Or not? Because I really am starting to wonder.
Okay, yesterday he tells me he wants to pick up our son early from after-school. "Wonderful, I say, fantastic. Can you please drop these items off at the school?" (some cleaning supplies and a plant for the classroom that I offered to donate). So as not to tax his 'lil mind, I put them in the car FOR hubby.
Well, my husband DOES manage to get to the school, pick our son up, and leave the school, so I guess he gets some credit there. However, he FORGETS to bring home 1. son's backpack, 2, son's lunchbox, 3 son's raincoat, and 4. son's sweatshirt. He also forgets to drop off the cleaning supplies and the plant -- AND he SMUSHES the plant, which I had chosen with quite a bit of care b/c it's both pretty and (unless you SIT on it) indestructible. And his excuse for all this? He was on a CONFERENCE CALL!!! I mean, he was doing the pickup EARLY. He could've sat in the car and waited until the call was done. If you're not a born multi-tasker, then DON'T multi-task! And he's not even sorry, really. I mean, he gave me a grudging little "sorry," but his attitude is like, "What's your problem? I was on a conference call." Yeah, you pick up the kid mid-conference-call, which you do not need to do, ergo it's eminently reasonable for you to forget every single thing you could conceivably forget, and destroy a beautiful plant.
So, I'm thinking today should be his last day on earth. Do you ladies (and gentlemen) concur?
Didn't forget the kid - success.
Didn't smush the kid - success.
Got kid early to spend more time with - success.
Attempted extra early with multi-tasking (physically impossible) - success on attempt, fail on execution.
Got kid out of homework for night - success.
Established dominance over lesser plant life - success.
Gave wife a break - success.
6 outta 7 ain't bad. :)
Typical husband! If you off him, you will eventually meet a new guy who will do the same stuff. Might as well, just keep this one.
I didn't get to see all the answers, and this may already have been said, but I wanted to add it anyway, at least he remembered the kid!
If I killed my husband when he did stuff like this he would've died on our wedding night.
Well, he's not a girl, so he doesn't think like you. And let's face it, if he WERE a girl and could think like you, then you wouldn't like him anyway.
They seem to need VERY specific instructions. Sigh.
Of course eventually you'll need him for something else (maybe) so you better keep him around awhile.
:)
The best thing I ever learned while doing marriage counseling is this analogy.
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Woman's brain activity style:
Huge room with no walls in sight, imagine a horizon with pristine little items on it. You can see each one but there is no wall on the other side because your mind is limitless. Little tiny dividers divide the areas of her mind, sort of like a 1 shelf storage unit. Enough space for a pair of shoes but not anything taller. She can quickly step, jump, leap, walk, stand, and get around or over these dividers at any time. She is often found jumping from one area to the next without rhyme or reason. If you don't understand....talk to a woman on the phone who is multi tasking. If you can follow that conversation then you get the idea. She will jump from a child who is coloring on the wall to the kitchen to stir a pot of pasta to the garage to switch out laundry all the time having one foot in the kitchen planning the time line for heating up the spaghetti sauce and during that she's also planning her day a week from now.
In a man's brain:
He's in a room, it's dark around the edges, the light is shining on the object of his focus, he's not listening to music or watching TV, he's totally absorbed in his task. He hears a faint knock, then hears another, listens slightly to see if they go away and refocuses on his task. Then he hears the knock again. He lifts his head and hears "Honey! Are you listening to me?". He has to put up his task, clear off the work area, go to the door, unlock a lock, unlock another, and another, and so forth. Then he goes out of this room.
He's in a long narrow hallway, there is no light at the end either way. It has a multitude of doors for him to select. He takes a few steps, he's at a new doorway, he has to decide if that's the door he's supposed to go in to see what she wants or not. Once he decides that is the right room he starts unlocking the doors. He opens the door. Has to turn around and lock the doors again. Then he goes to the desk to work on that task. If it's her giving him a list he has to decide to take out the pen, where's paper, what is it I'm supposed to write down, where'd she go, what did she say???? Then he has to get her to repeat what she said. He's unclear about what that one thing is. But she's gone again. So he forgets that one thing. He's done is this room so he goes to the door and unlocks each door. Opens the door, goes to the long dark hallway, closes the door and locks all the doors again.
Now which door is it I'm supposed to go to???
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I found this to be so enlightening when dealing with my hubby. He gets along so much better when I treat him like he hasn't a brain at all.
When I send him to get food I give him a detailed list.
Like this:
Burger King (In case he forgets where he's going)
Whopper with Cheese, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato.
