My Daughter Refuses to Sit at the Peanut Free Table?

I'd say her meds need to be adjusted if she's still acting like this. They should even her out where she is able to be angry but not going nuts crazy!

Talk to her doc. This is a medical issue, not a choice. The school has to follow doctors orders. They don't have a choice except to send her home. Which they should do if she's being that aggressive. No excuses, she just needs to be sent home when she acts like that. She could be kept in class until all the kids are done eating or go before them to eat. That way she won't be with them at all. Until she can get her meds adjusted and can start having a lot more control over herself.

She LIKES going into anaphylactic shock and getting a shot from an epi pen?
All the kids I know who are allergic to something will do ANYTHING to avoid getting a shot.
Has she got something else going on in addition to a peanut allergy?
Most 6 yr olds get too embarrassed to tantrum in public - they are not 3 yrs old.
If she can't behave in an environment that could have substances that would be dangerous to her life, you might have to home school her for awhile - at least until she will cooperate in a school setting.
Any 6 yr old of mine that kicked, bit, scratched and fought me off would be getting an evaluation for behavioral problems, learning disabilities, etc and so forth.

Ask (in writing) for a meeting ASAP with the school re: making a lunchtime action plan in light of her emerging ODD. This should be part of her IEP.

Um, wow.
The school has no way to control their students? And she refuses to follow your instructions?
At our elementary school if the students refuse to follow the rules they are sent to the office and/or lose recess. Plenty of kids have eaten lunch in the office after not listening or misbehaving in the lunchroom.
I can't believe she's so outright rebellious and disrespectful at such a young age, and I can't believe the school can't handle it!
Unless, is she special needs or something? Does she not understand the severity of her allergy?

I'm not sure this is a legitimate question because any decent school would make her eat in her classroom by herself rather than allow her to go to lunch with the other kids after that display you described. And any child who would fight a bunch of adults would be thrown out of school. The ones you hear about are the schools that call the police and handcuff a 6 year old. That gets lots of attention.

I don't think this is a real question.

Dawn

I really think the nut free zone table issue is the least of your problems!
Is your child getting the help she needs?
Good luck!

I have to agree this is hard to believe. Your first grader hit, bit, and scratched you and your biggest concern is where she's sitting at lunch? The worst behaved child in my first grader's class doesn't act nearly that badly.

Well, after a few jabs with the dang epi-pen and a few trips to the ER, perhaps she'll get the idea and go sit there on her own.

How far away from peanuts does she have to sit to be safe? Could she safely ask the people at the regular table who is eating peanuts and sit on the opposite end?

ETA: I'm sorry you're dealing with such a defiant child. I will not enter any assumptions about your parenting into this comment, because I have no idea if her problems are due to poor parenting or a behavioral health concern.

I think you should allow for natural consequences. She sits where she wants, and gets brought to the ER and has an IV started each time she has an allergic response. I can't imagine that she'll continue to willingly expose herself to these situations more than a couple of times.

If she does...I think you should consider professional inntervention of some sort.

You haven't been referred to the school psychologist over this?

I and my granddaughter have peanut allergies so I'm experienced with this. If she doesn't have a reaction sitting there I suggest it's not a battle worth fighting. Ask her allergist to be sure.

I also have had experiences with children with ODD. What do you do when she kicks and scratches? There are verbal/active ways to stop the fighting and I'd try that first. Treat her actions as a temper tantrum and leave her alone. Stay where you can see her but do not react at all to what she's saying and doing. She will calm down on her own. If she goes back to the table do the whole thing over again. Know that you cannot talk her into stopping. She is in a rage and is unable to understand you let alone control her anger. You should never be close enough that she can scratch/hurt you.

I suggest that this severe of misbehavior may require a higher level of physical involvement. When children act this way and do not calm down, in my grandson's special ed school, they are physically restrained and put in a safe room by themselves until they calm down. I was at the school with my 7 yo grandson when we put him on the floor and his teacher held his feet and I held his wrists in a crossed position. It took him perhaps 15 minutes or so to calm down but he did. We didn't say anything to him. Takes skill and moderate amount of strength. I suggest that you talk with the mental health professional doing the diagnosis about how to handle this behavior. There are safe ways to physically restrain children which you can learn. If this person cannot help you find one who is more experienced with extreme behavior. I would take her to a child psychologist.

