at all. (colorful fruits, fresh and canned veggies, anything from noodles to pita chips). I figured eating ten percent of a huge lunch smorgasbord was better than eating none of a sandwich.

Does your neighbor know the mom of the child with the allergy? Maybe there needs to be some sort of mediation with the parents first to explain the seriousness of some allergies.

I know one child with a peanut allergy. When he comes over, I make sure NOT to have peanut foods accessible. The parents carry an Epi Pen. For Halloween and Easter, I make sure not to bring peanut candies. It's respectful. There are plenty of alternatives - my daughter's Montessori is peanut free - I've made Soy butter sandwiches and recenly bought Sunflower butter just for this reason for her school if she wants it.
Some schools do have peanut free zones - instead of the child eating alone, maybe suggest a 'play lunch' with different kids on different days to sign up to eat with the one with the allergy on specific days. That way he won't feel excluded, and maybe more special with friends that want to eat with him. Include other kids with the peanut allergy (he can't be the ONLY one in the school...?).
Also - the child may need more variety in his meals....! Peanut butter is easy. It is the mom's or the child's choice to have it EVERY day? That's one thing to consider.

I'm sorry but the kid throwing a fit that wants the peanut butter sandwich, needs to be explained the severity of a peanut allergy and eat something different or go hungry while at school, yes the school should've paid more attention and tried to put them all in the same class and i completely agree with the parents of the peanut allergy child too, i wouldn't move my child either. y dont' they go to a cafeteria like most school's and let those that brought their lunch eat at one spot and those eating school food eat at another? man i feel sorry for the kid who's got the allergy, they probably are feeling like the whole controversary is their fault.

Maybe your neighbor can try cashew butter or almond butter. I personally think they taste better anyway. =) Hopefully this will be resolved soon. Good luck!!

Unfortunatly all schools are moving towards peanut free. Peanut butter & jelly is one of my favorites too, so it does suck for more than just one person, but in the grand scheme of things, can't the child eat his PB sammies in the afternoon or over the weekend? It's not like they are telling him he can never have it again...

Our house has always had the rule of you eat what is put in front of you, period. My neighbors son was a picky eater, and still is at 15 years old... his mother fed him nothing but processed chicken nuggets, frozen foods, french fries, etc, because "That's all he will eat"... well guess what, he is severly overwieght as a teenager because he still eats that stuff, he won't touch vegetables, or salad, or anything good for him.

My daughter learned to like certain foods by hunger... if you are hungry enough, you will eat what is put out as the meal. She would have never eating muchrooms, peppers, onions, etc had we not put them in recipes and made her eat them.

In your neighbor's defense... I doubt they have stopped teachers from wearing perfume yet, and that often sent me into allergy attacks while I was in school... and I bet there are other kids in the school that have allergies to certain things... but the peanut allergy seems to be a pretty severe one, so I guess you really do have to look at it that way.

I totally see your side of the story. I disagree that this kid is a 'brat.' I mean, he's a kindergartener! If his mom has given him a pb&j every day for the past year, of course he'll not want to change. It doesn't mean that he CAN'T change. He does have to learn that life's not perfect and that he can eat pb at home all that he wants, yet at school it's against the rules. It's okay for kids to learn dissappointment.

As for the school. I taught in elementary schools and often, classrooms are never 'even.' Principal will often put the new child in the classroom that has fewer students. (Perhaps the other kinder classes had 20 kids and this teacher had only 18). Or maybe this teacher is GT certified and the other kinder teachers are not (and the kid is GT). Maybe this new kid is special ed and this teacher has special training that the other's dont. So ask these type of questions when you go to the super. Ask what their reasoning is behind putting this child where he is and not in a class with another pb-allergy-kiddo.

It makes sense to me to have all the pb-allergy kids in ONE classroom just to make things easier. But often, when making classrooms they will go by thier pre-k scores, their gender, age, and any 'diagnosis' they have already to try to even the classes. PB allergy often isn't even considered until the kid's already placed in a class.

I did not read everyone as I am pressed for time but I agree w/ betty o on the rights of the other child: way to go!
as for a solution for the poor child that loves his PB sand. any way you can try something like soy butter, sunflower butter ect...I would just keep trying until you found one that he likes. I would not say ANYTHING about it, just say here you go here is your sandwich: it will look the same, clearly taste different, but he might not notice! really! esp if you use a bit of jelly. and again dont say anything bc then he will KNOW it is diff. from the start and that will set him up to not like it, LOL. good luck

can this little boy who loves peanut butter..not be allowed to go to the office or teachers lounge or somewhere else with a teacher or volunteer to eat his lunch? he could wear latex gloves to eat and then just throw them away and wash his face? their has to be some accomodation so that both children are treated equally and fairly.

The other ladies are wrong to attack you on this. All the allergies kids should be together, and a kid should not be made to suffer because he happens to not have a disorder! I hope everyone finds a good compromise that will work for all the kids involved. Is it possible he could eat his lunch in the office or councilors office so he can have his peanut butter?

I know that around here noone can send anything peanut to school because of allergys. My DD loves peanutbutter and I hope to come up with something else in the next 3 years for school. I've thought about Nutella but I'm not sure if that's ok or not. Let us know what happens.

If even one child has a peanut allergy, an entire school can be made peanut free. That is how my husband's school is.

I agree with the premise that they could put all the allergic kids in one class, but it won't happen this year. Perhaps they could do it next year. You and your friend could have this policy implemented district wide and make a positive difference.

No child should have to eat totally away from everyone.

Your neighbor's son probably hears his mom complain about how unfair that this is and so he thinks that it is acceptable to make a fuss himself. Also-he is probably getting a fair amount of attention for this so he is going to keep it up. I think that it is entirely unreasonable to ask that a little boy be switched at this point in the school year. You would actually want to take a child from his teacher/class and all of the progress that he has made thus far so that another child can enjoy a pb sandwich????????
I also think it is crazy that the school cannot group the kids with the allergies in one class. This totally goes against common sense. But in the short time that my kids have been in the public school system I have seen a ton of things go against common sense.
I don' t think your friend stands a chance of winning this fight. The peanut allergy people are powerful and the schools are quite afraid to do anything to upset them.

Just jumping in to reply to the poster right b/f me. HELLO-peanut butter is one of the most nutritious things that we can feed kids and ourselves!!!!!! You are so way off base suggesting that it leads to diabetes and being overweight. Besides that it is very economical. Not being able to send in PB really does put some people into a real bind with their kids lunchs. THAT, my dear, is the reality of it.
I feel for both sides of the debate on this. I definitley think that a kid with an allergy should be kept form peanut exposure. But I can also see where getting a plan B for lunch for SOME parents is not easy.

Aw, poor kid. Last year in Kindergarten the ONLY sandwich my son would eat was peanut butter so I understand. This year he is tired of it and won't eat ANY sandwiches. It's so frustrating. If I were his mom I would start introducing him to almond butter (mixed w peanut butter) at home and gradually decrease the peanut butter. Maybe he will grow to love almond butter sandwiches (or cashew butter!). They taste better to me!!

Could your friend try substituting sunflower butter? Not sure if that is an option, but might be a solution. My daughter tested positive for peanut allergy, despite having eaten peanut butter for a good 2 months before we got the positive test. She will have an oral challenge next summer. Anyway, switched her to sunflower butter and no problems. She loves it and so do I!