Onion rings
Large drink
You want a Whopper no cheese, french fries, and an orange drink.
kids want.....you get the idea.
This is why I wonder why men still rule most countries...
No-let him live another day so you can somehow torture him
We may be married to the same man, or maybe they just share the same brain! Ok, first- your post cracked me up, thanks!!
I relate mostly to the they-did-something-wrong-but-think-WE-missed-the-point part. For example, not knowing his exact schedule for the day, I'll call my husband for something. He answers, all annoyed and hushed, and says "I'm in the middle of the operating room, I totally can't talk". I'm thinking, and usually saying, "then why did you answer the phone?".
Or he'll be in his office at home when DD and I approach and ask if he has a second to help with a math problem. He says yes, and starts to help. He gets frustrated that she doesn't get the answer right away and starts to get irritated, and usually says "you get that I'm trying to work here, right?". Me and DD both think "were you not here a minute ago when we asked if you had time?".
But probably like your DH, these instances are fairly minor in the scheme of things. These are guys who deserve to live simply because of the good intentions and desire to help. Although if he leaves his socks all bunched up and inside out one more time.....
Thanks for the post! And LOVE Dad on Purpose (but such a guy thing to say!!).
Women are multi-taskers - men are not. In the scheme of things it's not a big deal.
My aunt (who was married 58 yrs when her husband passed away) explained it a few ways: "I always consider myself to have 6 children (she had 5) then I don't get angry with him when he does crazy things." "Women's minds are like a swiss army knife, mens are like a meat cleaver." If I need a job done with single minded purpose my husband is the guy who will get it done, start to finish. I just can't work on something like that!
PET scans show that a woman's brain lights up on both sides showing both sides of the brain interacting and working together. Men's brains work one side at a time. It's not their fault - it's how they're built.
Forgive him, send your son's lunch in a paper bag (I hated cleaning out gross-stickiness in the lunch boxes so I went to paper bags years ago) and write a note to his teacher regarding any homework he didn't get done. As for the plant - trust me the teacher is not broken up about it.
Dad on Purpose is SO funny!!
Dawn
OMG - Dad on purpose!
How the male and female mind differ!
LOL!!!
:)
If this is the worst thing he does, I think you ought to thank God for him. Even if it's not the worst thing he does, being distracted is not punishable by death.
It really depends: do you feel the mug shot would do you justice?
I have been there. I have let him live. Even when my dear man fed the cat salmon (after I said "Please don't! You know he'll puke!") and I woke up to kitty puke everywhere all over the basement, my man still walks the earth.
I figured the mug shot wouldn't likely be shot from my best side. :)
Really, though, I do think some people (I won't limit this to guys) just don't 'see' what's in front of them. Unfortunately, this may be genetic, as my son seems to experience this same Homer Simpson-esque unawareness from time to time. That said, it's a hell of a lot more forgivable when a five year old does it than when a person who is turning 50 next month does it.
Tips
#1) Don't load anything into the car. Even though it seems helpful, it removes a mental link to the task it is associated with (delivering it unharmed).
#2) Anytime Dad is doing something normally associated with your responsibilities, include a written list.
#3) If you expect him to get it down perfectly, he needs to do it more often, so he can perfect all the ways you aren't doing it most efficiently. :)
#4) Bite your tongue. You can't win this one... :(
HA!
Let him live. At least he can do SOME stuff.
Why are us women so completely hyper-extended? Because truly, if we want something done right we HAVE to do it ourselves.
Our toilet is still wobbly from when my (soon-to-be-ex but not because of these countless episodes) husband installed it.
On his last trip to the grocery store "for me as a huge favor" (I ALWAYS shop or there is just to much damage control to do) he refused to get our staple items, he got tons of things we don't like and don't need, he forgot several things on the LIST, and came in $4 short of getting the 20% off whole trip special coupon I sent with him. He then had to go back the very next day and get the $50 worth of things he forgot-including things we needed first thing in the morning to survive like coffee and milk which WERE on the list. (Might I ADD, he went ALONE on both trips and I always bring all three little kids, so he WASN'T distracted!!!!)
And when he does anything...like.....cooks some pasta....he will ask 47 times "how it is" because ten grateful acknowledgments for making dinner are not enough.
Mind you, he travels 95% of the time and I do everything alone all day every day with no acknowledgment from him whatsoever...
grrr
If he gets a replacement plant I think you should let him live.
dead man walking.
>:(
khairete
S.
LOL! Nah, let the poor fella live. He makes good material for creative writing. Keep a journal and publish it someday.