Maybe if the choice were limited to reporting to the school nurses' office or sitting at the peanut free table, she'd be happier with the peanut free table?

I'm sure that you don't want to have her feel further isolated or singled out because of her allergies, but as eating peanut free foods for her is really a medical concern, perhaps it needs to be done under the nurse's supervision until such time as she can take responsibility on her own.

good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Sounds to me like the bigger issue is a 7 yr old who thinks it's acceptable to have a fit and attack people instead of eating her lunch. I would start there. I think you need to figure out why she is behaving this way and correct it just as much as you need to her sit at the right table.

My DD is 4 and knows that apples make her sick and doesn't eat them and if someone accidentally offers her some, she speaks up. Something doesn't add up here.

Could they insist that she not have lunch in the cafeteria unless she sits at the peanut free table? Like, it's the cafeteria or the principal's office. She might decide it's not such a bad idea if the other option is to lose social time with peers. Also, would the school be open to letting someone sit with her at the peanut free table? Someone who doesn't have any peanut stuff for lunch.

i think you should give permission to the school to handle her tantrums (address her behavior) or homeschool her if she is not fit to be in public due to health/behavioral concerns.

Home school and stop putting up with a six year old's tantrums. Love her, feed her, teach her.....remove anything that she can harm herself from her room or a controlled "time out space" and let her know that's where she will go when she can't listen.

You may already know this, but it is extremely rare for a peanut allergic reaction to come from anything other than ingestion. In other words, peanuts very rarely cause an allergic reaction because of particles in the air, they have to be eaten. Are you concerned that she will eat her classmates lunches?

"Although a small amount of peanut protein can set off a severe reaction, it is rare that people get an allergic reaction just from breathing in small particles of nuts or peanuts. Most foods with peanuts in them don't allow enough of the protein to escape into the air to cause a reaction. And just the smell of foods containing peanuts won't produce a reaction because the scent does not contain the protein.

In the few cases when people do react to airborne particles, it's usually in an enclosed area (like a restaurant or bar) where lots of peanuts are being cracked from their shells."

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/nutrition/nut_all...

If she has that severe of allergies, they only have a TABLE rather than a whole cafeteria policy? It is not uncommon for schools to be "peanut-free" these days with the number of severe allergies out there.

I agree with who said that she needs a friend to sit with! If the cafeteria limits all the "peanut-free" kids to sit at one table, chances are high that she might not know anyone at the table! For a 1st grader, that might be intimidating.

With that said, the tantrums should be on their way out, if they aren't, then you need to try something else. When I had a student that had tantrums, I really just ignored them. Pretty soon they learned they weren't going to get what they wanted from acting that way.

There is going to be little you can do from home to resolve this - the school needs to come up with some strategies. She is still young and waiting until she is home for a reward or consequence for an action that happened hours ago is not realistic. What ideas does the school have??

OR - does she like shots? explain her allergy, and if she doesn't follow the rule then she will have a reaction that she needs a SHOT for.

If she is kicking, biting, and scratching you, that is not acceptable. I would give her the choice to sit at the peanut table with a chosen friend, or she can sit in the office by herself. Tantruming and those behaviors are NOT acceptable and she needs to be taught that. She isn't just going to get over that on her own...

Have you asked why she won't sit there? If she gets teased or none of her friends are there, you going to be fighting an uphill battle.

I would take her to your pedi and have him talk with her about the consequences of her allergy and what options she has. Sometimes it means more coming from a doctor than a parent. Also, he may have other options for her, after all she not going to live in a peanut free world and she needs to learn ways to cope.

What does she say is her reason?

Can you somehow GIVE them the permission to "drag" her over there? Maybe a notarized letter with your permission..

Have you been to her school at lunch time and escorted her to that table yourself? Maybe for about 4 to 5 days in a row would do it.

Tell her you are there to make sure she is at the "safe" table. just take her hand and lead her over to the table.. and then leave.... Stay out in the hallway, if she tries to go to the regular table, you go back in and escort her back to her table?

Will you allow them to seat her at a small desk in the cafeteria by herself facing a wall for lunch? Let her know this is what you have told them to do, until she can agree to sit at the safe table without throwing a fit.