Men are not about details. It was his idea to get the kid early, which is exactly what he did. When YOU added in all the other details, its too much and obviously not his priority. His business call and getting his son was his priority. lol So I don't think that is worth his last day on earth. =)
I havent read your previous answers yet, but I realize he didnt do everything you wanted him to do, but do you think he kinda did his best? He was on a business call, and picking up the kid.
Do you think your son should also be responsible for his belongings? If this isnt something your husband often does, maybe he needs a little time to get used to it.
Poor dude.
Ah let him live to fight another day! At least he didn't smush the kid!
Remember, we are women and we rule!!!
Waaaaaiiit... was he DRIVING on a conference call? Bad move, Dad. Very dangerous and in most states, illegal. Worse if he was on the conference call with The Boy in the car. I could forgive the rest, but not that (what I mean is I would have a VERY hard time forgiving that unless he realizes it's a Very Wrong Thing To Do and promises never to do it again.... if he doesn't realize it, I'd have a difficult time trusting him driving with kids in the car again).
Men men men men men men................Thats all I have.
If your son is in after school, he must be at least 5 or 6, correct? Plenty old enough to remember his own things, IMO. If DD forgets her lunch box, I don't blame anyone, except for her.
Anyway, I guess I lean towards the "be happy that he's an involved dad" camp. Have you seen what some of the very women on this site are tolerating? I am seriously SO grateful for what I have.
Eh, let him live. You might need him to get the kid again--just expect him to forget everything else. I have to kind of agree with Victoria although he would probably forget the list (mine would). When I need mine to do something, I put it on top of his phone and wallet. Or if it is a bill to pay, inside his wallet so he gets reminders.
Personally, I think it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things.
Be thankful that you have a husband, and a father who is involved, and willing to do such things. I think he meant well.
Frustrating, yes...worth staying angry about, not so much.
I've been on my couch with some kind of virus for the last 2 days. Literally on the couch - head ache, fever, all over body aches. We're completely out of Ibuprophen - how I don't know - buy we're out of the only thing that would make me feel somewhat better. I told my husband yesterday that we were out of it. Today after work, he went to the drug store to buy himself distilled water for the machine he uses at night for his apnea. When I saw he had been to the store I asked if he had picked up any Ibuprophen. Huh? What? We're our of Ibuprophen???? Um, yeah. In his defense, he offered to go back out and get it but I declined because I knew he was really tired. Men - gotta love them or find a good hiding spot for the body. lol.
EH... he deserves more time on earth. And maybe extra smooches for volunteering to get your son and remembering to bring him home! ;)
Sounds like a typical husband to me. Guess you'll have to live with it knowing he isn't the only one that operates like that.
He should not be put to death. He's a man. He could have left the kid and took care of everything else you instructed. You'd still be upset. He doesn't see what's wrong or why this is a big deal. In the big scheme of things this is trivial. No one died, so you're good. My hubby sent my daughter to daycare once in a swimsuit. He let her pick out her own stuff. The daycare knew right away that I was out of town for work. But being mom, I had already taken them extra clothes for her because I knew! Your hubby deserves a pardon.
Let him live. He did remember the most important thing - picking up your son.
I think he messed up so badly so you would never ask him to do it again.
By the way, it's illegal to be on the phone in a school zone.
I'd be ticked off too. Turn the table. Forget something that is important for him and use a lame excuse too - see if he catches on - on second thought, chances are, he wont - he's just your typical guy.
Sorry, but not really. IMHO it is your son's responsibility to gather his things. Dad doesn't usually pick him up so he probably didn't think about it.
I'd say read this post: www.mamapedia.com/questions/15166309053354934273, and then be happy your husband wanted to pick up your child, offered to do it, and then completed the task.
Your son should be responsible for items 1-4. I'd be mad at my kid, not my husband for that. I expect them, starting at age 3, to be responsible for their own things. The other stuff is just an oversight and although slightly vexing, is definitely not punishable by death ;-)
He sounds like every other man on the planet, and if we did away with all of them we would cease to exist.
No! I would look him firmly, straight in the eyes, the next time you give him a task and say: This is very important that this gets done. And throw in a "I love you!". Turn and walk away.......
Yes, of course he should live!! Does he know you feel he is incapable of doing anything right?
Items 1 - 4 are your son's responsibility to gather and take home in first grade. Did the cleaning supplies and plant need to go to where your son was in after care or was it the classroom? I wouldn't expect Dad to wonder all over for me. Your son could have easily have squished the plant in the on the way home.
I think it's a male thing (your son forgot his things too). I could see my SO doing the same thing if he picked the kids up by himself.
On the other hand, if he went to pick up my daughter by himself, she would remember her things and she's only 4.