Has her doctor explained to her how serious all of this is?
Does she have any idea how dangerous all of this is?

My Stepmoms nephew has this same allergy..he is 3, he had a reaction 1 time ended up in the hospital.. and ever since then, even he understands he can only eat what his family gives him to eat.

Natural consequences?

Have you ever asked her why she doesn't want to sit there? Does she feel alienated? Do her best friends sit somewhere else? She probably feels lonely and irritated that everyone else can sit where they want and she can't.

If it's because she wants to sit with her friends, I would talk to their moms. Tell them about the problems you're having and ask them if they can send peanut-free lunches to school (at least sometimes) so that their kids can sit with your daughter at the safe table.

I have a son with food allergies (not quite as severe) so I know how hard it can be for him to sometimes be the different one. See if there is a way to make her feel less like the odd one out.

My daughter is in 1st grade and her best friend has a peanut allergy. Last year they were in the same class and my daughter or another friend sat with her at the peanut free table. I am friends with this girls mom, and they have asked if she can sit with the rest of the class at the end of the table. The kids all know not to share food and the child with the allergies knows to not touch other peoples food. I know it can be a life threatening allergy, but it is unrealistic for children not to be around allergens and they need to know how to advocate for themselves. Why not have her sit with the other kids (even if you have to sign something that you were ok with it). Ofcourse, assuming your daughter is trustworthy and knows that she absolutely can not share food.

She needs a friend at that table. Have the school help you with this. See if they will let her pick someone at the table and they can eat with a special teacher or admin until they bond.

I haven't dealt with this, but is it an air contact thing or a physical contact thing? Does she have any friends at the table or are all her friends not there? It has to be hard because she doesn't get it. Maybe talk to her and ask her to help you figure out ways to keep her safe? If she's involved in the process, maybe it'll be easier.

I just think of this because my son takes medicine much more easily when he can give it to himself and have some control.

I agree with the Chrisy Lee and Chris S. A couple stabs with the Epi pen would probably help get her to do it and so would making sure she has a friend to sit with. I woudn't want to eat at a table by myself or only with kids I was not friends with. See if they will allow one of her friends to eat with her.

As others have said, it's important for her to learn the severity of her allergens and the importance of avoiding them. Also, the tantrum issue needs to be addressed. Maybe if she isn't willing to eat at a safe location, she just doesn't get a lunch.

Aside from the tantrum issues, I heard of a solution where a parent rigged up a setup that allowed his severely allergic child to sit with his friends. But it involved basically a pop-up cave thing for his food. There was a bottom platform to sit on top of the tabletop, 3 vertical walls (front and 2 sides), and a roof. His food was put into the cave as to ensure that nothing else would contaminate his meal.

Well, oppositional defiant disorder can certainly do that. She may want to sit with her friends, who don't have to sit at the peanut free table. Maybe she could be enticed if she has a favorite friend who does not bring peanut products for lunch, who she could invite to sit there with her. We've done that in the lunchroom at the elementary school where I work :)

My daughter has a severe peanut allergy too, and I know how scary it is. Fortunately, she's never needed the EpiPen and due to her fear of it is very cautious.

Is your daughter aware of the seriousness of her allergy? If so, will she at least try not to sit by kids with peanut butter? Does she receive any special services for her behavioral issues? I would ask the school to do an evaluation. She should probably receive social work services, at the least. The school should also have people who are trained to properly handle such behaviors. If she's only been required to sit at a different table for a little over a month, it may not be worth the struggle. Changing rules can be very hard on some children, and it may be better to keep an eye on the food of the kids around her and start fresh next year. Make sure next year's lunch staff knows to assign seats for lunch from the beginning. Then the peanut free table or at least the end seat of a table will always be her spot.

It's tough. I work with kindergarteners with special needs, and they can put up a fight. If the social worker isn't involved, he/she needs to be. The social worker can talk to your daughter about her concerns outside of lunch time and prepare her for sitting in her safe spot. They can't drag her to her seat, but they should be able to prevent/block her from sitting elsewhere. It will really take a lot of consistency and patience. But, is it worth it at this point in the school year? Will she agree to be cautious where she sits and use a place mat?